Where's your head at
(song stuck in my head)
Where my head is at
is
this rabbit hole of upside down thinking
What does it feel like to go crazy?
Do we get warnings or just ****** through
like the air we're made of
this tenuous hold on reality, on normal
how close we are to being un, ab

Swinging on the trapeze
the crowd below calling out
telling me not to grab his hands so quickly
learn to fly on my own
but I need hands to hold onto
even if they are new
and I don't recognize the feel of them

there are those days
when you feel like you're holding on
to the cold metal rail on a merry go round
like the ones from an old playground
someone pushing it faster and faster
and you feel like you could let go and just fly away
but you hold on
because flying away is scary
who knows where you'll land
so you hold on, laughing and screaming
like it's actually fun and not terrifying

can't sleep
my head full of him again
so I pull up the link
hear you quietly singing Molly into my ear
strumming your guitar
and it makes me smile
I think you might be the answer
at least you might
and that's enough for now

full disclosure
I hold some secrets
full disclosure
I don't think I'm ready for this.

But your ghost ship
tempts me beyond all reason
and I have permission to board

I don't know where you are right now
but I can see your face, the way you push your hair back
I love your face
and I don't know
maybe I shouldn't, maybe I should be trying to forget
and I will later today
try I mean
and try to forget that tonight I should be wrapped in your arms, in your bed
but right now I'm thinking of your face and how lovely you are

Easing in
Slow and deliberate
I know where I'm going
Familiar place but foreign
I don't speak the language
But I get by
Exploring the terrain with my eyes and hands and mouth
I relax into the slow and steady pace 
I can see the perfection through the haze and smoke
Determined, I continue to my destination
I'm coming

I kiss lips
and lips
and lips
I touch bodies
and bodies
and bodies
and I'm still empty
even you couldn't fill me

I must be self service

I'm not sure which is true
Those days I don't care or
These days that I do

Are all those kisses
Trying to convince me
Or trying to convince you

I never know how to take you
So I just take you anyhow

both of them
have the same tattoo

it's not that I like my boys
broken
but rather men who know
that they can break
and put themselves back together again

I made it that far
did not reach out
stretching further all the time
I'm getting better
bit by bit
giving up your drug
hit by hit

It sounds silly and like a teenage crush

you're Sweet Valley High paperbacks
and Sassy magazine

you're 12 free cassettes and the journal under my bed
The Cure and everlasting days at the community pool

you're all the things my heart invented late one afternoon
at the end of summer
when everything is baked and brown and you think things will always be that way

You're the way things change when you don't want them to

Fresh page, fresh year
I've scrolled down to a white screen
Fingers on keys
Ready to strike
Can't wait to see what happens next

so hot you're almost steaming
dark and brooding
I love how you fill my mouth
as you tickle the back of my throat
you taste a little sweet
and a little spicy if I'm honest
that flavor that I've never found anywhere else
I hold you in my hands
I feel your heat, your possibility
I wrap my body around you
and take you in

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
in my head before I can collect my thoughts
a timer, tick tock, tick tock
my life the hands on a clock
moving faster now

why do I care
I'm getting what I came for
I don't get to decide when, I never did

I can't know how your mind works any more than I can read it
We learned lessons, that love is this ownership
this “you are mine” *******
but no one is anyone's
we are beings, being, existing, trying to get through this life
and we bump into each other
sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesn't

I can't make you be a thing for my use
to give me what I want, to make me feel what I want to feel
those are my responsibilities alone
alone
I guess that's where it comes back to
but I don't need you to raise babies
we're past that
biologically there's no reason for us to hold on to just each other
And you can't be here whenever I need you, you're there when you can be
you are not mine, and I am not yours

strange creature, this hope
it creeps up behind you
and tickles your spine
you swat it away
but like a determined cat
it winds around your ankles
demanding your attention

Close enough
Is close enough
Enough?

I lay traps and you hit the trip wires 
bare skin, bare sin, radiating heat
I want to rage, slam my fists against your chest, backspace it out, anything
But there's no going back now.

My head on your shoulder
my line of vision your lips
everything inside becomes mercury and flows
warm and thick and heavy

My wine marinated tongue can’t seem to form
the words, they keep swirling around the ooze
viscous and sweet
in a language I can’t speak