God
if they only knew
they would be queueing up
just
to have a conversation
with you

You remind me
of who I should
have been
before life
got in my way.

Heres's life
looking at me sideways
Here’s you
looking at me too

I wonder
if anyone
has ever been
as wrong
about someone
as I have been
about you

I will loosen my hold on you
no questions
no answers
if you will too
imagine
we could both fly free
imagine
the people we could
be

You talk about love
like you feel
You talk about tomorrow
like you know
You talk about us
like its real.

Can you honestly
still love me
when you don’t quite get the point
of me
anymore

I remember
the unrelenting chill
and freeze
of that cold December snow
as we trudged on together
through bitter biting winds
you tried to tell me
your burden was too heavy
you had to set it down  
I  couldn’t hear you
my burden was too heavy
too
and the winds howled
hurling horrific blows
and the cold sold my soul
as we trudged on together
one step after another
through that final awful too cold
December snow.

For gods sake
just leave it
I said
I no longer care
I said
too much work
I said
walk away
I said  
I don’t need this
I  said
bore off
I said
I am better than this
I said
just leave
I said
and **** me
he did!

KUDOS!!!

I should forget
but I haven’t
I should remember
but I don’t
I should see
but I’m blind
I should hear
but I’m deaf
I should go
but I stay
I should know
but I don’t.

I see you
and every painful step
you take into
your unknown world
I have walked those steps
just a beat before you
just a train ride between us
does the pain ever dim?
Yes
and as a bonus
you’re thin!

I’m not so impressed with
the big parts of you
but I am totally and completely
in love
with the little bits of you
the crumbs of you
left scattered on the ground
when the world
decides
it is done with you

You are
too close
to my heart
Back the
back off!

Nothing can change my
indifference
to our
difference
except perhaps
a sudden quick change
Of opinion
by you

I know what you mean
I know what you are saying
I am not crazy
I am not insane
I just
honestly
don’t think
the same.

and then
someone said
why don’t you marry me
instead?

Do not drip feed  me
your love
I am not an infant
I can walk.

Look at these scars
and still say you don’t care
look at these scars
openly
honestly
No, you won’t find them
there
not on my face
or my arm
or in my embrace
look at these scars
and still say
you don’t care

save me
and I
will save
you too
my arms
are strong
but forgive me
your arms
at least to me
right here
right now
seem
a little  bit
not strong.

Winter drips
from your lips
cold words
frozen and bold
ice now owns your eyes
stagnant
staring
uncaring

I caught your smile
mid air
it was going in no direction
It’s safe in my back pocket
available for collection

give me back my smile
I am miserable without it
you took it with you
by mistake
at least
that’s what you said

I’ve just realised
that nobody talks in rhyme
and nobody  walks in time
words are never sublime
nobody told me
nobody said
nobody knew
I care
too much
inside my head

In a world of indifference
you made a difference
at least
to me
and that
is worth the
difference

I joined
a poetry club today
then quickly realised
they were not interested
in anything I had to
say
and more  importantly
in my world
that’s okay .

talk me gently
into tomorrow
make today
a vague memory

What are you talking about
It doesn’t matter
You said
What are you talking about
It’s all that matters
I said
What are you both shouting about
Our child said.

Honesty
I have never been this close
to this amount of pain
and survived

There is a long queue
behind me
and a huge pain inside me
difference is
I loved you
unlike most of those behind me
I believe
the sadness is
you called this one
too early

Life drips pain
until someone says
no more
enough
will that be me
or you

I miss you
every night
everyday
I have spent all night
last night
and most of today
trying to find the right script to slay
no words present themselves
they know how much is at play
I miss you
every night
everyday

She is gone
again
just as quickly has she
arrived
like a wisp of smoke
again
like a sunrise missed
again
like a moment lost
again
like an opportunity
known again
like love
found again

Look at me
I am made of
glass
you may see yourself
but it will pass

of all the smiles
ever given to me
and there’s been a few
the best smile
was the one you gave to me
in ‘94
as you ran to me
arms outstretched
love unattached
straight into my arms
with your love for me
written all over
the man I knew
you would eventually be.

I knew you were okay
when you picked up
the worst bits of me
put them in your pocket
and never
gave them back to  me

You never asked me
to dance
I just wanted
to dance
from the moment
I met you

you think
this is dull
my love
it can get darker
watch me
blow the flame.

There is a man in my life
says he knows who I am
even knows my name
calls me by it everyday
how strange
I don’t know his name
although
I might have
maybe even would have
probably could have
if………

Suddenly
Oddly
Weirdly
Bizarrely
I am
Back
In
The room
.

I don’t want to say
goodbye
before I have left you
don’t want to see you
cry
before I die
   .

I walk in in
as you walk out
I speak loud
as you fade out

Oddly I breathe
a little better
smile a little better
wake up a little better
behave a lot less better
am myself a little better
when I am at home
doing better better things
with you

when there was nothing but money
to make
we made it
when there was no love to lose
we lost it
when there was no game to play
we played it
when there was nothing to say
we talked anyway

I loved you
yesterday
or at least
I tried
but you were you
yesterday
or at least
you tried

If I could just
for one minute
truly be myself
and pour me into the world
undiluted
I would poison
everyone I touched
I would ****
the pure
and obscure
I would flood the world
with truth
and pictures
and memories
of their youth

Not sure if I could ever
drink away
the pain
or the hurt
of your memory
the scattering
you left behind
the tattering
of my heart
you scattered
without care
or cause
never  caring
for a minute
the meaning of
because

Please don’t get lost in
yesterday
join us
celebrate
today

when everyone left
I found myself alone
not for the first time
but nevertheless
alone

This is a hand
I never wanted to play
these are the  words
I never wanted to say
you are the human
I never
ever  sought to shame
and yet…….

My fingertips
tell me
how much I miss
human touch