Masks aren't just for hiding the bad.
Sometimes they hide the good too.
So which are you hiding?
Or is the mask hiding something from you?

I'm so tired of crying.
I wish it would stop.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm tired of fighting for everything.
I'm tired of the people I love getting hurt.
Because of me.
I'm tired of always being self conscious,
And picked on.
I'm tired.

And no one seems to see or care because they are all so caught up with themselves and their own lives.
I don't blame them.
I'm not much to be worrying about,
But if just one bit of that worry from another person went towards me and how I felt and how I think about dying everyday,
Then maybe I wouldn't be so sad,
Lonely,
And tired.
And weak.

I'm tired of standing up for everyone but no one standing up for me when it really comes down to it.
People say they will.
But how many really would?
You never know.
Which is the hard part about everything.
You never know what's coming next,
Or what's being changed at the very blink of an eye and it frustrates me.
It frustrates me that I can't be prepared for every hard thing that comes my way.
But that's living right?
That's what life is about?
To be honest,
I've stopped caring what life is about.

I get anxiety attacks and everyone thinks I'm lying about it and I'm so afraid to let someone in because they won't be supportive or actually listen to me when I think I have the slightest bit of chance to tell them how I really feel.

People think I should just shut up.
They think that I should just go about my day until something drastic happens.
It's sad really that something drastic NEEDS to happen before anyone takes you and your problems seriously.
But by then it's too late.
And after it's all over they go back to not caring again.

Maybe one day I will say goodbye.
I'm always afraid of regretting it,
So that's how I know I need to stay for now.
But one day I might be pushed just a bit,
To the point where I no longer care if I'm happy or sad or feel nothing after.
Then I know that I am about to leave.
And I wonder how people will think I kept it all in so long.
Because I didn't.
It's just that no one would take the time to listen so instead I took the time to vent and never felt better afterwards.

What to do?
What to do.
What I want vs. what I need to do.
The problem is that I don't know what I want or what I need to do.
So I am lost.
And I'm hoping someone finds me soon, because if not,
I might not be here.

I'll try to find help.
I need help.
Before I am taken away from,

This.

You asked me about my day and I told you it was okay and that everything was fine.

I didn't tell you that I cried in the bathroom from the stress of school and my home life and myself.

You asked me how I was tonight and I told you I was good.

I didn't tell you that I spent my day texting a friend between class to make sure they didn't **** themselves, and that I couldn't concentrate because I was worried about them every second.

You asked me why my grades were down and I promised that i would get them back up and I said that these lessons were just hard.

I didn't tell you that I haven't been sleeping well and I have been staying up late every night over thinking about every little thing in my life and criticizing myself, so in school I was tired and unmotivated to do the work.

You asked me why I call you all the time for ever just the little things and I said that I was sorry and that I wouldn't do it as much anymore.

I didn't tell you that I am worried about you because of how sad and down you get on yourself so I try to always call you and lift your spirits.

You asked me why I fight so much and why i am so stubborn and I didn't answer you.

I didn't answer you because I don't know why.

I always feel like I can't trust anyone.

Even the ones that I love the most.

I'm gone now.

Please don't blame yourself, because I left a long time ago.

I didn't tell you because I think that I was scared.

Not scared of you, but I think scared of how your perspective of me would change.

Because I care about you the most.

There are a lot of other things I never told you, but that's okay.

It'll be okay.

I promise.

I love you.

She was tired
She was tired of all the homework.
She was tired of all the stress.
She was tired of how all these people would ignore her.
She was tired of her brother fighting with her.
She was tired of how her mom would threaten to **** herself and she didn't know whether to believe it or not.
She was tired of no one appreciating her and what she tried to do for them.
All they did for him.
She was tired of her dad treating her like she was dirt beneath him.
She was tired of her dad acting like he was a king, although he knew nothing.
She was tired of her "friends" always relying on her but none of them would make it so that she could rely on them.
She was tired of not getting recognized for all the things she did for everyone.
She was tired of feeling empty.
She was tired of remembering all the bad past memories she had.
She was tired of all her thoughts.
She was tired of messing up.
She was tired of feeling bad.
She was tired of feeling sad.
She was tired of no one loving her like she thought she deserved to be loved.
She was tired of fighting for everything.
For fighting for others happiness instead of her own.
For fighting for other peoples problems to be heard rather than her own.
She was tired of fighting for people already losing their own battles as she was losing hers.
She was tired of it all.
She was tired of not getting answers.
She was tired of no longer having hope.
She was tired of slipping away and no one noticing.
So she thought:
I can end it all.
No more thinking.
No more pain.
No more stress.
She knew it seemed selfish.
Maybe it would end all of this though.
Maybe it would end others fighting.
Maybe it would end all their stress that she knew she caused for them.
Maybe they would all go on to be happier.
She thought of ending it then.
If I leave they wouldn't miss me after a while.
They would forget.
She would forget.
All she would be doing is going to sleep for a while.
Or maybe longer.
She...
Didn't want to.
But she feels
Like she must...