Flicking through pictures of us and remembering how simpler times and our lives used to be
But then global panic set in and our worlds were in limbo and that was the same for everyone else apparently
I told you to stay home and not worry about me
But you wanted to be a supportive friend and come to my house and check up on me
I should’ve looked at your symptoms more closer and not just said a case of allergies
If I knew that was the last time I’d see you I would’ve hugged you tighter
I would’ve picked us up a bottle of Hennessy and we could’ve talked about how when we were younger we thought the worse thing we’d drink that would burn our throats was room temperature Apple cider
Could’ve rolled us up one and I’d forget mine so we’d have to use your lighter
Then we’d get the munchies and walk down the block to McDonald’s three in the morning and get breakfast and lunch foods because we had bipolar **** induced acquired taste
Sorry I’m just going off tangent to keep tears from falling down my face
I remember our late night conversations and how we both said we didn’t want funerals because we felt they’re a waste
We’d rather have our friends and family throw a celebration party and think back on all the good times as they remember us
But now that you’re gone and our dynamic duo is now a solo dolo
These pills in my left hand look rather death inducing but this razor blade in my right hand also looks like another possible solution to make the world remember us
I could never go through with it though because I’ll always have your voice stuck inside my head
“The **** is you thinking
I’m surprised at you
You been swimming in the murky waters called life for twenty one years and now you take the easy way out and wanna start sinking?
Do you know how many people are looking up and supporting you
All the people from our neighborhood who couldn’t go to college or imagine a better life for themselves are now focused on watching your journey on to success and living their lives through you”
Tough love and tougher advice I needed to hear to get myself back on track
But it doesn’t diminish the fact your no longer here and there’s no chance of you coming back
You really should’ve put yourself first for once and stayed home practicing social distancing and I would’ve never had a reason to write this rap
What am I supposed to do now that my partner in crime is watching over me and hoping I make her proud from time to time?
Keep living life the way I was before and hope and pray I don’t get committed time from our crooked criminal justice system for an uncommitted crime
So much I wanted to say before I hit send on this voicemail that i know you’ll never hear but felt inclined to do that way nobody has room to give you fake love and appreciation for the final time
Last bit of Hennessy left in this bottle from when we were together before i knew it would be the last time
I think I’ll drink it out the bottle with no chaser and let you live through me one final time

Promise me honestly
Our vows will hold weight like the hammer of Thor
I vow to be the protector of your
Heart and emotions both in reality and consciously
Cautiously making sure you don’t look like a fool in these winter streets
When In the eyes of the public I represent you and it’s vice versa for me
My heart was locked off to love and god must’ve blessed you with the only key
For so long I used to think my love life was dead and non salvageable
All that’s missing from my happy life is some ears from a famous mouse and a kiss in front of a castle so it can truly be magical
And I promise you this isn’t a love that you’ve felt before
studied each other like profilers from the fbi and that helped us build our rapport
So can you promise me honestly
Our vows will hold weight like the hammer of Thor

Bullets made of lead
Brave soldiers blood keeps getting shed
IEDs and S-vest go off leaving captain America with TBI and shrapnel in his head
America said it’s only my 3rd day out here so why must y’all choose to put me 6 feet deep in my bed
My winter nights supposed to be cold not ******
When I said a vacation far from everyone I didn’t mean in ROTC crawling on the ground getting muddy
And I won’t say names
But this countries deck of cards hasn’t been the same since we added the 45th card and now he keeps receiving the wrong kind of fame
I don’t have a problem with the man it’s more his beliefs choices and antics
Airstrikes on foreign countries now WW3 is trending and everyone’s in a panic
College students scared to file their FAFSA because they’re scared to be drafted
To think I almost brought a child in this world
To think I almost married one of my friends to keep her in her first world of choice and not taken back to her third world
People get married in court rooms then take pictures in front of the courthouse and settle for dutty pigeons flying over head instead of the white doves
No flower girl in sight just kids forced to dress up and smile for their parents wedding picture but it’s the fifth guy they’ve seen their mother with so they’re confused as to what is really love
Most women dreams of an elaborate wedding get shot down and crushed due to the fear of immigration looming
Now men’s dreams of being able to protect and provide for their family get replanned for them by getting shipped to war to prevent nuclear bombs to get to booming
Instead of making peace we’re bombing people
Before getting out of one war we’re deployed to the next
Low morale and fatigue get us captured and tortured now the enemy is recording a video of chopping off our necks
We just sent 700 troops to the Middle East to prepare for a war that’s imminent
If not WW3 scale there’s a war coming
And when it comes I’ll be running
Not towards the bullets but in the opposite direction
Up north and make my new national anthem oh Canada and sipping a Canada Dry
And if I look at the news and hear sad reports about my former country I probably won’t have a tear in my eye

America the great
America my favorite escape
You’re slowing falling deeper into turmoil and today was the day we were supposed to plan your escape
There’s a man leading you and your people into a grave
America please fight for yourself so we can go back to calling you brave
Stop letting them get you to conform, if you bend anymore we’ll literally forget your original form
And I don’t know if you know it yet or not but you and Russia seem to have an on and off relationship and the man that’s misleading you is how the wall was born
Immigration laws keep separating kids from their parents
Thank God my mom was born here but what about the friends that I cherish
Mrs. Pakistan doesn’t have a man but to keep her in the states she’ll be marrying this American
What about my Mexicans? My Africans? My Dominicans? And my Ecuadorian?
Bill Cosby drugged women and I married a handful just so more innocent families aren’t torn apart
Like I said before I’m selfless with my antics
I’d do anything to not see another family get separated and put in a panic
America we aren’t talking about money when we said we need to see a lot of change drastically before upcoming dates
Segregation can’t be taught anymore if it’s a current event and it’s happening before journalists can document the dates
Aren’t you tired of seeing blood and tears shed on your wide estates?
America I won’t make this too long but I’ll just ask this last question
America, Are We Too Late?

You left around ‘06
And the wall called my guard is still up with these old bricks
I’m scared to tell a girl their heart is in good hands with me but my emotions in theirs is too slippery they won’t be able to get good grips
I feel more blue than red nowadays I feel like my affiliation belongs to the crips
Hennessy been looking better and better these past couple of days she might get these elite licks
She took my pain away after a few sips
Sike I’ll never fall for these plain Jane girls like French tips
You’d be surprised I’m 20 and haven’t fell for a hoes tricks
You can thank my mother and sisters for the guidance
Thinking you’d come back used to be a big hope in my mind that occurred in wide stints
But before I turn 20 I just wanna say I’m not mad at how your absence made me a hollow man
I’ll never know a mans love so when I tell my future kids that I love them I hope I can get them to understand
I’ll be the embarrassing dad just because I want them to know I’ll forever be apart of their life
I’ve dealt with that sharp pain of wondering if my life would’ve turned out better if you stayed in mine
So I’ll never want my kids to feel the pain of that knife
Again sorry for the long voicemail
Just some last minute thoughts before I turn 20

From the kid killed in front of the bodega to all the women being ***** along with police brutality
Someone’s playing Thanos because we’re dying off rapidly
There won’t ever be a food shortage because half the population is gone in an unknown fatality
When will we see the end to this
Millions billions and trillions of dollars dumped into our military but there’s still no sense to this
But this is the make America great country that I’m living in
How can hell be any worse than the one we’re living in
I’ll probably see more people dead than I’ll see graduated
There’s polar opposite feelings when death certificates and graduation certificates are allocated
Never catch me outside in my house is where I’ll be located
The blocks getting hot and only by the guns that inhabit them
And it’s all fun and games
Until police brutality or false identity gets you killed and your life lives on through people that have inked your name
And no matter how many memories you had with them it’ll never be the same
Because their watching over you at a height no mortal man can obtain
I’m not trying to be a pastor trying get people to follow the words I preach
I’m just praying the ones I love stay safe in these summer streets

There’s days where feel a little under appreciated
But every time I’m with you I feel that get alleviated
I don’t know if it’s you or me turning 20 but I feel my life’s purpose is a little different now
You should see me running in my house answering a notification hoping your name on the screen will come around
Not desperate but my happiness comes in short stints and doesn’t last for long
And if your wondering about my scars let’s just say most of my clouded judgement and overthinking is the result of me micromanaging all the things I should’ve done right that I thought were wrong
Don’t look at my wrist just put your eyes on me
Let’s just say I’m the type of person who shouldn’t be left alone in a dark room with their thoughts because they’ll be a shock for few and that would be a total surprise to me
People shed a few tears and I never thought I’d see a few cries for me
I never let you in because I’m scared once you leave the haunted house called my thoughts you’ll go far away
My best friends called anxiety and depression keep interrupting me when I’m trying to find the words expressing my emotions and it’s hard to say
You ever feel like you’ve just met someone and you wish the conversations you had with them get longer in duration
That’s how I felt with you because I’m usually beating myself over the head with my thoughts and every time we talked I had one less abrasion
And if your reading this just know it wasn’t you that had a part in me doing this I just got tired of everything and I wanted you to know that the time we spent together was the perfect date
And I’m sorry I could never tell you this in person and had to put it on the fourteenth tape

Such a pretty young thing
And a personality like no other I’m shocked someone hasn’t raided your finger with a diamond so the insects called men can’t have a chance with you because of your bug repellent ring
It’s sad when you realize the person you thought was keeping you up instead was keeping you down
Your number 1 fan turned to your number 1 stan and now you realize that you’ve been the most realist person on your team that you’ve kept around
Girls be wanting Hakeems from the Bronx but want a wedding like Aladdin in the Sultans Palace
Stop getting married to temporary vibe boosters because once that high is over you’ll be out your wonderland and your name will no longer be Alice
Stop doing joint bank accounts with hopes of traveling the world together because only one of your passports will be the new portable atlas
My PhD in relationship longevity is telling me to diagnose you with takotsubo cardiomyopathy due to an unhealthy exposure to malice
We not together right now but I have faith it’s in gods plans
You falling for the wrong guy but I know you’ll land in gods hands
You should give me a call when your man playing child games
I won’t be your knight in shining armor but I’ll be the one to save you from your depression and suicidal claims
Thick girls don’t need to worry about losing weight
Guys like me love you the way you are and when we say you’ve been weighing heavy on our mind it means you hold weight
Trying to give change to a man who doesn’t know your worth when you’re the whole dollar but that’s for a different debate
Never let the public eye shape how you feel about yourself in your private eye
All those names they call you during the day wash away in the night time
And take my advice when I tell you eating your problems away doesn’t make the pain subside
I should be telling myself this advice but look in the mirror and when you smile at the reflection only then will you be able to go out in the world and have the biggest enemy called your conscience on your side

Beauty on the outside with scars on the inside
Keep lying to yourself but I know emotionally broken women when they come across my line of sight
1000 selfies taken and only 1 of them gets posted because the angle is just right
They say a picture paints a thousand words but I can tell from your captions there’s more things to paint
His smile
His charm
The way he makes you feel
The protection you feel in his arms
How he treats you
All the things that pulled you in and all the things you love about him equally that you can’t even rank
Your friends told you he’s cancerous but you said he’s benign and he’s right for you
But I’ve noticed the natural glow your skin used to have is getting a little dim so I wonder does he shed enough light on you
If he doesn’t then I’ll be your sun and shed light and insight on you
I just wonder how can a lady as pretty as you date men that are so dumb
They aren’t worth your time so why do you give them some
You mix beauty brains and a social life so well you should forget your career goals and be an author and write a book for the preteen girls and mold their brain while they’re still young
Tell them selling their body isn’t good advertisement for the public when it should be done in private
Leave guys wanting more and curious and your true intentions make sure to hide it
Tell them that a premium Snapchat isn’t inflating their pockets it’s just giving the adult entertainment business new fresh faces and lives to corrupt
It’s all fun and easy revenue until all your clients get used to the same camera view and that cash flow becomes abrupt
Never put all your cards on the table until most of the boys on your list flopped turned their *** card in and cried you a river for your amusement
I’m not saying tell these girls to play with guys hearts but keep their guard up
But enough about all these girls let’s get back to the one I’m started talking about which was you
The boomerang called life can be thrown but so far until it comes flying back to you
Never sell your soul and morals to a man because no matter how dreamy the eyes may seem
All it takes is a hard enough pull on your heart strings to get pulled back into your reality nightmare from your beautiful dream
Older you learned from those mistakes but younger you made those same mistakes as other girls I can see the resemblance
Same attitude
“Men aren’t crap, I should turn gay
There’s somebody worthy of my heart, the same lie I’ve been told all my life and it’s told the same way”
But the truth is your heart has too many scars from your past and you’re just filled with resentments
Scars can’t heal overnight it’ll take time to mend
But in the mean time makes amends
With your exes and forgive them for not knowing how to treat you
Your mentality was a deadly fatality on them and you were always like a star high in the sky and they could never reach you
So please take my advice when I say don’t fill your heart with hatred because sooner or later it will eat you

I was looking for a way out of my thoughts and mental prison
Before you knew me I was washing away my ***** past and embarrassment that made my skin crimson
But I’m not worried because I know one day I’ll be strong enough to escape my mind
No matter if it costs me to break myself and rebuild it over time
I just need a place to rest my head for the night and let out my last bit of crying
And the devil with his contract keeps appearing my dreams but I’m not ready to give up and commit to signing


Tell me I’m pretty, even though I have a broken soul
Tears from my past, while my heart has a hole
And please don’t look away from my face, I promise I won’t make another me and be cold as stone
Just take me in your arms and tell me my hell is behind me and you’ll be my heaven and I’ll always be loved along with my broken soul

Life is a challenge, you lose your way for a minute, I promise minutes later you’ll forever resent it
Her emotions in charge of what to post and not to post but either way we’ll give it a like or a heart
Because we’ll never turn our back on her because she was faithful to her followers from the start
Mr. Wrong sent her a winter bae application and we hope she declines it
Just because her followers still send her Valentine’s Day requests hoping she doesn’t deny it
When she told her following that she’s been feeling lonely and too single lately
I was the first to realize the right dude probably hasn’t crossed her maybe
There was a time I was prepared to make her my girlfriend maybe
I liked what she stood for and I wasn’t talking about the national anthem
If she became a famous model, I would be the only one to watch her go from rags to riches before she reached super fandom
I remember when she used to have a DM filled with the whole variety of dudes and how they usually come
The fuckboys, the players, fake photographers, scam artist, and shy quiet guys who have a problem socializing because of anxiety
She posts a picture and her following likes it while my brain is telling me do the same but my right hand is fighting me
But eventually the fame goes to her head and she starts acting like her following never existed and we weren’t with her from the beginning, ****
I wonder what happened
Maybe it’s my fault for always falling for a pretty face with makeup with nails and hair done
And once that makeup comes off so does the personality
And all those faces and personas but I can thank makeup tutorials for making that my reality
****
That’s what I get for being attracted to the exterior without getting to understand the interior
Now everytime I look at her I feel so inferior
But no matter what I’ll always be another face behind the phone doing my social media shadowing
But now that she’s all popular I’ll always be apart of her following

You’ve probably seen your share of horrors by now so one more shouldn’t steer you off of path
I know I missed the days of watching you grow and how you made everyone around you laugh
But I got caught up with some bad people and it cost me my life in whole
I had to watch you grow up from a distance while still trying to push you out your comfort zone, but that distance can’t be made up and your brain will forever have a hole
When you needed me most I had to leave you alone
And now you’re writing poems but it’s my fault why you’re not out there getting a New Years kiss
She’s a cute girl but I feel her attention is not where it should be and that’s where being crazy comes into play
And I patiently wait for when you become a father because that’ll be the day
I learn from my mistakes and can hopefully be a good grandfather
But if you have a son that’ll be the day I start breathing harder
Watching you and him interact together has a list of regrets running through my mind like a movie I’ve seen too many times
I’ll always admire how big and smart you’ve grown and how you stayed away from criminal crimes
And I’ve come to conclusion that all the things you said about me is true but most importantly I’m a deadbeat
You cooked me up good with the words you wrote but managed to watch me bleed while you salivated like rich people do at red meat
But just know there used to be a time when I was proud to have said I have a son
And if death disguised himself as a cop I’d jump in front of the gun
I never thought my absence would give you anxiety, but again that’s my fault
Try hitting up one of those Spanish girls on your Snapchat, that’s not fatherly advice just a man thought
Be one thing you can’t deny is before there was Gemini we all knew you as Stephon
The boy who lived to provide for his family and friends and would do it until god said it’s his time to be gone
And correct me if I’m wrong
But isn’t there a girl from your senior year in high school that killed you mentally when she chose him over you? I’ve seen the way you’ve been talking and looking at that girl from college so son I think it’s time to respawn
And stop writing poems about these girls and face to face tell them how you feel until the crack of dawn
My last wish from you is to tell that girl how you feel and maybe your words can hit her hard and you she can be the one to lift your anxiety curse

Dear mom this is your unborn son reporting live from your belly
I can feel the stress being put on you without the umbilical cord having to tell me
Popping pills and alcohol but when you knew about me you put your hand on your stomach and said you’d quit cold turkey
What’s that word for when you say you’ll do something and don’t do it
I heard you yelling at some man about having a baby and how he didn’t want it
Just like you’re eating for 2 you’re stressing for 2
God only gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers so this war should be nothing to you
Please mommy stop coming home from that mans house when your skin should be brown and not be blue
Why don’t you make me that special dish you love to make, I’ve been listening to you read to me I think it’s called a stew
Mommy when you have this baby what are you prepared to do?
Because I’m on the way

Am I wrong for giving up on relationships completely and focusing on degrees?
To say I'll turn a blind a eye to a cute girl I see is a lie but my interest in exclusive affiliation I chose to rapidly decrease
My mentality is one and done
And if all you can offer me in our relationship is *** twerking drugs and alcohol I'm sorry but you aren't the one
Start with a foundation
Build with bricks not straws
You have issues and I got them too, so give all of yours to me and I'll tell you all my flaws
We get into argument and go on a break but you must be out of your **** mind if we're on break
I'm gonna give you space and put our conversations on hold but me stalking your social media isn't on pause
There's dudes out in this world that think of a break as a open invitation to slide in the DM
So you can tell those dudes and your past dudes your time is open but your heart is closed and they need to find another girl to DM
I heard the news my mother's surgery was a success
But it was hard to see her because King Gemini couldn't see his Queen Leo in a hospital bed when she wasn't looking her best
But I had my softball MVP to bring tears and my pain to a less
There's a Dominican blue Dominican sky out there who still has a special place in my heart no matter if our conversation history has drastically been less
This past summer has been a roller coaster that's made me nauseous
And I couldn’t wait until we reached the end of August
I was close to having an emotional breakdown but I held it together by the hairs of my chin chin chin
But those hairs are losing its grip and the chances of me holding it all together is thin thin thin
I put misery and company together but still I'm able to forget my problems and make sure my friends don't find the urge to sin sin sin
And I have no clue if I'm high right now
Or if this is Gods doing right now
But you can look in my eyes and see that the young little black boy who was scared of the real world doesn't exist right now
And nothing the man who was sadly given presidential credentials does to me comes as a surprise right now
I'm gonna pretend I just turned 21 a few years early and smoke hookah and drink and live my life right now

Reminiscing
On my last 344 days I didn't ever think I'd have a premonition
On staying with this challenge so long and I'm surprised that I did
Because college has me wishing I chose a different major than the one I did
My challenge and fears keep staring me in the face and I can't help but be scared and tremble in the face of it
Too much doubting and thoughts of failure has me afraid to be facing it
My future isn't secured so I can't be complacent when I think of it
Monday, I'm off to learn about humans psychology
Tuesday, Nursing Math and finish off with some chemistry
Wednesday, Time for my second dose of psychology
Thursday, More calculations and then I'll just have to wait and see
Friday, Health Education has its challenges but seems to have the most simplicity
Alyssa, save me a bottle of that alcohol
Kayla, we seem to have to had the same childhood but drove down separate paths after all
I'm in need of vacation
Spin the globe and get lost in foreign location
I know people would look for me on occasion
But I need to find balance in my life and make both sides equal like an equation
So I apologize if it's a long process but I just ask you to be more patient

In 2017 the ones people idolized are shocked at their actions and can't visualize
How one man can try to colonize
All of the world and put new equator lines across borders and separate people like a MyPlate diagram
When he talks does he really think it through or does he just see a microphone and takes a deep breath before speaking from his diaphragm
Maybe mentioning him on Twitter is the better way to get a bigger following for my Instagram
I know his Twitter fingers keep running along his phones keyboard
What if he replies to me? Would that be a punishment or reward?
Our military bleeds red white and blue and I'm starting to trust their ptsd damaged brains more than his
I know Mexican friends that have ptsd from watching their mother and father get abused and bruised and used as an example to show what'll happen if the immigrants don't leave the United States
This land is your land
This land is your land
5 words I never got to hear people of color speak
I don't badmouth and jump on the bandwagon of police brutality
You'd be amazed how many caucasian cops are educated on the African American history and can answer any question related to it without being in a slump
Unlike some people who'll remain unnamed but talks enough crap to have it be relevant his name rhymes with ****
Your resident has a lot of people hesitant to show up with championship trophies and represent
The hard fought battle of a sporting season
But the day you're impeached will make rehabbing alcoholics relapse
And perhaps
That'll be looked at as a pass for a celebratory moment in our history as our country is saved from a potential catastrophic collapse

There's a little boy with imaginary voices in his head playing different scenarios
That are scary though
Keeping his confidence and self esteem ground level
Trying to push forward with foot on gas but he has a broken pedal
Baby steps he takes in life compared to a baby makes the baby look like a track star
His GPS for his purpose in life is broken, he should've chose OnStar
He's the good boy, respectable boy, one you can take home to mama
His routine is home to school then vice versa
There's no night life
Not even a night light
He does his best thinking in the darkness
He's judged for the mean look that's locked on his face but he's far from heartless
His mother beat gentlemen traits into him the same way percent only means out of a hundred was beat into his head by his math professor
Cute girl in his class
But he's too shy so he let's her pass
If the poetry he wrote for her was diary confidential then he'd be her favorite confessor
Pin all the poems on her selfie mirror next to her dresser
But he's just living in his imagination, he's too shy for love
Nobody truly understands him but his pen and the man above
He knows he can treat a girl right
Give him one night
And you'll invite him into your house to stay overnight
No after hour activities just enjoying the company
He sits in his classes staring blankly at his phone but there's nobody to text
His mother is sleeping, his sister is  getting ready for her night class, and his other sister is at work with the optometrist
After those three there's nobody next
His lifes forecast foreshadows a cloudy day with a chance of rain
He can't stand the pain of being alone watching all the happy couples hold hands down the street as he watches from his fifth floor window pane
So he's lain to rest his tears into his pillow trying to figure out how to get his life our the hazard lane

Poetically I'm the best thing you've ever seen and I don't mean to be cocky
I'm not social enough to have friends to stop me
My head is still in the clouds like your favorite rappers baby picture
I paint like the black Picasso but nobody can see my bigger picture
I'm just looking to find my calling in life and hoping I'm poetically gifted enough to have people study my words like bible scripture
Mathematically and scientifically I'm far behind the pack
My love for nursing is still as alive as ever but I think a career for me in nursing is where I take a step back
I can't comprehend the formulas and equations like the others
Maybe I'm not meant to be in the hospital environment like the others
Ink and paper is where my bread could be financially buttered most
I just wanna shine bright like a diamond
And have confidence and stop hiding
Behind my poetic commas
Buy a house for my mama
And make her proud and be a better man than my papa
My life's calling still hasn't called but I'm trying to be patient
It feels like centuries ago I knew what I wanted to do but now it feels ancient
I'm at the crossroads of my life
Unsure whether to cross roads hoping they lead somewhere promising or be a trooper and see this current route to the end and see what'll happen with my life

People are criticised on the material things
"He's not wearing Nike or Jordans"
"Her hair isn't like mine, where did she buy her makeup from? The clown store?"
But it's not even important
Judge people after you get to know them
Stop judging this book by its black cover
If you read a few pages of this book I promise you'll be addicted
And if you read my spoken word on my Instagram you'd be ready to be relationship committed
No I've never been in a relationship why is that to shocking
I'm so shy I wouldn't like a girls picture if I didn't know them
Blame my lack of a father figure, low self esteem, I'm still trying to find my answer
But I have a mother and 2 sisters so I bet if a girl took me with her shopping in Victoria Secret it'll be more fun
There's plenty of time to find a girlfriend I'm only 19 years young
But I chose to not find one because there's still issues with myself I have to fix
I can't love someone until I first love myself
I can't buy someone that new dress and heels they've been looking at in the mall until I first get comfortable in my own clothes and shoes
There's out of control kids getting record deals and famous just from saying 6 words
I just recently got my poetry published on the internet
4 poems, 329 words
I'm not saying I'm the best at poetry but I know I'm more talented than her
Calling people names and cruel behavior towards someone you don't know but used to describe them, let's change that right away
I'm sad because of how lonely I am and my need for friendships
I would have the biggest smile in the world if someone would just say "Hey"
I sit in my college classes afraid to speak to people because I'm antisocial
Those headphones you see in my ears isn't playing music they're  masking my cheap pathetic way of listening to everybody talk in hopes I can jump into the conversation
Do you see the pain I have and passion I have with words to express it?
So please don't judge this book by its cover, I have alot more pain and more pages to express it

You look at me and see a beast, I look at you and see a beauty
Everything I want in a girl but too shy to have, so the excuse isn't that you're too good for me
Your life socically and academically and financially is night and day different compared to me
My life and the choices I've made so far are messed up, I just want a redo
And you seem like the kind of lady who has already begun building her empire, I have 2 sisters and a mother, so like 50 Shades I can thoroughly read you
You seem like the kind of girl who finished making young dumb decisions and stopped thinking of life as something to rapidly breeze through
And I can tell by your high price makeup collection once or twice in your life you've told a boy "I don't need you"
So here's the offer I propose
Give me some time to find myself and find my calling in this world even if it's to be writing prose
I'm not putting you on the backburner nor am I putting you on hold
Before I commit to you, I need to commit to myself
It's unfair for you to love me and i can't stand myself
So for now I'm putting our modern day beauty and the beast love story on a shelf

I'm stranded and I'm lost at sea
This wasn't how it was supposed to be
And if this is the end of me
I wonder who'll remember me
I washed up on a deserted island not sure if the first thing to look for be treasure or food for my survival
Should I start picking up branches and rocks to create a prehistoric rifle
Maybe create my own solo man made Eiffel
I can make my own community and rules without being stifled
I don't know about making America great
But I promise the salvation I make will be worth the wait
In the foreseeable future you'll forget it was an island and see it as a resort
Then you'll resort to having to re sort your financial responsibilities to take a trip to my resort
I was stranded at sea but look at what new scenery did for me

Home of the free and land of the brave
The home I reside in isn't free and with all these deaths it should've been called land of the grave
So, why should I fear death?
Even when I go about things the right way and subtract bad decisions death will always be left
Keep your eyes peeled and light on your heel
These bullets are like my words, not meant for a specific person can be for anyone to feel
And I'm not trying to disrespect the people that protest
But you'll never see me protest anything because everyday there's a new thing to protest
Dead people found in freezers, protest
Racial profiling, protest
Immigration laws, protest
And while we're talking about immigration, I've seen more marriages at the courthouse than ever
I'm starting to think nursing isn't where the money and success is at and officiating marriages be my new focus
Hurricanes came with pain and aim to level everything so nothing be the same
But if you want my opinion, disasters like these give cities new reason to rebuild bigger and better
Rebuild and reevaluate financial importance
Let's try building more homes and ignore a need for a fence
Many people might call this talent but I'm just speaking facts
During the daytime I'm just a regular college student trying to find my way in life
But at night I'm the dark knight trying to make my city a better place with words instead of bats

You’ll always be a part of me
More importantly
More important to me
Than the blood being pumped from my left artery
But it’s hard for me
To believe you finally met someone who got past your walls unguardedly
Undoubtedly
The only line that kept us separately
Was his bravery that was natural and my bravery was one that came after a few pills of ecstasy
“You’ll always be there for me”
The last and longest words you said to me
I loved our mental connection without you sexting me
Even when you were in a different state I felt your presence right next to me
I was like a dull blade nobody was afraid to touch until you added a edge to me
We held each others hand ready to take the big step and you looked at me and smiled ready to jump over the ledge with me
You knew me before I became Gemini and when words meant nothing to me
But ever since you knew about my newest addiction to the words you sent your love and support to me
When it was my birthday and you tried dancing on me and I was crafting poems in my head with no notebook or pen in sight you said that my cuts and scars could be the ink and your body was a personal canvas for me
That’s when I knew you were destined for me
A women who could love and allow me to use her body for my personal gains was a women hand crafted for me
Tell me that this real and not a fantasy
Tell me that when I become famous you’ll forever be my most important fan to see
There’s truth behind a couple being able to endure the hard times in rags and rejoice in the riches, and you showed that truth to me
I still don’t understand how I’ve spent my entire life being an emotionally socially paralyzed oak tree and you easily reached the roots of me
And how you can just squeeze the truth out of me
That just shows you might be the one for me
And as I continue trying to find my way in life, I pray you will join me
Welcome to My Journey