I believe
this is it
I believe
we got there
I believe
this is enough
I believe
we know
I believe
the scars
won’t show
beneath our clothes
or our eyes
I believe
no-one will  ever hear
our cries

Did you ever feel
you ever lost
every real word
you ever wanted.to say
to every unreal person
in your life
and at the end of the day
when their eyes are glazing over
you still
believe
you have so much more left
to say

I cannot breath
because the pain
you cause
kills
my will
and my spirit
my grit
I cannot breath
because your boot
is bigger
and louder
and way more important
than my
life

Don’t say you are leaving
I am already at the door
don’t say you are bleeding
I already hold the sore
don’t say you didn’t mean it
I already know the score
don’t say you are sorry
I already
already
already
I already
love you more

I am
so in love. with myself
that
when you said you loved me
I thought
I was talking to
myself

Just give a little
he said
dear god I’m trying
I said
just speak louder
he said
just look twice
I said
I’m dead

You are not
me
or anything like me
You are just a strange alien
a sweet likeable person
who honestly
inexplicably
undeniably
unbelievably
gets
the point of me

I don’t miss you being here
telling me
what to do
I miss you being here
showing me
how to be

I think I have fallen in love
with a thousand men
because I could
I think I have fallen in love
with this man
because I could not

I am offering my hand
and even now
I know it is not enough
to save us
but still
I am offering my hand
reach out
know this
I will lose it
before
I will deny this

If I could just
for one minute
truly be myself
and pour me into the world
undiluted
I would poison
everyone I touched
I would ****
the pure
and obscure
I would flood the world
with truth
and pictures
and memories
of their youth

Do you see?
Don’t stare
Just glance
Do you see?
A better version of you and me
And humanity
Do you see
Don’t stare
Stand back
Wish
And glance
Breath in
Let’s take this chance

I will stand up
Scared
Yet standing
Naked
Exposed
Reaching
Yet reclining
I will stand
I will hold you
If you falter
I will stand up
Scared
Yet standing
Will you?

Let it go
Maybe then
everyone else will too
The pain
The injustice
The wrong
The right
The high ground
The low ground
Let it go
Look.somewhere else
To find your grow
Look somewhere else
find your glow

Let’s leave it now
there is no communion
Between you and I
Christ died
and we did too
Christ bled
and we tried too

My thoughts shatter
like bubbles upon touch
reigning droplets
upon my soul
an old soul
one that really should
know better
yet still
even at this late hour
a soul that
simply
doesn’t know how
To fair better

I knew lots of things
before I met you
Yet
day by day
hour by hour
minute by minute
second by second
they all left me
bled out of me
day by day
hour by hour
minute by minute
second by second
until eventually
I was just left
with me
and me.

There is a newness about today
and I welcome it without delay
a brand new sun
of a brand new year
I will hear no bad of it
I will believe in it
I will welcome it
I will savour it
I will believe in it
no matter what
you say
I will believe in it
Today

I’ve just realised
that nobody talks in rhyme
and nobody  walks in time
words are never sublime
nobody told me
nobody said
nobody knew
I care
too much
inside my head

I cannot reach out
There is no reach left
I cannot cry out
There is no cry left
I cannot crawl away
There is no crawl left
I cannot win now
There is no win left

Today
Will never happen again
So drink it in deep
Tomorrow
Will bring more
and less
and if we are lucky
be today
all over again

The day slowed down
and almost stood still
Silence creeped all around me
poised for the ****
The day slowed down
and almost stood still
Despair nipped at my ankles
devoured my will

This too will pass
He said
but the passing is slow
I said
look deep inside
He said
Too much to ask
I said

There is an unbreakable chain
between your heart
and mine
sometimes it strains
beneath the pain
then shows us out loud
the meaning
and power
the glory
of owning
the world  renowned
always sought after
unbreakable chain

I want to say
you got the best of me
but I think we both know
there wasn’t much best left
so instead
you got what was left of me
and somehow
that was
enough.

Read it and weep
or don’t read it
and weep
anyway

Don’t try to save me
in truth
I’m sinking
faster than none
Don’t try to raise me
in truth
I’m screaming louder
than fun
spoiling your fun
Don’t try to reach me
In truth
We’re trying
Too hard
in truth
don’t try to save me
in truth
our time is
undeniably
undefinable
just about
heartbreakingly
done .

If i could scream
out loud
like i scream
inside
Maybe some random
passerby
might not dismiss
the noise
as a weird animal
cry

Not sure if I could ever
drink away
the pain
or the hurt
of your memory
the scattering
you left behind
the tattering
of my heart
you scattered
without care
or cause
never  caring
for a minute
the meaning of
because

God
if they only knew
they would be queueing up
just
to have a conversation
with you

Where does your sadness come from
he said
I’m not sure
either from yesterday or
next door
Must be next door
he said
no one lives in yesterday
anymore

Have you ever been to Santorini
on a boat
when you were young
and blond
and gorgeous
and free?
Have you ever been to Santorini
when life lay before you
like a joke
a challenge
a high
Have you ever been to Santorini
when the sun is so high
you feel you could die
If you’ve never been to Santorini
you don’t know me
but  trust me
just give it a try!

I am no longer interested
in the pain of truth
But I sleep easy with deceit
It is by far
the easier feat

Life won’t make you right
If anything
it will lead you
barefoot and ******
into a day
you are not yet ready to live
It won’t forgive
or allow any give
It will take you by the hand
then suddenly let go
disrupt the land
destroy your plan
Life won’t make you right
or alert you to the fight
It will push you
and push you
and keep pushing
until eventually
reluctantly
unsteadily
you take flight
fly well
fly straight
fly light.

I think I know the
meaning of No
when stakes are high
and morale is low
I think I know
the pain of resist
when lights are high
and pain exists
I think I know
how far people go
when desperation hits
And your core is in bits

I am free falling into winter
summer echos
in my head
I cannot cling on
to sunny days
dusty evenings
romantic haze
I cannot prevent the chill
the hail crashing over the hill
I am free falling into winter
crying ice tears
against my will.

We can’t be lovers
We can’t quite be friends
We just flaunt around
Enemies
instead
dressed  up
like clowns
prancing about
dancing
endlessly
effortlessly
entertainingly
betraying
Challanging
the braying
crowd.

Boys and girls
are rushing
way too soon
into men and women
who can’t consume
the reality
that this world was
not made purely
and solely
for
their amusement

Oh hello
Sorry
Who are you looking for?
No trouble
Do come in
Who are you looking for ?
Oh yes...... I know who you mean
No.........sorry
She left here years ago
nobody really knows
whatever
Became of her .....

Beautiful
is misinterpreted
everyday
Beautiful
is strived for
everyday
Beautiful
is cried for
everyday
Beautiful
is before you
everyday
Beautiful
is lost to you
everyday
Reach!

There is a long queue
behind me
and a huge pain inside me
difference is
I loved you
unlike most of those behind me
I believe
the sadness is
you called this one
too early

I am a mother
You are a son
Isn’t it about time
Our life begun?

Nothing can change my
indifference
to our
difference
except perhaps
a sudden quick change
Of opinion
by you

Sometimes
don’t you think
Life shouts
just a bit too loud
makes its entrance
just a little
too bold
Misses the point
just a little
too often
allows us to sink
just a little
too low
Sometimes
don’t you think?

Everything faded
info shades of blue and grey
like the song
somehow we went wrong
everything faded
we forgot
the people who had
made us.
us

I am sorry
after this long time
you realized that
I am not  Cinderella
or a fairy tale
anywhere close to that
I am sorry
after this long time
You realized  
I am simply
just another
ordinarily girl
who  somehow
late in the night
haphazardly
lost
her
shoe
again!

I refuse to allow
Yesterday
To stand in front of me
Today
And tell me
Who I should be
Tomorrow

I am showered by words
Tonight
they  infiltrate my mind
refuse to ignite
hover
just a bit out of sight
they tempt me
delight  me
laugh at me
disappear on me
But mostly
strangely  
oddly
they will always
unexplainably
own me