The price of secret love
Revealed in the
Mourning's morning
Deary doe eyed lights
Of desperate dependencies
Never ashamed of US
Laying as we laid...

Been angry so long
Hampering progress
Living in a dim light of my own Shadow trying to create life out of death simply because
I've died one too many times
These nine lives this kat's no feline Feminine though I am
Woman phenomenally sublime Running from my own existence
Far too long
Cursing my own destiny
Cursing generation's love songz
Too afraid to let go of hurt
That impaired my entire being  
Doing better in this life
Because there's better to be done Better to be had, better to become
I shall rise above the mere human
God created in me
See in myself, what others see
Not believe lies naysayers  
Have been telling my entire life Helping me to destroy my destiny Speaking negativity to my soul Death to my existing mentality
My love they try to use
Against me and bury me from time to time in my own mind wondering why God why why have Thou
Turned your face from me
When you really haven't forsaken any aspect of who I am
I essentially keep running from the cross because sometimes it is too hard
To bear these bearings
This hurt that has done nothing but caused cancerous hate to creep up in the hearts of love and loved ones it is time to shut this dimming and come into the light that I am known to be
This Scorpion princess
This Caribbean Queen
This mental mentality  
Insanely this brain that does not shut off
Simply because it cannot stop and it won't quit ever again
Letting me down
In my own mind seeing what I cannot device as a plan to build my life from the destruction of my own hand
God I'm grateful that you saw fit to bestow on me all the love and the peace that you have thus far and taking me from glory to glory to where you are
I am so grateful for the peace that you are speaking in my soul and the wholeness that I become not just whole but holy
Not in part but every 3
This mind, this body, and souly!!!

So many fauqin  questions I want to know why why why
Are  we not allowed to feel and know and see and want and need
Why, why can we not have emotions and why is it wrong for me to be in love for the rest of my life
With one deserving person why
Why is it so wrong to want stability and peace
What is so wrong with that
Why do we have to suppress who we are as human beings so many foxin question, I want to know why why why WE are not allowed to want and need why can we not have emotions  not saying that we need and desire
What WE  have to have because that is just how WE human beings were created to want and need and desire and crave, yearn if WE so please
What am I doing wrong
Why cant I get it through my head what am I not understanding why am i hurting so much where is the  night in shining armor that white horse and better?
I never cared for any of that
Wanting piece cohabitating
Matrimonial union with my family and my loved ones peace what is so wrong with wanting that what is wrong with needing that,
Praying and yearning for simplicity, what is so wrong in that why can I not need my peace why can I not need to survive  in my peace and live my life in my existence in this piece that is necessary for me what is so wrong with loving God what is so wrong with knowing a god that loves you back if that is the only love you can conjure what is so wrong in that
What is so wrong in  me
Hiding myself in myself so deep because I'm so afraid to get hurt again what is the wrong in  hiding myself away from the rest of the world because I am so afraid
When did I become so afraid what happened to make me become so afraid of my own shadow I don't want to live like this
This feels really wrong.
There's just no existing like this
Like me, like us, like WE!!!R.I.P.