Here are
my broken thoughts
and overthinking mind
late at night
desperately trying
to make a sentence
that makes sense
to myself
and maybe
someone
else
help me
if you can !

your smile came back to
me today
unexpectedly
in the shower
still can’t believe
you are a liar .

you are halfway
into my heart
well done
it’s more than anyone
ever
has ever managed to do
and it’s a feeling
I could get used to
maybe !

This is your tomorrow
please
live it with me.

I know you think
the shadows are
falling upon you now
but if you turn your head
right to left
left to right
maybe they fall
different upon you now
perhaps they are not
shadows
just falling lights
yet to be lit.
falling upon you now

You do know
don’t you?
that all of this
means nothing
if we don’t both love it
if we are both not
in all honesty
true
you do know that
don’t you?

this life is a privilege
but my god,
we pay for it
in tears.

Do not let anyone
ever
tell you
you are not okay
you talk too loud
you have too much to say
you live in a cloud
maybe you do
what’s the taboo?
but do not let anyone
ever
wherever
ever
tell you what to do
or you have too much to say
except
sometimes
maybe me!

I love this
not sure of anything else
but sure of this
I love this
I love the this is us ly ness
of this
and us,

I miss you
not so much
the being with you
more the noise of you
the look of you
the late night nights with you
the carelessness of you
the talking out loud of you
the who gives a **** of you
the silence of you
the lovely of you
the truth of you
the I don’t want to be
anywhere else
of you
I guess
in all honesty
I miss the very
precious
and beautiful
essence of
you.

when everybody left
you stayed
I like that
in a human

I will let
the little lies lie
if you will too
just can’t take
any big ones
don’t surprise me
it will end
me and you.

google
something interesting to say
or
here’s an idea
just walk
the **** away!

this river runs deep
whatever you say
I almost drowned
whatever you say
this river runs deep
you walked away
whatever you say
this river runs deep
you have long legs
I’d say
this river runs deep
I almost drowned
no matter what
or why
or when
this river runs deep
I’d say
this river runs deep
well done
those long legs
helped you walk
away
no matter what I say
but still
this river runs deep
I say
but maybe
I am totally wrong!

and then
the music stopped
and so did we
who knew?
certainly, not me

You were never
a party
worth staying up for.

you don’t need to ask
the answer is
yes
but what the ****
ask it
anyway!

Yes , okay
I failed you
and everyone
we ever knew
according to you
yes, okay
I failed you
does that make me
less than you
or just a little more
dishonesty honest
than everyone
we ever knew
including you?

I lost my
point of view
and I only had a few
still I lost them
post them back
you know
I only had a few

you said you
didn’t mean it
I guess
that makes it
all okay.

I hear you
I heard you
yesterday
and all the other days
when
you had nothing
good to say
what makes you
think
I can’t hear you
today
when you
yet again
have nothing good to
say.?

when there was nothing
it still felt  like
something

Let me be
one hundred percent honest
with you
I  have never
ever been
one hundred percent  honest
with anyone
including you
and that
my friend
is
one hundred percent true
honest
totally and completely
true
although I have never been
one hundred percent honest
or true
with anyone
including you.

you left
and then
I left
there was probably
only
five minutes
anger between
us

Sorry to call
I know we said we wouldn’t
it’s just
you left your smile here
and a couple of your laugh
outlouds
tempted to throw them
in the trash
but
you might need them  again
someday
somewhere
soon.

When you said
you were sorry
I thought
you meant it

This
my little one
is just life
showing its teeth
I can’t help you
that would be
defeat
this my little one
you must face all alone
at least
until the next time
you get home

You left
just a beat
before midnight
and I
woke up
to a brand new day.

are we two
a
costly mistake
or
a beautiful embrace?

this much I know
if I know
nothing else
there is always
a next.

I overheard you phone
conversation
turned quickly so
not to hear
things I shouldn’t
but I still heard
all the bad about
me

the snow
always made a movie
of your life
viewed from your
absolutely
perfect house
until the snow
slowly
turned
into rain.

we are both
far  enough away
and clever enough
to know
it will take
the two of us
a monumental climb
a torrential will
and a beat
to see
what we’re leaving
behind
see the light
mull it over
chew the cud
decide
if we ever want
to
be
home again.

I have so much time
for those who are not
afraid
they live out loud
while I whisper my truth
from somewhere behind the
cloud.

he bought me
diamond rings
champagne
and other things
paid off my mortgage
it was quite an engage
for a moment
for a beat
I was there
until he said
you are amazing
what’s your name?

sometimes
I get lost
inside
the deepest deep
deep parts  of me
and I have to say
it’s not the worst place
to be!

every word
in this conversation
has been said before
they fall exhaustingly
at the door
verbs
dying of boredom
on the floor
vowels
wishing  they were dead
sentences
refusing to finish
pronouns
dying at our sound
adjectives
don't even show up
every word
in this conversation
my love
has all been said
before.

I seek beauty
this I know is true
I seek truth
I seek joy
I seek cigarettes
I seek yesterday
this I know is true
I seek me
I seek free
I seek we
but
I will never
ever again
seek you
this I know is true .

I’ve searched this house
ten times or more
every cupboard
every  door
I just can’t find us
anywhere.

and then
someone said
why don’t you marry me
instead?

when everyone left
I found myself alone
not for the first time
but nevertheless
alone

It seems too easy to say
I love you
I want to say I love
the total uniqueness of you
the difference of you
the boldness of you
the look of you
the laugh out loud of you
the kindness of you
the difference from me of you
the sameness of me of you
the I will do it anyway of you
the **** the world of you
the arrogance of you
the humility of you
the soft spaces of you
the late  night tears of you
it seems too easy to say I love you
the perfect perfectness of you
but hey
I want to say it anyway!

If I live to be two  hundred and ten
actually if I live until
next Tuesday
I will never love again
as I have loved you.

even when
I wasn’t in love
with you
when I couldn’t
catch the feeling
even when
the two of us
were lost in
a New York evening
even when
we were drowning in
noise and confusion
even when
we saw life
in different colours
even when
you were big
and I was small
even when
I was big
and you were small
even when I was here
and you were gone
even when you were there
and I was gone
even then
even then
I knew we’d get here
arrival times may differ
check with your carrier
but I knew we’d get here
even then
somehow
I knew we’d get here
and against the odds
*******
here we are
have we got there
are we here?

Here’s the thing
the missing
never leaves
we just learn
that love
is just as real
from afar.

when the party was over
and the balloons hit the floor
when yet again
there was just me and you
I was glad as always
that you were just you
and I was just me
annoying as that can be
to the masses
in all honesty
Who the **** else would
we  ever want to be?

I don’t know where
I’m going
but I know
I can’t leave you
behind

This is a hand
I never wanted to play
these are the  words
I never wanted to say
you are the human
I never
ever  sought to shame
and yet…….

I will block out
the two hundred poems in my head
and write this one
for you
instead.

I wanted more
that’s for sure
a slow dance
a quick gin
I wanted more
that’s for sure
a romance
an easy grin
I wanted more
that’s for sure
a sunset walk
a little talk
I wanted more
that’s for sure
a few stars
maybe less bars
I wanted more
that’s for sure
the moon
if not the stars
I wanted more
that’s for sure
a bit more real
a bit less zeal
I wanted more
I needed more
and that my friend
well that , my friend
that’s for sure.