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67 · Jul 2020
Hey November
Nola Leech Jul 2020
Hey November
Raise your sleepy eyes
Tell me what you remember
When you first took a stand
Why were you scared?
I thought you could do anything
What’s so hard about telling the truth
It’s the only thing that can save you
Hey November
What happened to the pretty smile
Did the glare from outside eyes ***** you?
They didn’t see what you did
I’m glad you finally found your voice
Even if it took years
Hey November
Why do you do the things you do?
The things that harm you
Who makes you do these things?
He’s long gone now
He can’t coax the small child out of a growing woman anymore
Hey November
Please stop doing these things
They affect me more than you know
Make me feel inferior
Crazy
I’m not crazy
Hey November
Cry
It’s gonna be okay
Eventually
Sincerely future me
Nola Leech Jul 2020
Daylight frees the quiet soul from slumber of forgotten memories
Dreams of pink, sweet lilac streams
Of calm water
Cherry wine
Summertime
Back home in the Forrest that kept you for so long
Rock banks, soft breathing
Relaxed for a while
Happy for some time
You grew out of girlhood here
Woman not yet
Learning, yes
Remembering, maybe
67 · May 2020
You don’t smile anymore
Nola Leech May 2020
Momma, let me see your teeth
All I’ve seen is your frown
Did he turn your world upsidedown
He told you he would change everything
That you’d never be scared or sad again
Is that why he’s the only one who gets to see you happy?
Is that why you rather spend a lifetime with him than a moment with me?
Because you’re shackled to him, with the love you thought would set you free
He was right about one thing, everything did change
You’re not my momma anymore
You don’t care that my heart is broken
You give me reasons to cry
We said our goodbyes in a courtroom
Everyone said you looked like a battered women
But I couldn’t see that staring at you sitting next to his family
The same family who never accepted you
You were scared of him, I know Momma
But did you ever stop to think of how scared I was?
I was a little girl and I trusted him
He took advantage of me right under your nose
And you believed him when I finally told you
Sometimes I wonder what I did for you not to love me anymore
What happened to the Momma who needed me?
Who tucked me into bed and read me stories
Dressed up on Halloween just to surprise me
She’s gone, so is her smile
At least for me
66 · Nov 2019
Time
Nola Leech Nov 2019
Twenty two minutes
An hour
Ten days
How much longer with this last
In this body
Trapped in this mind
How much longer till I break free
The negativity is breaking me down
Weighing me down
Sinking into the deeps of the ocean
Descending to the core of the earth
When I am no longer in this body
When I am somewhere
The earth doesn’t call home
I’ll know, deep in my soul
That I tried my best
That everything I’ve done
And everything that I am
Happened for a reason
When I go
Where science doesn’t back up
I’ll be okay
Because in the end I always am
Nola Leech Jul 2020
Sererinpidity
I’m so dumb
Why am I happy all of a sudden
Repeat
I don’t need
Anyone
I like myself
Self-love
That’s what I need
66 · Feb 2020
Over the screen
Nola Leech Feb 2020
You are perfect!
He tells me over the screen
Hiding my double chin
The rolls underneath my sweatshirt shaking until he finds out the truth
“Your lips are so ****”
He says they’re the first thing he noticed when he saw me
That I am perfect
Fantastic
I look like fun
That he could wrap  himself around me
And get lost for days
In the  bliss
Of not knowing who I am
In everything he sees
Which isn’t much
When I am a lot
He sees what I want him to see
My **** lips
My fantastic face
My “perfect” body
66 · Feb 2020
Grocery Stores
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I fall apart when men smile at me
I fall apart in grocery stores
On-street corners
I just have to remind myself
That they don’t want anything from me
They’re just being nice
This trauma has a grip on me
And just won’t let go
A venomous snake coiled around its prey
Suffocating me until I can’t breathe
Screaming “everything is okay”
When it’s not
You’re not there anymore
You’re in the grocery store
You’re not a scared little girl anymore
66 · Nov 2019
Strive
Nola Leech Nov 2019
Trying to be the superstar
I’m trying to be the best
I can be
I’m trying to strive
Succeed
To impede the need
For break, bend, and snap
Crack under the pressure
I need to stay positive
To do my best
I can do it!
I have to do this!
I love this!
This is my life!
Don’t give up!
Yes you can!
You can do this!
Strive
Perfect
Achieve
65 · Jul 2020
No one heard you
Nola Leech Jul 2020
No
I was scared
She doesn’t get the right to say that when all she didn’t do anything
Scared, She didn’t know what our fear was like
Growing up in silence
Evergreen hiding the worlds view from what was really going on
Sunk back in her lawn chair while we got beat
Silence was our worst enemy
The worst memory of her
No one would have heard us anyway
Trapped deep in a wildwood of tears and heartache
But you, Momma you could never see
Never hear our screams
You never heard me crying on the bathroom floor the day I attempted suicide
Fifteen years old
What were doing when you were my age, Momma?
Were you going to the mall, and driving around with your friends?
I bet you weren't being molested by your mother’s husband, were you?
You have no idea how scared, my sister and I were
Because the bottom line is, we got it worse than you did
And you never tried to help
Even though we were children
Your children
You heard our screams and ignored us
So you can throw as many pity parties as you want Momma
No one will hear you
Now that you’re alone
65 · Nov 2019
Friends
Nola Leech Nov 2019
We were friends
From the day we first met to this moment
We had miles of hurt behind us
And an empty road of beginnings in front
I was the steadfast one
The loyal and cautious
You were the wild one
Crazy and spellbound
Both of us recoiling from the pain we caused each other
We made eye contact
You looked ,I looked
For a brief moment
It was like things were the same again
64 · Nov 2019
I wish you the best
Nola Leech Nov 2019
I wish you the best
Even though you didn’t wish me the same
Even though you stole my heart and cracked it in pieces
I don’t think of you
Okay I still think of you
But lately it’s only been with bitterness
So I’ll say this once to you
I wish you the best
The very best
Even though I was doing my best
To be with you
To feel something for you
This is me getting my anger out
I don’t really care about you
But when I feel sad
I need to place my anger, sadness on something
But I wish you the best
I genuinely hope you’re doing better
But I don’t care to check up
62 · Feb 2020
Hands
Nola Leech Feb 2020
Hands, Hands
His hands
Hands, I can see them in my mind
I can still feel them
Hands, Hands
Go away!
61 · Nov 2019
Small Town Thanksgiving
Nola Leech Nov 2019
Your mother and you have arrived, you sit on the sofa belonging to your stepfathers aunt
You know the names of everyone in the room, but they do not know you
The men ignore you, the ladies ignore you, except to tell you they like what you’ve done with your hair
Your mother is glued to your side, sitting as close to you as she possibly can
You go down stairs with the little kids even though you are old enough to have conceived one of your own
At least you would think that they would accept you as their own but no they have picked up the cues from their parents who didn’t realize they were giving
What a joy it is living in such a small, small  town
Expensive couch pillows stuffed with down
And then before you know it the food is done, the real reason your mother insisted you go
Not to listen to small-minded chatter or to watch the ladies show off their new babies and the ever present football game on tv screen that is a necessity
Now it is time to say grace, you stand in the same spot you have stood  in every year copying what your mother does, wondering if anyone here ever thinks about jesus at this time
You would think that the floorboards would have sunk for every time you have stood in this spot but no the floorboards gleam the scene is pristine the turkey shines
The food they remind you took money and time infused with just a hint of lime
Whether you like it or not this is family
You have to love your family
Even if they don’t know your here, your uncle is filled with beer
Even though you spend the entire rest of the day alone and down
This is your family in your small small town
61 · Jul 2020
I didn't
Nola Leech Jul 2020
I could’ve destroyed him
But I didn’t
Lucky him
61 · Jul 2020
Hair
Nola Leech Jul 2020
I’d cut my hair
If I knew it wasn’t you
Who liked it
So long
Flowing down my back
Break free
Snip
Maybe I’ll do it anyway
Nola Leech Feb 2020
My body comes with instructions
Don’t touch me there
Kind words, she’s fragile
It’s hard to be so breakable
Made of glass
Tip-toe around me, eggshells
Memories of foreign skin
Rougher times
Where she had to fight not to scream
Creepy crawly snakes
That are still wrapped around her body
Worms that nestle themselves in her ear
Worthless
Liar
Stupid
Fully undressed
She looks like a stranger
She can still see him behind her in the mirror
Nola Leech Aug 2020
He moves in the same way a cat does on a dark night
Stealthily
Quiet strides match my quicken heartbeats
The nick of his *******
Curled around soft skin
Nothing ever feels the same after the moment is done
And you’ve gone home
Your girls tell you he will regret every moment he spent without you
Terrified that your love has a warranty
Standards shot straight to the moon
Because that’s what scares him in the night
Not the fact that you will leave
But that you can be happy without him
If he cannot keep you wound tightly about his fingers
Counting every time he looks back at you
To make sure you still notice what he is doing
What kind of woman does that make you if you never look?
What kind of a man does that make him if he always has to show you?
Maybe, in the end, it doesn’t have to be a hot and heavy relationship
Googly eyed, puppy dog love
But maybe if this is normal
What we're doing right now
Then we can both turn our backs and leave
60 · Feb 2020
Stay Friends
Nola Leech Feb 2020
Could we stay friends?
No
I don’t think so
We don’t even make eye contact
For the first time in weeks
I messaged you
Starting with sorry to bother you
Because that’s all I ever did
Bother you
I asked about our mutual friend
And everything seemed
So formal
So business-like
Friendly?
Transactional interaction
You don’t like me anymore
That’s okay I guess
I mean I’d never force you
To be with me
Even though you should have told me sooner
Instead of leading me on
For so long
When you just weren't feeling it
You should have told me the truth
So I wouldn’t have wasted my time
Fighting for your attention
I’ve written a million poems about you
And I’ll write a million more
Nola Leech May 2020
Hating yourself isn’t poetry
The title of a playlist with indie pop music says
If that’s true then I’m not a poet
These aren't poems but declarations of my demise
I have never written anything truly special
Just my feelings, I wish I was special
Writing something that doesn’t start with the word I
I don’t want to be like this anymore
What’s wrong with me?
Why does everyone leave
Feelings are old
Frosted over, delayed
Am I a real poet?
Or do I just market off of my pain
Do I trap people in a pool of pity
With my rhyming diary entries
Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it
If it’s helping
I hope it is
Nola Leech Aug 2020
My great grandmother was a great beauty
So was my grandmother
And my mother
And my sister
Always the firstborn in the family
Talented women they are
Painters skilled artistry
That I would never be able to fathom
Am I jealous that I am not part of the four generations
Of grace and beauty
Of course
But I guess I’ll just have to deal
59 · Feb 2020
It'll get better
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I used to dream of my own funeral
Every night
I used to wish for the release of darkness
The relief of pain gone and bright tomorrows
In the skies
That they call heaven
Or hell
Or nothing
Whatever they call the place that your pain doesn’t follow your every move
Where your tears don’t cloud your eyes
When you’re safe
And you don’t have to worry about anyone hurting you
Or someone breaking your already damaged heart
You want what you don’t have
What you think you can’t have
All you want is just for everything to stop
For you to stop thinking about yesterday
And every mistake you’ve made in the past
Someday
Believe me
One day
You won’t feel like you’re too much
Or too little
One day you won’t battle your own mind into waking up in the morning
Someday
Soon
Everything will be okay
There’s is good in the world
There’s good here
Trust me
58 · Nov 2019
My sister
Nola Leech Nov 2019
She believed
When no one else would
She cared
When I didn’t even care
I remember that girl
Who was scared
But brave at the same time
Who got pushed back
But took two steps forward
A girl
Who tried to be her best
Nicest to all
Even when her life was falling apart
Even when someone wronged her
She loved like no one could imagine
Forgiving those who hurt her
Wronged her
She is the sweet
Girl who took care of everyone
I’m proud of her
She’s come so far
In the 23 years
She’s come to find
Peace in herself
In her body
In her life
58 · Nov 2019
You
Nola Leech Nov 2019
You
You care about me
Something I’ve wanted for so long
And now it’s right in front of me
This is something I can trust and believe in
This is something good to put my faith in
When I kissed you
I knew
I knew that even if we don’t stay together forever
At least we have this
At least we have each other
Our friendship
Our trust
And I know that even if we fall out of love though I don’t see that happening soon
I know that when I think of you, you’ll still make my heart swoon
And even if we don’t stay together
I know that we’ll still care about each other
Everything that we’ve done and everything that we’ve been through
I know you feel the way I do
When I tell you
I love you
And I mean that
I’ve only written about people who’ve broken me
But now it’s time for something new
You
58 · Feb 2020
Who cares?
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I need to change
I don’t stand up for myself
Because I’m tired of fighting
But I need to
I’m going to
Because I can’t keep living in fear that someone will yell at me
Who the hell cares?
Nola Leech Mar 2020
It’s hard to love someone so dangerous
It’s hard to remember all the things she has done to you
And still, have to be able to forgive her
To not love her but not hate her either
But you do both
You don’t mean to
You can’t forget the bad things
But there were also so many good things
Like morning talks when she got home from work
Like holding her small frame at night when I had nightmares
Of her kissing me on the cheek
Of giving me bad advice
I used to think she was so weak and helpless
That I had to protect her because she couldn’t protect herself
But when I did and I got screamed at and manipulated and verbally abused
I didn’t get a thank you
I didn’t get a favor back
Next time when it was me, I had no one
She was the mother
She should have been protecting me
She should have loved me so much that her instincts would take over
And she wouldn’t be as scared anymore
She’d do something
Stand up for me at least once
Tell someone what was going on
But she didn’t
She loved him more
Because she couldn’t be alone
She was so weak that she couldn’t stand
Unless she leaned on someone tall
Even though she had two support beams struggling to keep her upright
She still needed him
She still needed any man who made her feel less than she should
She loved any man who hated the ones who loved her most
She chose him
She believes him
She loves him
Stop loving her
Stop hating her
Stop thinking about her
58 · Feb 2020
Forrest Fire
Nola Leech Feb 2020
He made the mistake of dancing in my storm
When nothing good comes out of this
Tears rain down
And I can’t control it
I’m too much for everybody
It hurt when he left
But he did it
for his own safety
I am too much for a world that is too little
When the story ends
You start fire to my forest
While my tears pour to put it out
58 · Feb 2020
I was bad
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I was bad
I didn’t listen
He was evil
I didn’t speak up
I stood there
For what seemed like hours
For hours
I waited
Outside of my body
Not the same person was left there
A girl trying her hardest not to cry
A girl fake smiling to get him to leave
A girl trying her best to survive
I can still see that girl in my mind
I pray for that girl
I did all the wrong things
I got caught
I got in trouble
I had to pay the consequences
Even though what I did wasn’t his business
Even though it really wasn’t that bad
But he said it was
He said this was the punishment to my crime
Fixing the fences
And because I was so good and didn’t talk back
He’ll let me inside his house
For a glass of water
Then shower and change my clothes
To give him a back rub
To try on his daughter's clothes in front of him to take home
Did I do wrong?
When all I did was stand there?
When I said “it’s okay” when he said “sorry”
Is it my fault that I didn’t say no?
I was stuck there
I felt like I couldn’t move
All I had to do for focus on surviving this moment
He told me I was lying
When I wasn’t
All of this happened
And I can see it in my mind so clearly
I can see everything
I relive it every night
I see it during the day
When I space off
I can see his face in the distance
I can see him behind closed eyes
I’m scared in public places
I’m scared everywhere
Because of what I’ve been through
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I want to paint my face with makeup
Cake it on heavily with care
Then cry and ruin it all
Like the mess I am
I want people to think something when they look at me
Not just negative thoughts
“She’s ugly”
“She’s fat”
“She’s stupid”
“She thinks she’s all that”
That’s all I hear in my own head
I wish it’d stop
I wish that I could stop thinking
I wish I would stop acting like I’m stupid all the time
Because I’m not
I become what’s most comfortable for the other person
What doesn’t get me in trouble
But my existence isn’t there to make other people comfortable
I wish I could tell the little girl who was abused that she was enough
I wish I could tell the little girl with an eating disorder that she wasn’t too much
Part of me
Deep inside me
That little girl is still there
With all the things she had to go through
All the scars and trauma that was left behind
That she does matter
That she needs to keep trying
Even when she gets knocked down
One million times
57 · Jul 2020
Regret? No, self care
Nola Leech Jul 2020
Sometimes I wonder what I did
If I had never stood up for myself would I still have her?
I can’t think like that
No one deserves to live like that
57 · Jul 2020
Trees of fear
Nola Leech Jul 2020
Forbidden Forrest
The one you always go back to in your nightmares
Trees hiding the view from people who would protect you
57 · Jul 2020
Momma
Nola Leech Jul 2020
People say your first love is your mother
Swaying in the arms of a person who will always care
Always be there
What happens when neither of your parents wants you?
Does that mean that no one will?
You’ll be alone forever
Unlovable
Untouchable
Without your mother’s warm embrace
What will keep your heart cozy in the winter
With fuzzy pink socks and laughter
Looking into the window of a family better than yours
Shivering from the cold
Barefoot, scared. ribs
Momma, please love me again like you did when I was a baby
Before I could disappoint you
57 · Nov 2019
Therefore I love you
Nola Leech Nov 2019
If the stars continue to shine
Consider yourself mine
Therefore I love you
If the grass will grow
I’ll  never let you go
Therefore I love you
If you promise never to deceive
It will be my heart that you receive
Therefore I love you
It is your inner and outer beauty witch I behold
I will wrap my arms around you so you never get cold
Therefore I love you
If the sky stays blue
I will always be true
Therefore I love you
If your tears continue to pour
I will be there, for sure
Therefore I love you
And if you shall ever leave my eyes will miss the way you smile at me
And my lips will miss the way your lips fit so perfectly into mine, like a puzzle piece once lost and now found
And my arms will miss the way I held you, and was held by so close
And my heart will miss the way you made it race and pound with affection
If my heart was a glass vase
I bid you not to drop it
For when you do it will shatter, and never will the pieces be whole again
Therefore I love you
56 · Jul 2020
Voice
Nola Leech Jul 2020
She didn’t recognize her own daughter’s voice
How sane can she be?
If she chose him over me
Sometimes I wonder if she ever loved me
Does she still think of me?
56 · Feb 2020
Move!
Nola Leech Feb 2020
Get angry
Do something
React
Move
Nod your head
Look at me
Do anything!
56 · Feb 2020
This girl is unstoppable
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I had to go through all of this
To make sure
An evil person
Couldn’t hurt
Anyone else
I just gotta keep reminding myself
He can’t hurt anyone else anymore
Even though he hurt me
To protect myself
I say
He never did this to a sixteen-year-old
When my birthday past
When I gained weight
He did this to a 150-pound girl
Not a 170-pound girl
He did this to a girl with long curly brown hair
And with short blonde hair
And pink hair
And blue
He didn’t do this to a sandy blonde brown short-haired girl
Who straightens her hair every morning
He didn’t do this to a girl who loves life now
He did this to a girl who wanted to **** herself every single day
Because of the pain, he had caused
But sitting in the courtroom
Him in front of me
I looked him straight in the eyes
And I wasn’t just that girl anymore
I was the girl who took him down
The powerful girl
The strong girl who refused to be scared
The one who didn’t let him intimidate me any longer
I’m the girl who got justice
55 · Feb 2020
Pity Party
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I need to stop throwing myself pity parties
Just be happy for christ sake
Just feel something
Except of nothing
But more than that emotional
I’m so done with feeling like a ******* all the time
I don’t want to be easily upset
I don’t want to be sad all the time
But I don’t know how to stop
I want to stop
But how?
Nola Leech Nov 2019
The girl who wouldn’t have said anything
The girl who kept her mouth shut
She is gone
That girl had been through too much
Her mouth wired shut
I throw flowers at her grave
That girl
Frozen in fear
She is gone
She died, but not with my bad memories
The girl who would wear braids in her hair
The girl who was too afraid of male strangers
The little girl who was not protected
The girl with trust issues
She is okay now
She is letting go
She is healing
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I hope you feel bad when you go to sleep
I hope you think of me
Of what I can do
Of what I achieved without you
That I don’t need you
But you need me
When you didn’t want me
Didn’t care enough
Nothing I ever did was good enough
For you
To be a good parent
To check up on me
At the very least
Now I’m more grown-up than I’ve ever been
I had to be strong even though I didn’t want to
Even though I was scared too
He was evil and I thought you were his victim
I thought you needed me to be strong and save you
Like I always had to do before
no
You had your chance and you ruined it
You chose him over me
I don’t think of you
I don’t love you
I don’t love you
I don’t love you
Even though I do
I don’t want to
I hate you
And everything you’ve done to me
All the bad things outweigh the good
Nothing will ever be the same as you
We’ll never have sleepovers in your room
We’ll never have another tortilla fight
We’ll never bond over the cuteness of kitty’s little trot and bushy twitching tail
We’ll never get to sit in the early morning talking about work on the weekends
I’ll never run outside to your car to greet you in the morning
I’ll never see you again
I’ll never see you the same
52 · Feb 2020
Forget
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I want to forget
Anything bad that I’ve ever been through
I wish I could forget
Nothing would matter to me anymore
I could just relax
And not be
Stressed
Or sad
52 · Mar 2020
Still love you
Nola Leech Mar 2020
I still love you
But I care about you enough to let you go
52 · Mar 2020
Looking at you
Nola Leech Mar 2020
Just because I still look at you
Does not mean I want you
Okay, I'm lying
I'll stop
52 · Feb 2020
What would life be like?
Nola Leech Feb 2020
I should have said something
I should have done something
I should have done anything
But I didn’t
And I can’t help imagining
What my life would be
If I had?
51 · Sep 2020
I am your Mother
Nola Leech Sep 2020
You know that I only wanted to protect you
I swear I didn't’ mean to let this happen to you
I am your mother
And you belong to me
How can you hate your mother?
I birthed  and coddled you
Burped and fed you when you could barely stand for yourself
I changed my whole life for you
I let my body go to carry you
So that  you could live
What does it matter if he hurt you?
I loved you
The least you could’ve done for me was to love him too
I am your mother
You belong to me
Listen to me
it doesn’t matter that I chose him
Because you’ve skipped over me your whole life
And I was  your mother
51 · Nov 2019
Stop
Nola Leech Nov 2019
I could hear him crumpling paper behind me as I talked
Scribbling on a piece of paper furiously
His face was bright red like a tomato
And his fist were balled in anger
I have to remind myself that he can’t hurt me anymore
That he’s not watching me
That he’s not following me
I’m not scared
I’m not scared
But I am
I’m not
I’ll never be there again
I’m fine
You’re fine
Everything’s fine
So why are you crying?
Stop
Just everything
Stop
I don’t want to hear it anymore
Stop it
I’m fine
I’m perfect
I’m okay
I’m everything
I’m nothing
I really don’t know
This doesn’t mean anything
It’s just me and my thoughts
And everything I’ve ever said and done
Things that had been done
And things that have not been done
And everything in between
Sometimes It’s hard being a teen
Or just a person in general
50 · Nov 2019
She loves us
Nola Leech Nov 2019
My mother’s love is a burning house
It’s a white picket fence trampled in the dirt
My mother used to love us
She cradled my sister and I in her arms
She once told me she had a dream that we were both babies and she carried us one on each arm
My mother didn’t care if we got hurt
Only if it affected her in some way
She always talks about the “good old days”
Before we could talk before we could walk before we could give her our opinions
I know my mother loves me
Deep down in my soul I know she really does
I think in some deep hidden part of her she does feel bad for what she’s done to us
What she’s let happen to us
I love my mother but I don’t trust her anymore
I don’t trust her to make decisions for me
I don’t trust her to not let anyone ever hurt me
Because I know she just goes along with the crowd
When my mother’s feelings are hurt
She won’t talk to us
Even if all she’s hearing is the truth
Even if she’s heard it a million times played backwards
A broken record that she’s lived through
My mother doesn’t like the truth
It doesn’t paint her in a very pretty picture
She doesn’t want to talk about it  or think about it
And in some ways I understand that
But some things need to be talked about
Some things need to be out in the open
Before they burst and explode
And only people are left
Crying
My mother took care of us as babies
At least that’s what she said
We could see in pictures
Our earnest begging eyes
Staring up at her
Wanting more and more from her that she couldn’t give
I love my mother and through all of this, everything
I just want her to know that
50 · Jul 2020
Plastic wrap
Nola Leech Jul 2020
Plastic tears
Manufactured mother, never the perfect trophy wife
Sometimes I could almost feel your pain
His rough voice creates echos into our empty home
Shock waves through your fragile heart
I wonder why you stay
Nothing was ever good enough unless it was him
Maybe it’s my fault for not pulling you to the surface sooner
Drowning in your own pool of self regret and heartache
You lie like no one is watching
Mother, I’m sorry to tell you but everyone is watching you now
Silicone, plastic wrap heart
You only unravel to show him
I still have dreams about you
But I don’t know if you’re capable of loving me back
49 · Feb 2020
Sink
Nola Leech Feb 2020
He stood ten feet tall
With shining silver armor
But for some reason today he seemed small
I won’t bleed when I fall
For you
When you couldn’t love me the way I wanted you to
That’s okay because It wasn’t your fault I fell
And bruised my knees
I sunk, Waiting for you to dive in
While you flew high
You moved the clouds to show me what you saw
The stars shone brighter because you smiled
I want to give you all of my love
When I am sinking, you fly above
I thought I was stronger
That I could hold the world above my shoulders
Without all my problems crashing down onto you
My heart is heavy
It just shows how weak I am
When I should’ve let you go
So you’ll  be happy
And I’ll try too
48 · Feb 2020
Poets profit from pain
Nola Leech Feb 2020
Poets profit from pain
What I mean by that
Is we can take any situation
Any horrible thing that has happened to us
And make something beautiful
Make something that has meaning to the world
That is truly incredible
48 · Nov 2019
Wicked, Twisted Love
Nola Leech Nov 2019
My mother loved all the wrong men
She always loved the ones who didn’t love her back
Didn’t care enough to call
Ones that didn’t like us
Her children
It’s wicked
Twisted
How the world could deny my mother of the love she truly desired
Love from us wasn’t enough
Every man she’s been with
Has abused her
Beat her
Cheated on her
And everything that has happened to her has happened to us
Her own children
She stood back and watched
Waited until it was over
Then climbed in bed with the men who hurt us
She’s wicked
She’s twisted
But she’s not
She always seemed like the victim in all of this
But we were the victims
And She was the accomplice
Wicked
Twisted
I know
47 · Mar 2020
Sense of me
Nola Leech Mar 2020
Make sense of me
Tell me what I should do
Because I can’t function
When it comes to you
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