My silent screams
My silent pleas
My mouth is open, but no sound is coming out
no words are forming
My mind is full of empty promises and lies
My heart is thumping madly loud
And my pulse is racing my silent breaths that come quickly
I take in one huge breath slowly
my heart thumps
my soul readies itself
my lungs expand
my pulse races
I let out my silent scream
It's louder than hell
But it's more silent than a rose petal
It's loud to the people that are able to hear it
But silent to most people
I stop screaming
I'm still screaming
I thought I had stopped
But I had never stopped screaming
while the tears of sadness and frustration stream down my face
*And no one's heard me yet

A little girl who didn't remember
A little girl who didn't care about looks or felt sad
A little girl who hadn't yet saw the world for what it was
A little girl who was always happy
A little girl who had good friends

I'm none of those things anymore
I remember
I care
I feel depressed
And I am seeing the world for what it is
I am afraid of living
Not afraid of the dark like when I was little
In fact I love the dark
Best place to hide if you don't want to be seen
And it's really quiet but full of noise

I am not a girl anymore
Neither am I a woman
Because a woman isn't afraid
And I am
I'm afraid of living, breathing the breathe I'm breathing, feeling, I am afraid of love, cause I don't want a broken heart, and I am afraid of fear
But not death, I'm not completely afraid of him
He is my wish, my lust, and a friend
The only one who will stay with me at the end
So we're destined to meet
I just won't know when

But until then I'll be afraid of living, of breathing, and of loving

When you feel like I am drifting away-
Like a sailboat idle on the sea,
Just know that you are the wind pushing me.

When you think I am not the same as I was before-
As if I changed in the blackness overnight,
Just know that you are the one who acted as the sunlight.

When you say that all I am doing is shutting you out-
Like I somehow built a door and closed it tight,
Just know that your accusations are not always right.

When you start to believe that I am gone for good-
As if I were a flighty songbird singing to you in the sky,
Just know that you are the lighting in the rain clouds that cued my goodbye.