Eventually
the lies disappear
like smoke upon touch
the truth appears
without warning
that it could ever mean so much
eventually
morning dawns
from a night filled with tears
eventually
without the fanfare
life starts again
to everyone’s surprise
we awake
again
a little embarrassed
again
to a glorious
and  unexpected
sunrise.

I walk in in
as you walk out
I speak loud
as you fade out

Happy ending presented itself
at my door last night
I recoiled at the sight
I would much prefer
to howl into the night
Isn’t that right?

Imagine
what we could have been
if we had only
tried

I see you
in all honesty
it’s murky
but if I move slightly
to the right
and squint my eyes
I think
I see you
albeit
slightly a
a bit too much
to the right.

Nobody actually
made it out alive
those who survived
stifled  our children’s
cries

I have already forgotten
every face that I knew
I have already forgotten
what was wrong
between me and you

Somewhere way above who I set out to be
unintentionally
I became me
No one I set out to be
or honestly am proud to be
genuinely stuck with me
wake up everyday with me
tried more than once to lose me
annoyingly
still wake up with me
constantly critical of me
randomly amused by me
desperately abused by me
always trying
unsuccessfully
to eventually
get the point
of me.

I may not be in love
but let me tell you
how that feels

Good

Most of you
is gone from me now
snippets remain
your smile
your brown eyes
the way you saw the world
your indifference
your belief in me
your difference
to me
your belief in strange
I was not brave enough
even though we both
wished me so.

I loved you
way before I met you
I still love you
way after you
walked away and
left me

I want to say
you got the best of me
but I think we both know
there wasn’t much best left
so instead
you got what was left of me
and somehow
that was
enough.

Last one to leave
switch the lights off
one thing for.sure
it will never
be
me

Do you remember when
we didn’t care
when we said
we would face life
head on
when we laughed at pain
when we didn’t explain
when we picked up the pieces
without complain
when we liked our life
without looking for fame

I am leaving now
my love
and I will leave my heart with you
safekeeping
for better days
no longer can I stay.

we are lost at sea
the radio broken
the winds ten force
totally off course.

How come
you whisper
and I hear
a roar ?

You remind me
of who I should
have been
before life
got in my way.

Sometimes
love
disguises itself
like someone
you used to trust
but in between
you grew up

I hailed a taxi
to take me two blocks away
from my life
then realised
you were waiting there
and
everywhere

Sometimes I think
tears are just whispers
nobody
hears

my heart has not yet missed a beat
if it ever were to
it would only be
because you three
were out of arms reach
to me

here’s my smile
you always said you liked it
not sure I own it anymore
take it
not sure I want it anymore
and
you always said you liked it.

You cannot capture light
But darkness hovers
so available
so bright

we are talking ourselves into
another decade together
after all the tears
and all the doubts
all the fears
and the what abouts
after all the
who we could have been
and should have been
if we didn’t hold each other back
even after all that
we are talking ourselves into
another decade together

Your love
shows me
what
love
actually
is

I cannot breath
because the pain
you cause
kills
my will
and my spirit
my grit
I cannot breath
because your boot
is bigger
and louder
and way more important
than my
life

Nobody asked
so nobody told
instead
we threw our heads back
and laughed
out loud
me too

you drip feed me
the truth
because you love me
I drip feed you
my love
because
it’s the right thing to do.

there is no blame
laid here
you were a void
I stepped into
I could have sidestepped
let’s be honest
I choose not to
there is no blame
laid here
just corpses of dreams
stacked up
stagnant
sadly unseen.

The winds are gale force
as they have been
before
but this time
they are heading right
to our door
I am ready
I think
I can handle the ride
know where to hide
do you?

She is gone
again
just as quickly has she
arrived
like a wisp of smoke
again
like a sunrise missed
again
like a moment lost
again
like an opportunity
known again
like love
found again

Here’s what I will do
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear you
I’ll raise the the stakes by two
stack the odds
in favour of you
and still pretend
I didn’t hear you
Tell me who the **** else
would do that for you?

I am asleep
In this
That much I will admit
Dazed
Crazed
slightly amazed
But
mostly
ghostly
I am honestly
mostly
asleep
In this

I heard you came home. last night
or the night before
our town is a small town
news is never quite up to date
still
I heard you came home last night
and  I wonder
what the **** does that
feel like?

You ask me to dance
and I accept
but as we move across the floor
I see the ghosts
of who we once were
dancing
just above us
ghosts of us
circling
the who we once were
when we used to dance
boldly
carelessly
effortlessly
when we glided
and glided
heads held back
laughing out loud
for all the world to see
without ghosts
gliding
reminding
of who we used to be

I think
I am so completely lost now
without your face
Your embrace
too far away
your smile distant
your words
nonexistent
your presence
forever
Omniscient

I will trade you
my sadness
for your smile

I will leave your love here
in the graveyard of regret
because I cannot take it with me
the burden
the memory
the joy
the pain
the  love
the almost
the lovely
too heavy
for my already
heartbroken
weakened heart.

I live within realms
of silence
I so want to relinquish
yet cannot

Suddenly
Oddly
Weirdly
Bizarrely
I am
Back
In
The room
.

say goodbye
to who you were yesterday
know this
for sure
you woke up today
with a chance
to be
a brand new you

I have lived here now
for such a long time
on the outskirts
of you

My love for you
flows endlessly
through my fingertips
hold my hand

we rushed from the warm inside
to the cold outside
of a New York City night
Hailed a cab
then caught sight
of a lonely figure
slumped in the night
Someone help
Someone said
she’s in trouble
her soul is dead
and I thought
it is indeed
but what makes her different
from everyone else
I’ve met
Tonight

For gods sake
just leave it
I said
I no longer care
I said
too much work
I said
walk away
I said  
I don’t need this
I  said
bore off
I said
I am better than this
I said
just leave
I said
and **** me
he did!

KUDOS!!!

of all the smiles
ever given to me
and there’s been a few
the best smile
was the one you gave to me
in ‘94
as you ran to me
arms outstretched
love unattached
straight into my arms
with your love for me
written all over
the man I knew
you would eventually be.

When you said
you were sorry
I thought
you meant it

I am laughing out loud
this much is true
Please know
I am dying inside

I have been searching this house all night
just can’t find anything worthwhile
a couple of memories
an odd laugh
a lot of pain in the kitchen
a lost birthday cake behind the sofa
a summer party shoved under a bed
a new start
rotting and forgotten
hidden randomly
beneath a a pile of broken hearts