Nobody

Nobody 7d

screwdriver
pencil sharpener
blade.
how many scars
have i made?
i count them all
why not make another,
my simple minded brother?
its not like they heard you bawl
its not like they picked up your calls
its not like they ******* asked if you were okay when you kept punching the walls.
screwdriver...
pencil sharpener...
blade...
how many scars...
have i made...?

Nobody 7d

asdfghjkl

i walked downstairs to my room
and cried the way i had taught myself.
curled up in a ball
tears dripping to the ground
gripping the floor
screaming
crying
yelling
but never heard.
silent.
i would never wake my family!
why, that would be mean.
so i cry.
silently.
and rip my hair out
and try not to cut
and punch the floor
and hug myself
and punch myself
and hate myself and feel so, so sorry for the little boy who had to deal with this.
for myself.
i hate this

Nobody 7d

dear friends

if you're gonna leave me
please tell me first
they faked their love
so i guess that's why it hurts

if its all a joke
will you just tell me now?
i dont care why,
i dont care how.

if you're just the same as them
let me know.
i'll be hurt
i won't yell though

i'm sorry i'm too scared to trust you
i know its all my fault
but i would rather for you hate me
than to not care at all

Nobody Sep 13

temptation

oh, how i miss the pain,
the euphoria of when my blood rose from my thighs.
i deserved that pain.
i still do.
i don't get why i stay clean.
near 5 months?
such a worthless number.
i don't get why people care.
it's my life.
but just maybe the knife is a little too close and i feel kinda bad and i fought with my mom and things always felt better after when i used to do it and nobody really cares about me being clean and i need to punish myself and just a couple cuts couldn't hurt-
no
no
no
i cant fall back into this again
please don't send me back
please
i promise i'm doing better
i promise i've been clean
dont make me go back there
i can't do this again

Nobody Sep 13

the bare minimum

why do i even bother
fighting with someone like you?
no matter what i did,
it was the wrong thing to do.

too often,
we fight and scream and yell.
you hate me?
well i'm glad i put you through hell.

you should've loved me
for who i am instead,
not some silly little image
of a perfect girl in your head.

well i'm not your little girl anymore.
that ship has sailed.
you should've been my mom,
but guess what? you ******* failed.

she should have ******* loved me. even if im trans. even if im mentally ill. even if i like boys. even if i wasnt the perfect little girl in her head she made me up to be. if she wasnt ready to love me no matter what, then i dont get why she had me in the first place.

#mom

Nobody Sep 3

she

i'll never forget
the way i screamed
when i woke up and saw her note.

the moment inbetween
where i didnt know
if my only family
the only one who had loved me
was even alive.

i knew from a young age i wasn't right.
i knew my parents didn't like that.
i knew that i couldn't be as perfect as my brother.
i knew that they wouldn't accept me.

but my sister
she loved me anyways
and she tried to die.
what if she had succeeded?
what if she was gone?
what would the last 4 years have been like?
would i still even be alive?

thank god
she's still here.

to the only one in my family who loves me, to my first friend, to my fellow outcast, thank you. ily moya <3

#sister #family

Sep 3

nightwanderer

******* liars

you're all ******* liars
leave me alone
why cant i have the privacy
of my own ******* home

you're all ******* liars
you let me die inside
said you'd be by my side
forever
but when i needed you most
you lied
you ******* lied