Another drag on a cigarette --
Thats what days are to me.
Just another moment closer
To expiration.

I could hit the bottle,
But i know all too well
How hard the bottle
Hits back.

I am waiting
For my life to come into focus
But all it ever seems
Is ******* distorted.

Why am I alone
When everyone I love
Is here?
They are present

But i am an outsider.
I am standing on the side lines
While everyone else
Lives their lives.

I am a prisoner
To my own design.

Who knew lines across
Your skin could render me
So useless

My hands now bear
Your blood
And that will never wash away

I didnt know my words
Would be razors that
Sliced into your soul

Now however
Ill take that razor
To myself

And cut those words
From exsistence
Before I hurt anyone else

We would stay up for hours
Fingers and lips intertwined,
Dancing to our own rythym.

Talking of church bells and diamonds
Like the one on your finger.

White dresses and vows
In front of family and friends.
Promising eternity to one another.
Forever.

Forever sure is ******* short.

Walking through my own mind is deadly
like accidentally ingesting cyanide
in the preachers kool aid.

Or maybe its just the tiger from my past,
still stalking the recesses of thought
and presents itself only in times
of my own weakness.

I **** the day I fell for your stripes
and became ensnared in your claws
raking at the depths of my souls and despair.

Its been over a year and the flesh still stings,
no matter how hard I try
to run and outlive the past
the mauling I received will never heal.

I can't help but
hit the bottle tonight,
And think of a love
I let slip through my fingers.

With every drink
I wander further and further
Down the rabbit hole.
Till I'm gone.

The demons whisper to me:
Telling me how much
I don't deserve her
And that I'll never be happy.

I feel like the white rabbit.
Running too fast
To realize what
I've given up.

Now I'm sitting
Gazing at the red queens court
And watching some prince
Take my lovers hand.

The one I love is dancing
Across my eyelids.
Red satin flowing like
Rivers of my blood.

But she isn't dancing with me..

I see the cracks in
your porcelain skin.
You're frail figure
Swaying under the weight
Of things.

I remember when
We were younger
And the only worry we had
Was our curfews.
What happened?

Sadness should not equal
Blood.
Or loss of life,
Because the gravity in that
Is enough to **** us both.

Consider me your sentinel.
Silently watching and loving
From a distance in order to keep you
Safe.

Always remember my love,
I'm always here
When you need me.