the mirror seems cracked and broken,
missing bits and pieces.
all I want is forever
with happy little breaks.
no curved edges
no bolded lines.
a calm breath
without a moment of worry.
long walls through the woods
leading the way to a pond.
the water looks so still and pure,
perfect before the storm.
I stand here naked before you, mother nature
so do your worst onto me.
shall I peel my skin from my bones
and join you beneath the waves?
the trees are howling,
the storm is coming.
please take me far away,
away from all this mess and hate.
if I cannot go
I ask only one thing.
please take all my ugly
and give it to him.
he said he loved my smile
all my ugly s within.
my scars and freckles
my lips and stutters;
he said he could get lost in forever.
he said he loved all these things
especially the ones I couldn't see.
he fixed my mirror
it seemed almost perfectly back together.
but I am not just those things
I am glorious beyond compare.
he liked only what he saw
maybe my words if I got lucky.
he broke this mirror
that I held so dearly
I can't see myself
through these still waters.
I walk towards myself
becoming one with misery.
so take me, mother nature,
give him all he loved but me.

If my life were a book
I'd be written in and torn apart.
My pages are punctuated with a fishing hook
You may read it in the dark and the light.

My life will be a novel
No picture book found near here.
The writing sprawled in codes, so very hard to tell
All the words underlined.

If my life were a book
I promise to save each chapter for you.
It's the only part I travel to
Rereading parts of just us two.

Your name shall cover the book
Your life is what shines through the pages.
I'd beg for someone to make it while on my deathbed
And I shall be there full of life while lying there lifeless.

If my life were a book
Chapters one to ten would be torn out and missing.
It'd look more like a small notebook
With all the racing memories all coming and going.

The text of all sizes
From all the yelling and whispering.
From all the hidden faces
From all the cuts and now makings.

If my life were a book,
You'd beg to lock it far away.
To keep away from all it took
Even acknowledging it'll all still be at bay.

You'd tremor while turning the page
Except for beauty, only to receive ugliness.
With all the barriers that are brought with age,
You'd be faced with the opposing cages.

If my life were a book,
You'd wait for all the small parts within the lines.
All you had to do was look
You'd see the counting of the spruce tree pines.

You'd pray to read more
Looking for the music, laughter, and adoration.
Nothing about these things shall bore
You'd be far too busy looking for the dove.

If my life were a book,
It would be filled with mysteries.
But that's what made you look
To see that mystery and misfortune are more significant than a crown.

Do you remember
All the dandelions blown away in the wind?

Do you remember
All the waves that have splashed onto us from the ocean?

Do you remember
All the stars you would try counting at night?

Do you remember
All the cloud shapes you would make while looking at them in awe?

Do you remember
All the memories made when you were oh so young?

No, you don't
Because it all started slipping away.

Do you remember?

Speak sir your hair is crazy
Shout ma'am it isn't that hard
Cry out my love as the lamb hangs
Beg, scream, whisper
whatever you do
don't stop moving
verbal words abuse them and use them
read a dictionary and draw a line
In all the words you know
make sense with nothing there
show everyone what sane can look like
while you sit there locked in a white room
shake your head and sing the ABC
because the crazies get along
they all know that they're not the mad ones
it's the mice hiding in the wall
dressed in suits and speaking like dogs
expected to be treated as gods