I count the miles
Between us like seconds.
Because every minute away
From you feels like
Days passing by
In a haze.
And though I never meant
To love you
I count it as a blessing.

It is remembering
The love with alterior
Motives that changed
My perspective.

It is the loud moments
Of my parents
Replacing any good
In their souls

Hell is not a place
I go to when I die
But a way of life
I did not choose.

It is in her smile
From a thousand miles
Between us.

It is in the darkness
In my own head
That I will never
Escape.

I have come to know hell
In many ways,
It is a part of my past.

So I will bear it
Like a scar
Until I no longer
Feel the weight.

When you think of weddings
You should smile
Because its the pairing
Of two souls destined for each other.

When you think of the ceremony
You imagine her smiling as
She walks toward her lover
Ready to start a new life.

But her lips were tight today.
She walked like a toy soldier
On the front lines of a losing war
She knew was pointless.

Her usual smile that starts
From the outside in was a taught line.
Her eyes were pale grey
Instead of the usual shade of Atlantic.

There are no smiles here.
This isnt a happy ending
Where we get what we want
But a horror story.

These are the eyes
Of a hollow man;
They hold no luster
No precious stone.

Whatever soul they lead to,
Has gone away
With no hint
Of return.

Those eyes were
That of a child
Who couldn't wait
To grow up.

I count every step between
My past and the present.
Wondering if the road less travelled
Can finally bring me rest.

Rest--

If you could even
Call it that.
My tossing and turning
Borderline convulsions.

Bad decisions cant
Close the distance

So I dont turn to the bottle
In fears that Ill drown
In a silver *** sea

I guess it all comes down to
Sink or swim?
Can I hold myself a float
For another hundred steps?