How do I
Love from a distance
So I'm not
Always hurt or feeling hurt
By the things
Said or done to me
By the ones I love
And the ones
That say or show occasionally
That they might could
Possibly have love for me?
God please show me how
To love myself,so I'm not
Always looking for love outwardly.

No battle fought, had I needed
To lift a finger for it to be won
Keep my hands very clean
Raised in surrender
To the reigning champion
The foot of grace's throne
Is my just reward my well done
For serving whole heartedly
The true and living God!!!

This piercing war cry
Bellows deep within my soul
Hold on to the alter
Don't let go, until you
Let God make you whole.

The valleys of
The shadows of dying
Doesn't one bit scare me
Since grace and mercies
Renew daily for the
Protection of my peace
The living word assures
That I am a creature of worship
No battle scars to find
My sword of the spirit
Knows no surrender
Beyond humbled kneeology...

It's so very saddening
I can't be honest with you
You breached the trust
That you told me was truth
When the strange imposter
Impersonated you...

I am so angry at myself
Every time I get one step
Closer to getting out.
Feels like I'm being dragged
Back to your hell
Ugh our contentious bond
We both know it very well
Running  fast forward
To your finished linez
Sick of feeling alone
Being with you, all the time

Second guessing myself constantly
Don't need or want to be around
Things, people and places
That's no good for me
Knowing all things work out
For the betterment of me
I'm begging Lord please
Lead, guide and direct me
Show me where to go
Who to see, who to be a blessing to
And who I am created to be
So that through my life
You alone heavenly father
Get ALL praises and All the glory...

Cried for and over you many
Lonely days and restless nights
Trying hard to forget
The way you look in everything
That fitz you just right
Needing una mas tiempo
To make sure you knew
I know you can be the only one
In this universe created
To be loved by me and only me

Adonis set trippin
Drunkin grownups
Turning tables in so many
Knowingly unknown wayz
Testing broken pressured
Pipelining crewz found no leakz
Glasses raised to pouringz only
No shoveling plowz
To loosen hazy snowy memories
Rocking and rolling through
Uneighborly hoods
Murdering unfriendly shipz
Clicking threes just might
Not get you home court advantage
How far iz to far,but wait!  
Who gon clean up this dog ****?
Of that *** phase, if not you?

What does God want
For and from me
Why can't I seem
To live a sold out life
Completely and whole heartedly
What causes me to stray
What does separate our love
Sometimes day after day
When will I overstand and accept
That you heavenly father
Is the light, truth and the way
Trying hard not to straddle fences
To not live like lukewarm spewage
To not hear, depart from me
I do not even know of you
But we'll done, that glorious day
My faithful servant
The lamb's book of life
Is right this way...

Age was and iz only one number
Away from the pages of the letterz
Written but not mailed out in time
To resolve rumors
Of your girl possibly knowing
That at your very worst or bezt,this
More than a woman hot like fire
Was rocking the boat of not just anybody, decided to let dogs roam
Back to queen of the same
****** mofoz who claimed they
Couldn't breath without you
The only reason my Romeo
Couldn't just get hurt
He had to simply die.

Never encountered anyone
Who wants to end up
Lonely or all alone
But what's the cost of
Selling one's zoul
For the world's price
Of living in hates houseless homes?
Segregated complications of loneliness
Occupying mental time and space
When I was yours
And you were mine to own...

An awakening spirit
Prisoner of will
Enamored by
A captivating morbidly resting soul
Crystallized energies
Prohibiting thermic effects
Necessary to absorb
Expended physicalities
Trapped in amberesque
Prehistoric mentalities
Rebellious knowledge
Attempting excavations
Of unadulterated wisdoms
Not acquired oratorical rhetoric
Separated by oceans of Disparaging indespensible essences
Passed through generations
Heirlooms of distorted truth
I embark on an eternal Internalized tumultuous journey
Of protecting ME from ME!!!

I am no gi jane
Once you're finished playing
I end up in a disheveled
Mentally emotional toy box
Or placed neatly on a trinket'z
Zhelf! I know who and who's I am
What's in my name
My lineage and my birthright'$
One in the same
I dare you to try to define me
Oh please go ahead, make my day
Just try to tell me about the I
That loves me for simply
Being my fearfully and Wonderfully created selves!!!

I find myself
On the perpetual
Potter's wheel
Make me over again
Is my soul's song's plea
Longing to be whole
Every aspect of me
Walking a circumspect life
Is by far no easy fete
So for God I live
Cause Christ layed down his life
Without even knowing me!!!

My fair lady
Is fairly black
But mostly blue
True test of time
Is OUR locked up love
Incarcerated sin tu!

Your gifts I was told
As per the bible
Will make room for you
Not really sure how gifted
I am, and that's my honest truth
Not certain of what I can
Or cannot do
Just narrowing down my dislikes
So I can try to figure out
What I might just like to be or do!

Tried to be what you
Wanted of me
Put morals and faith aside
To be accepted for
The me you needed to see
Losing pieces of my peace
Trying hard for you
To love me for me
We are too far gone
There's no love lost or found
In this unwholly matrimony
We've become friendly foes
With barricaded hearts
Chained together
In our houseless homes
Afraid to go back to being alone
Petrified of unwelcomed
Possible hurt or pain unknown...

What you do for others
Don't expect the same
To be done to or for you
By the very same people
Growing up, I'd often
Hear my mother say
Was that the bitterness
Of disappointment
Or are things in life
Really just that way?

Don't need you
Longingly wanting though
Every passionate thing
Ever done by us
More than just twice
Bellybutton and below kisses
Throat coating magnitudinal
Expressions of magnificence
Desiring long after this
One presented gift of OUR lives.

Trying to come to terms
With being loved
Treated justly justifiably right
Respectively respected
Comfortable communications
For the rest of my daze
Even if only in this lifetimes life
Taking time to honestly
learn to appreciate each other
Some real realizing ****
I'm not entitled to the GOD in YOU
Truly measured wealth
Earnest knowledge only WE2
Knowing the me I hide
From shining through
Fearful of letting me get so into U
Fearful of anymore hurt
Least of all
Birth from perceived truthz
Repressing **** isn't
Something I like
It's juzt something
I was taught to do.
Trying so hard to change
Until I recognize Myselves in ME!!!

You have no idea
What it's like being me
I'm not craving fame
It's the successes of
Accomplishments I want
I long for my gifts
To proudly speak for me
The foreground
Has never been my thing
Behind the scenes
Has always been
This stringless, puppetless
Masters zone.

I am a fake
A pure phony
Dying behind the scenes
Of unaccomplished
Accomplishments
Missing a love
I NEVER HAD
Living in darknesses
Of the unblind
Mortally combating
Serenity on the battlefield
If only of my own mind

Did I conjure you
Were you a delusion
Did your love not exist
Was it all a creation in my mind
Did WE not lay head to chest
Never eating soggy anything
Let alone waffles at our worsts
Best WE ever had
We loved you the most
Let you in to our inner sanctum's
Deepest parts, our existentialism
Did WE not bear, carry, and birth
Where truthful lies did hurt
Honesty's unforgiving sting
Was none of it really the truth
You could've just gotten
What you initially came for
You didn't have to pretend
Cause watching your act
Way back when is what
Made me and kept me
Slipping, Tripping, and Falling
For the illusion you gave of you.

My level of crazy
Is not easily dealt with
Treated or diagnosed
Usually not concerned though
It's the aspects of insanity
Which worries me the most
That doing the same thing
Over and over the same way
Expecting betterment
Knowing the outcome
May very well be worse.

May I
Be worthy enough
To hide myself
In your peace
Far longer than
Just this moment
May I
Sojourn in your zoul
Far beyond just
This lifetime
Bmyndz far longer lifelines
May I
Stay just a while
To, by all means
Let the sweet smelling
Savorings linger
Only minds know
Where brains master plan
Is hidden pinky
Learn to love yourself
May I
Let you be you? Of course
As long as you let me be me

I won't see you slip
If you don't watch me falling
And say or do nothing
In my supernatural powers
To prevent it
Love me for me
IZ  my forever plea
Weather you in a box
Or rippin and runnin
Theze streets!
No perfection as perfectly
Created as she who've known
Not the zkarz of feeling jaded
In itz own image and likeness...

Embarking on each day
With peaceful serenity
Grateful for what was
What is, and is to be
Thankful for the gift
Of this presently presented
Day's presences in these
Particular ways
Praying graceful mercies
Abound the rest of life's days...

A thoughtful mind turns
Me all the way on
Sap as I am
I'm enamored in the sexiest ways
Intellect peaks my interest
I need to look
Into the windows of your zoul
And see the excitement
Of what you see in me
That I don't see in myself
And melt into your being
Relations are relational
When WE relate
Better to and with each other
My FLT4AATG valentymez

Desiring betterment
Negates bitterness
Why can't I want more for myself
Why must I just accept failures
If to whom much is given
Much is expected of
Living life  to its fullest extent
Is ALL I have to be concern with
Created to be exactly who I AM
Pressing toward the mark
Of a race well ran
Peaceful Blezzingz
Of good and faithfully faithful  Well Done!!!

Humbling myself
Highest elevation one could go
Burying myself
Deeper than Bill's killing
Is the only way for me to grow
Imploding Pheonix'$ glow
Weathering high flamez or low
True blue, dem cloudy skies BoB
Is ALL for me,of course you too
Never a more natural day
Than when these mind's eyes
Speak truthful truthz!!!

Conversations I can't
Nor do I want to unhear
My gurlz 9 yrs apart
My youngest's curiosity
Becons, ***** what's that
My oldest, a big bowl of nothing
In a funny voice
I'm just so grateful to be
To exist here and now
Their fathers only dream
About moments like these
Yes I am blessed
Being able to raise myself
On many levels
I get to see different
Aspectz of me!
Mommy luv it

The heart
Of this hero will live on
Far longer
Than dust to ashes
This flesh
And these bones
The mourning after
Tearful cerimonies
Skipping to
Lub dubbing sounds
And massive
Welcoming praises
Shouting, my good
And faithful servant
Well Done!

Tribute to loved ones, not lost!
Juzt moved on!!!

I cannot
Possibly love you more
Today than yesterday
And yet you have given
Me so many reasons to
I woke to this gift
Of living and loving
This present once more
And adoration of the
Piecez of my peace
Found in the insane
Sanity of longing to be
Held fisrt, last, and only
Closer than close to you.

What are
WE handing down?
Heirlooms deceptions abounds
Giving out bibles
And Christianity murderously
While coining native
Kings and Queens savage
To steal OUR lands
In the name of their own crowns
Nieve hearts and minds
Couldn't see the wolves
So sheeply disguised
Herd only rumors of peaceful lies
Now building presidential boarders
After coming into OUR homes
They claimed to discover
Still while WE living in them
Only to keep US from
The stolen heritage
Of OUR OWN Birth
Rights, Rites, Writes.
Demanding that WE pledge
To their thwarted versionz
Through their demented visionz
Of Illiberal Injustices
For not one, not a few
Not even many of the majority
But FOR ALL!!!
Tingz dat mek mi go Hmmmm!!!

Have
So much to be grateful for
Not too long ago, again
Death came knocking
At my front, side
And back doorz
Grace and Mercy
Saw fit to intervene
You will die
Of that they did assure
But not today, and not like this
You have much work left to do
Before Well Done
Is your just reward.
I'm humbly grateful
For my every gifted
Present day I'm given
This Blezzing of living life
In the land of the living
And living dead
Thank You Dear Lord!!!

Storytelling to be accepted  
Well known, loved or even liked
Knew of the dearly departed well
Kept talking their wayz
Straight into the spit fyahz of hell
No earthly  water could quench
No human can tame abundances
Of their own demise
Living and dying by what lyez
Insides the windows and doors
To their own zoul'z trapping
By way of dropping mics
Katana sharpened doubled edges
Rearranging story lines
Piercing through the
Balderdash of wordy words
Divulging devilishly
Black or White, big or small
Embellishments or omitance
If it ain't the whole
And nothing but
Beloved WE far too old
To not know deceit lies in lies
Wagging  tounges
Taking our own Livez.
Speak to be listened to, Stop talking to be herd!!!

Heavenly father WE are so humbly grateful, 2019 opened with a roof over our family's heads, food in our fridge and our bellies. Our bills paid, clothes on and off our backs by choice. A warm and loving atmosphere for to rest our weary zoulz. WE are grateful for these beds. Ever so thankful for peace of mind,hearts and heartstrings. Never forgetting that this is ALL gifted, and the brothers and sisters not as fortunate as WE. WE pray for humility, and that you help WE help ourselves so WE can humbly help someone else. Our heart's desires and zoul'z prayer
Is that our children's, children's, children's, children's,children's,children's, children's, children's, children
Be better than WE!!!

Viktoriouz
Already won
You loose and lost
No battle scarred hands
Wearing clean gloves
Polished whole armour
Never dented, stained
Nor appearing worn
God's grace abides!
Only one pair of footprints
To be found!!!

Coming for my mind
Didn't plan on
Running into me
Allow the illumination
Of proverbial foolishness
This Goddezz on da ryze
Look beyond my eyez
Respekt this Monalyza'z Smilez...

I trust you
To be my everything
Matrimonial bliss
Bridez groomingz
Equated wizdumbz
Of proverbial foolishness
Slow strolling
To destiny'z kiss...

Tearful years
I put myself through
Slipping, tripping
Falling for all
Not standing tall over you
Dominion and Power
Inherent heirlooms
Meager mynded shattered
No reflected thoughts
This dye mound winz
Color you bad
My ***** you lose...

Know my faceless name
I'm coming for my fortunes
Might let you keep your fame
Your forty acres
And that stubbornly mule
Strangly hanging fruits
Diamond mynded,purest goalz
Adam anti um
Killing healing zoulz...

Dis bad *****
Not smelling like smoke
Me tip toeing through hell?
Not now! Not ever folks!
Walking in Satan's front door
Violating Hades throne
Coming for what's mine
Waging war in hates house
Till heaven calls me home
These blezzingz given
Aren't mine to let go
Cause All I am and have
Belongs to God and God alone!!!
Faktz, I'm humbly grateful...

Lip service means nothing
If out of the abundance
Of the heart
Actions reveal zero fiauqz given.
Shut da *** up when speaking to me.

Don't want to hear
Another word about love
Your actions Don't coincide
Trust was breached
When you decided
I wasn't good enough
For the truth
So you gazed
Through the windows
While telling my soul lies
Lies I protected
To cover you shaming
Our family's pride
Far longer than forever
And after who's grave?
Mercy and grace kept me
When you left me for dead
That day...

Started insulting
Myself first as a child
As a way to protect myself
So when I heard the hate
Out loud, it wouldn't really
Bother or affect me
That was such a farce
I didn't know better
Had no counseling, or counselors
Just abusive negativity
Served hot, cold, or indifferent
On every single silver plated
Platter.
Even as an adult
It has made my life's
Decision-making processes alone
That much more questionably
Harder.
As a mom myself, I regret
Inadvertently passing that
Level of hatred effortlessly
To my daughters.
And have had to try even harder
For my own self esteem
To recover.

I am going to
Learn to love myself
To the point of liking me
No matter how long it takes
Spent many years many tears
On people and things lost
Surrounding myself in the
Chaos of their lives and living
To avoid the sounds of
My own detriment
All the negativity
That riddle peaceful thoughts
Hateful curses assumed
To be my demise
If not for the price of blood
True honest love
Is God's peace in my life

I can't show you
How heavy my heart is
Not even in theory
You could know the truth
How I cry so much
My tear ducts swell
With much more
Than regretful tears
Mourning choices
That could've yielded
Far better results
Than the ramifications
Left with of not loving me enough
To recognize and run from
Fauqed up unrequited love...

You came knowingly
Fauqed up intentionally
Disregarding my life
My hopes, my dreams
My responsibilities
Running from
What your hands created
Hiding out in my peace
Ignorance begat
Ignorant choices
Xoul eating ultimatum
Distorted views
Aborted no mission
Leaving behind
No man, child, or woman
Massacres for thanksgivings
Your ladened basket
Came filled with lovely lies...