I knew myself better
when I wore
another man’s
clothes

This is a love
that needs
no words

I don’t know what happy
is anymore
I can’t feel it in my
core
life is now about evening up
the score
which means
happy
can’t live inside me
anymore

I know I throw words at you
like stones
they reign heavy upon your head
they are formed in my heavily bruised brain
fuelled by my pain
dissolved by your love

My love
is such a burden for you to carry
it is filled with fury
childhood grief
undried tears , years of no belief
my love
is filled with never speaking
learning to whisper
never shout
a bundle of miscommunication
my love is full of  loud words
never reaching their mark
like wounded birds
my love always too stark
never quite smooth enough
my love is such a burden for you to carry
upon your  open honest heart

I knew what
I signed up for
just
didn’t expect this much
noise

if we say stop
scream stop
shout stop
cry stop
utter stop
whisper stop
whimper stop
long enough
loud enough
enough enough
then surely
at some point
eventually
enough will be enough
at some point
surely?

If you asked again
after this long time
I would still say
No

Every moment matters
know this
if you know nothing else
it matters because it’s you
even now
reading this
it matters because
it’s you and me
that makes it new

I know I lost you
That’s true
I’m sorry
It’s  true
It’s Manhattan
you know.
the score!

reveal your thoughts
yes, all of them
let them tumble upon the floor
naked and raw
the little bits of you
no one has ever
ever ever
seen before

maybe
let me not be the last ember
in your fire
I still have a flicker
within
that could ignite
to a higher power

I am searching for
New York City
in your eyes
wading deep
in Wall Street lies

In all these years
we have given
a million smiles
to each other
surely
we  have one more left
between us

You are beautiful
he said
I accepted that
with dread.

You asked for truth
I tried.

I am patient
I am kind
but please know
I am two  minutes away
from not giving a **** .

You
were
born
to save

Strangers
in our house
which one of us
will speak out?

If this car would just start
you know
I would be off
careering
full throttle
down the highway
chasing freedom
miles away
from the  road stops
of my heart

I love you
like no one before
I love you
like I was free

Will you take any of your bad back
or shall I just bury it
deep inside my head
and forget.

Love the outside
of those you meet
it is the only route
to the inside
and a love complete

I don’t know
when the tears came
and overtook me
but I suspect
it was just
around the time
I first met you

I loved who you were
when we first met
these days
you’re just a bad
impression
of me

when there was nothing
it still felt  like
something

Grab my wrist
I will not resist
pull me up
so I still exist
grab my soul
from this stagnant land

You are not
me
or anything like me
You are just a strange alien
a sweet likeable person
who honestly
inexplicably
undeniably
unbelievably
gets
the point of me

I know you think this smile
is just for you
it might well be
but I give out 264 and more smiles each day
multiple by a week
a year
a life
I know you think this smile
is just for you
it might well be
maybe
you just might be right
wouldn’t that be nice.

I
wish
I
was
a
little
bit
more
like
you

My brother got the brains
my sister got them too
so I decided
I would learn to dance
and I haven’t stopped
ever,

I caught your tear
mid fall
before it exploded
and soaked
our fortified wall .

and then
everything stopped
I don’t remember the day
or the hour
or the month
or the year
but I remember
the silence
it was weird
tell me you remember
that too.

I wake
to a noisy Manhattan morning
while my children wake
to a boring boarding school
yawning
on the other side of this morning
on the other side of the world
every bit of mother in me
knows I should save them
be on the next flight from Newark
I could make it before nightfall
I could scoop them up
I could save their souls.

I dance every night
in vain

I wish I meant less
to you
it would silence
the slamming of the door.

You haven’t mistaken me
for someone
you used to know
You have mistaken me for someone
I used to be

There are
two of us here
and one of us
is seriously missing
the point.

And then
out of nowhere
you said
Hello!

We are
an
unvarnished
masterpiece
We are
an untuned
piano
We are
an unfinished
script
We are
an abandoned
novel
We are
an unsung
melody
We are
A love story
never told.

Is it just me or
are we almost
on the brink of
honesty?

and then
I want to write  
another million
words
of then

Leave your feelings here
your emotions
and your deepest thoughts
I will mind them
sacred here within my heart
locked within a lovers vault
they will live here
forever
without fault

Autumn
is closing in now
have you seen the leaves ?
the sun is lower now
do you feel relief?

I hear you
I heard you
yesterday
and all the other days
when
you had nothing
good to say
what makes you
think
I can’t hear you
today
when you
yet again
have nothing good to
say.?

You are a heartbeat away
from being free
your mind already at the border
go for it
do not look back
I am here , on the sideline
willing you on!

Ahh
and then
so it happened
that there was no one
left
except
us two
me and you
Christ
who knew?

when you said
nothing matters
I didn’t know
you
meant me too.

let me give you my
words
I have ten million
and three
as do you
it’s just you don’t feel the need
to share your pain
with me.

leave now
I know you need to
but I can’t go with you
although every part of me
wants to.