I just really haven’t got time
To sit and wait
And wonder am I enough?
For this human being?
Is my mind and soul and body enough?
If you have to question it
It’s no. So, run!
Run like the ******* wind
Because he’ll message again
And then you’ll have to stay sane
But you don’t
Guess what?
You don’t even have to reply

Feelings spread
Down your arms
Across your face
Into your presence
We give it all away
What we do and
Of course what we
Don't do
We tell our tale
We make our mark
Take your time
Silence doesn't have
To be negative
It might just be
That someone feels
It's right for them
So don't expect
Just watch what
People do and be
Then you'll know
A peace within

A good spiritual connection
Through the silence
When the initial lust is gone
And someone who wants
To walk you home
Just to be sure you will be okay
I like stimulation
Through speculation
Of the world around
And a little taste of adventure
Even in going to the shop
In the rain. I want to feel
Like I'm safe with that person
I might be a little intense
But I've come to the conclusion
I'd be turned on by someone
That wants to see my intensity
And I want to feel they appreciate
What turns me on
Enough to make them try figure it out
And think a little more
Than they usually do

It hits me after alcohol
And major social events
That I have to be a good person
And I feel almost scared that I may not be
So I go over everything and message people I miss
And analyse what happened and try to inspect
Hidden areas of my personality
And prepare for what I will do next
In this life that throws me around
This feeling reminds me of Japan
I call it ‘the come down’
The direct opposite of the word genki
Derived from the high of seeing new
It feels unforgivably overwhelming
I feel wrong or not right or perfect
And I worry what everyone thinks
And says about me and I try and
Cheer myself on to stop being silly
But it’s like a black cloud over me
Or a black puddle under my feet
And I tell myself if I pretend it’s not there
I won’t entertain it and make it worse
But it always lingers until damage is done
It saddens me that last night I spent the night
With my hero and still it feels like a lightning strike
Aimed for me this morning when he left
I know I should be happy I got to stay
And spend such a good time with him
But I don’t feel safe to bare my feelings
And I can’t help but regret it all
Because my instinct says he will drop me
Like an apple falling from the hand
Of a passer-by because they weren’t concentrating
And I’ll be alone again, cruising
So that’s as far as my hopes will go in this mood
If you have any visions of a better future
From another mood that’d be good to hear
So you can send me away from here

I will give you my time
And give you parts of my soul
And ask your advice
And seek your approval
And listen to your cries
And wait by your side
Until life turns around
If only you knew what
I’d do for you
Maybe you wouldn’t
Feel so black
And the truth is sometimes
I wish I loved you with a
Love that would make me content
But I don’t, it’s not you
And a part of me thinks
I would sigh in relief if it was
And sigh in despair if it was
But I don’t so I sigh a relief
And a despair and I wait

I wish I could watch a film
Of myself alone in Japan
And how I wandered around
Tokyo - lost and transparent
And when I watched
Lost in Translation high
In my square bath tub
I wish I could get back there
To remember more of it
And watch the people go by
Like in a magnificent film
Or the video by The Killers
Read My Mind

I couldn’t understand what he meant
But I watched his face intently and
Tried to think of what he could be saying to me
And I said words he might mean but to my dismay inaccurately
So I got more staff to try to translate to me when they could
And I helped him eat and hold his drink up to his lips
After realising his favourite mug had recently smashed
And I understood when he said this MS it’s a ******
And I laughed with him and smiled widely to hide my watery eyes
He paints and he likes to mention his daughter
He was really good at recalling dates but not names
He reminded me of my dad, a retired head teacher
My heart melted when he looked at me and said
Thank you and all I could say was you are welcome
It was an honour