Can someone  teach me
how to be
the woman
my mother always said
I should be?

I heard you came home. last night
or the night before
our town is a small town
news is never quite up to date
still
I heard you came home last night
and  I wonder
what the **** does that
feel like?

I see
you want me to applaud
your love
but
sadly I can’t
on this occasion
happily
I’m all clapped out

Millions of words
reign down upon my head
each day
if I could absorb half
I would be a hero
to myself
as it goes
I feel
the noise of too many voices
hurt my soul
create a hole
even I
cannot climb out of.

I see you now
in the cold light
of day
and I remember
how much
we have
forgotten

I think of them fondly now
in truth
I hardly knew my father
but I knew that he loved me
in truth
I was a little afraid of my mother
but I I knew that she loved me
in truth
just three of us left now
maybe we just tolerate each other
in truth
I know that we love each other  
in truth
like my folks always said we would.

all I want
is to find you
to know you
to be you
to understand you
to hear you
to have space for you
all I want
is for you
to understand me
to find me
to hear me
to know me
have space for me
all I want
is to know you
and for you
to know me too
and then
I think
we would never wage war.

and after we slept
we awoke
as is the path
to a tomorrow
of division
same species
all human
growling at each other
in the dark

I know you
but
you don’t know me
I know every thought going through your
head
You know me
but
I don’t know you
you know every though going through my
head

I could spend all night
and deep into tomorrow
listening to your song
You are a melody
awaiting a tune
hang on!

I love the bits of  you
you can’t see
because
I suspect
you shield
the world
from seeing them too

Tomorrow
we talk about
all the time
today slips
through our fingers
undefined,

I am not easy to
love
this much I know
I have let go of
love
this much I know
I have laughed at
love
this much I know
I have cried for
love
this much I know
I have screamed for
love
this much I know
I would die for
love
this much I know
I have loved for
love
this much I know
I have missed out on
love
this much I know
I  have known true
love
this much I know

when someone says
I love you
take it
embrace it
silence the questions
in your heart
when someone says
I love you
silence
the young child
within
you have lost.

After all
the love was cleared  away
the laughter and the joy
two hundred people
sweeping
all our dreams away
into black plastic sacks
smiling as they worked
never knowing the slack
yet smiling  knowingly
at our lack
even  after all that
we still
drove home
celebrated our success
Yes
unbelievably
even
knowing all that
we celebrated our success.

I know the meaning of love
I know you say
you do too
and perhaps  you do
but
I know the meaning of love
the crying out loud of love.
the desperate despair of love
the doubt of love
the reaching out of love
the pure joy of  love
the desperation of love
the don’t do this of love
the endless hope of love
the not feeling all right of love
the wonder if this is love
the question of can this be love
the sadness of love
the screaming out of love
the tears of love
the pure joy of love
the I can’t do this anymore of love
the right of love
the wrong of love
the me in love
I know the meaning of love
I know you say
you do too
and perhaps you do.

I guess this time
I’m really leaving
I guess this time
you can see
my heart is  really
bleeding

I heard you called
I didn’t hear
someone told me
next day
too late
next time
if you need me
shout.

I am too many thoughts
for my little
brain.

we were all right when
it was easy to be all right
beautiful blond children
and music all night
lazy languid days
and sleepy morning goodbyes
wall street dinners
and New York City cries
too much of too much
an abundance of abundance
lay a path to our redundance.

You slip though my fingers now
like fine sand
although you grew to be you
beneath my hand
you are everyone
I ever wanted you to be
just better
than I hoped you could be
and you wear yourself
so easily
like you are exactly who you
were meant to be
you inhale the day
like it’s here to stay
or not
you make me smile
with pride
by living out loud.

there are
seven wonders of the world
and I am sitting here
eating dinner
trading words
passing time
with three of them.

afterwards
I regretted the words
that I had said
but not half as much as
I regretted
the life
that I had led.

I know I hold the brush
but I cannot paint a stroke of paint
upon the canvas of out life
our colours are unclear
our future blurred in fear
and fuchsia
nobody can live in fuchsia
no matter how hard they try.

I loved you
for about an hour
on a random beach in Dublin
sometime around 1979
or there about
friends say it never happened
I was too young
but it did
I know
I loved you
for about an hour
on  a random beach
sometime, somewhere , somehow
I loved you
for about an hour
on a random beach in Dublin
around 1979 or just before.

You talk about love like it’s real
like folk can be happy
together
you talk about love
like it’s okay to feel
happy
you talk about love
like it’s real
like things can work out
okay
like no one hates the day
you talk about love
like it’s real
like it could happen anyway
any day
anytime
anywhere
how bizarre
you talk about love like
it’s real.

this strange
seldom seen
full moon
fills our room
with more light
that we could ever ignite
although god knows
we’ve tried.

For gods sake
just leave it
I said
I no longer care
I said
too much work
I said
walk away
I said  
I don’t need this
I  said
bore off
I said
I am better than this
I said
just leave
I said
and **** me
he did!

KUDOS!!!

you drip feed me
the truth
because you love me
I drip feed you
my love
because
it’s the right thing to do.

she tried to hide
the boredom on her breath
but he caught it anyway
she tried to hide
the loneliness in her heart
but he felt it anyway.

Nothing speaks to my soul
more
than  the words
you never say.

Your flowers arrived
before you
you always like
to guarantee
a smile.

Morning makes its entrance
throwing sunlight
on an unslept bed
I stand a few feet away
throwing bouquets
at  an unloved life.

I remember the room
where we first met
I remember the room
hard to forget
I remember the room
your smile matched mine
I remember the room
perfectly in line
I remember the room
the feeling of fine
I remember the room
your heart leaving mine
I remember the room
the sharp decline
I remember the room
slow
sad
somehow
sublime .

I have already forgotten
every face that I knew
I have already forgotten
what was wrong
between me and you

I wish you had arrived
when I still believed in love
I wish I had met you
when there was still
space in my heart
I wish I had heard your song
when I still believed in melody

the world is on fire
with hurt and pain
bodies are building up
children getting lost in the mire
the world is on fire
with deceit and blame
the world is on fire
not a one amongst us
brave enough
clever enough
wise enough
enough enough
interested enough
to fan the flame.

What’s your super power Mummy?
said my beautiful blue eyed boy
mine is ‘ I can fly’
I can live without love
promise me
you will never try
to fly that high.

When we were young
we said let it come
if it rained
we had an umbrella
if it snowed
we had a plough
If it iced
we had a ski
if it stormed
we had shelter
if it darkened
we had light
if it was fire
we had water
if it was old
we were young
if it was too much
we were one.

I know you think this smile
is just for you
it might well be
but I give out 264 and more smiles each day
multiple by a week
a year
a life
I know you think this smile
is just for you
it might well be
maybe
you just might be right
wouldn’t that be nice.

I might as well
be someone else
for all the authenticity
left inside
of me.

I am totally in love
with the girl I set out to be
if you see her
please send her back
posthaste
I miss her.

Thank you
for seeing right through
who I try to be
reaching into
the core of me
laughing at who
I think I should be
and loving
the girl
I ended up
to be.

I remember
the unrelenting chill
and freeze
of that cold December snow
as we trudged on together
through bitter biting winds
you tried to tell me
your burden was too heavy
you had to set it down  
I  couldn’t hear you
my burden was too heavy
too
and the winds howled
hurling horrific blows
and the cold sold my soul
as we trudged on together
one step after another
through that final awful too cold
December snow.

there is no blame
laid here
you were a void
I stepped into
I could have sidestepped
let’s be honest
I choose not to
there is no blame
laid here
just corpses of dreams
stacked up
stagnant
sadly unseen.

it may hurt to be me
but it hurts more
to be me
with you.

Do you recall when love was lost?
not too sure myself
that country weekend with friends
comes to mind
we left the lovely pub to walk home
everyone was jolly
the route was dark but not for the first time
to the idilic cottage
with the lamps on
just before we went in you said
hang on
have I forgotten something
I’m missing something
for sure
were you missing her
I was.

somewhere
along the line
our life got lost
I couldn’t find it anywhere
although I searched
neither could you
God knows, I tried
you didn’t
I gave up
but if perchance
you find it
or even try
post  it to me
you have my address.

leave now
I know you need to
but I can’t go with you
although every part of me
wants to.