It's 3am and I can still feel
your collarbone underneath
my fingertips, I can still feel
your calloused hand in mine
and I can still taste the
***** - in my lungs and on
your lips.
I can still hear the way
your words fell together,
and I can still hear you telling me
you love me.
I can still feel your body
against mine, your fingers touching
my skin,
your voice soft in my ear.
I can still feel the way
your teeth dug into my neck,
my skin,
leaving a mark to remind me
of you while I sleep alone,
in a bed too big for just one person
in a bed too cold without your warmth
in a bed too silent without your
uninterrupted breathing
while you're sleeping.
I can't seem to sleep if
you're not holding me
and I'm still trying to decide
whether I'm too far in or if
I just can't get out -
get out of the depths of your eyes,
the warmth of your body,
the rhythm of your words.
I guess I just don't want
to leave you behind.

You remind me
of summer,
and every cigarette
I light,
holds your breath
in between my teeth.
Your body holds planets
I thought I couldn't reach
and your eyes contain
thousands of stars.
And every time I touch you,
I feel the galaxy
underneath
your skin.

Six months ago I was a ******* mess,
my lungs ran out of air,
I couldn't breathe, let alone sleep
and I regretted not listening
to my therapist,
when she told me
"don't fall in love."

How to act okay when I'm not,
how to smile like I mean it when I don't,
how to laugh like it isn't fake,
how to live when I want to die,
how to sleep and then still wake up.

I saw you fall asleep
amidst a garden of stars,
underneath a moon
that if I looked closer,
would realise was just
as bright as your eyes,
and I found my favourite
constellation running
across your collarbones
and down along your chest,
and somewhere in between
all of that,
it collided with planets
that would never have
looked so beautiful
if I had seen them on someone else.
When I looked at you,
I found myself wondering
how a person could look
like that,
like they were the galaxy,
a galaxy so pretty that
for a moment,
the air left my lungs.

I see your face in my mind, it smiles at me much more often there. Your countenance in that moment I long to produce with my efforts to bring you joy everyday.

I dwell on the feeling of your rare touch and the softness of your voice in that moment of tenderness. How I dream of a day when this will be a frequent experience.

I remember the smell your skin from each night that I embrace and caress you from your head to your feet, how sweet your scent is as I lay in the curve of your waist and drag my nails across your thighs.

In my mind you are always in love with me, you never doubt it or deny it, I am never rejected and I am safe. This makes me smile until my cheeks plea for mercy.

I wish for the circumstances of us that I treasure in my mind to be the reality of us. For there is where my greatest love, who abandoned me so long ago, after a brief introduction can be found. I momentarily get to see his smile, feel his loving and tender embrace, hear his sweet voice proclaim his never-ending love for me....and in a moment he is gone and again I must wait what seems an eternity, for his miraculous return. Enduring the punishment until I see you again. I miss you.

I don't know if I am the writer
or the character.

I don't know who has control.

Am I the mun?
The writer?
The one who makes decisions?

Or am I the muse?
The character?
The puppet?

If I am the muse,
what mun would **** up
a character this bad?

Quicker than I thought, but
I feel fine. Ready to move on.
I knew I was holding on, and realizing
That has made me able to think.
Cheesy movies and music has helped,
But writing has been better.
And one person has been there
So much within the past few months
That I know I am well cared for.
And now it will be time for me to be
A recorded message, waiting for the time
To say goodbye to the past and
Hello to a new life and great memories that
Caused experience and a new friend.

Thank you for your time.
I had fun and hope that we
Both can benefit. Its over and done,
But we can start over as something new.
And maybe e can laugh together again as
Something simpler than what we were.
I love you as a friend now. I've learned that.