Happy new year to those of you on this site
who have read and encouraged me this year
and more importantly thank you for writing words that I have loved
and will remember
and on we go!
Here’s to 2024!
See you on the other side!

and then
we laughed out loud
albeit a bit too loud
we just
didn’t know what else to do

These are little pieces
in the real world
fragments that
have become undone
if you reach to touch them
they will disappear
like smoke upon touch
the little pieces
that today
seem so much

those who believe in love
take one step to the right
those who are burnt
take one step to the left
those who still believe
stampede straight ahead
headlong
into the middle .

give me back my smile
I am miserable without it
you took it with you
by mistake
at least
that’s what you said

how will I remember
what love feels like
when days are too long
devoid of song
and sound
how will I remember
what touch feels like
when rooms are dark
the light too stark
how will I remember
what real feels like
when words are few
and I don’t have you

Imagine my surprise
when I looked in your eyes
and realised
exactly who you are

You and me
are just a tale of
a heart
defining chance

Love
it comes
and glows
then disappears
like smoke
upon touch

I won’t
throw you a
a line
I am
not quite
that brave

it’s a long walk back
I said
we walked here earlier
you said
I know but
the  grass looked greener
then

You haven’t mistaken me
for someone
you used to know
You have mistaken me for someone
I used to be

This is nice
I said
this is love
he said
No,
this just nice like
I said

You asked for truth
I tried.

I never told you
forever
I never promised
tomorrow
and for what
it’s worth
at this late stage
neither
did you.

Someone like you
was never meant for
someone like me
it was always meant to be
a casual affair

We grew up together
you and me
husband and wife
reaching out
for something
beyond strife
beyond  life
beyond  smile
beyond house
beyond kids
beyond ideal
beyond anyone
could ever hope to be
congrats !
we got there
we are now
after this long time  
beyond anyone  
anywhere
in this universe
could ever hope to be
Well done us!
lets not talk about
the price.

Thank you for listening
to the ten billion words I cough up
each day
and only hearing
the ones
I mean
and still
staying around
and loving me
all the same

we are talking ourselves into
another decade together
after all the tears
and all the doubts
all the fears
and the what abouts
after all the
who we could have been
and should have been
if we didn’t hold each other back
even after all that
we are talking ourselves into
another decade together

I lost myself
the minute and moment
I surrendered
my soul
to you

There is nothing much worth
saving here
you say
except perhaps our child
I say

Photographs
hidden in my bottom drawer
appear
uninvited
into my dreams
tonight
and suddenly I awake
right where
I started from

In all these years
we have given
a million smiles
to each other
surely
we  have one more left
between us

My tears fall
like tiny glass memories
they do not  crash
upon the floor
a bit like me
they flow and ebb
and gently
dissolve into
another
not so good night

There are seven wonders of the world
and I am sitting here
right here
right now
having dinner
with three of them

I should forget
but I haven’t
I should remember
but I don’t
I should see
but I’m blind
I should hear
but I’m deaf
I should go
but I stay
I should know
but I don’t.

Remember you said
you would rather be dead
than to live a life without cause
God, how honourable then
I thought you were my saviour
and I drank your presence
like the sweetest wine
I clung to your every word
like a long lost disciple
All I ever wanted to be was
the perfect daughter
perfect friend
perfect girl
but you left
just before you taught me
how to be just like you

Love is amazing but
love is waking up the next day
and not feeling quite
so sure  about yourself.

You ask me to dance
and I accept
but as we move across the floor
I see the ghosts
of who we once were
dancing
just above us
ghosts of us
circling
the who we once were
when we used to dance
boldly
carelessly
effortlessly
when we glided
and glided
heads held back
laughing out loud
for all the world to see
without ghosts
gliding
reminding
of who we used to be

I don’t care
about the money
I just really really
honestly
believe me now
I just really really
care
about the dance.

Lay your feelings down on me
God knows
I have laid mine heavily
upon you

I will leave my words here now
scattered upon the floor
as I have
so many times before
gather them or discard them
reject them or suspect them
scorn them or pity them
love them or lose them
or simply dismiss them
as you have done
so many times before

I left before
you
that was my only
crime

Hello there
Well, hello you too
I’ve never seen anyone with hair like you
it wasn’t good
it wasn’t great
but you know what
it was enough!

somewhere in the the depths of this
I saw myself
drowning in pain
it was a distant and silent view
somewhere lost in tomorrow
I saw myself
desperately reaching for the surface
it was exhausting and harrow
somewhere in the shadow.of this
I see myself
swimming  desperately swimming
desperately searching for the shore

All I can do
as the red *** sun rises
is smile
at the night we just had
even  given
it’s guises

I caught your smile
mid air
it was going in no direction
It’s safe in my back pocket
available for collection

Here’s what I will do
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear you
I’ll raise the the stakes by two
stack the odds
in favour of you
and still pretend
I didn’t hear you
Tell me who the **** else
would do that for you?

Let the phone ring
let the dog bark
let the sun rise
then sink
let the day dawn
let the youths yawn
let my mind spawn
too far
let the birds sing
let the drunk get
to his car
let this mistake
only take us
so far

When you reigned
you rained tears upon my cheek
fears I could not speak
my mascara
always streaked

I love you
my love is a little bit off centre
that much I know is true
but still
I love you
a little bit off centre
It’s the best I can do.

Happy ending presented itself
at my door last night
I recoiled at the sight
I would much prefer
to howl into the night
Isn’t that right?

My being is slipping
through your fingers now
like sand
the me I used to be
falling at your feet
tiny graduals of me
irritatingly present
transparent
incomplete

If you love  me
even once in a while
talk me out of this
I am deep into another
mistake

when there was nothing but money
to make
we made it
when there was no love to lose
we lost it
when there was no game to play
we played it
when there was nothing to say
we talked anyway

When did those little boy arms
who depended so much on me
when did those little boy arms
become strong enough
to hold me

If  I could paint your sunrise
in the colours that you choose
trust me , I would
except I know
you haven’t paid quite enough
attention
to blue, yet.

Tonight
I would like to topple the world
so we all fell out
into the abyss
together
and we were all scared
together
no colour no creed
in the mist of all that fear
I would grab your hand
I know I would
and I know
You would grab mine
too

I have read
Yeats and Kavanagh
Oscar too
How can they write beautiful
while I flounder here
bereft of a phrase
or two

say goodbye
to who you were yesterday
know this
for sure
you woke up today
with a chance
to be
a brand new you