My wholly
Unholy spirit
Always guided me
From convicting convictions
To judge and jury
My sins east to west
Spans wide I'm sure
More a sinner
Than any saintly
Tendencies exhibited before
Simply saved by faith
Solely believing
In a loving
Invisible God's merciful grace

What you do for others
Don't expect the same
To be done to or for you
By the very same people
Growing up, I'd often
Hear my mother say
Was that the bitterness
Of disappointment
Or are things in life
Really just that way?

Love to luv
My own company
Not ever a loner
Alone or even lonely
Sultry sounds of
My own thoughtful
Still small voice
Soothes the most
Beastly of beasts
So why can't I
Just enjoy being
One with only me?

Never encountered anyone
Who wants to end up
Lonely or all alone
But what's the cost of
Selling one's zoul
For the world's price
Of living in hates houseless homes?
Segregated complications of loneliness
Occupying mental time and space
When I was yours
And you were mine to own...

My level of crazy
Is not easily dealt with
Treated or diagnosed
Usually not concerned though
It's the aspects of insanity
Which worries me the most
That doing the same thing
Over and over the same way
Expecting betterment
Knowing the outcome
May very well be worse.

Desiring betterment
Negates bitterness
Why can't I want more for myself
Why must I just accept failures
If to whom much is given
Much is expected of
Living life  to its fullest extent
Is ALL I have to be concern with
Created to be exactly who I AM
Pressing toward the mark
Of a race well ran
Peaceful Blezzingz
Of good and faithfully faithful  Well Done!!!

Thankful for
Another day
Life's gifts of
Living renewed
Every morning
I'm blessed to wake
Heart beating with gratitude
Mind soul and spirit
Increasing in faith...

Maybe around that last
Mental bend
I really did break
And have been shattered
Ever since
Maybe this time around
It wasn't really
A bend after all!!!

P.S. ****!!!

Methodical plan of escaping
Far away from this painful
Pruning.
Bruiser battered ego
No room at any inn
For wounded zoulderz
Impeccable smouldering
Behind evil eyez
Giddily welcoming innocence
Far more organized than I
This den of joy thieves.

Sitting here angry
Feeling sorry for myself
I dare not ask out loud
What else can go wrong next
Days filled with regretful ponder
Nights filled with restlessness
Prayers don't even bounce off
Let alone pierce God's ears
Your purpose and plan for my life
Cannot be remorseful tears
There has to be a better way
To be at peace within
Despite the chaos all around
But, what if there isn't though
What if I've run out of options?

I beat up on myself
Far too much
Blackened blues
Blews and black
Like ***
Somedays ***
I'm muthafauqin
Team far too much...

I juzt need y'all to ovastand
Da Goddezz got
Thiz
Whole Wide world
In the reach of
Both palming handz
*** on gingy run for uz
Marathonz race endearmentz
Well donez
Heaven or dearly departedz
H. E. Doublez, Ahhhh Hell!!!

Running far and wide
Looking for a place
To tuck this weariness
There's no getting away
From the only me
I'm created to be
Still staring in mirrors
At this stranger
Looking back at me
Years of just peering through
Familial unfamiliar eyes
Naively believing every
Big and little non omitted lie
This anger waging war inside
Justifiably unjustified
Would it be to turn to rage
The hateful poison
Which could bring peace
If only I would lay down and die...

Dis bad *****
Not smelling like smoke
Me tip toeing through hell?
Not now! Not ever folks!
Walking in Satan's front door
Violating Hades throne
Coming for what's mine
Waging war in hates house
Till heaven calls me home
These blezzingz given
Aren't mine to let go
Cause All I am and have
Belongs to God and God alone!!!
Faktz, I'm humbly grateful...

You in the wrong
Line of work
When what
You doing
Sure still
Ain't working
Hard heart work
And all...

So we drowned ourselves
Induced copulationz
Grown drunkyn highness  
******* to our senses
At klimaxed peakz
Trying to figure out what the foch We been doing all this time
You don't even like my body
I don't even love your mind.
Awakening epiphanies
Saved a lifetimez
Repeating lust'$
Hate cycles of unrelated
Uncontrollable unrequited luvz.

Taking good care of yourself
Ensures good and or
Better care of others...

Have
So much to be grateful for
Not too long ago, again
Death came knocking
At my front, side
And back doorz
Grace and Mercy
Saw fit to intervene
You will die
Of that they did assure
But not today, and not like this
You have much work left to do
Before Well Done
Is your just reward.
I'm humbly grateful
For my every gifted
Present day I'm given
This Blezzing of living life
In the land of the living
And living dead
Thank You Dear Lord!!!

I want to be
Everything created to be
Knowing I am nothing
Without you God
These tears are not in vain
This heart of love is still
Covering my many many
Multitudes of sinful pain
And when all is said and done
Your peace over my every
Situation will reign...

Hurtful soul
Broken spirit
Every single cracking crevice
Please let the lights of moon and sun
Back in, meltimg winters of
Cold bitter loneliness
Finding yourself ever
Is just a matter of where to look
Dear Lord, here's my existence
I'm begging please, guide me!!!

Faktz of lyvyng
Don't hate me
When I'm beau ti ful
Hate me
In da mourning
I'm muthafauqin
Zexy *** Fauq Den
Great Rizingz
Ly! Onez pridez
Are showing
Dey got big
Eeeeegoooozzzzzzz
It'z Leo Zeazoningz Gemz!!!
Nam Habibi! FLT4ADG Nam!!!

Heavenly father WE are so humbly grateful, 2019 opened with a roof over our family's heads, food in our fridge and our bellies. Our bills paid, clothes on and off our backs by choice. A warm and loving atmosphere for to rest our weary zoulz. WE are grateful for these beds. Ever so thankful for peace of mind,hearts and heartstrings. Never forgetting that this is ALL gifted, and the brothers and sisters not as fortunate as WE. WE pray for humility, and that you help WE help ourselves so WE can humbly help someone else. Our heart's desires and zoul'z prayer
Is that our children's, children's, children's, children's,children's,children's, children's, children's, children
Be better than WE!!!

Embarking on each day
With peaceful serenity
Grateful for what was
What is, and is to be
Thankful for the gift
Of this presently presented
Day's presences in these
Particular ways
Praying graceful mercies
Abound the rest of life's days...

If I could paint
My pain's kaleidoscope
It would look like
A purplish gold spattered
Flattened line of taupe...

Don't care
To be broken anymore
No king'z horses
Or hoarse men
Knocking at my door
Even humpty'z dance
Card is full
No wind under these wingz
Flying into the bullseye
Of a stormy life
All hoods
Ain't neighborly
Morphing blue
Why not you red?
I'm so purple reigning through...

Suicidal ideologies
That cross our minds
No necessary apologies
For the frustration
Of wanting the pain
To simply be eased
Stopping the spread
Of dis eased thoughts
Of angry hurt
How many ways are
The possibilities
Dying by the hands
That took an oat
To not harm
But to only heal...

I love myself
And it is written
God loves me!!!

My plate is overflowing
And I am already so full
Heavenly father please
Please please help me
To be strong enough
To bear the cups
Of crosses you can
But won't take from me
What ever the lesson is
In thy will is where
I'm supposed to be...

Loving you
Is far more work
Than loving myself
Fact is. I'm learning...

When it's meant to be
Isn't it supposed
To be a little easier than this?
These are most certainly not
The sheets on the bed that I made
How dare I lie here
As we lay here
Can you pay a little attention
To the very little details
Of little ole me
Just you and I
The focal point of
US never eating soggy waffles EVER! Come up to the level WE
This song in my head
Is relentlessly unashamed
Playing on repeat
This stranger gracing my bed
Introduced himself very well!

Ever been to a funeral
And thought, that is going
To be your plightful end!!!
Peaceful rest or regrettable hell?

I have not been
As naive about love
As love has been about me
I know for a matter of fact
That in perfect love there
Can only be peaceful peace
Space and time where chaotic
Confusion has no choice but
To cease existing...

Flesh, bones, blood, organs, tissues
Mind, body, soul, spirit's, issues
Human been, being literally
Trying to survive loving life
Meaningfully signifcant
Existence in this form given
Well Done's just reward
Most Wanted at the end of living!

Never really concerned
About or over loosing you
More worried that I could lose me
Falling more with time and effort
Every lie you uttered
Gave this foolish
Fool's heart comfortable
Necessary temporary comforts
Instant gratifications
Of zoul loosing proportions
When only in God
I should've put ALL of my trust

Know my faceless name
I'm coming for my fortunes
Might let you keep your fame
Your forty acres
And that stubbornly mule
Strangly hanging fruits
Diamond mynded,purest goalz
Adam anti um
Killing healing zoulz...

Storytelling to be accepted  
Well known, loved or even liked
Knew of the dearly departed well
Kept talking their wayz
Straight into the spit fyahz of hell
No earthly  water could quench
No human can tame abundances
Of their own demise
Living and dying by what lyez
Insides the windows and doors
To their own zoul'z trapping
By way of dropping mics
Katana sharpened doubled edges
Rearranging story lines
Piercing through the
Balderdash of wordy words
Divulging devilishly
Black or White, big or small
Embellishments or omitance
If it ain't the whole
And nothing but
Beloved WE far too old
To not know deceit lies in lies
Wagging  tounges
Taking our own Livez.
Speak to be listened to, Stop talking to be herd!!!

It's A love affair
When I think of this peace inside
The entire world around WE
Couldn't possibly equate US
Juztuz peanut headz Jordanz
With Fieldz of sweet and sour
Perry Saphire blossoms
Roze one more day
Gifted with the Rizingz
Of the only sunz son
Gave birth to none
Mothers many
Daughterz I have a plenty
That juzt means I'm blessed
And I'm loathingly loved at times
That's just how daughters and Mothers do! It was not supposed
To be us in this blissful hellish
Chaoticly beautiful mess
WE call family
But in the mean time
WE ALL are fine. Justus
No measurements in time
Created to be yours
Far longer than forever
Az you mi amore are mine...

If I folk uz, on you
Where the fauq that leaves me?
Bifocaling laser correcting
How I see my focuses to be.

If I keep
Looking for you
How, when and where
Would I even begin
To find the me lost within
The subconscious of my
Existential chasings???

Tearful years
I put myself through
Slipping, tripping
Falling for all
Not standing tall over you
Dominion and Power
Inherent heirlooms
Meager mynded shattered
No reflected thoughts
This dye mound winz
Color you bad
My ***** you lose...

Misery loving the company
Of my soul is overrated
Can't remember the last time
My heart's song
Had my feet tapping
Or my spirit elated
Mourning more familiar
Lately than ever before
Regrettably reopening
To heartache's knocking?
Not this morning old friend
Try another broken door...

You honestly think
I don't know how
To get rid of you
If I truly want
To be done with you?
Sadly mistaken
Unless I allow
You will never
Know the truth
And nothing but boo...

Was the GOD I saw in you
 Only a creation in my mind  Fragmented pigments
Of Illuusionary delusions
Loving, good, kindness
All juztuz akting aktz
Truthz distorted
Have we kumpletely
Twisted ALL WE HELD SACRED???
Or was it ALL juzt gamez

Love you far more
Than you could ever imagine
Love was never enough to,
Make anyone do the right thing
Was never about getting over u
But getting back to the better in
Me, I always known existed
The God in me you chose not to
See, but deemed godless
When I returned the hate
I didn't deserve, that you so
Liberally served me first.
Thread lightly when trying
To destroy God's chosen...

Surely goodness and mercy
Shall follow me All the days
Of my life because you Lord
Have set a table before me
In the midst, in the presence
Of those who love, loath, and
Loves to hate me and my family!!!

The ill wills
And negativity
We don't wish
For ourselves
We should not
Wish for anyone else
Weather we love them
Like them dislike or even
Hatefully despise them
As a person or their actions...

Holding on
To things and people
Passed their appointed Seasons and Reasonings
Makes letting go of it or them
Far harder than it should be...

Focusing on the
Next level constantly
Being grateful
For the current path
Of life's journeys
Humbly blessed
This one life gifted me
Pressing toward a mark
Only I need, see...