i feel empty

i feel as if i’m floating through life

watching it through the eyes of someone else

i feel heavy

as if i'm being dragged down and no longer have the strength to push my way up

is it possible to feel these two things at once?

the feeling of nothingness

the feeling of excruciating pain

how can emptiness feel so heavy?

to you,
i'm sorry if i hurt you
i never ever wanted that
but honestly,
over time you've hurt me too
and when you said “i need space”
it crushed me, but it also gave me a strange sense of liberty
but no matter how long i put the feelings off,
i always come back to wanting you
if only these memories of you would leave me
and i from you,
we could finally, finally start anew
but i don't want things to be how they were long before,
i only want you in a simple way,
a way that still allows me to be in your luminous aura everyday,
as a friend