I’m bored so I’m writing a poem
But I’m not in my writing zone
So there’s no hidden meaning
No ranting or screaming
All I’m doing is writing a poem.

Being real is scary
Because I am scary
And it’s scary to scare someone else
With just real me
Because truth strikes fear
Into the ignorant
And I am still ignorant
Of many things.

You say you don’t expect perfect,
But I think you’re lying.
Because
You expect a child
That makes minimal to no mistakes.
Isn’t that what perfect is?
You expect a child that gives you no troubles.
That is
I guess
The “perfect” child.
Alas, I cannot be perfect.
I am a very troublesome child.
I wish I could mistake-less.
But apparently that’s not how that works.

1990’s
Normal was not weird
2019
Normal (typical) is gay, weird, and depressed.

Normal is only temporary
Normal can be weird
If weird is what is popular
Then that will become normal as well.

Self-attack
Self-absorbed
Self-aghast
Self-abhorred

I live for you while you **** me.

Up to 60% of the human body is water.
I must have much more than that,
Because it keeps on leaking
Out of my eyes.

It is too dark
Unnaturally dark
The night eating away
The light.

Oh the light
What a magnificent sight
Yellow and white
Shining bright.

Oh the dark
In such stark
Contrast for the night marks
A time where things meet
In the cover of black
Hiding away, discreet.

The dark hushes
Dims light
So they only glow
Their white light
Turning yellow
Muted
By too dark darkness.

If life is a marathon
I’m losing the race
Because I am so lost
I’m a forgotten case.

Meet Expectations.
She is bubbly and happy
Sensitive and sappy
And she lives all in her own world.

Problems are like flies to her:
Pesky annoyances
She’d rather ignore.

Expectations is fun to hang around sometimes
Until her ideals start to
Weigh you down sometimes.

I’m a glass girl
And you can see right through
I’m transparent to you
Please don’t take advantage of it.

You can see my soul
Do you think it’s as beautiful
As yours is?
I wish I had your soul.

I was clear
But life made me stained.
But if you ask anyone who has ever seen stained glass,
They’d tell you it was the most
Magnificent thing
That they’d ever seen.

It’s okay to be stained
Color makes us
Alive.
Plexiglas
Is still and lifeless
Stained glass
Tells a story.

Be a storyteller.
Be stained.
Be beautiful.

I never knew
How much it’d cost
To simply stay the same.

I never knew
How much it’d mean
If my savior ever came.

I never knew
.
.
.
I wish I did.

Would you rather
Innocence
Or truth?

I am a sentient being
My eyes are blurry from not seeing
That getting used’s a regular thing
For a bunch of girls like me.

You clap your hand against my mouth
Think you can stop me from shouting out.
You keep putting people in a cage
You won’t let us get up and rage
But I’m enraged, and I’m not sage
But I’m not clueless and you are ruthless.

You’ve got no heart to give
Cold as stone; how do you live
With all the happiness you have deprived.
I’m not clueless but you are
Willing ignorance leaves us scars
But you won’t see them ‘cause you don’t want to
You love your lies and despise the truth.

You cannot tie this one down.
No way, no how.
You clip my wings
I’ll fly anyway.
I really don’t care if I fall.
I’ll try anyway.
Dear lord, I’ll try.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAlAAAAAAAAAAAAApAAAAA AAAAAmAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAApAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAlAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAsAAAAAAAAAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAhAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAlAAAAAAApAAAAAAAAAAA

If you were just a soul
How would you manifest?
For all those familiar with Greek mythology
You may know what Chaos is.
Chaos is what-in Greek mythology-
The universe was
Before it was created.
I picture this blackness
But blackness full of purple
And blue
And red dust.
All of this is just swirling in this black hole
Of nonexistence.
Order?
None of it.
Safety?
Lol you’re funny.
Well,
Anyways,
I think my naked soul
Would manifest as Chaos.
I am Chaos.
Order?
Never heard of it.
Safety?
I’m more like “WARNING: MAY EXPLODE AT ANY TIME!!!”
Chaos
That’s what I am.
What are you?

I used to not be scared of heights
That was before I fell
Now all I want to do
Is stay safely on the ground.

I can’t believe how boring I’ve gotten.

I was drowning
I was drowning because you
Pushed me past the edge
Off the cliff of sanity.

I struggled through the riptide
The waves grabbed me by both arms
Thrashed and almost smashed
Into the rocky shelf.

I tried to swim and I sank
I sank to the ocean floor
I sank until I let go
And finally floated to the the surface.

You’re not any better than me
Just like the land’s not worse than the sea
We have different strengths
But that does not make
You any worse or better than me.

All these stories in my head
I’d rather write instead
Of changing my real life for the better.

Why do people hate
No good things will it create
All it will ever do
Is make people hate you too.

Take a selfie every day,
Try to hide emotions away,
Tell everyone about your “perfect life”
That’s actually full of pain and strife.

I can’t feel my pulse
I’m afraid I don’t want to
Do I want to?
I don’t know.

Pharaoh told us to leave.
As we hurried gathering
What little possessions we had,
Unleavened bread baking in the oven
The smell of bread floating under our noses.

Pharaoh changed his mind
Sent his armies after us,
I can’t believe
We ever thought we were free.

I beg of Moses
DO SOMETHING
But he can’t
All we can do is wait for a miracle.

As the armies marched toward us
I could feel the vibrations of their feet
Then suddenly
Moses parted the seas!

Oh the joy that rushed through me!
We were saved-
Saved by God!
I thanked the Lord for his grace,
For we are saved!

I think why life never gives us a break,
Or when he does, it’s short
Because when we get life completely easy
We turn conceited and lazy.

I am not saying I want life to be hard.
In fact, I wish quite the opposite.
I am just unsure of the thing I’d become
If I forgot how to work for happiness.

You give me pain you drive me insane but that’s ok because today I produced something magic from all of the pent up sadness you begot

I’m a mess.
I’m not graceful
I lack finesse.
I look at everyone around me
And they seem to have it so easy.

I’ve been told that I make things harder
Than they actually need to be,
But it seems the harder I work the farther
My needs and dreams seem to flee.

I look around, convinced I’m insane
Until I met you
Just as insane as my messed up brain
And when you speak
Butterflies flit out
And I can tell you’re just like me
Not graceful
Lacking finesse
Clumsy in talk and everything else.

What a relief
To know I am not alone.
Sometimes
I just feel so alone.
But I’m not alone
Just lonely perhaps,
But then I met you
Who reminded me
I wasn’t an alien
I wasn’t alone
And I needn’t not be lonely
Much longer.

Smiles are my glory,
Smiles are my friend.
But only when they’re real,
Real real real smiles.
But not when they hurt,
Forced to grin wide.
Happiness should not be forced.
It can’t be forced.

Smile.
Smile real.
Please.

Why do people scream
Yelling won’t fix anything.
What do they think volume’s gonna do?
It won’t help them gain any power over you.

I like making up stories.
They let me be someone else for a while.
I don’t write them down.
They are too day-to-day.
There isn’t a conflict.
I don’t want conflict.
I just want to be peaceful for a while.

I’d be hot as a guy.

There are so many things to do
Places to be
Things to say
People to meet.

So don’t purposefully die any time soon. Thank you.

Love doesn’t exist.
I will never let myself believe that
Time truly heals.
I repeat my mantra:
True love is a ****** myth.
It is a falsehood that
Compassion is all you need.
The truth is
Hate is what rules the world.
I will never say
That hope emerges in our trials.
I am convinced
Life is a plane on downward trajectory.
Or
All light that once existed is snuffed out,
It is an absolute deceit that
I can chase my dreams, so they become reality.

You look at me like you’re nervous.
You ask me why I was staring at you.
I pretend I wasn’t.
I tell you I was reading the poster behind you.
You look away.
Memories of you come back.
I don’t know if I love you again.
Do I want to?
Do you?
Please do.
Ugh.
What am I doing.

You are
Encrypted code.
You are
A locked door
Without a lock.
You are
A fossil under
Layers of stone.

I am too.

I just wish I wasn’t.

Do you wish that too?

You keep on telling me to be honest.
I am honest.
But you don’t like my truth.
So you deny it.
You deny me.
You deny with all of your “honesty”.

Everything is my fault.
I know this.
I know it’s my fault I get overwhelmed
And make a bunch of mistakes.
It is my fault, right?
If I asked for help more,
Maybe I wouldn’t be overwhelmed,
So I could think more clearly.
It’s my fault that I didn’t ask for help.
It’s my fault that my Mom got mad
Because I tried to walk away.
I just really needed to walk away
Because reality is too hard.
So now I’ve accidentally disrespected my Mom
And it is my fault.
I won’t blame anyone else.
I think I secretly want to though.
I don’t want it to be my fault
But it is anyway.
My mistakes are my fault.
They say mistakes are human.
I am very human.
Or maybe
I make so many mistakes
That I am no longer human
Because surely
The average human is not
Such a disappointment as me.

Hello?
Is anyone here?
I’m missing
Someone.
You know
Who you are.
Is this room empty?
I am too.
Like this room.

I was having a bad day,
Then I saw you come along.
You gave me a flower to remember you by.
I did.

I never forgot that flower.
A crimson rose at bloom.
That flower was a trap, although,
For my certain doom.

You left me with a flower,
It’s petals as dark as blood.
They became my heart,
Dark and shriveled as time went on.

What’s your favorite color?
I want to know everything
That I don’t know about you.
Where did you get your middle name?
Where were you born?
I don’t mean to intrude,
It’s just I want to learn
About you.
I want to learn
You.

If creativity was a pond,
It would have grown stagnant by now.
The slippery moss of logic
Would have plagued the cattail of imagination
And the pond would grow murky and muddy.

Thankfully,
Creativity is like a river
Always full of life.
Things come and go,
Things are created there.
Moving water.
Never growing stagnant.

I can’t just wish
And it will happen.

No,
Life likes to spice things up.
Unfortunately.

I just ate an entire container of
Cherry tomatoes
What the heck?!
Who does that?!

I always dreamt of being free.
But every time I broke the chains,
I handcuffed myself to sadness.
I am familiar with this blue entity,
Who suffocated my success.
But I will not pity myself
Anymore.
The point of these poems
Is to liberate me
From self-made chains.
I just want to help
You guys and myself too.
Because the pen is more powerful than the sword,
And I won’t duel with myself anymore.

I know
You think I
Look weird.
I know
I’m staring.
But talking
Never works.
No one cares
To understand
Me.
So I have
Resorted
To telepathy.
Maybe if
I look at you
Enough,
You’ll see
The pain
In my eyes.

Hope is our only salvation.
Money and power will get us nowhere.
We think we know so much
Until the wise tells us we don’t.
We are always afraid,
Whether we want to admit it or not.
I am not exempt from this population.
I am always afraid.
Afraid of failure.
Afraid of success.
Afraid that if I do well
You’ll expect it all the time.
I am afraid of not knowing-
You might be too.
So we pretend that we know what we don’t,
So we can have lies to lean on.

Have you ever met
Someone who took your breath away
Before they even spoke.
Someone who you KNEW
Was an amazing person.
You just knew it.
You could see the sparkle
In their eyes,
So gentle and kind...

Oh, how I wish
To meet someone like this!

Something about you
Just lays me to waste.
Something about you
Makes me bolt, run with haste.

Something about you
No matter how small
Always makes me tumble
Tumble and fall.

Drawing a blank
Writing a word
Got writer’s block to thank
For the lines that look blurred.