Learning myself
Accepting there are many
Aspects of me
Overstanding that
My write mind's eyez
Can understandably
See wrong mentalities
Acknowledging even
My flaws, flawlessly
There's much in a name
When Diabolicalizmz
Roze gr8ly!!!

The seeds of bitterness
You planted and hoped
Would fully grow
To hateful thorns
That one day
Choke the life and beauty
From the bossom
Of this orchirose
Are only watered
With my fervent prayers
Of your betterment
Because the greater
Aspect of me
Dwells within
And keeps me from
Haughty prideful sin...

Counting the many
Blezzingz all around
Grateful to still be
In the land of the living
Grace and Mercy
Kept death at bay
Honestly just yesterday
At the windows and doors
To my very zoul, death came
By knocking once again
God's merciful grace
Covered another vehicle
My family was in
Great truly is your faithfulness...

You don't want just all of me
You want me to pretend to be Something and someone I'm not
You certainly don't want all of me
You want me to forget that I'm a she
Who loves kissing passionately slow
But! Sometimes just wanna be
Handled choked and fauqed
Hard, fast and pounding
**** whipped ****, till my legs
Just keeps trembling
Begging don't stop now
You gently pull out and take a bow
For these blezzingz
Look how wide you opened
Yo mouth!!!

What you thinking yo
How you get the idea
I'm falling for you
Where you get off
*** U Ming I actually want you?
Not delusional at all huh bruh
Let me get this straight
WE hugged, kissed?
Some other oda thangz?
Got you thinking I was what?
Your who?
No fauqin attachmentz FOH
I already got what
WE came for, truth!!!

Second guessing myself constantly
Don't need or want to be around
Things, people and places
That's no good for me
Knowing all things work out
For the betterment of me
I'm begging Lord please
Lead, guide and direct me
Show me where to go
Who to see, who to be a blessing to
And who I am created to be
So that through my life
You alone heavenly father
Get ALL praises and All the glory...

Our good tymez
Wasn't juzt good
Dey really were dyno might
As children
We're kept protected
From the struggle
Until We learn how
To become a part of the fight...

Your gifts I was told
As per the bible
Will make room for you
Not really sure how gifted
I am, and that's my honest truth
Not certain of what I can
Or cannot do
Just narrowing down my dislikes
So I can try to figure out
What I might just like to be or do!

In the most sacred
Places of my mindful heart.
I am a love sick child needing And wanting attention and Affection all the time.
Yearning for a fulfilling
My inner being once knew
Searchingg for that peaceful love,
Found thus far Lord only in you!!!

How can
A good person who
Continue to make
Bad decisions
Still think
Of themselves
Or be considered
By anyone else
Who is mentally stable
To be good...

She didn't let go, He refused to hold on
Quietly moving in opposite directions
Noone saying or said it's over or done
Loathingly despising his Mrs. Right
Contemptually disdaining her Mr. Wrong
Neither caring to leave the other
Singing another sad song of love
Faded and with the wind, so long gone
Put to musak by many making millions Thanks to a few of my favorites
Monica, Joe, Toni, and oh, Ms. Jackson!

Humbling myself
Highest elevation one could go
Burying myself
Deeper than Bill's killing
Is the only way for me to grow
Imploding Pheonix'$ glow
Weathering high flamez or low
True blue, dem cloudy skies BoB
Is ALL for me,of course you too
Never a more natural day
Than when these mind's eyes
Speak truthful truthz!!!

People only
Treat you
How you allow
Teach me how
To love you
When you
Learn how
To luv2love Your  Truthz!

Saved by faith
This sinner found
A hiding place
At the foot of the
Throne of mercy's grace
Bowing only in the
Presence of holiness
Trusting that one day
I can see God face to face...

Needingly wanting
Longing better for myself
No welfare lines
No astronomical wealth
No ***** births
Ex husband and baby daddy hell
No miscarried away
No praying to die
Just to get away
No mental holds
Finding my mind
Unbreakable as I am
I will get to my better life...

Where do the skeletonz
In my closet go to hide
When I'm the one
Constantly opening the door
That illuminates them
Assuming credences
In confidence
What really lies in lies

A spun child I am, dizzyly geeked that im the last to get found, no peekaboos or hide N seek.
Finally invistable here juzt maybe
I might could finally stand out only enuff to fit in. When there you go xrayz invisibility
Opaque transparency watching you delightfully looking to see through me?
How dare you, dearly be encouragingly genuinely appreciative of these
Humbly honored diabolic mentalities.
Trying ever so fervently to not see me looking back at me in every mirror I see narcissisticly
The foreground is not sacred to me.

Some people don't
Know what's a struggle
Others only know how
To survive through it

The heart
Of this hero will live on
Far longer
Than dust to ashes
This flesh
And these bones
The mourning after
Tearful cerimonies
Skipping to
Lub dubbing sounds
And massive
Welcoming praises
Shouting, my good
And faithful servant
Well Done!

Tribute to loved ones, not lost!
Juzt moved on!!!

Who can I be
When told for soooo long
That who I am is not right
What makes my life soooo wrong
Who else can tell my story
Tell my tales
Sing my zoulrelm heart'z songz?
If truly loving me
Is to know me
When did we meet again?
I'm having trouble
Thinking about the time
You didn't even care to take
To try to figure me out
But according to you
You love  Me, this stranger
I am to me most days
Beyond the shadows
Of your own doubtz...

Deep in my epiphanies
My mind's eyes can't help
But see what and who
You think you perceive of me
The God in me notices no bigger
Flawed being to be
Perfect for all my purposes
Created in the image
We only aspire to see beyond
On the throne of my heart
Where only the treasures
Of the pieces of my peace dwell
I let you in, ignorant to
The fact that I opened
The gates to my own living hell...

If I was to just
One more time
Have una mas tiempo
Please, por favor
You hate to see me
Ask longingly
Begging is beneath me
So I'm pleading passionately
When you peer into
The windows of my inner sanctum
See me! I am real you know
Imperfect perfection
This lub dub, is no artificial spark
It's a real heart with it's very own
Emotional heart beat...

Praying for
A renewing of my faith
My rooted and grounded
Has been wavering of late
Asking earnestly
That these tests
In my testimonies
Be overcomed rather than
Be the earthly death of me
But if dear God
You can't or won't
Take the bitterness
Of this very large cup from me
Please let thy will
Bring out only the
Best it seems you see in me

Conversations I can't
Nor do I want to unhear
My gurlz 9 yrs apart
My youngest's curiosity
Becons, ***** what's that
My oldest, a big bowl of nothing
In a funny voice
I'm just so grateful to be
To exist here and now
Their fathers only dream
About moments like these
Yes I am blessed
Being able to raise myself
On many levels
I get to see different
Aspectz of me!
Mommy luv it

I am so angry at myself
Every time I get one step
Closer to getting out.
Feels like I'm being dragged
Back to your hell
Ugh our contentious bond
We both know it very well
Running  fast forward
To your finished linez
Sick of feeling alone
Being with you, all the time

I am going to
Learn to love myself
To the point of liking me
No matter how long it takes
Spent many years many tears
On people and things lost
Surrounding myself in the
Chaos of their lives and living
To avoid the sounds of
My own detriment
All the negativity
That riddle peaceful thoughts
Hateful curses assumed
To be my demise
If not for the price of blood
True honest love
Is God's peace in my life

Fuzed infusionz
Mental danger zonez
Cautioned, you been warned bloke
Careful when skating on thin ice
Sub below zoroes
Degrees left turning right
Verbal diarrhea
So does not equate verbal deficationz
Dangerouz mindz
Transcendent of  ******* mentalz.
Appreciation of humbling adulation
Bowing in homage of real
Recognizing real gifted givenz.
Im grateful for your existence as well
Ice cold you you frozen
No olof ju cold *** ice...

Just to get out
Holding my breath from
This detrimental fresh air
Inhaling toxicities at
Anaphylactic proportions
When your suicidal thoughts
Are delusions of setting you free
Don't believe the hype through
Golden plated fronts
Weather we live or die
Somewhere every 24hrs
The sun has the ability
To rise and shine or not
And your skies can still be
Any shade of greyish blue you so choose

Oh how it *****
When you can't
Even be vulnerable
Around the people
That you make comfortable
To be vulnerable around you...

Hmmm! You know
I can preach it well
Even gives great advice
But do I really hear or listen
When my mind's eyes
Speak to my heart's
Bountiful contentment
Or adhere to the spiritual
Warnings that come from
The epicenter of my soul?
And if not, why my love? Why?

Six million ways
To dye
Yuh can choose
More than one
But if it's done right
Juzt Quan time
Ongle One iz what
Yuh need write???

Internal mental reigns
Attempt to pull me in
The burning furnace
Of doubtful, angry fearful
Self hatred flames
Consuming thoughts causing
Imploding inevitable
Destruction of my faith
Only if allowed
These mind conscious
Choices chosen to make...

I just want to write
Just for a little while
See what room or rooms
This gift will open for me
No matter what it's about
All I want to do if only
Just for a little while
Is to leave my soul
On black and white
And seriously, just write...

Who the hell
Want to be like this
Feel like this
This hateful bliss
A mirage if you will
Of wanting and needing
To be accepted
For whom's I is
A thousand days to me
Is likened to one day
To the Most High king
So I will continue to wait
Cause my waiting on God's timing
Is never waiting in vain...

Let's talk perceptions
Inherently our very own
Seen and seeing most things
Your way far too long
Caught in confusing chaos
Turned the home of breaking hearts
Into an abandoned house
All to ready for setting up shop
Havoc'$ palace to freely roam
Welcomed under love's disguise
Over a decade of squatter's rights
Eviction not without many fights
Destroyed celing to foundation
Hated and blamed, the creation. For
Everything chosen to do or not to do right and or wrongz...

This glorious life spoken of
When deciding to follow Christ
Is it not written or understood
That the Lord, and savior
Innocent in flesh manifested
Was arrested and tried
At night, no jury of his peers in sight
Made to wear a crown
Of thorns, while carrying
The very same cross
Ulimately strung to and hung upon
Defeated foe, lastly laughing
Yup satan just knew he had him
But when the temple Jesus spoke about
Was rebuilt in just three days
The devil lost ALL his power
Over hell, death, and the grave
All that, was done so long ago
So that today any and everyone
By faithful grace, from
Ourselves may be saved...

Can't part
With my mind, soul, and spirit
Just yet
Still need
My guide
To come pass
Flying, walking, swimming
Could care lesser than less
Just get here
Juztuz been calling uz
To rest in pieceful reztz...

I am no gi jane
Once you're finished playing
I end up in a disheveled
Mentally emotional toy box
Or placed neatly on a trinket'z
Zhelf! I know who and who's I am
What's in my name
My lineage and my birthright'$
One in the same
I dare you to try to define me
Oh please go ahead, make my day
Just try to tell me about the I
That loves me for simply
Being my fearfully and Wonderfully created selves!!!

It's not just ***
What is just ***?
Considering all the
Possible sacrifices
*** can cause one to make
Maybe in one's nievety
Or thoughtless youth
I on the other hand
Never ever wanted
To have *** with
Anyone else but
My own husband.
Let alone being
Married more
Than once
And divorce
In one life's
Lifetime
Unrequited indeed Ugh...

How do I
Love from a distance
So I'm not
Always hurt or feeling hurt
By the things
Said or done to me
By the ones I love
And the ones
That say or show occasionally
That they might could
Possibly have love for me?
God please show me how
To love myself,so I'm not
Always looking for love outwardly.

Spiritual Leprosy
No healing
For clean doubled edgez
Separating piecez of peace
Creating Deficits of Excessive
Virtious lepors losing in pain
Colonial unifications can't identify
The nerve of no longer having feelings
Of overindulgence
Can age restore honor
Forgiving innocence
Through the processes
Of youthful foolhardy
I'm grateful for my creators
Brokenly blezzed
Forget me knots
When living like good memories
Discerning not to cause damnation
Remember the light broke through
Darknesses of watching
What WE speak and say
These Worthy Wordzzz!!!

This gift of penning
Any piece of my peace
A blessed curse it is
To say the very least
Wanting to be listened to
Longing for my soul to be
Seen
Without sheer transparencies
Allowing just enough Knowledge
Of myself with very little into Me See...

Felt like damaged goods
My entire life
Tumultuous existence
Since childhood
Brokenness led to
Not knowing how to make
A grown-up choice
Second and third-party
Guessing myself
Being told I don't know
How to live my own life well
Duality in my unworthy
Unwholly spiritual zoulrelm
Has made some of living
This only one life
I 've been lyvyng
One heck of an internal Hell!!!

The person one is
When no one seems
To be watching
Is truly who they really are

Trying so hard to describe
The wealth of pride
Devouring meager hearted mind's
Finding words that says exactly
How blessed WE are for ALL of U
Worst and Best daze
Rock them ALL
Doing what, and how you do
Gracefully exemplifying
Elegant poise properly Proper
I remember the labored pains
Early mornings to later nights
I am so proudly proud
To be mom and then some
Strengthened bonds
Transcending relations
A wonderful woman I've raised
Tears of joy my Jujubug
Tassels in da air
Hatz off, WE fauqin did it!!!
My First Born, Biggest Fan I AM!
My Bestest Best Friend!!!

P.S! Mommy will always luv it! Muah!!!!

I will forever
Cast every care
That concerns me
On  you, to fight
Every war torn battle in me
Gracious most high
We both know
Cleanly hands and
A pure heart are both
Requirements for living
In your perfect will...

I need a muse like yesterday
You have no idea
My trainz of thoughtz keep taking
Off without me
I need a muse like yesterday...

Not sure if
I want to kidult today
This ridiculous ***
Double standard adulting
Keeps constantly
Getting in the way of
My partying's bullshitting ways
Of course you can have
This puzzling conundrum
Posing as my best existence
Fix it and put it together nicely
All I need, is to examine
It  thoroughly before
You can even think
Of giving it back...