A thoughtful mind turns
Me all the way on
Sap as I am
I'm enamored in the sexiest ways
Intellect peaks my interest
I need to look
Into the windows of your zoul
And see the excitement
Of what you see in me
That I don't see in myself
And melt into your being
Relations are relational
When WE relate
Better to and with each other
My FLT4AATG valentymez

I am a fake
A pure phony
Dying behind the scenes
Of unaccomplished
Accomplishments
Missing a love
I NEVER HAD
Living in darknesses
Of the unblind
Mortally combating
Serenity on the battlefield
If only of my own mind

Adonis set trippin
Drunkin grownups
Turning tables in so many
Knowingly unknown wayz
Testing broken pressured
Pipelining crewz found no leakz
Glasses raised to pouringz only
No shoveling plowz
To loosen hazy snowy memories
Rocking and rolling through
Uneighborly hoods
Murdering unfriendly shipz
Clicking threes just might
Not get you home court advantage
How far iz to far,but wait!  
Who gon clean up this dog ****?
Of that *** phase, if not you?

What are
WE handing down?
Heirlooms deceptions abounds
Giving out bibles
And Christianity murderously
While coining native
Kings and Queens savage
To steal OUR lands
In the name of their own crowns
Nieve hearts and minds
Couldn't see the wolves
So sheeply disguised
Herd only rumors of peaceful lies
Now building presidential boarders
After coming into OUR homes
They claimed to discover
Still while WE living in them
Only to keep US from
The stolen heritage
Of OUR OWN Birth
Rights, Rites, Writes.
Demanding that WE pledge
To their thwarted versionz
Through their demented visionz
Of Illiberal Injustices
For not one, not a few
Not even many of the majority
But FOR ALL!!!
Tingz dat mek mi go Hmmmm!!!

What im thinking
A penny couldn't possibly
Cover the cost of it
May be diabolical just a lil bit
Not really caring to give a ****
Even my give a fauq is broken
Yup second by second
Even minute by minute
I want to know
The cause and effect of it all
*** are we doing all this
Hustling for, if we still
Don't seem to have ****

Awakened
To an awry feeling
Something
Being not quite right
Not knowing what
Could be wrong really
In the dream
Before I woke
I was engaged
In delightful banter
With edifying  folk
Still not sure
Why fear's stolen
This morning
The peace in
How I awoke...

Most High!
Forgive me for putting
Anyone and or anything
Above my relationship with you
It's not always easy
To completely trust and depend
Solely on you
Help me follow your lead
Like I expect my gems to even when
They are afraid and confused
About what's going to happen next
Help me to never again look back
To never again place anything or anyone
On the seat of the throne of my heart
All I am and will be, belongs to only you
Thank you for your love and forgiveness
For your promises over mine and all
Attached to me lives! Not my will
But yours for my life! I'm grateful. Amen!

GoddezzPPR!!!

Needingly wanting
Longing better for myself
No welfare lines
No astronomical wealth
No ***** births
Ex husband and baby daddy hell
No miscarried away
No praying to die
Just to get away
No mental holds
Finding my mind
Unbreakable as I am
I will get to my better life...

I can't show you
How heavy my heart is
Not even in theory
You could know the truth
How I cry so much
My tear ducts swell
With much more
Than regretful tears
Mourning choices
That could've yielded
Far better results
Than the ramifications
Left with of not loving me enough
To recognize and run from
Fauqed up unrequited love...

What you do for others
Don't expect the same
To be done to or for you
By the very same people
Growing up, I'd often
Hear my mother say
Was that the bitterness
Of disappointment
Or are things in life
Really just that way?

ALL chaos
Good bad
And indifferent
Begins and end
With mothering
Good, bad, or not...

Facade you say
Interesting choice of words
Since you know about pretentious
Pretendingz very well
Acting like you gave a fauq
To get what you want
Sending your PR rep
Like that wasn't your game
You know that hustlin backwards
The muthafauqin front
Trust me, what lies beneath the lies
I am far more stupid than she
Who tried so hard to warn me
For whatever their in or
Unintentional reasoningz
I had to see for myself
The real you, you couldn't
Keep hiding akumatizing
Through wordz who I see
Then again believing
Usually iz, resting in
Pieces of Peace!!!

Can't think of anywhere
I'd rather be
You embarked on this journey
Called life with me
For better if WE make
It through the worst
Ever situations
All to show and prove
That the test of time
Means love existing far beyond
Any earthly grave...

Lord search my heart
Show me how to
Overcome  this hurtful
Angry disgraceful shame
Caused and allowed
Only by my disobedience
I take responsibility
Rather than placing blame
Be the lifter up of my head
Renew my passions for
What is right just and holy in your sight
Please Most High if you see fit
Reestablish  and restore
My place at the foot of the
Throne of Grace
Hold me in the palm of your hands
Only in your love
I find the only true hiding place...

Every now and then
I do an evaluation
By way of the people
I think should or could
Know a bit of and about me
Well enough to be able to weigh in
Maybe that is not the best way
To evaluate oneself
I guess seeing myself through
Others eyes is not always
The true reflection of who
I know myself to be
The many petals to this orchiroze
That very few ever get to see
Beautiful smiles seem to hide
The pain, that no one
Really cares to know exist in me

I won't see you slip
If you don't watch me falling
And say or do nothing
In my supernatural powers
To prevent it
Love me for me
IZ  my forever plea
Weather you in a box
Or rippin and runnin
Theze streets!
No perfection as perfectly
Created as she who've known
Not the zkarz of feeling jaded
In itz own image and likeness...

Humbling myself
Highest elevation one could go
Burying myself
Deeper than Bill's killing
Is the only way for me to grow
Imploding Pheonix'$ glow
Weathering high flamez or low
True blue, dem cloudy skies BoB
Is ALL for me,of course you too
Never a more natural day
Than when these mind's eyes
Speak truthful truthz!!!

I do self hating
Things I often regret
Like sharing my inner most secrets
Hoping you do as you say
When I tell you things
You claim to quickly forget
Until a Freudian slip
And ALL my business
Flows out of your lips
How can WE build
What you inconsiderably
Constantly break?
How much betrayal
Is one heart created to take
I've been told, I hold onto the past
Well what did WE learn then
To make things now last?
How do I trust you
When I barely trust myselves
So afraid of looking back
And terrified by what's next?
Praying for tranquility
In this peaceful hell

I am so lost
Can you help
Me please find
My puzzled peacez

Saved by faith
This sinner found
A hiding place
At the foot of the
Throne of mercy's grace
Bowing only in the
Presence of holiness
Trusting that one day
I can see God face to face...

Age was and iz only one number
Away from the pages of the letterz
Written but not mailed out in time
To resolve rumors
Of your girl possibly knowing
That at your very worst or bezt,this
More than a woman hot like fire
Was rocking the boat of not just anybody, decided to let dogs roam
Back to queen of the same
****** mofoz who claimed they
Couldn't breath without you
The only reason my Romeo
Couldn't just get hurt
He had to simply die.

I am no gi jane
Once you're finished playing
I end up in a disheveled
Mentally emotional toy box
Or placed neatly on a trinket'z
Zhelf! I know who and who's I am
What's in my name
My lineage and my birthright'$
One in the same
I dare you to try to define me
Oh please go ahead, make my day
Just try to tell me about the I
That loves me for simply
Being my fearfully and Wonderfully created selves!!!

My life is in your hands
And you are playing
A dangerous game
On the throne of
My one and only heart
Not trying to be
Disrespectful at all
Just inquiring master
If I was born for
Any particular
Reason at ALL
The questions I question
Have?motives attached
To the mental frame of
A most earnest prayer
Because I really believe
In the powers of the name...

Been here before
Lonely, but never ever alone
Fetal positionings
Unhelpful, unneighborly
Offering to help who exactly?
As though this partnership
Hasn't benefitted us both
Or rather this is now
And have been, since the
Very beginning, more about
Your company's policy
Than my family having
A place to call home
Been here before
Making another's house
My sanctity, my children's home
Apologizing like I'm wrong
Rendering to Ceasar what doesn't
Belong, simply because when in Roam!!!

Tried to be what you
Wanted of me
Put morals and faith aside
To be accepted for
The me you needed to see
Losing pieces of my peace
Trying hard for you
To love me for me
We are too far gone
There's no love lost or found
In this unwholly matrimony
We've become friendly foes
With barricaded hearts
Chained together
In our houseless homes
Afraid to go back to being alone
Petrified of unwelcomed
Possible hurt or pain unknown...

Never encountered anyone
Who wants to end up
Lonely or all alone
But what's the cost of
Selling one's zoul
For the world's price
Of living in hates houseless homes?
Segregated complications of loneliness
Occupying mental time and space
When I was yours
And you were mine to own...

Tearful years
I put myself through
Slipping, tripping
Falling for all
Not standing tall over you
Dominion and Power
Inherent heirlooms
Meager mynded shattered
No reflected thoughts
This dye mound winz
Color you bad
My ***** you lose...

She was called a Legend!
Today she is 4ft 6in and only 11
Genuine affection and patience
The manner in which she cares
Has been noticed so many times
So many people say and have said
Kind words about all of my Gems!
But! Today I had to bow
All the way down. He pointed to
Her on the way out, and said.
L!E!G!E!N!D!!! You just don't see
That anymore, and ALL I could do
To hold back the tears from
The thought of when I was advised
I still had time to have an abortion
Was smile at the fakt that for me
Loving life is ever the only option!!!
Today I fell in love all over again
A statement made to my godmother
A drugged up emotional ball of yuck
After giving birth, a beautiful brisk
Novemba fall day. Way back when...

I gotta stay out my feelings
Red whines and hazy ceilings
Sipping that drip fom your lipz
My my my my my my my body
Been yearning for your shine
To brighten the darkest of knightz
Trying so hard to save them very
Same hoes, again captain
Save that ***** who never
Asked for your kind of savings...

You are angry at me for being me
For trying to protect my love that was
Being used abhorrently against me
You could've loved me
And let me love you unconditionally
As I stll and will forever do
You've used my love to fight for you
Because you've always known
It's expansive magnitude
I've always prayed for you
To first get to know you
You are so much grander than
Some of your thoughts of you
The hate you are trying so hard to give
Is dull in comparison to the love of God
I was blessed and charged to instill
That shines in and through you...

Dis bad *****
Not smelling like smoke
Me tip toeing through hell?
Not now! Not ever folks!
Walking in Satan's front door
Violating Hades throne
Coming for what's mine
Waging war in hates house
Till heaven calls me home
These blezzingz given
Aren't mine to let go
Cause All I am and have
Belongs to God and God alone!!!
Faktz, I'm humbly grateful...

I juzt need y'all to ovastand
Da Goddezz got
Thiz
Whole Wide world
In the reach of
Both palming handz
*** on gingy run for uz
Marathonz race endearmentz
Well donez
Heaven or dearly departedz
H. E. Doublez, Ahhhh Hell!!!

How can
A good person who
Continue to make
Bad decisions
Still think
Of themselves
Or be considered
By anyone else
Who is mentally stable
To be good...

I am so angry at myself
Every time I get one step
Closer to getting out.
Feels like I'm being dragged
Back to your hell
Ugh our contentious bond
We both know it very well
Running  fast forward
To your finished linez
Sick of feeling alone
Being with you, all the time

Hate me for
Who I've genuinely
Been to and for you
All the requests of your heart
Fulfilled by yours truly
Simply because I gave half of
f a u q
About what anybody else thinks they think or know about me whether from somebody else's mouth or my own Conversation's verbiaging trajectory!
Even your opinions of me are tainted
Who are you really?  You are not my Artist nor my art that I've chosen for
To be painted of me...

Conversations I can't
Nor do I want to unhear
My gurlz 9 yrs apart
My youngest's curiosity
Becons, ***** what's that
My oldest, a big bowl of nothing
In a funny voice
I'm just so grateful to be
To exist here and now
Their fathers only dream
About moments like these
Yes I am blessed
Being able to raise myself
On many levels
I get to see different
Aspectz of me!
Mommy luv it

I trust you
To be my everything
Matrimonial bliss
Bridez groomingz
Equated wizdumbz
Of proverbial foolishness
Slow strolling
To destiny'z kiss...

I want to hurt you back
Worse than you hurt me
I want to hate you back
For the hate you have shown me
I want to see you dead even at times
As you've wished me dead many times
Fact is the only reason I can want
To hate you, is because at some point
Undeserving of my most sacred love
Effortlessly willingly without prejudice
I onpenly only gave you!
Because we both are valid
My perceptions of what really happened between you and I Matterss too...

Failure is not
The only option
One can choose
Succeeding is an option too...

Desiring betterment
Negates bitterness
Why can't I want more for myself
Why must I just accept failures
If to whom much is given
Much is expected of
Living life  to its fullest extent
Is ALL I have to be concern with
Created to be exactly who I AM
Pressing toward the mark
Of a race well ran
Peaceful Blezzingz
Of good and faithfully faithful  Well Done!!!

The bottom of this world's
Barrel is far more crowded
Than could ever be imagined
Naysayers, back biters and
A whole lot of needy crab *******
No mothers no fathers to teach
Or show them better, has made
Most ***** in this barrel's peripheral
Shorter! Finding a way out gets one
Pulled down faster and harder.
So I've decided to tunnel through
From the bottom of this bottomless
Barrel that has tried to keep us under!

You came knowingly
Fauqed up intentionally
Disregarding my life
My hopes, my dreams
My responsibilities
Running from
What your hands created
Hiding out in my peace
Ignorance begat
Ignorant choices
Xoul eating ultimatum
Distorted views
Aborted no mission
Leaving behind
No man, child, or woman
Massacres for thanksgivings
Your ladened basket
Came filled with lovely lies...

It's so very saddening
I can't be honest with you
You breached the trust
That you told me was truth
When the strange imposter
Impersonated you...

What does God want
For and from me
Why can't I seem
To live a sold out life
Completely and whole heartedly
What causes me to stray
What does separate our love
Sometimes day after day
When will I overstand and accept
That you heavenly father
Is the light, truth and the way
Trying hard not to straddle fences
To not live like lukewarm spewage
To not hear, depart from me
I do not even know of you
But we'll done, that glorious day
My faithful servant
The lamb's book of life
Is right this way...

The heart
Of this hero will live on
Far longer
Than dust to ashes
This flesh
And these bones
The mourning after
Tearful cerimonies
Skipping to
Lub dubbing sounds
And massive
Welcoming praises
Shouting, my good
And faithful servant
Well Done!

Tribute to loved ones, not lost!
Juzt moved on!!!

My level of crazy
Is not easily dealt with
Treated or diagnosed
Usually not concerned though
It's the aspects of insanity
Which worries me the most
That doing the same thing
Over and over the same way
Expecting betterment
Knowing the outcome
May very well be worse.

Surely goodness and mercy
Shall follow me All the days
Of my life because you Lord
Have set a table before me
In the midst, in the presence
Of those who love, loath, and
Loves to hate me and my family!!!

Don't want to hear
Another word about love
Your actions Don't coincide
Trust was breached
When you decided
I wasn't good enough
For the truth
So you gazed
Through the windows
While telling my soul lies
Lies I protected
To cover you shaming
Our family's pride
Far longer than forever
And after who's grave?
Mercy and grace kept me
When you left me for dead
That day...