I wish I could care just a little bit less
Just a little bit less how you like how I dress
How you hint at contentment, yet indulge in insatiable desires
How my mind morphs the image, with destructive fires
Each burn scar cherished, in a safe of contempt
Not towards you, but a suicide attempt
A slaughtering of any worth in me, when the fires reignite
The heat is searing, the ravaging is bright
I contend and condemn, I try to escape
But the rage of my mind, is in no logical shape
I wish I could care just a little bit less
How I need to understand like I’m one who’s obsessed
How it hurts you for me to ask again why
Yet it hurts me to sit in the flames of my lie
What a puzzle it is, and I don’t understand
How I’m supposed to love by keeping secrets instead
I thought it was said that the truth will set free
Yet why is my truth-seeking turning on me?
My method, obsessive, compulsive, I guess?
Lord, how do I love without creating a mess?
I wish I could care just a little bit less
That your words match your actions, is it too much of a request?
Do I always need proof to believe in your ways?
The way that you love that is truthful and stays?
I guess I’m a girl full of little faith
A doubter at best, a cynic ready to scathe
I guess when I forgive, it’s a lie every time
Cause I just hold on to memories to protect my own pride
Am I such a fool I can’t believe in the good?
Is there always an ulterior motive that traps you in my hood?
Why do I let the lies seep into my skin?
Instead of allowing the Lord’s truths to grow within?
I wish I could care just a little bit less
That if I was your best friend, you’d meet what I expect
Such a loser I am, I’m too blind by my ways
I miss the genuineness of your own loving plays
Take the ‘us’ out of trust and it’s broken in two
I’m a fool if I think that it can only be you
Two play the game, but three declares the victory
Unless we want to fall apart, our glue should be more than what we see
So I wish I could care just a little bit less
About my own selfish thoughts that make me depressed
About comparing my ways with a billion of yours
And declaring false truths to justify all our wars
Instead oh I wish, I could care a bit more
For the One who has paid every price for each score
And no score can compete, for the One has won all
How I wish that my eyes were set fully on His call
Lord, I surrender my wishes, I give You control

Do you think I'm dumb?
Just a girl with a heart and a smile?
Do you think all my head says,
Is something not worthwhile?
A million thoughts formed into one
It takes some brain for your mouth not to run
Rain likes to fall when the thunder rumbles
I'm not one who blurts when a life crumbles
I doubt you know how much I know
I doubt you know how much I see
You think that I don't catch those jokes
You think that I am so naive
There is a purpose for pretending
To not understand every word you're saying
There is a meaning behind the ignorance
It's better to act like you're not playing
If you think I haven't tasted life
With it's bitter twists and turns
You are foolishly mistaken
I have my own chest of burns
Just because I don't share
Doesn't mean that I'm not there
Silently observing every piece
Of the you, you think is so discreet
So do you think of me
As someone who just doesn't see
The world around my "sturdy" bubble
You must think my life is such a puzzle
I see the looks, I see the pain
I'm not the best, but I feel the rain
So is this head, just a place
Where I like to store, my empty space
Or will you see
I'm more than you see
And let me be
Who I'm supposed to be