I am scared
There it is
There’s the truth
This is me
Laid  bare
I am scared
Why aren’t you?

I know your scars
And you know mine
We trace them in the dark
and celebrate
each mark

What is that
he said
as his fingertips
brushed
lightly
above my heart
scar tissue
I said
I am lucky I am
not dead

always wondered
what it would be like
to be in love with someone
just as cool as you
never quite had the nerve
until now
how come it’s not all
us schoolgirls
dreamt
it would be

I have packed up
the best  bits of you and me
to keep us safe
woke up this. morning
evened the score.

Nothing bores
me more
than random poems
desperately
trying to even
the score!

I’ve searched this house
ten times or more
every cupboard
every  door
I just can’t find us
anywhere.

I see you
maybe
for the first time
and the seeing
hurts my eyes.

I see you
although
I desperately
look
the other way

Do you see?
Don’t stare
Just glance
Do you see?
A better version of you and me
And humanity
Do you see
Don’t stare
Stand back
Wish
And glance
Breath in
Let’s take this chance

I see you
Really
When it feels like no one
ever does
and no one
ever will
I see you
And only you
For what it’s worth
At this late hour
I see you
And I always will

I love the bits of  you
you can’t see
because
I suspect
you shield
the world
from seeing them too

There are no right words to say here
So I will just use mine instead
And hope they echo
Something someone once said
That made sense
for a minute
deep inside your head

There are no shadows
quite as dark as yours
they dull my brightest day
they cast grey upon my stay
they follow me
everywhere
scare me with their power
every single
every each
every painfully
tortured
hour

Shall we just lay it all down here
I can wrap it up in a bow
So it looks good
You know that’s my gig
That’s the easy bit
The difficult bit
Twofold
Shall we just lay it all down here
And if we do
What colour bow?

This is a hand
I never wanted to play
these are the  words
I never wanted to say
you are the human
I never
ever  sought to shame
and yet…….

What a shame
We never
Got to dance!

she cannot be
who she wants to be
so she spends her day
being who
she is expected
to be.

She knows all there is to know
and just a little bit more
and yet
she goes to bed
tries to sleep
then realises
she knows
to much awful
to sleep

I should forget
but I haven’t
I should remember
but I don’t
I should see
but I’m blind
I should hear
but I’m deaf
I should go
but I stay
I should know
but I don’t.

Everything you wanted
I think
I wanted too
Everything you shouted
I think
I shouted too

I heard you called
I didn’t hear
someone told me
next day
too late
next time
if you need me
shout.

You will always be
the missing piece
in our weird
little
three piece family
jigsaw

Let me be the youngest
and say
somehow
we went astray
but there is no rulebook
that says
we have to stay
this  way.

when someone says
I love you
take it
embrace it
silence the questions
in your heart
when someone says
I love you
silence
the young child
within
you have lost.

I live within realms
of silence
I so want to relinquish
yet cannot

I don’t miss you being here
telling me
what to do
I miss you being here
showing me
how to be

Everyone loves you
your light shines on everyone
except
me

I don’t
remember a time
I was me
without you

You will always be
the best  piece
in our three piece
jigsaw family

I paint words
until the colours
make no sense
You paint pictures
that make the world
make sense .

Well now
There is no need to
Say
These words
Out loud
We have said them all
Before
no need to say
These words are
just for you
We’ve done all that ten score
A hundred times or more
I will write them now
instead
Because I love the
Honest
Simple
Sublime
Sound of them
Inside my head
I love you
I miss you
And truth be known
What I feel now
I  will
Feel
Today
Tomorrow
And intensely
Forever more

and then
yet again
as usual
it was
just us

when the party was over
and the balloons hit the floor
when yet again
there was just me and you
I was glad as always
that you were just you
and I was just me
annoying as that can be
to the masses
in all honesty
Who the **** else would
we  ever want to be?

I am screaming at the the sky
but I still love
the dark blue inky ness
of its call

The most beautiful sand ever
beneath my feet
the most beautiful people
eyes could ever meet
India
her sons
her daughters
laid out
today
sacrosanct
and
sacrificed
for slaughter

word on the street
is you’ve been looking
for my heart
truth be told
it’s not that hard to find
in fact
I wear it on my sleeve
most Monday afternoons
Tuesday evenings
yes, those too.

Tomorrow
we talk about
all the time
today slips
through our fingers
undefined,

I caught your smile
mid air
it was going in no direction
It’s safe in my back pocket
available for collection

I know you think this smile
is just for you
it might well be
but I give out 264 and more smiles each day
multiple by a week
a year
a life
I know you think this smile
is just for you
it might well be
maybe
you just might be right
wouldn’t that be nice.

give me back my smile
I am miserable without it
you took it with you
by mistake
at least
that’s what you said

your smile came back to
me today
unexpectedly
in the shower
still can’t believe
you are a liar .

When did the
snow
turn into pain?

The stillness owns me
now
I sold myself easy
succumbed
without  persuasion
surrendered
without conversion

Let your love
carelessly
flow over me
let your words
make no difference to me
let your smile
make a fool out of me
let someone else
anyone but you
let someone else
anyone but you
let someone else
dear God
let someone else
take me home
tonight

If I was someone else
I would love you
Endlessly
And perfectly
Forever
Because you deserve
Nothing less
Than
Someone else

sometimes
love stumbles
and sometimes
I stumble after it.

sometimes
I get lost
inside
the deepest deep
deep parts  of me
and I have to say
it’s not the worst place
to be!

You are
I am
some
where
in between
it
became
no mans
land,