loneliness
has nothing to do
with being alone nowadays
it has more to do
with being in the crowd
of people you don’t
seem to know
(anymore?)
more to do
with not being alone
at any time
not able to bear
the presence of just you
more to do
with biting fingernails
to blood
in a room full of strangers

and even after
a bottle of *****
i keep wondering
whether
you would find
my intoxication
cute
or awful

do you ever
look my way
and see anything
anything
anything
worth having
look at me and
see anyone
worth taking home
to lie to out of mercy
just like you do
to yourself