It’s been twenty-six years of an interesting life
Quite up and down like the edge of a knife
One that’s taught me my lessons so far
One that’s produced lots of tears n’ scars

I’ve seen the devil and all he admits
The death in his eyes as he clutched his fist
I’ve felt the shivers go down my spine
And knew that someone was standing behind

I’ve seen my life flash before my eyes
The slow-motion replay stays in my mind
The haunted house that was my chest
That night two hours of sleep was my best

Said goodbye to some amazing people
Each time life felt quite deceitful
I’ll never forget my mentor n’ grandparents
Though no tears they’re all transparent

Gave my life away to caffeine cans
It’s taken time to know who I am
Among everything and the mess I’m in
I’ve taken onboard the life lesson

To bite my tongue before I speak
Fake love will come after I’ve peaked
The fact people show too much defiance
At a time you’re in need of reliance

I’m stronger now even though I’m confused
A heart full of gold that’s always abused
I feel that the colours of autumn are lying
How can things be pretty and be dying?

Now I’m walking the centre line at night
The fog in the air tints the street lights
In a world I feel like I’m sinning
The end of it all is just the beginning

The sun’s leaving a day in autumn
Colours fading as I saw him
A fantail singing in the old silk tree
Chirpin’ in my ear telling secrets to me

I looked as it showed its fan
From then on I knew I was ******
Felt the shockwave beginning to peel
As all the signs pointed downhill  

As now I feel like a pit stop
Drenched and worn like a mop
How can you value a void
When you know it’s probably destroyed?

That deflated feeling like a tire
A date ready to expire
One, two count the excuses
That explains the trust issues

But knowing me I had to help
Unknown to the cards that were dealt
Clubs, hearts or the spades of an ace
Still no tears on my poker face

Decisions n’ opinions
With multiplied division
So abruptly it had to subtract
Math wasn’t my best subject

I’m the equivalent to a piece of card
Bored like the curves on my palm
Laying back while scratching my head
With hair strands hanging by a thread

I guess this is the norm now
No talk just the wish of how
Much I want to be a someone
Instead of being a no one

I cannot imagine anyone to feel
Attraction that’s actually for real
As I’m here questioning the situation
And re-evaluating my orientation

The times have changed
With nothing left to arrange
Spring forward and fall back
The fantail kept my sanity intact

Stuck in the invisible mud
If I fall it’ll leave a thud
Incapable to try to move
The grip’s starting to create a groove

I had my dreams go up in smoke
Better stay low in case I choke
Inside my chest there raged a fire
It burnt everything I had to desire

The only point I’m at is Patiti
I know the waves won’t catch me
Smoking a joint so my blood gets thicker
Maybe it’ll dry my eyelids quicker

I’m a man of little emotion
While looking over the Pacific Ocean
But I’ve got no fears
So I promise you no tears

They don’t shed from my eyes
They’re just hidden in disguise
They don’t run over my skin
They’re just buried deep within

Sweet dreams with a touch of hell
Should I hide it or should I tell?
I’ll just smile and say “I’m okay”
If only I said what I wanted to say

Today my mind went wild
It took me back to being a child
I saw how innocent I really was
Held back and restrained from my wars

I remember my soul being taken
As if it got abducted by an alien
To think how lost I was back then
Torn and shattered at the age of ten

My father said I could be anything
At the time I felt like nothing
I felt the world had something towards me
And wanted to just replace me

At almost 26 I’m beginning to realise
The lifetime of tears that someone cries
I’m yet to venture out in the open
Because every dream ended up stoppin’

I’m no preacher, I’m no saint
But I feel my body’s got a restraint
From being like a fish in the open sea
Or leaving contrails behind me

Only now knowing the amount of change
And everything I’ll need to arrange
My near future’s dependent on me
I guess it’s time to start getting ready

Sunset skies laying in a cornfield
Look in my eyes to see what’s concealed
I wonder how many days until
People take to notice my eyes are hazel

Red is the colour my heart beats
It’s the colour I see after my defeats
Red is the colour my scars bleed
And the emotions my heart feeds

Every time I lay in combat
While my mind’s gone crazy off the bat
I feel so empty I can’t remember
If most of my life was just a vapour

I had to go through a lot of pain
All the triumph and all the strain
To show my all and my everything
I wouldn’t change the world for anything

The same old ceiling and walls ‘round me
Surrounding my skin when I wanna be free
Like out there with the wild ones
Look at me now, the preaching’s no fun

Take my hand, I’m done being sane
Let’s fly free like an aeroplane
Seeing the world without being halted
Cut the rope, let’s be catapulted

Stuck in the invisible mud
If I fall it’ll leave a thud
Incapable to try to move
The grip’s starting to create a groove

I had my dreams go up in smoke
Better stay low in case I choke
Inside my chest there raged a fire
It burnt everything I had to desire

The only point I’m at is Patiti
I know the waves won’t catch me
Smoking a joint so my blood gets thicker
Maybe it’ll dry my eyelids quicker

I’m a man of little emotion
While looking over the Pacific Ocean
But I’ve got no fears
So I promise you no tears

They don’t shed from my eyes
They’re just hidden in disguise
They don’t run over my skin
They’re just buried deep within

Sweet dreams with a touch of hell
Should I hide it or should I tell?
I’ll just smile and say “I’m okay”
If only I said what I wanted to say

Just like a storm against a window
Depression hits just like the sorrow
With little effort I begin to remember
Yesterday was the end of December

The month full of joy and temper
Memories you just wanna dismember
The beginning of the end for some
Couldn’t wait for it to be done

Shake crackle pop for the new stakes
Fireworks floating down like snowflakes
Sparks burnin’ out like the year did
But flakes are worthless when they’ve melted

Just laying here confused as ever
‘Bout why my chest’s so under the weather
A few nuts n’ bolts for the influx
As if my heart was a rusty toolbox

Life’s full of many tools
Many of them treat us like fools
From the ruler that lines the jerks
To those that throw spanners in the works

I have an issue with noticing silence
Unsure whether I caused such defiance
Hotspots illuminating my radar
Expecting people to say “see you later”

Thank you for teaching me persistence
For teaching me to show my patience
Thank you for the life lessons
Through all that time I kept you guessing

I’m sorry for a reason unknown
Maybe for the muscle ‘round my bone
That raises the hand to let it linger
For you and the year to stare at this finger