God, it’s raining hard tonight
most of it are pieces of my heart
don’t try to save them
as they splatter across your path
I have enough left inside me
it’s not quite
a bloodbath
yet

Don’t play
with the real people
in your life
they really are
rare

I would rather wait
for you
all night long
than
take the first man home

Your hand slipped
from mine
when you were fifteen
our grasp was weak
today it is
within
reach

If you are not sure where I am
can’t find me anywhere
not sure who I am
anymore
read my words
I’m in there
somewhere
swimming for the surface
Read.

Read it and weep
or don’t read it
and weep
anyway

‘Read this’ I said
it’s so good
I don’t have time for poetry, Mum’
she said
I choose to dance instead.’

You think I can’t pay the price
You are wrong
I am rich in tears
Rich in years
Call in the tab
I am ready to pay
X

I think of them fondly now
in truth
I hardly knew my father
but I knew that he loved me
in truth
I was a little afraid of my mother
but I I knew that she loved me
in truth
just three of us left now
maybe we just tolerate each other
in truth
I know that we love each other  
in truth
like my folks always said we would.

Beautiful boy
with tears in his eyes
too salty
to forget
Beautiful boy
with hurt in his soul
too honest
too real.

You talk about love like it’s real
like folk can be happy
together
you talk about love
like it’s okay to feel
happy
you talk about love
like it’s real
like things can work out
okay
like no one hates the day
you talk about love
like it’s real
like it could happen anyway
any day
anytime
anywhere
how bizarre
you talk about love like
it’s real.

Know this
if you know nothing
I was always
on the right side
of real

Thank you for
the ‘likes’
the ‘loves’
the ‘reposts’
Would you like to know me
instead
or would that be a little too real
inside your head?

She reminds me everyday
of who I used to be
and how much I had
to say
What joy!

Do not fear
do not rise
I will not linger
beyond sunrise
my words are spent
our  life unkempt
my love for you
religious
and
redempt

Two hundred people boarded the boat
set sail for paradise
About one hundred fell to the side
about fifty dried up and cried
twenty five turned away and died
Fifteen never replied
nine ran away to hide
just one of us
disembarked
disillusioned
dishevelled
delirious
downhearted
drowned
but still alive.

When you reigned
you rained tears upon my cheek
fears I could not speak
my mascara
always streaked

Don’t write the words
just  for the writing
or for yourself
or anyone else
Touch them first
Feel them
hold them
cherish them
for a beat
Caress them
carefully
feel them
own them
love them
a little
then choose
very carefully
very cautiously
which ones
you choose
to release
and write

and then
everything stopped
I don’t remember the day
or the hour
or the month
or the year
but I remember
the silence
it was weird
tell me you remember
that too.

I don’t love all of you
all of the time
who
in all honesty could
but sometimes
in our worst of times
I remember
and the remember loves
you still

I’ve got a ride to
somewhere
probably end up being
nowhere
still I’ve got a ride to
somewhere
could talk the driver into
one more passenger?

Sundays and
sun downs
sad days
and being arounds
always makes me feel
like better not
to be around
right not.

Excuse me
Hello
I think this is yours
and I think
you dropped it
very conveniently
the very  first time
we said
Hello

this river runs deep
whatever you say
I almost drowned
whatever you say
this river runs deep
you walked away
whatever you say
this river runs deep
you have long legs
I’d say
this river runs deep
I almost drowned
no matter what
or why
or when
this river runs deep
I’d say
this river runs deep
well done
those long legs
helped you walk
away
no matter what I say
but still
this river runs deep
I say
but maybe
I am totally wrong!

If this car would just start
you know
I would be off
careering
full throttle
down the highway
chasing freedom
miles away
from the  road stops
of my heart

I remember the room
where we first met
I remember the room
hard to forget
I remember the room
your smile matched mine
I remember the room
perfectly in line
I remember the room
the feeling of fine
I remember the room
your heart leaving mine
I remember the room
the sharp decline
I remember the room
slow
sad
somehow
sublime .

There is nothing
yet everything
wrapped up tightly
about to explode
lives will implode
right here
right now
bang in the centre
of this room

You just won’t let go
he said
as he tightened his grip
on the rope
he placed
around my neck

The world is made up
Of tiny tiny moments
That didn’t exist
until we rose
to resist

I have been searching this house all night
just can’t find anything worthwhile
a couple of memories
an odd laugh
a lot of pain in the kitchen
a lost birthday cake behind the sofa
a summer party shoved under a bed
a new start
rotting and forgotten
hidden randomly
beneath a a pile of broken hearts

I am nothing
If I am not
A quarter square
of this
round family

I heard what they said
I guess you heard it too
**** ‘em I thought
most of it is true
on the other hand
if only they knew!

Thank you
I will take your compliment
and run with it
just as far as
As I can go !

I’ve made it this far
nothing or no one
not even you
will drag me back
to  what I am running
from.

there is no blame
laid here
you were a void
I stepped into
I could have sidestepped
let’s be honest
I choose not to
there is no blame
laid here
just corpses of dreams
stacked up
stagnant
sadly unseen.

The world fell apart today
I chose to stay together
It seemed safer
That way

What are you talking about
It doesn’t matter
You said
What are you talking about
It’s all that matters
I said
What are you both shouting about
Our child said.

I know what you mean
I know what you are saying
I am not crazy
I am not insane
I just
honestly
don’t think
the same.

He was fully grown
I was half way there
He had the world
in the palm of his hand
I was still playing with
sand

Have you ever been to Santorini
on a boat
when you were young
and blond
and gorgeous
and free?
Have you ever been to Santorini
when life lay before you
like a joke
a challenge
a high
Have you ever been to Santorini
when the sun is so high
you feel you could die
If you’ve never been to Santorini
you don’t know me
but  trust me
just give it a try!

It’s just another Saturday morn
fading into Sunday
slipping into Monday
cruising into Tuesday
delving into Wednesday
diving into Thursday
dying into Friday
crying into Saturday
It’s just another Saturday mom

I am saving.
the last
for best.

There is nothing much worth
saving here
you say
except perhaps our child
I say

Did you ever feel
you ever lost
every real word
you ever wanted.to say
to every unreal person
in your life
and at the end of the day
when their eyes are glazing over
you still
believe
you have so much more left
to say

Oddly
as we sit here
at the dying of another day
I remember little
except
the words we didn’t
say

What  I wanted to say
what I meant to say
in all honesty was nothing like
the two thousand words that
spewed from my mouth
what I wanted to say
was that
in the end
I think we’ll be okay

after all this time
and all these years
after ten million words
and all these tears
suddenly
I realise
there is nothing
left to say.

Look at these scars
and still say you don’t care
look at these scars
openly
honestly
No, you won’t find them
there
not on my face
or my arm
or in my embrace
look at these scars
and still say
you don’t care

There is no one here
but me
what a scary place
to be