I became accustomed to
Being the savior
Being the healer
Being whatever you needed
Offering my body
For you to act out your
Passion and anger on
Often times when we made love
I felt an unbalanced mixture
Of both emotions
Fluctuating between my femininity & masculinity
Whatever you needed, I was
Soft when you were in distress
Hard when you needed a reminder
That I was still a man
The passion caused me to stay
The anger caused me to drift away...

You handpicked the name
Of our son
A beautiful one
A conception that never occurred
No apologies not even a word
But that name
Was the sweetest
I had ever heard

I grieve for our son
Even though he was
Just an idea
I grieve for our son
As if he were really here

They say our secrets make us sick
Well baby I’m about to **** you
Honesty is a concept you’ve yet to grasp
So you live in the dark
& cannot face the light
Cause you know you ain’t right

I feel something for you
A need
You induce my longing
For another touch
I want to make you come
Home
Religiously like Sunday mornings
Speak your truth to me
While nibbling on my ear
Whispering prayers of peace
While you continuously
Break me open
Dividing my pleasure and pain
Equally
The angel on my shoulder
The angel in my head
Now lays next to me
In bed

This secret
Makes me cringe
Without pain
Being inflicted on me
The pain comes from within
A secret I'll try to keep
With me until I'm one with
The earth
I can't sleep sometimes
I overeat sometimes
This secret I can barely
Keep at times
They say that it's hard
To be free
And I feel like it's
Just hard to be me
The real me
Not who you see
Or what I wish I could and
Pretend to be
I look in the mirror sometimes
And if some one held me
At gunpoint
I'd be dead because
I couldn't tell you who I was
Or who I am
This secret has me doubting
Everything
My love, my God, & my dreams
Even had me angry about my sexuality
But why'd it have to happen
To me
From the time
That the hand with cruel intentions
Was laid upon me
The power that I had left
The confidence that I had left
The joy that I had left
The person that I was
Intended to be had left
So what else do I have left?
A dream, a vague image
A memory of who I was
And who I could be today
Yeah they called me names
Called me strange
Called me a freak
Among other names
From then on
I knew I had to change
Nothing about ME
Could stay the same
Yet through my transformation
And all of the frustration
I still couldn't escape the pain
Liquor only does a temporary job
**** don't do a thing
I live the life of a poor man
When I should be a king
But then again
I let you take away everything
Today I come back
To reclaim what is rightfully mine
All of the time I have wasted
And returning all of that poisonous
Hate that I have tasted
It's not going to be easy
It won't be done in the morning
But slowly
Over time
I will give myself the greatest gift
That is greater than any present
Under a Christmas tree
I will give myself the gift
Of me