Let me just settle
your presence
upon my skin
let me just understand
this is a begin.

the  garnish glittery
golden bits of me
faded effortlessly into
the subtle serious
silver bits of you
smelted for a bit
and became
slowly solid
indestructible undefinably
bronze.

You were never
a party
worth staying up for.

Thank you
for seeing right through
who I try to be
reaching into
the core of me
laughing at who
I think I should be
and loving
the girl
I ended up
to be.

I live within realms
of silence
I so want to relinquish
yet cannot

Millions of words
reign down upon my head
each day
if I could absorb half
I would be a hero
to myself
as it goes
I feel
the noise of too many voices
hurt my soul
create a hole
even I
cannot climb out of.

Down here
in the murky blue
navy blue
grey of life
that us few
allow
ourselves
ever to feel
don’t you feel
just
a little bit more
sanctimonious
just
a little bit more
connected to life
Or is that just
me?

Love clipped me
didn’t **** me
but God……
love came right up in my face
and asked way too much
of me

Three words
John
Jack
Boo
Now that’s poetry!

I am asleep
In this
That much I will admit
Dazed
Crazed
slightly amazed
But
mostly
ghostly
I am honestly
mostly
asleep
In this

Of all the little things
you have given me
the myriad of kindness
you have shown me
well, this
this is the best.

Here is a truth I know
I was never quite good enough for you
I will never say it out loud
and nor will you
we will just laugh outloud
and pretend
it’s not true

There are about three billion words
on the inside of me
on the outside
Man, they are struggling
to be

I see you
and you look like home
I turn away
but home is always where
the heart is.

If you love  me
even once in a while
talk me out of this
I am deep into another
mistake

we rushed from the warm inside
to the cold outside
of a New York City night
Hailed a cab
then caught sight
of a lonely figure
slumped in the night
Someone help
Someone said
she’s in trouble
her soul is dead
and I thought
it is indeed
but what makes her different
from everyone else
I’ve met
Tonight

You know what
we could have made it
we only had the last two steps
to climb
you fell back
and we collapsed

this
I know
is way more
important
than me.

I love this
not sure of anything else
but sure of this
I love this
I love the this is us ly ness
of this
and us,

New York  City
flashes
for you tonight
Tomorrow it will
Probably expose
your plight

Please forgive me if
I know longer  
know
the right thing to say

and then
someone said
why don’t you marry me
instead?

I see
you want me to applaud
your love
but
sadly I can’t
on this occasion
happily
I’m all clapped out

our love
which was once
an event
a waterfall
a crescendo
splendid enough that
people would queue
for hours
just to to see it
I get it
I would queue too
to see
our love
our love
is now just
a trickle
that no one
is interested enough
to get out of bed for
it’s just not
that special
anymore
in all honesty
it’s just not that interesting
to anyone
not even to
to you and me
anymore

My heart is in my pocket
I keep it there
It’s almost safe
But there are pick pockets
Everywhere
On every street
At ever turn
They are quick
They are sleek
They steal hearts
with slight of hand
And magic dust
Then disappear
And leave you
heartless
And torn
battle weary
And worn

For gods sake
just leave it
I said
I no longer care
I said
too much work
I said
walk away
I said  
I don’t need this
I  said
bore off
I said
I am better than this
I said
just leave
I said
and **** me
he did!

KUDOS!!!

here’s my smile
you always said you liked it
not sure I own it anymore
take it
not sure I want it anymore
and
you always said you liked it.

You left last night
in a hurry
but you left tiny bits of yourself
scattered
in a bit of a flurry
not sure what to do with them now
seems wrong to sweep them away
still
you were the one who left last night
in a bit of a hurry

so
this is what a final Goodbye  feels like
the knowledge that there will be
no
right of reply
no
thinking it over tomorrow
and deciding we were wrong
no
we said too much
no
let’s keep in touch
no
lets fume for a week
and have coffee next Friday
no
let’s talk it out again
and say sorry for playing games
this
is the game
that
was the game
we lost
no
chance to regain
you are gone
from this earth
so
this is what a final goodbye feels like.

When did those little boy arms
that ran to me
full of joy and laughter
and wild abandon
straight into my arms
unquestionable love
when did those little boy arms become
strong enough to hold me
and save me?

I should forget
but I haven’t
I should remember
but I don’t
I should see
but I’m blind
I should hear
but I’m deaf
I should go
but I stay
I should know
but I don’t.

Heres's life
looking at me sideways
Here’s you
looking at me too

I remember
the unrelenting chill
and freeze
of that cold December snow
as we trudged on together
through bitter biting winds
you tried to tell me
your burden was too heavy
you had to set it down  
I  couldn’t hear you
my burden was too heavy
too
and the winds howled
hurling horrific blows
and the cold sold my soul
as we trudged on together
one step after another
through that final awful too cold
December snow.

I am thankful
you are
who you are
are you ?

and after we slept
we awoke
as is the path
to a tomorrow
of division
same species
all human
growling at each other
in the dark

I am totally in love
with the girl I set out to be
if you see her
please send her back
posthaste
I miss her.

What are you talking about
It doesn’t matter
You said
What are you talking about
It’s all that matters
I said
What are you both shouting about
Our child said.

No
is a complete sentence
I only
learned that
yesterday
so today
I can say
out loud
no
no
no
and louder
No
No
JUST NO

You are
too close
to my heart
Back the
back off!

You remind me
of who I should
have been
before life
got in my way.

Can you honestly
still love me
when you don’t quite get the point
of me
anymore

In a world of indifference
you made a difference
at least
to me
and that
is worth the
difference

I knew you were okay
when you picked up
the worst bits of me
put them in your pocket
and never
gave them back to  me

I am leaving now
my love
and I will leave my heart with you
safekeeping
for better days
no longer can I stay.

Winter drips
from your lips
cold words
frozen and bold
ice now owns your eyes
stagnant
staring
uncaring

Nothing can change my
indifference
to our
difference
except perhaps
a sudden quick change
Of opinion
by you

It’s a fine thread
Between
Your heart and mine
silken and fine
like rich red wine
don’t break the line
and nor
will I
trust in me
and we will be fine

no no no
I hear you
I am
listening
trust me
I am listening
intensely
but
forgive me for asking
before we both die of boredom
what frigging point
are you trying to make?

There is a man in my life
says he knows who I am
even knows my name
calls me by it everyday
how strange
I don’t know his name
although
I might have
maybe even would have
probably could have
if………

Honesty
I have never been this close
to this amount of pain
and survived