when everyone left
I found myself alone
not for the first time
but nevertheless
alone

My fingertips
tell me
how much I miss
human touch

we are talking ourselves into
another decade together
after all the tears
and all the doubts
all the fears
and the what abouts
after all the
who we could have been
and should have been
if we didn’t hold each other back
even after all that
we are talking ourselves into
another decade together

Let the phone ring
let the dog bark
let the sun rise
then sink
let the day dawn
let the youths yawn
let my mind spawn
too far
let the birds sing
let the drunk get
to his car
let this mistake
only take us
so far

When did the
snow
turn into pain?

This might just be the end
hold your breath
we’re sinking fast
hold your breath
we’re going down
hold your breath
and pray

Not sure if I could ever
drink away
the pain
or the hurt
of your memory
the scattering
you left behind
the tattering
of my heart
you scattered
without care
or cause
never  caring
for a minute
the meaning of
because

In all truth
I know my life started with you
no one else
has ever made sense of me
quite the way
I needed them
to

I don’t miss you being here
telling me
what to do
I miss you being here
showing me
how to be

Hey
I get it
We are going nowhere
Who cares
Let’s go there

this much I know
if I know
nothing else
there is always
a next.

You do know
don’t you?
that all of this
means nothing
if we don’t both love it
if we are both not
in all honesty
true
you do know that
don’t you?

say goodbye
to who you were yesterday
know this
for sure
you woke up today
with a chance
to be
a brand new you

there is no blame
laid here
you were a void
I stepped into
I could have sidestepped
let’s be honest
I choose not to
there is no blame
laid here
just corpses of dreams
stacked up
stagnant
sadly unseen.

Those were long languid days
Sparkling wines
and beautiful children
overhanging trees
and flowering baskets
And there we were
living amongst this
beauty
and light
and sunshine
Easy days that lingered into the night
Blond dogs that caught the light
You were easy to love
I was restless
I was stormy
And I was always
fighting
against
being
yours.

the last time you called
you said you missed me
the last time you missed me
was when you called.

I know the little bits of you
that you hide
very hidden
and safe
and aside
very deeply inside
your very expensive silk
suit pocket

Imagine
what we could have been
if we had only
tried

I think our love
a little bit saggy now
no dancing beneath the stars
no hanging in late night bars
more sunrise
than sunset
but still
I’m hanging with
you!

you look at me
like I am the only girl
in the world
but I’m not
there are millions of us
look around
open your eyes
there are millions
of us
just milling around !

None of the love you gave me
was good enough
I know you tried
you know I cried,
but none of the love
you gave me
was ever good
enough

Leave all of your love
strewn carelessly
across the floor
anything else
I would abhor

when you tell me
you are happy
I will close my eyes
until them
I am wide awake

you drip feed me
the truth
because you love me
I drip feed you
my love
because
it’s the right thing to do.

it’s just another
salty day
that fell into today
and told me
repeatedly
on a loop
that
honestly
none of this
is honestly
okay.

I cannot find
the right words
and nor can you
so we choose
silence.

your words
fall lightly
upon my ears
and I suspect
they always will
I see
the good
in everyone.

You cannot capture light
But darkness hovers
so available
so bright

your smile came back to
me today
unexpectedly
in the shower
still can’t believe
you are a liar .

I heard you called
I didn’t hear
someone told me
next day
too late
next time
if you need me
shout.

There is a deep steady uncertainty upon us now
not  a one of us knows how
to soothe it with words
instead we answer the battle cry

We still have
a small chance
a window, if you will
to be
the kind of family
we always wanted
to be
that we should be
but the clock
is ticking
and ticking
and ticking
so loudly
it is beginning  to silence
the decent and real
tiny parts of me

I overheard you phone
conversation
turned quickly so
not to hear
things I shouldn’t
but I still heard
all the bad about
me

Thank you for
the ‘likes’
the ‘loves’
the ‘reposts’
Would you like to know me
instead
or would that be a little too real
inside your head?

How come
you whisper
and I hear
a roar ?

let me hear you laugh
let me hear you cry
let me watch you die
into another evening
without try
let me cry
without voice
with no invoice
in the post
let me try.

Has anyone ever written
an unforgettable poem
a truly unforgettable poem
I can’t remember
can you?

Eventually
the lies disappear
like smoke upon touch
the truth appears
without warning
that it could ever mean so much
eventually
morning dawns
from a night filled with tears
eventually
without the fanfare
life starts again
to everyone’s surprise
we awake
again
a little embarrassed
again
to a glorious
and  unexpected
sunrise.

I am swimming in a  sea of you
I am drowning in too much of you
I am climbing the Everest of you
I am delving into the deep of you
I am inhaling the worst of you
I am crying for the loss
and the best of you

there is nowhere
like tomorrow
no one I know
has ever been there
Come ‘on
Let’s go!

this
is a beautiful life
and my bit in it
is divine
and way more than
I deserve
in any currency
so why can I not see me
and life
from the
outside
and those who are looking in?

I have missed
the very best parts
of you

I don’t know where
I’m going
but I know
I can’t leave you
behind

I cannot breath
because the pain
you cause
kills
my will
and my spirit
my grit
I cannot breath
because your boot
is bigger
and louder
and way more important
than my
life

I heard you came home. last night
or the night before
our town is a small town
news is never quite up to date
still
I heard you came home last night
and  I wonder
what the **** does that
feel like?

how will I remember
what love feels like
when days are too long
devoid of song
and sound
how will I remember
what touch feels like
when rooms are dark
the light too stark
how will I remember
what real feels like
when words are few
and I don’t have you

let love go
and I will too
let go of me
and
I promise
I can also
let go of you.

I’m stuck in a corner in Paris
Desperately dialling  home
to  someone who might
answer
at  this late hour,
caller unknown
I’m desperately dialling
I’m desperately dying
I’m stuck in a corner in Paris
totally alone
desperately clinging to life on my
own

Hold your breath
We’re going down fast
and deep
hold your breath
and me
we are sinking so fast
it’s not possible
we could
ever last

If I die young
which we both know can’t happen now
do me a favour
lie to everyone
tell them
I died too young
nobody will disagree
do t for fun
do it just for me!