My distrust for others
was a learned trait.
I wish that it was easier for me
to accept the fact
that people will always surprise you;
even if the gift they give you is loneliness.
It's my own fault though.
I am constantly calculating
how each decision I make
will ripple in the lives of others.
Often I find myself alone
amidst my own thoughts and quiet reflections
in the dark.
The world is full of risk takers.
People willing to put their all
into the idea that happiness
exists in all of us.
Well, not in me.
I perceive the world in rainbows of grey.
I see the lines as a muddled mess,
reminiscent of a tangled ball of string.
If only I knew which thread would untangle
the frayed misery in my head.
But most days that task seems useless.

Our moment passed with the season.
With fall, came the cold distance
We feared would engulf
The ideas we had built together.

You were my life post nuclear.
That tongue bite smile that you
Only ever shared when
The sun came up is a distant memory.

After my recent brush with death
In the form of a tall blonde
Who instantly made me regret
Building a home in another,

I thought the ground work
We laid would have been solid
Enough to weather any storm
Life could throw at us.

But you can never prepare for the storm
That bellows in your soul.
Because when that one finally starts
It doesn't matter the ground work
If the walls aren't sturdy enough.

I loved you as I had only ever loved her.
More so in fact because
When I was with you
I smiled.

More importantly I meant it.

And should the day come where
You feel as though the walls
Can be reinforced against the future.
You know where to find me.

My light came so close to being extinguished
That I didn't remember what
It looked like.
Some mornings it seems like a distant reminder
That the world has always and will
Forever be dark.

When I met you,
For the first time in forever,
I burned bright enough to let it all go.
Now everyday in your presence
Is like bathing in the Sun's rays
and you remind me to live.
Even when the darkness is touching
The deepest recess in me,
You become a lantern home.

I'm sorry that I get this way,
I know you feel it too and all I want to do
is give back some of the light
You give so selflessly.

Never in a million years
would I have considered someone like you
could love me.
And before you say it,
I know what you think and I just need to remind you
that we are all capable of dark deeds,
and nothing can ever change my perspective of you.

Love of mine, you are just that:
the embodiment of the love this dark world
doesnt deserve.
Whatever the case may be,
If the dark swallows both of us,
my light for you
will burn well past the candle wax and butane
into the oncoming night.
So hold fast.
We have both seen the other side
of the tunnel.

It gets better.

I think it was the way
Your hair fell across my lap
As you slept.

Or maybe it was the way
I watched your eyes light the room
As you looked for me.

Or it could have been the smile
On your face the first time
I awkwardly kissed you.

Maybe it's the way your
Hands trace love notes into
My arm when you want my attention.

Whatever the moment,
I knew you were the one
From the beginning of it.

And even though I know
The exact moment that I had to
Choose you,

Every moment since has been
A subtle reminder
That it was a risk worth taking.