If I am fire
You are dirt
Suffocating and snuffing
Me out

If you could save me that’d be great
But it doesn’t seem that that’s my fate
Cuz my sadness won’t abate
And my longing will not sate.

Who knew
One word
Could be so heavy?

Only in our blind beliefs can we ever find the truth
The deepest precepts come from the youth
Contradictions never fail to make sense
And I can’t even see through my own pretense

Prejudice and pride
Something we want to hide
Yet it will still show itself

I was in a mist
Things I never had I missed
Come near and I’ll hiss
Trust never was my thing.

But now your light shines through
So that I can approach you
But yet I stand still
A statue, a picture taken.

You start to walk towards me
I look like a deer in headlights
I can’t seem to move away
How you have incapacitated me, my dear.

Why do people lie
Why do they always deny
That they did something wrong-
No one will actually play along.

I cling to the future
To deal with the now,
But I have to be here,
But it hurts to be here.

I find that the only way to survive
Is to tell myself and others
What we want to hear.
I don’t know if it’s driving
Me insane or sane.

I love you
But you
Can’t stand me
You see
An annoying pest
That’s best
To ignore

I scream
But silence
Shushes me.

My world crashes down
As yours still stays the same.

I am slowly deteriorating
And going insane
And c r u m b l i n g
My supports are bending
From the weight of my burden
My brain is rotting
From lack of use

Isn’t it exhausting
To always be afraid?
No wonder I am always tired.

I am a building
A weak building
With terrible structure.
I cannot handle pressure
I will collapse.

My sadness makes your day not that great?
I’m sorry.
Not really.
I don’t think I should.
Or maybe I should?
Am I selfish?
You tell me I am.
Are you right?

Freedom
Is more than being able to be
But to be able to express
Freedom of thought
It’s what our founding fathers sought
The freedom to speak
And say what is needed
Without getting persecuted.

What a world it is
When children in grade school
Don’t have freedom.

I crave affirmation
I live off of praise
Why do I need this
Is it my curse?
Why do other’s opinions matter?

The futures brighter than the past,
The past is black and white.
The future’s technicolor
And the past is dull.
But this isn’t a TV screen,
We can’t just pause the movie at the scary parts.

If the definition of normal is
usual, typical, or expected
What if what’s typical
Is people being weird
Does that make weirdness
No longer weird
And instead normal?

My brain hurts.

I can’t seem to react
As others would
I can’t seem to feel
As others would
I’m not completely sure
I’m able to feel at all.

She’s sad
She pretends to be glad.

She’s angry at the world
Her inner fists are curled.

One time,
Something sad was happening
Someone told her she was still smiling
She forgot to take of her mask.

Im fire
You’re water
And dirt
You try to stifle me
I suffocate

w h e r e i s m y o x y g e n

I’m dying
Where are you
I need you

i n e e d y o u

Self-attack
Self-absorbed
Self-aghast
Self-abhorred

Knee-deep in the snow
Don’t know where to go
My fingers feel numb
To the cold I succumb

We are Lithium and water
We are nitric acid and paper
We are nitric acid and hydrazine.

We are
e x p l o s i o n s
f i r e
a n d  d e a t h.

How fast
Beautiful things
Turn grotesque.

Beauty.
Do you know what that is?
I think not.
I thought I knew it too.
But beauty is not objective.
It is not attractive.
Beauty is realness.
Beauty is finding joy
And light too
Within the dark curtain
Of night.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAlAAAAAAAAAAAAApAAAAA AAAAAmAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAApAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAlAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAsAAAAAAAAAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAhAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAeAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAlAAAAAAApAAAAAAAAAAA

The clock is ticking
The clock is ticked at me
For killing time
Then running out.

It’s so loud
Silence is scarce
So much sound
Thinking about it makes me hoarse.

There’s only a few sounds
The buzz of humanity
Yet it is so loud
I’m bound to lose my own sanity.

Silence still stifles me
And yet I still long
For both sound to leave me be
And to hear humanity’s song.

Thank you Larry Marshall
For listening to my complaints
For putting up with my whining
And supporting it anyways.

Thank you Katja
For writing from your heart
I see you
I hear you
And it sounds awesome.

You think you’re gonna save me
But all you do is harm.
Sugar-coated words
Mean nothing to me.
Because sugar-coated words
Are coated in venom, not sugar.
You say you don’t want to,
But I’m not sure.
If you didn’t want to hurt me,
You wouldn’t.
You’re starting to become a Predator,
Your composure is fading away.
Your armor of lies is breaking,
And my defenses are disintegrating.

The snow lands on your long eyelashes
Strike a few matches
The blinding white
Mingles with the white light
Not quite
In this world.

By the fire we chat quietly
For me a mug of hot cocoa
And for you some warm tea
This is the best thing that has ever happened to me
Not just chatting, but you
And the warmth of the fire
Mix wonderfully.

This Winter Rhapsody
Is a fantastic fantasy
Snap back to reality
I’m all by myself.

Forever lost.
We are not
Rescuable.
I believe we are
Doomed eternal.
I can’t let myself admit we are
Salvageable.
It is apparent we are
Sentenced to death.
We cannot be
Hopeful for life.
Forever and always
Convicted and cursed.
We are not
Emboldened and sanguine.

Call me cold
Call me selfish
Call me mean
Call me a liar
But I’m bold
I am cherished
I am keen
No one dares
To deny her.

Perfectionism is begot from high expectations.

The light’s dancing in your eyes...
Hold up.
I’m just kidding.
Fire’s burning
Flickering at me
Angrily
In your eyes.
You’re a ticking time bomb
I don’t know how to defuse.
But I’m a moth,
And as moths do,
I don’t look away, I run to you.

People may be dying right now
People may be crying right now
People may be hurting right now
But at least it’s sunny out today!

I though I was supposed to have choices.
But you still don’t let me.
You tell me I can object.
But I can’t.
Not really.
So I am instead objecting here.
It doesn’t matter.
You can’t see me anyway.

You tell me to communicate
I try but you don’t listen.

It’s hard to tell you everything
When to you I always say the wrong thing.

You always think I’m lying,
Because I have lied before.

So now I have to lie again,
I have to bend my truth to your will.

Why won’t you accept me?

If I could wish upon a star
I would go back in time
And take back
All of the things
That mar
What was once a pure white surface
Of a soul.

When I’m gone
******* a balloon
Fill it up with helium.
When I leave,
String purple yarn into the balloon
Walk outside
Wipe your tears
And let your fears
Float away.

There is a God
But he ain’t showing himself
Why is he letting his “great power”
Rot on the shelf?

My faith is waning
My awe is fading
It’s too loud
Too big of a crowd
Looking for peace
But that hasn’t happened.

Where the frick did you go?
Why did you leave
When I needed you the most?
If you’re really there
Show yourself
Come back.

Every single word I say
Hurts a person’s feelings
Every single breath I take
Is controlled by inner demons.

Every single friend I have
Has never seen behind my mask
And my poor family
Has to deal with the real me.

It’s a shame I cannot be
An actual human being
For I am a horrid monster instead
With bad luck trailing where she treads.

Okay.
This is really cliche
But I’m not sure exactly
What love is
Because there are so many ideas
In the world of today.

You see
Some people say it’s a butterfly in your chest
Or when your stomach
Does a gymnastics routine worthy of a gold medal.
Others say it’s a feeling of safety,
Comfort
Reassurance,
Because when you’re with your loved one,
You are okay.

I have also been told
Love is when you find
Companionship
And friendship
And compassion within a person.

Is it a flash
A strike of lightning
And BOOM you’re in love?
Or a gradual
“I really like you”
Which turns into
“I really love you.”

Truth
Myth
Lie
Deceit.

Too many
Too many.

What?
I don’t know.
Why?
I don’t know.

Wow. This is why I have no ideas.

Dogs are way better than people
That is a well-known fact!
But people smell way better than doggies,
But people still lack tact!

Lost in a lock of confusion.
Misunderstanding is our demise.
What isn’t made of logic and facts,
We belittle, ignore, and despise.

What we see we don’t always believe,
Because we only let ourselves see what we want to,
To change someone’s mind is like
Trying to tip over the Rocky Mountains
With your bare hands.

Sometimes
I feel like everything
I say
Is held against me.

I wonder
Why you wonder
I don’t say anything
Anymore.

I can’t
Tell you anything
Anymore.