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Gemini Dec 2017
Reminiscing
On my last 344 days I didn't ever think I'd have a premonition
On staying with this challenge so long and I'm surprised that I did
Because college has me wishing I chose a different major than the one I did
My challenge and fears keep staring me in the face and I can't help but be scared and tremble in the face of it
Too much doubting and thoughts of failure has me afraid to be facing it
My future isn't secured so I can't be complacent when I think of it
Monday, I'm off to learn about humans psychology
Tuesday, Nursing Math and finish off with some chemistry
Wednesday, Time for my second dose of psychology
Thursday, More calculations and then I'll just have to wait and see
Friday, Health Education has its challenges but seems to have the most simplicity
Alyssa, save me a bottle of that alcohol
Kayla, we seem to have to had the same childhood but drove down separate paths after all
I'm in need of vacation
Spin the globe and get lost in foreign location
I know people would look for me on occasion
But I need to find balance in my life and make both sides equal like an equation
So I apologize if it's a long process but I just ask you to be more patient
Gemini Dec 2017
Living underground with my prayers and an old back pack
Wake up early in the morning asking for money to put in my knapsack
I used to have goals that were so vivid and clear you'd be surprised it was an abstract
But I made a few mistakes too many and I was forced to backtrack
Subway trains are my new alarm
Late nights I pay close attention to the subway stations and keep an eye out for any ladies in harm
And all my past friends wonder if I'm dead but if only they knew I had so much promise
And now every time I look at a puddle I think of all the lies and dishonesty I had with myself and say "Why couldn't you have been more honest?"
And when I lay my head down on my ***** clothes I don't smell stench but defeat and that's another battle with my conscience
And when I poke my head out the shadows before I ask people for money I'm cautious
Did we used to share the same academic environment or did we have a friendship history
But I'm pretty sure half of my memories with friends are a mystery
They moved on and found new goals to attain
While I'm stuck crying over the pieces of my life that broke and I'm trying to regain
And not become bitter and have my faith remain
And even though I'm down in the dumps
This slump
Will not hold me back from giving up and making an impact on the world so they all know my name
Gemini Oct 2017
In 2017 the ones people idolized are shocked at their actions and can't visualize
How one man can try to colonize
All of the world and put new equator lines across borders and separate people like a MyPlate diagram
When he talks does he really think it through or does he just see a microphone and takes a deep breath before speaking from his diaphragm
Maybe mentioning him on Twitter is the better way to get a bigger following for my Instagram
I know his Twitter fingers keep running along his phones keyboard
What if he replies to me? Would that be a punishment or reward?
Our military bleeds red white and blue and I'm starting to trust their ptsd damaged brains more than his
I know Mexican friends that have ptsd from watching their mother and father get abused and bruised and used as an example to show what'll happen if the immigrants don't leave the United States
This land is your land
This land is your land
5 words I never got to hear people of color speak
I don't badmouth and jump on the bandwagon of police brutality
You'd be amazed how many caucasian cops are educated on the African American history and can answer any question related to it without being in a slump
Unlike some people who'll remain unnamed but talks enough crap to have it be relevant his name rhymes with ****
Your resident has a lot of people hesitant to show up with championship trophies and represent
The hard fought battle of a sporting season
But the day you're impeached will make rehabbing alcoholics relapse
And perhaps
That'll be looked at as a pass for a celebratory moment in our history as our country is saved from a potential catastrophic collapse
Gemini Oct 2017
There's a little boy with imaginary voices in his head playing different scenarios
That are scary though
Keeping his confidence and self esteem ground level
Trying to push forward with foot on gas but he has a broken pedal
Baby steps he takes in life compared to a baby makes the baby look like a track star
His GPS for his purpose in life is broken, he should've chose OnStar
He's the good boy, respectable boy, one you can take home to mama
His routine is home to school then vice versa
There's no night life
Not even a night light
He does his best thinking in the darkness
He's judged for the mean look that's locked on his face but he's far from heartless
His mother beat gentlemen traits into him the same way percent only means out of a hundred was beat into his head by his math professor
Cute girl in his class
But he's too shy so he let's her pass
If the poetry he wrote for her was diary confidential then he'd be her favorite confessor
Pin all the poems on her selfie mirror next to her dresser
But he's just living in his imagination, he's too shy for love
Nobody truly understands him but his pen and the man above
He knows he can treat a girl right
Give him one night
And you'll invite him into your house to stay overnight
No after hour activities just enjoying the company
He sits in his classes staring blankly at his phone but there's nobody to text
His mother is sleeping, his sister is  getting ready for her night class, and his other sister is at work with the optometrist
After those three there's nobody next
His lifes forecast foreshadows a cloudy day with a chance of rain
He can't stand the pain of being alone watching all the happy couples hold hands down the street as he watches from his fifth floor window pane
So he's lain to rest his tears into his pillow trying to figure out how to get his life our the hazard lane
Gemini Oct 2017
Poetically I'm the best thing you've ever seen and I don't mean to be cocky
I'm not social enough to have friends to stop me
My head is still in the clouds like your favorite rappers baby picture
I paint like the black Picasso but nobody can see my bigger picture
I'm just looking to find my calling in life and hoping I'm poetically gifted enough to have people study my words like bible scripture
Mathematically and scientifically I'm far behind the pack
My love for nursing is still as alive as ever but I think a career for me in nursing is where I take a step back
I can't comprehend the formulas and equations like the others
Maybe I'm not meant to be in the hospital environment like the others
Ink and paper is where my bread could be financially buttered most
I just wanna shine bright like a diamond
And have confidence and stop hiding
Behind my poetic commas
Buy a house for my mama
And make her proud and be a better man than my papa
My life's calling still hasn't called but I'm trying to be patient
It feels like centuries ago I knew what I wanted to do but now it feels ancient
I'm at the crossroads of my life
Unsure whether to cross roads hoping they lead somewhere promising or be a trooper and see this current route to the end and see what'll happen with my life
Gemini Sep 2017
People are criticised on the material things
"He's not wearing Nike or Jordans"
"Her hair isn't like mine, where did she buy her makeup from? The clown store?"
But it's not even important
Judge people after you get to know them
Stop judging this book by its black cover
If you read a few pages of this book I promise you'll be addicted
And if you read my spoken word on my Instagram you'd be ready to be relationship committed
No I've never been in a relationship why is that to shocking
I'm so shy I wouldn't like a girls picture if I didn't know them
Blame my lack of a father figure, low self esteem, I'm still trying to find my answer
But I have a mother and 2 sisters so I bet if a girl took me with her shopping in Victoria Secret it'll be more fun
There's plenty of time to find a girlfriend I'm only 19 years young
But I chose to not find one because there's still issues with myself I have to fix
I can't love someone until I first love myself
I can't buy someone that new dress and heels they've been looking at in the mall until I first get comfortable in my own clothes and shoes
There's out of control kids getting record deals and famous just from saying 6 words
I just recently got my poetry published on the internet
4 poems, 329 words
I'm not saying I'm the best at poetry but I know I'm more talented than her
Calling people names and cruel behavior towards someone you don't know but used to describe them, let's change that right away
I'm sad because of how lonely I am and my need for friendships
I would have the biggest smile in the world if someone would just say "Hey"
I sit in my college classes afraid to speak to people because I'm antisocial
Those headphones you see in my ears isn't playing music they're  masking my cheap pathetic way of listening to everybody talk in hopes I can jump into the conversation
Do you see the pain I have and passion I have with words to express it?
So please don't judge this book by its cover, I have alot more pain and more pages to express it
Gemini Sep 2017
You look at me and see a beast, I look at you and see a beauty
Everything I want in a girl but too shy to have, so the excuse isn't that you're too good for me
Your life socically and academically and financially is night and day different compared to me
My life and the choices I've made so far are messed up, I just want a redo
And you seem like the kind of lady who has already begun building her empire, I have 2 sisters and a mother, so like 50 Shades I can thoroughly read you
You seem like the kind of girl who finished making young dumb decisions and stopped thinking of life as something to rapidly breeze through
And I can tell by your high price makeup collection once or twice in your life you've told a boy "I don't need you"
So here's the offer I propose
Give me some time to find myself and find my calling in this world even if it's to be writing prose
I'm not putting you on the backburner nor am I putting you on hold
Before I commit to you, I need to commit to myself
It's unfair for you to love me and i can't stand myself
So for now I'm putting our modern day beauty and the beast love story on a shelf
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