I know I hold the brush
but I cannot paint a stroke of paint
upon the canvas of out life
our colours are unclear
our future blurred in fear
and fuchsia
nobody can live in fuchsia
no matter how hard they try.

I loved you
for about an hour
on a random beach in Dublin
sometime around 1979
or there about
friends say it never happened
I was too young
but it did
I know
I loved you
for about an hour
on  a random beach
sometime, somewhere , somehow
I loved you
for about an hour
on a random beach in Dublin
around 1979 or just before.

You talk about love like it’s real
like folk can be happy
together
you talk about love
like it’s okay to feel
happy
you talk about love
like it’s real
like things can work out
okay
like no one hates the day
you talk about love
like it’s real
like it could happen anyway
any day
anytime
anywhere
how bizarre
you talk about love like
it’s real.

this strange
seldom seen
full moon
fills our room
with more light
that we could ever ignite
although god knows
we’ve tried.

For gods sake
just leave it
I said
I no longer care
I said
too much work
I said
walk away
I said  
I don’t need this
I  said
bore off
I said
I am better than this
I said
just leave
I said
and **** me
he did!

KUDOS!!!

you drip feed me
the truth
because you love me
I drip feed you
my love
because
it’s the right thing to do.

she tried to hide
the boredom on her breath
but he caught it anyway
she tried to hide
the loneliness in her heart
but he felt it anyway.

Nothing speaks to my soul
more
than  the words
you never say.

Your flowers arrived
before you
you always like
to guarantee
a smile.

Morning makes its entrance
throwing sunlight
on an unslept bed
I stand a few feet away
throwing bouquets
at  an unloved life.

I remember the room
where we first met
I remember the room
hard to forget
I remember the room
your smile matched mine
I remember the room
perfectly in line
I remember the room
the feeling of fine
I remember the room
your heart leaving mine
I remember the room
the sharp decline
I remember the room
slow
sad
somehow
sublime .

I have already forgotten
every face that I knew
I have already forgotten
what was wrong
between me and you

I wish you had arrived
when I still believed in love
I wish I had met you
when there was still
space in my heart
I wish I had heard your song
when I still believed in melody

the world is on fire
with hurt and pain
bodies are building up
children getting lost in the miar
the world is on fire
with deceit and blame
the world is on fire
not a one amongst us
brave enough
clever enough
wise enough
enough enough
interested enough
to fan the flame.

What’s your super power Mummy?
said my beautiful blue eyed boy
mine is ‘ I can fly’
I can live without love
promise me
you will never try
to fly that high.

When we were young
we said let it come
if it rained
we had an umbrella
if it snowed
we had a plough
If it iced
we had a ski
if it stormed
we had shelter
if it darkened
we had light
if it was fire
we had water
if it was old
we were young
if it was too much
we were one.

I know you think this smile
is just for you
it might well be
but I give out 264 and more smiles each day
multiple by a week
a year
a life
I know you think this smile
is just for you
it might well be
maybe
you just might be right
wouldn’t that be nice.

I might as well
be someone else
for all the authenticity
left inside
of me.

I am totally in love
with the girl I set out to be
if you see her
please send her back
posthaste
I miss her.

Thank you
for seeing right through
who I try to be
reaching into
the core of me
laughing at who
I think I should be
and loving
the girl
I ended up
to be.

I remember
the unrelenting chill
and freeze
of that cold December snow
as we trudged on together
through bitter biting winds
you tried to tell me
your burden was too heavy
you had to set it down  
I  couldn’t hear you
my burden was too heavy
too
and the winds howled
hurling horrific blows
and the cold sold my soul
as we trudged on together
one step after another
through that final awful too cold
December snow.

there is no blame
laid here
you were a void
I stepped into
I could have sidestepped
let’s be honest
I choose not to
there is no blame
laid here
just corpses of dreams
stacked up
stagnant
sadly unseen.

it may hurt to be me
but it hurts more
to be me
with you.

Do you recall when love was lost?
not too sure myself
that country weekend with friends
comes to mind
we left the lovely pub to walk home
everyone was jolly
the route was dark but not for the first time
to the idilic cottage
with the lamps on
just before we went in you said
hang on
have I forgotten something
I’m missing something
for sure
were you missing her
I was.

somewhere
along the line
our life got lost
I couldn’t find it anywhere
although I searched
neither could you
God knows, I tried
you didn’t
I gave up
but if perchance
you find it
or even try
post  it to me
you have my address.

leave now
I know you need to
but I can’t go with you
although every part of me
wants to.

When did those little boy arms
that ran to me
full of joy and laughter
and wild abandon
straight into my arms
unquestionable love
when did those little boy arms become
strong enough to hold me
and save me?

when my heart bled words
I couldn’t voice
somehow you found them
in my garden or somewhere near
wherever I had dropped them
picked them up
and made sense of them
returned them to me
late night
in a song
I  had never heard before
until your voice made
perfect sense of me.

the power of us
the joy of us
the precious of us
the pure good of us
the easy of us
the lovely of us
the worth of us
the best of us
has somehow
become lesser
tangled
confused
and lost
somewhere deep in
the complicated and confused effort of
trying o be
just the two of us .


but still
I’m going nowhere
pour me another song
and I’ll sing you another heartache!

when you came
to take me home I
went willingly
took your hand
easily
then you made
too many left turns
led me down
too many
blind alleys
left me more lost
that I was before
you came and said
let me take you
home.
I am safe
and so are you
you are home.

I am leaving now
my love
and I will leave my heart with you
safekeeping
for better days
no longer can I stay.

we speak the same language
yet can’t understand
a single word
we are trying to say
to each other.

I knew myself better
when I wore
another man’s
clothes

Sleep easy, he said
if only
but never again with you
I thought.

When I left you
I didn’t realise
there was a tiny morsel of you
sewn into my heart
forever

my heart
is buried deep
in yesterday

and then
everything stopped
I don’t remember the day
or the hour
or the month
or the year
but I remember
the silence
it was weird
tell me you remember
that too.

Well done!
You won
You got me
Bullseye!
arrow
straight through
my heart.

I see you
and you look like home
I turn away
but home is always where
the heart is.

I am a book
without words
I am a song
without tune
I am a poem
without rhyme
I am a movie
without sound
I am a play
without plot
I am a painting
without colour
I am a sculpture
without stone
I am a woman
without name.

reveal your thoughts
yes, all of them
let them tumble upon the floor
naked and raw
the little bits of you
no one has ever
ever ever
seen before

of all the smiles
ever given to me
and there’s been a few
the best smile
was the one you gave to me
in ‘94
as you ran to me
arms outstretched
love unattached
straight into my arms
with your love for me
written all over
the man I knew
you would eventually be.

All of this
means nothing
the grandeur
the opulence
the pride
if we are both dead
inside

Do you love me
he said
I will try
I said

Do not drip feed  me
your love
I am not an infant
I can walk.

I see you
in all honesty
it’s murky
but if I move slightly
to the right
and squint my eyes
I think
I see you
albeit
slightly a
a bit too much
to the right.

Leave your feelings here
your emotions
and your deepest thoughts
I will mind them
sacred here within my heart
locked within a lovers vault
they will live here
forever
without fault

I know you want
a conversation
not sure what there is left to say
I left
I walked away
not sure what there is left to say

remind me tomorrow
what I said last night
give me a chance
before you get inhale the pain
man up
and love me again.

None of the love you gave me
was good enough
I know you tried
you know I cried,
but none of the love
you gave me
was ever good
enough