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Fynta Sidime Oct 2019
Let’s elope!
Think about it
Me you against all odds
Forgive me if I am being too gullible
Let’s forget about what is at stake
And perhaps even a moment of iceberg
Think about the tiniest little joy...
The fire that gear me to you
Being around you give me so much delight

He glared deep into my eyes
And for a moment I thought he could see
Through my soul
Then he says let’s elope
Sounded foreign to my ears
But if loving him wasn’t forbidden
I’d take that first class on a train tomorrow
If I wasn’t so Succumb to my shadow
Perhaps I’d have say **** it all
Take me with you
It will be like those romantic movies
Take me to the astronaut
To the moon
Let’s elope far away from this realm
Into another dimension
Instead I pushed him away
I didn’t have to say anything to make him go
As far as space could permit
I just turned cold
Like ice cold from dead winter night
It was scary to give a taste Of...
And then ****** it back like death
Thieve of light

Let’s elope and I promise this time
Well that is if you actually come back
I mean think about it
For a moment the joy will come
From the magic we’d create

Little darling I’d go as far as Mars
If time could permit me
And if feelings were tangible
We’d spend the night dangling to sweet melodies of our heart beats in the silence night of spring.
Or blissful night of summer
I’d show you how Profound my love
For you is
My beloved Tata, know that my love as no season no dates
The world is mad at it is
Little darling
I say don’t let your lack of conviction wither away your spring.
Think about it

I responded to his sweet Dazzling words
Indeed I was intrigued by the picture I imagine from his words

But I chose to stay back for I am a free bird
I like to fly whenever I want to and wherever I want to
If loving him meant I had to lose that
Then I don’t want to
I found myself silently drawn to his offering
But I choose to rather not indulge.
Experimenting with ghazal style.
Fynta Sidime Jul 2019
Forbidden love
Forbidden crush
Forbidden admiration
Forbidden affliction
I found out that I have soft spots for you
I think you may have already noticed
Or perhaps I was good at masking it
I have had dreams about you
Not once
Not twice
But there’s always this longing for connection
And somethings always seem to be blocking
I know you can feel it too
Forbidden feelings
I don’t understand why my heart yearns for you
When you belong to another
I have fight it
Believe me
I have
But nothing I do seems to work
And I pray the lord to break me from this feelings
When I talk to others
I can’t help but compare them to you
Are they well mannered ?
Well spoken ?
Special kind of reserved ?
Forbidden admiration
I’d love to have you all to myself
The truth is I know loving you is forbidden
Feelings
Crazy Obsession
Sometimes sitting in silence with you
Give me this sense of hope
Waiting For you to say something
But you say a lot by not saying anything
Feelings
I wish there was a clock that track time backwards
Time tracker or maybe a will power
To turn time back then I will stop this feelings from ever starting in the first place
But that sounds rather naive
Forbidden
Forbidden desire
I dream of you without even thinking of you
You appear in my dreams
And I know dreams don’t lies
It most be two way
Forbidden crush
I feel crushed by the way I feel about you
Knowing that I can’t have you
I confess that sometimes I dislike myself for not saying something when I had the chance to but as you know I’m not really good at accepting my feelings.
If I was a character in a video game my name would be denial.
Fynta Sidime Jul 2019
Prisoner to my self
For years I have tried to break out of my family shadow
I fought to be seen
To be heard
Alas to be free
Free to be
Over time I have learned to survive
To keep moving
No matter what
Sometimes I like to think that in control
But I’m afraid not
In the process of breaking free
I created walls to keep safe
That wall became my Sanctuary
A place to hide
I know sitting behind those walls had made me shallow to reality
It sorts of protects me from getting hurt but it also keeps the love out.
How Pitiful? That I built a trap around myself
Sometimes I try to not succumb to fear
Not be afraid to sort what’s behind the walls
Then again was there really any walls to begin with?
I know that’s unresolved pain
I know that even though I am free from things I’ve been running from
I am still cage
I also know that this prison wall started long time ago
It was started by someone else
I just took on their craft
And now once again I am fighting to break free
My gift to myself now is to break out of my mental prison!
Second part of “Is it worth it”
Fynta Sidime Jun 2019
Words are just words until they become actual action and those actions become feelings and the feelings transcend into memories and the memories continues to live on then eventually become history.
Which is why sometimes history repeats itself within oneself or in nations.
Whatever is said lives on and on, that’s why sometimes the negative emotions we feel or the unkind words we utter have so much power because with it said enough we actually start to believe it or act on it by giving it life.
And then we wonder why our lives are the way they are.
It is so easy to give in into those negative places, we are fragile and easy to slip into those dark places.
At the end of the day, the hard work is to keep the balance. Give the light in you more power. Be transparent with every emotions you walk with.
There are no right way to be, our dark moments make us as much as our bright moments. Just have to find a way to honor them separately, not be dismissive.
Only through accepting ourselves fully that we get to experience our true power and nature.
The whole concept of choosing to be good or bad is a old myth.
It all starts with a word, and the energy we give into those words.
Let me know your thoughts on that
Fynta Sidime Jun 2019
I waited for your love
I tested your love
I wanted your love
I fought your love
I denied your love
I craved your love
And I teased your love
I tasted your love
I pushed your love
You presented me with your love and I felt alone in your love
Even when we made love I went to sleep with empty promises
I don’t know how real your love was
I gave your love many chance
Many hopeless chances
The funny thing was I didn’t asked for your love
You gave it to me willingly
Even when I rejected it
You shoved it in my throat
And I shallowed it
Like thick bittersweet medicine  
The problem was I didn’t know how to turn down unwanted love
So I let myself be trapped in it
Hoping for an escape
Not sure if that’s what I wanted
Your love was bizarre
But I stayed in it
Now that I’m out of your love
The side effects are troubling.
Fynta Sidime Jun 2019
Love is beautiful, but it also makes one sick.
Love is magical when it comes from the right person but sometimes love hurt
and we don’t know why
And when our heart gets broken
Well ****
That Sour to the stomach
Broken heart, the most painful affliction.
Why do we fall in love?
I tried to build a wall around me
A wall to protect myself
Very typical heh
But sitting behind that wall makes me shallow to reality
It sorts of keep the pain away but it also keeps the love out.
How Pitiful?
How pathetic ?
I’m scared to bring down my walls
Then again was there really a wall to begin with?
Fynta Sidime May 2019
Isn’t funny how you got mad at me for not saying je t’aime aussi. I love you too!
You threw that word around so easily. And I wondered who taught you to do so?!
You said these four words as if your life depended on it and I wondered  how many women felt for your broken records.
I didn’t say it back because you had a funny way of showing it.
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