If looks could ****,
I would have buried a hatchet
In your neck, and watched
As the life left your
Cold eyes, and your wretched
Heart stopped beating
And your abusive grasp went limp
And you crumpled
To the floor as lifeless
As you left me.

If I could apologize
For seeing the sunlight
In your eyes
I would.

The value of a rope
Can be measured in memories.

The tire swing, hung from an
Unmoving oak tree.

The ripchord from your
First parachuting experience.

The rope bound around your
Lovers hands on your wedding day.

Or the one around your neck
As you take your final breath.

I never said all memories
Would be good.

The principle that
Everything has a cause -

If I have a purpose:
A cause worth believing
In every day when I wake
I haven't discovered it yet.

Many times in my life
I have questioned
If my existence is
Worth its weight
In gold.

Most often, the answer
I come to is no;
But that might be the self loathing
Part of my soul
Reminding me to keep
My feet on the ground.

I think about all the words
Left unspoken at dinner parties.
Or the birthdays I
Intentionally avoided
So that I didnt have to
Half smile at loved ones.

I think about my tongue
Tied end over end,
Instead of standing my ground.
I think of all the nieces and nephews
Who would remember me only
In pictures.

Other times however,
I think about what
It means when I take my
Thoughts and put them on paper;
Either as a poem or
A suicide note.

There are choices to be made
At every turn,
I could choose to end
This existence
But I wont.

This is not necessarily
A poem as much as it is
A love letter.
I cannot find the words
To express it.
The idea of you as
An individual piece
Of the puzzle,
And only miniscule
In the grand scheme of things
Seems unrealistic,
Because you came into
My life and became
The whole picture.

Darling,
Our story starts out rocky
Like the shore of the lake
I spent summers as a child,
-Which, I do promise to
Take you one day for the record-
And we may be hundreds of miles
Apart for the time being,
But you will always find home
By my side.

I think of all the horrible things
We went through
To get to this place
In our lives.
The death, the aches,
All the grandiose
Suffering we have endured
That led us to this moment.

When I find you again,
Know that I will cherish
Every second in agony
At the thought of it passing.
I will smile through every
Tear you may shed
Or every argument when
I leave the lights on
And our electric bill
Sky rockets.

I swear that when I finally
Have you in my arms,
It will be the last time either
Of us feel alone ever again.

I warned you when we met
That I was dangerous
And you shrugged it off
As macabre humor.
But you see now what I meant right?
When I said dangerous,
What I really meant
Is that I would love you
In ways you did not think
Possible.

I am forever yours
And I mean that
In the most literal of senses.

I saw my tiger tonight.
Talk about a worst case
Scenario..

Her stripes will always
Hold a special place
In my heart,

But the power is gone.
She can no longer
Rake at me

From the shadows
Thanks to you.

I promised myself
That after the last girl
I would not fall in love again.
I never wanted to see her
Face in my favorite things
And breathe them in
Everyday.

I didnt want to feel
Thunder in my soul
When she smiles
At my rambling nature.

I didnt want to see you
-wait I mean her-
Liven the room
With only a laugh.

I didn't want to smell you
- Her. ******* it -
On my pillow cases
When you leave.

You.

I keep saying it
Because I am endlessly
And hopelessly in
Love with you.

So tonight when you sleep
Know that you are
Loved deeply.