It’s annoying how no one can grasp the idea of me being single.
Apparently “you are too cute! You’re so hot! You are literally the biggest sweetheart”
And no matter how many times I say it,
Everyone chooses for me I suppose.
Everyone else knows best.

I tried living a normal life.
Had a best friend who was always there and we talked about everything and hoped dreamed.
Planned traveling the world and going back home.
Everything was perfect.
Until I lost my best friend. My only friend.
Now I have no one.
No lover no best friend
Nothing

“Who hurt you?”
She asked softly in the dim lit room.
-
“Her among many others, many whom came in the form of love, comfort, safety or the promise of happiness.”
He said while his mind wandered into the dark corners
“She became the best and the worst all so quickly, and I was foolish enough to believe her words of love and kindness for actions do indeed speak louder than words. History repeats and eventually we’re  all pawns in her game.”

I know now that one day I will die,
Sudden and quick.
And I know that in this life I was meant to find you but never call you mine.
I’m too messed up, too damaged and too broken and you’ll always try to save me.
I can’t let you do that…not without losing yourself.
I love you, more than you know and I’ll never stop loving you.
Choose him instead of me,
And hope it was the right choice because I will worry everyday if it was…
Because I can handle that and I don’t want to put your through that…

“**** I miss you dude! I miss us all together and stuff ya know what happened to you?”
My response to this was
I’ve learned to be alone, I like it. You are one of many and all that left. One of the many I gave chances after chances, you came and left every time. You know it’s funny when people think we can just pick up where we left off, it doesn’t work like that. I gave too many pieces of me away. Hoping that at least one of you would actually stay and see that’s yes I do care about you I’ll be here no matter what. But you all just took the pieces of me that I gave to make yourselves feel better and when you did you left. I have no more to give. I don’t even know who I am anymore, I don’t recognize myself. The world and all the people who said “they love me” have taken it all and I gladly gave it all, just so you all would be happy. Many of you don’t even realize it or care about it and that’s fine. I even distinctly remember telling everyone the same thing, About how much it hurt how I started to feel myself drain or that I was losing who I was.
And still,
Everyone’s selfish.
Now I found my peace in being alone.
It’s a comfort knowing that no one can hurt me anymore.

I wish we could’ve met later…
Not when everything was crashing down,
When everything never made sense.
I used these words with someone who didn’t fully understand them.
And I also used these words with her…
The girl who laughs with me all hours of the night,
The girl who cheers me on when I’m playing video games and shows nothing but being proud when I win.
The girl who sings and dances in the snow and the rain because its magical.
The girl who loves watching movies and nonstops talks through them like I do.
The girl who came in when I was at my lowest,
Smiled and showed me it can be okay.
Now we play video games together and kiss each other off to work,
Studying for my ged while you study for college.
We challenge each other but also can be kids at heart.
The universe is harsh and cruel,
Yet somehow the right person comes along after all hope is lost

Books, movies tv shows.
I’ve learned many things from them,
One lesson from a show that I remember now,
That in the face of any trial or tribulation,
I can overcome it.
To stick to what’s right, the truth.

Her smile was tender, his heart was stone.
The voices finally won.
The ones he loved at the time dealt the blow.
It was her laughter, that sweet little giggle.
How she never gave up on him,
Through the hard times with no money to show.
The I love yous and the soft kisses.
He wasn’t perfect and she didn’t care about perfection.
Together their life became better than they knew.