I have said it before.
Walking through my mind is deadly;
With an ever widening
Crevice that describes my
Pshycological state better now
Than it would have the last time.

The burden I carry pulling me
Closer to an ending to a book
I had no hand in writing.
It's as if the pages guiding me
Were written with only a sense
Of self hatred.

The world is dark sometimes.
And there are more than a few battle scars
Across my face, they are there
For a purpose.
A reminder that I made it
When I didn't think I wanted to.

You ignite something in me-
Like a car bomb-
The message is clear:
The battle is over.
It's time to lick my wounds
And carry on.

I only hope that you see what
I go through to be the light
You see in me.
I hope you understand that I won't
Always be the light
You need me to be.

But regardless of what
The future holds.
You need to know that I will always
Carry on.
Even when the road widens
Past it's breaking point-

And my psyche feels like
An expanse that even I couldn't travel
You will be beside me.
Which is the first bit of comfort
I have found in another human
In a long time.

I have had to learn
A few lessons to get here.
Suffered beyond my means
At the hands of people
Who never deserved to hold
My light in their hands.

And in the aftermath when
My Dark comes knocking,
I try to remember that
Greener grass is just ahead.

Had I known that greener
Meant the color of your eyes
When you smiled,
I would have run barefoot
Over broken glass to get here quicker.

Not that I know where here is,
Or if this is the final destination;
But you pick the words
From the tip of my tongue
And make them sound like music.

You are a warrior.
I saw it in the way you sized me up
While we talked away sunsets.
You wear your battle scars like
The beautiful banners they are.

Darling,
You leave me star eyed.

Every facet of your personality
A gentle reminder that
I am not alone.
That the Dark isn't a deity
Capable of swallowing me whole.
But something I can over come
With your words.

The grass looks greener
Where we are headed.
Even if we wander through a mine field
And end up walking away
Missing pieces ourselves
In each other,

I won't give up till we can touch
Every single blade of grass
With the tips of our toes
As we dance to each others war songs.

You are still the epitome of dark.
I know that I have watched you
Change into at least the image
Of your formal self.

What you fail to realize however,
Is that growth doesn't always mean good.
Thistles for instance just grow more jagged.

I don't mean to chastise you.
Your efforts are not in vain.
I see you piecing your shattered
Psyche back together.

I still sleep with one eye open
Waiting for the door to swing.
Abuse is not a short term problem.
And I bare the scars to prove it.

It's been a long time
Since we talked.
And even though I am certain
This will never fall upon
Your porcelain ears,
I need to say this anyway.

I have never loved anyone
The way my heart burst
From my chest at only
The mention of your name.
And sometimes I feel like
There isn't another name
I could love.

You knew the battlefield
I was raised on.
You saw first hand the
Wasteland and chose to love me
When I couldn't even love myself.

The nights when the darkness
Swelled inside me and I shattered
Like glass against pavement.
You held me tight and made
Me feel like I could lay roots
In your arms.

Had I realized sooner that you
Were a porcelain painted hatchet
With only the intention of tearing MY
Roots from MY sanity,
I could have grown harder bark.

You decided to chase another
Man's affection while still holding
So tightly to mine.
I wish you could have been honest
And let me free the right way.

You made me into a villain instead.
A nuclear wasteland of your bad
Decisions and scorned my name
In your history books as 'a toxic tragedy'

I no longer ache
When your name comes up
In conversation.
I even talk to your best friends
Regularly.

This will be the last time I write to you.
And I hope from the bottom of my heart
That you find whatever you need
To be happy.

I only wish you would have known
My heart well enough to know that
I would have let you go if you only asked.

It's really hard to talk to you.
Like eggshell shaped razor blades
Against the bare soles of my shoes
Which are only worn from
Chasing your attention.

Sometimes,
When you least expect
The universe to show you
Any kindness-

Something wonderful comes along
Like fireworks, or your food
Tasting exactly like what's in front of you.
Instead of potatoes.

And I know you understand
The reference because everyone
Has those days where the dark
Only seems short of
Unbearable.

But today is the first day
That the sun didn't blister when
I walked in its presence.

Today is the first day
I didn't wake up tired
Of breathing to the rhythm
Of depressions broken drum.

The music of a new start
Is the only thing beating
Against my ear drums
As the light passes my surface.

I know that nothing in life is forever.
And like the earth on its axis,
The darkness will return.
But until then - I will live
And revel in the sun.