I AM a warrior
Not a worrier
Born conquer
A winning winner
I AM evolution
The trajectory
Of my thoughts
Is mine to change
Because my capabilities
Allow me to use words to
HEAL
Where words tried to break
And or tried to destroy me...

A pig with wings
A horn you play with strings
A unicorn with a mermaid's tail
While megladonic sirens sing
Differ from the human mind
Is imagining the existence
Of these things.
Imagination is great
When turning nine
Since now I'm only eight...

See me for who I am
Don't just hear me for My Roar
My bite is far more vicious
I am the one and only
Many versions of me the
Only I and me that is myself above the zhe that is and no one else
See behind the eyes that see  
The pupil that is me
I'm living and learning
The only final stance
Is giving up the ghost within me
   Christ-like no crosses but my own
To bear!
Well done my good And
Faithful servant. As it is written
Is what I intend to hear...

We got a race to run
Come on sun shine brighter
Through gemz these
Diamond minded sentiments
How many of US actually know
Just how turbulent the flow
Written so clicheishly long ago
Maybe not quite put just so
Weather in kyso, soca, or calypso.
It is this Trinbagonian
Time for sure, that genuine glow
Don't get it twisted kinda roll
Still blowing mindz! Fakt iz
Don't none of yall want that purple smoke!!!

When this darkness
Comes over me
It takes me to
A lonely place where
I'm in a full room
Standing all alone
No empty seats
Barely walking space
No familiar face
No family to call home
No heart full of love
No one to belong to
Tricking for affections
All strays can do is roam...

Sabotaging myself
Way more than I should
Chasing away
Any and everyone I could
Petrified of
Constantly getting hurt
Painfully lyvyng in isolationismz
Unfortunately is all my heart
Has ever known...

Where head meets heart
At the junction of fusion
Knots up and or down
Passionately experiencing
Every single draining emotion
Scared of being too afraid
To let anyone else in
Belonging only to you
Please be careful con mi...

Pay to go sit down and tell someone my problems
So they can help me figure out
What to do with my life.
When the hell did **** ever get this bad, this rough, this ******?
I never wanted any of the pain I endured and or inflicted.
How, how can I possibly say I love you and knowingly do and say **** to hurt and destroy you spiritually, emotionally,  physically, mentally.
What the fauq kind of mom raises duality of hateful love
Despising your beginnings once finding out what the origin was about.
Only once in your version and who talks first I suppose win the prize of saying far too much.
Afraid of a tarnishing of my own causing
Hurting the eneme caused from within.
Figure out what YOU need and want.
I can't and won't be both.
I AM ONLY ONE HUMAN
ONE PERSON,ONE WOMAN
ONE DAUGHTER WITH DAUGHTERZ
ONE MOTHER THREE JOURNEYZ...
Walk with me, not behind
Anything or Anyone...

Lord search my heart
Show me how to
Overcome  this hurtful
Angry disgraceful shame
Caused and allowed
Only by my disobedience
I take responsibility
Rather than placing blame
Be the lifter up of my head
Renew my passions for
What is right just and holy in your sight
Please Most High if you see fit
Reestablish  and restore
My place at the foot of the
Throne of Grace
Hold me in the palm of your hands
Only in your love
I find the only true hiding place...

Crying yesterday's tears
Carrying tomorrow's fears
Leaves me where today
And what is to be
The condition of my
Forevermore
If I can't possibly
Stop feeling
This horrid way???

Most perils endured
Are initially mentally
Self inflicted
If a man's thinking
Becomes his actions
Or inactions
****! Choices!

Don't need you
Longingly wanting though
Every passionate thing
Ever done by us
More than just twice
Bellybutton and below kisses
Throat coating magnitudinal
Expressions of magnificence
Desiring long after this
One presented gift of OUR lives.

You are pathological
At your worstest best
Lying is sport and a hobby for you
Weather awake or at rest
Please be mindful though
Whatever is done in the dark
Has a way of coming to light
Experience should have
Already taught you so...

Don't want to end like this
Dastardly nefarious
Plans of attacking
Innocence
Devouring moralizing
Moralistic moralitie's
Modalities whole
Nevermind consequential
Ramifications
Echoing #toldyouzo'$
Forewarned Forewarnings
Suggested signz everywhere of Drunkin surfing morning till
Maybe whenever, however, n where
Did you not know when
Zhe came rushing in
Blazing tongues
Bloodfya confabulaionz
Many Great Rizingz
Red moon massacres
Dripping cherries
Down piercing  katanaz
How many times
Can you **** me before
I decided to lay down and die
If far longer than foreva
I made the commitment
Of suicidal matrimonial
Confession before GOD and You
****! Dat Till Death ****
As I gave up the life you took
Willingly I gave
Myselfless Will over to you
Then consummated it
With validationz through
Dying a bit more in childbirth!

Tiny your hands
Fit so safely in my palms
Committing no crime
I'm gratefully enamored
You were the bandits
Responsible for stealing
This heart and love of mine

How many ways are you
Ready and willing to love
Still waters of an inferno zoul
Volcanic ash reigning your entire world
Melting glacial iceberg smiles
Bedding venomous skorpyonz
Waking in Pheonix'z eagled eyez
Mmmmmmm such a tazty morsel...

Fakt is mi amore
There's absolutely
No questionable question
My heart full of love
Belongs to only the
God in you!

Lip service means nothing
If out of the abundance
Of the heart
Actions reveal zero fiauqz given.
Shut da *** up when speaking to me.

This heart can't afford
To allow hurt to make it
Full of hate, bitterness, or anger
When betterment only makes
Decisions moving forward better

No battle fought, had I needed
To lift a finger for it to be won
Keep my hands very clean
Raised in surrender
To the reigning champion
The foot of grace's throne
Is my just reward my well done
For serving whole heartedly
The true and living God!!!

Think and move with your heart
Everyone around mind's on tap
Seeing long before, the inevitable
But head first into inner me's traps
Many times hit before it hurts
How hot the flames of your own
Decided hell before you burnt
When are you going to start living
For the love of a jealous God alone
When will you stop chasing others
Lost love of fathers and mothers
Heirlooms of generational curses
Piped dreams, hopes and wishes
Loving hard and ever watcful of
All signs driving or walking along
This road called life, never lonely
Never forgetting if they don't
Love the way you need and want
Your love is good enough for God
Whoever chooses to come along
And if only by yourself, your love
Is good enough for you alone!

Learned some
Valuably difficult lessons
Throughout years spent
Desperately searching
To just belong or be seen
As
Friend, lover and family
I've mostly learned
That with all of my being
I need only God for my
Everything and anything
And that nothing
And no one but me could
Ever
Change who I AM created to BE!!!

Keeping my eyes on me
Seeing you zeeing me
Watching you watch
My every move
Looking right past
Your own mind's eyez
Trying to decipher
The viscosity of this level
Of opaque transparency...

Love should not
Be measured by
What someone can
Or can't monetarily
Do for someone else
But it is unwise to
Choose to love someone
Who is rarely on the giving end
But always seem to want to get
And far more than some
Appears that they are receiving
Every human being needs
To know their worth...

Tethering between
Heaven and Hell
Down to earth mostly
Trying to decipher
If the prayers
Of the write just
Iz juzt write
Why do we endure
Endearingly endearing
Endeavours early or latter
Tonight I may weep
Don't cry for me
Sweet TnT
Every sun'z Rizingz
Getting closer
Putting together the
Pieces of my peace...

March 2021
I hit the reset button
So why do I
Feel like the page
Of my life'z turning
Is still loading???

Gratitude for strength
To keep enduring
Running this race
Is not easy dear Lord
But when I'm weak
My biggest cheerleader
You have always been
And will forever be
Protecting my husband
Providing my family's
Every single need
Blessed to know your love
You dwell within, without
All around and above
Melodious heaven
I'm in it for the long haul
Well done is my just reward...

I am a fake
A pure phony
Dying behind the scenes
Of unaccomplished
Accomplishments
Missing a love
I NEVER HAD
Living in darknesses
Of the unblind
Mortally combating
Serenity on the battlefield
If only of my own mind

You have no idea
What it's like being me
I'm not craving fame
It's the successes of
Accomplishments I want
I long for my gifts
To proudly speak for me
The foreground
Has never been my thing
Behind the scenes
Has always been
This stringless, puppetless
Masters zone.

Looking in the mirror
For quite some time now
Beauty is no longer seen
Through the pains of life's regertz
That have gotten so overwhelming
All that's visible is the toll taken
On a fragile heart by way of
Much inflicted emotional pains...

Don't feel
Deserving of any love
Or anyone to love me
Not even from
An invisible all loving
All knowing God
So I turn my beauty off
So no man can find me attractive
To not get or be confused
Equating *** with caring
Or genuine loving affections
Hiding far behind
The wall of a natural RBF
They claim is almost as ****
As my smile
It's so sad, I can't even see
The me in the mirror
They speak of
All I been looking at me for
My whole life
Is a drop of meaningful  love...

You don't have
Mourning wood like I
Saps drips that gooey glue
Dem muddied waterz
Run deep and wide
Believe I said it before
A muthafauqer ****
*** fauq in the morning
It's necessary
2 Define your comeupingz
If easy is what is necessary to you
It has to be in the word
The word was and is
And is to be
The simplicity that
Conforms wizdumb WE seek
Necessary answers is in the word
Far easier to be necessary  
Having to do what you have to in order to do what you want to
Great  Rising great Day
Happy Weekend  
Gemz dropped again
Oops I-slipped.
Sometimes though I do
Zimply Beeeee Trippin!

What fruits
Are you busy
Producing???
Not regretting
Regrettably barren
Unbalanced as it may seem
Growing to good enough
Leaving behind what happened
When WE were Unproductive as Hell
Just running around trying to be Busy
Numbing WE-Zelfz
WE Prodigals...

These fauqin words
I can't seem to shake
Can't seem to get out my head
Not many uplifting
Most praying for my demise
Others wishing I was dead
Dreadful mantras
Spoken over my soul
Crushed me spiritually
Questioning physical truths
Important sounds
We use to communicate
Traveling on winds
Invisible intricacies
Intimate or public
Words have the ability
To make or break US.
How worthy of good words are WE???

The space of time
To focus on is now
Since the past already was
And the future is yet to occur
Livinig this presence is a gift
Worth being thankful for
Lord I'm humbled
To be able again
To celebrate this present life
I awoke to today
To try and get things
Right once more...

In black and white
I leave the best and
Worst parts of me
Pieces that hide
In plain sight of
My oxymoronic peace
Raw emotional dis eases
Buried amongst illuminations
Of light's invisibilities
While somewhere along the way
The best and worsts of me
Is being left in black and white
For chosen and unchosen
Selected and unselected to critic...

What the fauq
Did you text or call
Me for today?
Is your life not better
Without me in it
Now who's struggling
With accepting fates
It wasn't me
You hit, shoved
And called names?
Oh I forgot
It was only once
Right liar?
Like any of that ****
Would've gotten  
Any better.
What's even worse
Is you told that lie
To the woman
In our daughter!
Daddy of da fuxin century
Yup that you are!

Golden queendom
Proudly shining
Melinated jewels
Dropping gems
Tireless examples
I'm not responsible
For what you may
Or may not believe
It's simple, really!
Doing my bestest
To get some of this life right...
Concerned with ongle my ****** ****
Is Dat aiight?

How did my zoul taste?
Left not a morsel
For anyone else
On heart's plates
Spirit and mind aligned
Your zoul tasted wonderful
Now! How was mine???

Ok so to you
I may not
Ever be gud enuff
Fakt is
I see my greatness
And that
Iz far betta than
Your perception of good
Because I'm learning
I Matter
More than what
Anyone, yes even you should!!!

The problem is
I talk far too much
Saying anything and everything
To any and everyone
Knowing I couldn't
Count on any platform
To just vent
And juzt be listened to
I don't trust myselves
With Me
I just knew
I shouldn't have tried to
Trust myself with you...

What iz it worth to you
You have the world
In the psalmz of your handz?
Selah don't necessarily mean Amen
Mending relationz with
Whom I deem
Used to
Be important to me
I hate to zee
Someone I once
Called friend or family
Become an extrenemy
When I pray their bezt
And they only bring me
To the very worzezt'z worsts in me
So really what profitz
Have I, if evey life I have ever touched
Seems to literally crash and burn
Including by my very own hands
Even my OWN???

So close
Enemies were once
Very close friends
Intimate knowledge
Of the God in me
Who meets me where
I'm at
Gracefully taking me
Where I need
Not exactly, where
I want to be...

P.S. Humbly I try to stay grateful!

We are too far gone
Spirit's broken
Soul'z too worn
Years in the making
Finally took form
Only to despise
Monstarz
Home grown
Births of a suicidal womb
Dying to live literally
Before WE are born!

Been here before
Lonely, but never ever alone
Fetal positionings
Unhelpful, unneighborly
Offering to help who exactly?
As though this partnership
Hasn't benefitted us both
Or rather this is now
And have been, since the
Very beginning, more about
Your company's policy
Than my family having
A place to call home
Been here before
Making another's house
My sanctity, my children's home
Apologizing like I'm wrong
Rendering to Ceasar what doesn't
Belong, simply because when in Roam!!!