I don’t know where my emotions stand,
I wish I could truly understand,
I feel guilt and pain every time I here your name,
I feel unworthy and undeserving of the love you gave me,
You and me ended things because of my family.
And this random guy,
Caught my eye,
But I find myself comparing,
At this point I don’t even know why I’m sharing.

Sitting there in the dark silence,
Hidden in the deep shadows,
Watching with interest in your eyes,
I see you every night,
Watching me in fright.
I fear you and you fear me,
Please tell me what is it that you see.
Silent Creature of the night.
Your mystic figure is such a sight.

I write and I write,
I dream and I dream,
Sometimes life is not all that it seems,
I think and I think,
Just letting all these emotions sink.

My heart beats quickly and intensely,
Why am is this feeling forming for you?
You're dorky and broken,
You say some of the realest **** to be spoken.
I feel evil for my heart falling for you,
I had another love and he was kind just like you,
He treated me like royalty,
With his love he spoiled me,
So, Why is this feeling forming for you?
Internally screaming out of excitement and fear;
Why is my heart choosing to make you dear?

I may not be content but I am at ease
We never fought but we would tease
We both let go of our tight grips
I wish I could say our hands just slipped
We never had animosity, we were always faithful
And for this first love I am grateful
I gently breathe and try to slowly let go
I will always love you, this I hope you know
I won’t hold my breath and I won’t hold onto pain
Just know that your hug is what has kept me sane.
I hold you in my heart and mind,
Thank you for always being so sweet and kind.

I feel stuck inside this shell,
I feel trapped in my own hell,
I am restricted and cannot breathe.
I just long to be freed.
I was free for a while but was entrapped.
Enticed by feelings to reacted.
I was hurt and I shut the cage.
In order to hide all my sadness and rage.

Thoughts are all relative,
Everyone has a different perspective,
We all differ from time to time,
Your mind is different from mine.

I’m scared,
For this whole situation I feel unprepared,
I’m trying not to fall into despair,
I can hardly breathe and  I can barely see,
What the future holds for me,
This decision is large and completly life changing,
I have to choose now, The question can’t be left hanging.
Am i going away?
Or will I just stay?
Is the choice really mine?
Will my choice be just fine?
Everything is collapsing,
I’m trying to hold onto what i am grasping.
What in my life is worth risking it all?
Should I go ahead and just end it all?
I can barley handle all this stress
I currently live a  life like a risky game of chess.
time is ticking.
I just have to be careful and make sure I know what I’m picking.
Someone please save me!
I’m honestly scared!
I feel lost and just want to rest.
Is this real or is it just a test?
Why hold on so tight,
When im loosing all the sand.
The choice has been made,
Despite what I really wanted,     I  stayed....

His eyes are forever in my mind,
For some reason, to my flaws he is blind,
He looks at me with love and adoration,
With one look he dims my frustrations,
His eyes seem to say so much,
So he communicates through soft touch,
He makes me feel safe and sound,
It makes me so happy to have him around.
I love him so and I hold him dear,
If it were up to me he’d always be near.

This reflection of mine,
It seems to change with time,
This reflection of mine,
It always shifts in my mind,
I see it morph into an evil figure,
This figure telling me to come hither,
Shall I embrace it or leave it be?
Is it to be shunned?
Is it even really me?
Those eyes have a deceptive depth,
That laugh is something to abhor,
That smile is a dangerous cover,
For all the fear that I shall become my mother,
This worry lies in each and every breath,
I am so violent and somewhat evil,
I have striked fear in so many people,
Why do I seem to harm those I love?
Why do deception and violence fit me like a glove?
Why can i not give complete trust?
Sometimes i wish to end it all with a knife and a quick ******,
Yet i do not have the audacity to even try,
Instead I sit here in silence and cry.
Just staring at This reflection of mine,
My voice  is sandpaper on an irritated wound,
My laughter is worse and it will never make anyone swoon.
My nose is so pointy like that of a witch,
And I must admit I am quite a *****.
This reflection of mine,
I do see strength in that old wall mirror,
Yet it is that of a man and not of a lady,
My seeming lack of femininity is a bit shady.
I wish to fall in love and get married,
But it seems so far in the future,
and I have a lot of emotions I must suture.
After I get my education,
I don’t think there will be a man ready to get me at that station.
Oh this is surreal,
What is the deal?
A handsome young man says I have great appeal!
The poor fool doesn’t truly know all the daemons that control me,
I am so scared of myself and these emotions that are trying to get free!
Oh this reflection of mine!
I hope it will change for the better in time!
Oh lord, can you please help improve me?
I am praying that these thoughts will leave me be!!
I have all this anger and all of this despair,
I am searching for my inner light if it even is really there!
Well I must brace for the impact of facing God’s will!
I put my trust in My Lord to help my soul become calm and still!
The future is truly bright!
I shall not spoil it with my pessimistic spite!
Oh this reflection of mine!

The soft mist of these spring showers,
gently was over the fields of pale cornflowers,
The gentle sunshine after the rains,
It reaches out with its bright rays,
It disperses any feeling of cold,
And now blossoms the Aztec Marigold,
The distant rumble of the thunder,
Fills the scene with a mystic wonder,
Life is flourishing within our view,
So many things are brand new,
The air is crisp, fresh and clean,
What a calming and gorgeous scene,
We lie here on the soft, green grass,
Watching as the beauty of the world goes past.

Time is an impatient thing,
It’s always running,
Never allowing us to catch our breath,
Time waits for nobody.

Trying so hard to enjoy the time I have,
Yet time gets impatient with the good times and makes them feel so few,
Yet he holds out during bad times,
And makes them lengthen.

Yet time refuses to wait for any body,
Just have to keep going at his pace.
You’ll either catch up or lag far behind.
Yet you can never out run time.
Time waits for nobody.

But perhaps he could make an exception for me?
All I want is for Time to take it slow,
The future is approaching so very fast,
I want to be able to fix my past,
Yet Time waits for nobody.

Blurry future up ahead.
Will I be alive or will I be dead?
Will the outcome be something that I dread?
Blurry future up ahead.
Take a right then keep going.
Take a left when you see the water flowing.
Keep running along the water.
No worries the fire to your left is just getting hotter.
Dive into the water to escape the flames.
Oh but wait the current cannot be tamed.
Being dragged down so you gotta keep swimming.
Ha! In this game there is no winning!
There’s a Blurry future ahead.
You finally get to the shoreline!
You better make a beeline.
Your times ticking.
You are on your way
But Youʼre tired that you want to stay.
Blurry future ahead.
Keep up the pace.
Life is full of haste.
The world is keeps spinning. And you donʼt even know your place.
Keep up the pace.
Blurry future ahead.
Will I be alive or will I be dead?

Me recuesto para tras, solo para pensar,
En el mundo que vivo,
En un mundo contigo,
Pienso en la luna llena,
Y todos los veses que me dio pena,
Los momentos en que yo me ríe,
Y los momentos en que lloré,
este vida que estoy viviendo tiene sus problemas y sus calmas,
Una cosa que si pienso mucho en es mi alma,
Pienso en todo los mundos a allá arriba,
Y en el dia que al fin los animales no sufren,
Y que todos las personas no pelean simplemente escuchen,
Pienso en un mundo magnífico y seguro,
Pienso en el idea que mis hijos y nietos tendrán una vida más completo que la mía,
Todo el tiempo ando pensando,
Mi mente nunca deja de pensar en todo,
Hay veces que me reprocho por pensar tanto,
Imagina como es a vivir con un mente tan vivida,
Nunca dejando de pensar en todo aunque es grande o pequeño,
Me recuesto para tras solo para pensar,
En los noches oscuras,
Y mi mente juega con diferentes figuras,
Mi mente es loca y llena de vida,
Y con todo mi pensamiento se estira,
Se estira hasta el punto que ya no tiene tanto poder,
Soy una complicada mujer.

I look in the mirror,
She looks back at me,
I scrutinize every feature that i see.
Inward and outward,
So many flaws.

If she were a work of art,
I would have begged the artist tear her apart,
He would have told me o look close,
And interpret the beauty.

Scars and flaws give her the little bit of beauty she has,
But she is like a broken plate,
Pasted together, not to be used on a dinner date,
So she sits there and collects dust.

I hide her away from the world,
She is too fragile and too scared of all the evils that unfurled,
She has seen such dark things and has been hurt,
I am her armour, sword, battered shield,
I fight one on life’s twisted battle field.

I am always on high alert never letting anyone near,
I must guard her and conceal my fear,
I must hide her delicate self away,
We are one yet she has never seen the light of day.

Scars and flaws make up her twisted beauty,
I have tried so hard to completely mend her,
A broken spirit and wounded soul,
Too tired and too weak to single handedly complete my goal.