My tummy hurts
But my heart worst
10 second love
Hit a growth spurt
With more and more
To insert
Now I ache
In chest under shirt
Of decisions made
Of lessons learned

I think of her often
This beautiful force
I followed her into my head one night
And got lost

I built a house of feathers today
But somehow everyone was shocked when it blew away...

Am I what I fear?
When she's so frighteningly near
Almost ear to ear
Closer still my dear
Close like the sea to the pier
A bee to nectar
Monarch to his sceptre
She's the sun on my receptors
Her skin has a temper
Like piping hot embers
It burns through November
In the African weather
My skin turns to leather
And I crease under pressure
That I almost whisper
What is kept under murmur
Still she comes hither
I'm at the end of my tether
So I let the words flutter
And escape through the stutters
Of my mouth as I utter
Things we should never mutter
To ourselves or each other
Come sunshine or thunder
But she's a storm like no other
And when we came close to each other
She destroyed my shelter
Drenched I stand here to tell her
While she's so frighteningly near
Almost ear to ear
"Come closer my dear,
For I am what I fear"

Thinking about the rain from in between my bedsheets
Ideas of the world start to join in in dead heaps
But all that I need
Is the peace that it brings
Not the worry it brought
With a head full of thought
Oh the rain is a pain when it doesn't clean your brain
From dirt stained ideas that could clog up your drain
Thinking about rain as it pours from the sky
And drowns me in bed while my bedsheets are dry

I wish my days would end in peace
Not in a rummaging of details I picked up along my way out and back into bed
And the silence was a ferry to sleep
Not an open sea raging again in against the shores of my head

You came in with the rain
And the winds and thunder were following
Now the clouds have long since passed
But I'm still dripping

The better collective is outside of me
The parts of the world that could never converge with me
In my chest is a hollow nest of surging threads
That scrap and pulsate against each other
The unrest carries itself into my flesh and makes me shudder
And makes me lift my hands and arms to hurt my brother
But the world around me is a blissful sea
Of people who don't know what lies beneath
The soft sheets that forms me
There where there is strangers passing each other in the street
Without so much as an acknowledgment to speak
There is the place I want to be
Far from the familiar haste that Lives within me
That breaths and beats and eats constantly

I wish I could tear your arms off llimb for limb
and tie them to my shoulders
so you can know what its like to be held by them

Him
That breath of air that tickles my nose
So strong and pungent, so clear and so cold
There in the lace of my lungs
He hung like a picture frame that captured my love
Woven in and out and north and south
That it skipped through my veins and out my mouth
He
Is concentrated and thick, colorless and vivid
And struck my eyes so harshly my eyelids shivered
And loudly and clearly like a baby delivered
He spoke into my neck and and all I could hear
I love I love I love
My dear

I was afraid to touch the glass
It would undoubtably have left a mark
One that had the power and girth
To ruin the life I've built on Earth
If I forgave myself for peeking inside
Would my heart have survived the violent desire
Or the pain that my want would have birthed
I would have to learn to forgive myself
But would God have forgiven me first

If the sun screamed at me
I'd remind her that she only rules half my day
The other half is owned by a dark cold entity
That opposes her in every way...

I am far too afraid
To go that way
The path seems dark and murky
Though my heart will erase
The memories made
And leave them all behind me
I must walk
I must move
No more talk
Time to prove
But I am far too afraid
To go that way
And leave this world behind me

I'm afraid to do anything with my dad
Even if I want to speak to him
Because I'm scared they just went I start enjoying spending time with him
He's gonna to start to talk over me and make me feel like him inviting me to do something with him was just a cover up for him wanting to impose his thoughts on another person and hear his own voice. I feel like it didn't even matter which was sitting there listening to him because it was about him the entire time. I love my dad, but I wish he heard me sometimes

In bold
You were never a friend to them
You were bleeding from start to end
And now your body is cold
You weren't even alive to them
You saw the side of men
That they wish to withhold

She is a blossom of a spring flower
His shoulders as broad like two stable towers
In spring rainfall, in gentle showers
Swear there is no greater love than ours
He is a beam that stretches to the clouds
Head sweet and pretty and savvy and proud
Her eyes carry punches that crack gravel ground
Brown and deep, and potent and loud
Come at my chest until all desenses are down
Swear there is no love greater than ours
As good a frame with us in the middle
Either one or the other
Who can solve such a riddle?
One has a heart
But so does the other
Sand off the edges and call me a lover
One has the sweets, the other has the sours
Yet both has me with such unfamiliar powers
With wrists to the sky, and no place to cower,
Swear there is no love greater than ours

I know you want me to say
Sorry for lying
but I'm just crying on my  pillow
like I'm supposed to do
to get over you

I know its easier to keep you
and just admit that I was wrong
but I can't be the loser
so I just play a sad song
like I'm supposed to do
to get over you

Although everything is my fault
as far as I remember
I won't lead you to resolve
and I'll ruined your December
Just drinking coffee in my car
heart is sore and tender

Winning never feels good on this tongue
I've been bitter since I was young
Now you know the woman you've loved
Now she's just another sad girl
trying to get over you

You have learned with the seasons
Said the past to the present
"The truth is the truth
No matter how you said it
Pain is pain
No matter how thin you spread it"

I'm not the me who can be with the she I believe
I'm not the she that can belong to the he either it seems
If I be the me that I desire to see me complete
then the crease in my sheets will never come out or be clean
and the mirror that reflects the her will  never have sheen
so the me that I need will never be seen
not by the them or the they or the eyes that they keep
and the she that I seek will be covered from these
and the hurt it would cause will become her disease
so I'll keep the me I maybe could be
in the silence and chambers of my secretes and dreams

Maybe I'll give a crap more
Maybe I'll take crap less
Maybe invite my enemies over and burn them like they're in-scents
They'd be looking at  beverages thinking 'I probably shouldn't drink this'
No ****, its melted flint if you asking out of interest

But since the law and moral cause don't really favor ******  
I'll post a an ad in the paper asking if anyone wants to get sawed up
Find a willing part-taker and grind them into saw dust

But on a note of real talk I really don't have murderous intent
My thoughts might seem cruel and rigid, but they're savage at best  
Honestly all I want to the get some Gang Nam respect
Maybe then I can turn my enemies into friends
If that's t0o much to ask
Honestly I couldn't as for less

Will there be anything more exciting than knowing you?
An experience you've set aside for a select few
In a selection process they were not privy to
Now the joy of a ray of sunshine peaking through
The slow trickle of morning dew
A whisper of words so dearingly true
The world was just a page
That became a story because of you...

She said sunlight and water
through Spring and through Autumn
Just keep your love warm and
let it sprout without boarders
without care and without warning
and your garden will keep swarming
like the bees and the hornets
build their nests in the tallest
branches and corners
Just sunlight and water
Is all you need