Honeybee

Honeybee Mar 2021

i can’t go on anymore

save me

i need help

don’t leave me

stay

please I can’t do this anymore

The thoughts behind the words

Show me that you care enough to stay

Honeybee Mar 2021

I forgive others so easily
My abusers
Forgiven
My bullies
I don’t blame them at all
My demons
It’s not their fault I’m suicidal
The people who have left me
I would leave myself too if I could

But when it comes to forgiving myself
I just can’t

Why is that?

Honeybee Mar 2021

Words

They’re important
They can change someone
For better or for worse
So if they’re so special
Why don’t I have any?

I guess I just can’t explain it

Honeybee Mar 2021

I tell my mom daily that...

There’s a difference between living and surviving
And I’m on the brink of death

Thanks for your support
I’m trying to write again
It’s just hard. It’s nice to know that people think I make a difference though.
So yeah I’m trying
I’d appreciate it if you guys stuck with me while I’m going through this episode of numbness and depression
But if you don’t want to that’s okay too

Honeybee Mar 2021

Numb

I’m just sitting in my tub
Not taking a bath
It’s actually completely dry
Just sitting
Thinking
Crying

I’m trying to write I really am but it’s really hard
When I feel like this it’s hard to even get out of bed
So I’m trying

Honeybee Mar 2021

Lonely

I feel so
A imless
L ost
O bscured
N eglected
E xhausted

I’m kind of just lost right now
Like is there even a point in writing?
It’s not like it makes a difference in other peoples day
I kind of just want to stop
Not just writing but just everything

Honeybee Mar 2021

PTSD

I can still hear his voice
Telling me how worthless I am
I can still feel his hands
Over my throat
choking me
I can still see the blood
Dripping to the floor
From where he cut me
I can still smell the beer
On his slurred tongue
I can still taste the iron in my mouth
from where he would punch me repeatedly

I can still remember everything my brain allows me too

Whenever I see or hear something that reminds me of him
I immediately break down