I think of her often
This beautiful force
I followed her into my head one night
And got lost

For goodness sake
My heart still beats
Air still crashes through my lungs when I breath
Veins still spit blood onto my skin when I bleed
My eyes still follow lines down pages when I read
My thoat still expands and contracts when  I eat
My waist still leads to knees then down legs to my feet
And someday you'll remember that  I'm still a human being
Even after I acted beast when I said those things

Mothers watched boys being stolen from their beds
In the midst of their dreaming
To become men that couldn't fend off the nightmares when they slept

When I was a drinker
I would swallow my weight
And lay weightless in the bathroom
Until I forgot  my  own name

It took hours to stop the bleeding
And years after
The wound was still healing

And so the lark sings
To the day's first dawning
Some dusty motel
Sees a woman fawning
And at once it's all over
For naught but for wanting.

It takes time to feel
What has not yet healed
I felt and kneel
And wavered a shield
And paited skys teel
Like a flickering film real
It shook me like an electric eel
My eyes forever seal
Because this moment can't be real