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197 · Jun 2022
Ending
Dolores Jun 2022
I love those days,
When we don't part ways,
Every chord you play,
The things in words I can't explain,
When it comes to you.
"But it's often the bitter things, that I've seen
That compliment the ending."
187 · Nov 2022
Try to capture
Dolores Nov 2022
It used to be a Sunday,
Now it is a Monday,
The colors had changed too,
From orange to green,
The numbers from two to four,
Lost One on the go,
He fled as well,
Now twice the pain,
Soccer ball under the table,
No one there to play with it.

No arranged seats,
On old, gray sofas,
I won't hear your stories,
Your empty seats in every room,
All the things I can't ask you,
Thinking if you wonder too,
On lonely nights when it's so cold,
If she ever loved me too?
I think I was just there to listen,
Murdered by the wisest killer.

Your voice in my head,
Me doing nothing,
And waiting, always late,
When it came to timing,
It doesn't matter now,
As you'll be gone,
And you won't come back,
You don't even love me back,
And it's been too long,
For me to not move on.

But I'll keep the picture,
It's in my drawer,
My friends tell me I'm such a dreamer,
For thinking we'll be fine again,
But I know we'll never meet again,
So I get to hide my secret,
You were such a dear friend,
Your words so sweet,
When I felt so down,
I wish I could've called you mine.
176 · Feb 2023
Stream by River
Dolores Feb 2023
Put your head under water
So you can hear the sound
The water makes,
When your feet lose the ground
Places where I'm bound.
170 · Nov 2022
Sundays
Dolores Nov 2022
I walk those streets with cobblestones
I stop by your house,
I count the windows
Lights on
I remember the doors, the numbers
Third on the left
Clothes on dryers
It’s such a mess you apologize,
Your help caught me by surprise

Knowing you is comfort
I can’t fill up spaces left by people
How I cut those strings if I get too close
In conversations my mind froze,
But not with you
You get my thoughts,
I remember our late night walk
Tiny room, our midnight talk
Two people who fell apart.
168 · Dec 2021
Lightgazing
Dolores Dec 2021
You pull me the curtain,
                        So I can see the lights
One of them turned red,
                       The other one went out
But I can still remember,
                       The way they used to look
And how they used to feel,
                       Some senses I can keep
Since I'm numb and only fear.
168 · Aug 2022
Adjusting
Dolores Aug 2022
I am like a lonely tree,
In an open field,
Roots don't touch.
162 · Jan 2022
Who do you know?
Dolores Jan 2022
Where should I go?
You are all I know
Maybe I should stop
Talking to the void.
162 · Feb 2022
Stick around
Dolores Feb 2022
I seek my worth in others
Live on "sorry to bothers"
And find my world in books
As reality won't let me close

I deprive myself
Of things that I don't have
And for you I think
I cannot prove less

I observe, I'm like a house plant
And the worst thing is,
I never start,
I just say I can't

And sometimes all I feel is fear
For me, nothing is ever clear
And I could shed a thousand tear,
I'm always gone to be right here.
157 · Jan 2022
Stream-like path~
Dolores Jan 2022
Sometimes a path of snow looks like a stream
And my heart aches as it's such a lovely scene
Not planted flowers blooming in crimson
Colors, feelings of warmer seasons
Just the pale snow without footprints
So bright making my eyes squint
I refuse to pass, I leave it untouched
As wild things are often unmarked
And when summer comes I wonder back
But you always stay my stream-like path.
155 · Aug 2021
Illicit affairs
Dolores Aug 2021
Secrets,
Situations,
Secret situations,
They gonna' **** me.
151 · Feb 29
Desiderium
Dolores Feb 29
I'm swinging it away
I'm giving You a hint,
I'm buying her a dark green mug,
Sugar-coated fairy plum.

Crystal drops roll down her face,
I give her presents,
A pile of things,
Shiny, sparkly, golden rings,

I buy her ships to sail away
So she could leave me any day.
All those days she chose to stay,
Every night I hear her pray.
148 · Sep 2022
Not today
Dolores Sep 2022
We’re so not alike
But with you I feel so alive
Like I have chances, choices
But to you I think I’ve never told this

That you turned around
When I watched you leave
Your coffee mug that you let me keep
Give me time to let me heal.

Memories left to relive,
And now when I need to walk those streets
I get overwhelmed by all those feels
Of emptiness, my salty tears.

One day you'll be coming back
And I'll be here, stay if I can
And gather all we left behind
Sources of a different kind.
144 · Jul 2022
All that Space
Dolores Jul 2022
I feel like I've been here for years
Loveless,
I feel like I've been here for decades
Motionless,
I feel like I've been here for centuries
Hopeless,
I feel like I've been here for millenniums
Sleepless,
I feel like I've been here for eons
Careless.
140 · Jan 2022
Hunter
Dolores Jan 2022
Useless dreams
You can't sleep
Look at you
Blues so deep

In your nightmares
You see faces,
Blood red traces
Unsolved cases

Dead white flowers from a cab
You always end up in a trap
Reckless, brave you fear to feel
I hope he helps you to feel seen.
137 · Jun 2021
Here goes nothing
Dolores Jun 2021
You are always trying,
I can't leave You I won't deny it,
It is a prison for two,
Now, everything I see is blue,

It is now so crystal clear,
This place for me is always dear,
I can find You, forever here,
I won't look for a better sphere,

So here goes nothing,
My favorite times,
Old gray walls and seacliffs, tides,
Where old men live and young ones die,

I know I can't win but I'll always try.
135 · Oct 2022
March
Dolores Oct 2022
It’s two past midnight and I sit in my orange place,
The tiniest that I call home,
I share a bathroom.
In this little town, it’s not my own
But that is the beauty in it
That I got to share it with you
Even if at times I didn’t even know.
I walked those streets all alone
And I still do
But now in a different way
Since now you are gone
For good
And I can let go
I have to let go
Finally(?)
132 · Oct 2021
How I'm doing lately
Dolores Oct 2021
I almost tripped over that chest I relocated two years ago,
It hasn't been there for ages but I keep forgetting,
I swear I still see its silhouette in the dark.
132 · Jun 2021
Seasons, changes
Dolores Jun 2021
I'm sitting in the midst of summer
Wondering if it's right to long for winter...
130 · Aug 2022
Ave
Dolores Aug 2022
Ave
I won't forget how it started,
Us looking for faith,
Coming from you all the words,
I was too afraid to say,

I won't forget how it went on,
Same old gray couch,
Touching elbows,
Never too close

And it's such jubilation
With flying, pointing arrows,
Late night talks, your hundred tales,
You left me in an empty maze

Sunday church,
The cheat card games,
As I think back now,
It feels unreal

So I drink my tea,
Let You laugh at me,
And on one summer Sunday eve,
I turn around to watch you leave.
129 · Aug 2021
Vivid
Dolores Aug 2021
She in her red dress,
We are listening to the orchestra,
I sit by the lake at Night,
Like these were my memories.
129 · Dec 2021
Vice Versa
Dolores Dec 2021
I won't meet what I feel
I can't speak what I think
I'm tired of searching for You in the smallest details

I'm tired of Your name
It's all over the place
I can't live without seeing Your face

I'm lost in my lines
My papers into pieces
Traps and not releases

I can fall for You again
Whenever You want me to
Hoping You will love me too.
127 · Oct 2021
Peace at Pond
Dolores Oct 2021
Is that a fairy on the lake?
No it's just a fishing rod
The firsherman was silent
He was sitting behind the reed
I feel a bit of sadness
I slowly walk past him
He smiles at my dog
Now I feel better
There may still be a little magic in this world
I hope he knows I was smiling too.
126 · Feb 1
Gulliver
Dolores Feb 1
Over Your body the clouds go
High, high and icily
And a little flat, as if they

Floated on a glass that was invisible.
Unlike swans,
Having no reflections;

Unlike You,
With no strings attached.
All cool, all blue. Unlike You

You, there on Your back,
Eyes to the sky.
The spider-man have caught You.

Winding and twining their petty fetters,
Their bribes-
So many silks.

How they hate You.
They conserve in the valley of Your fingers, they are inchworms.
They would have You sleep in their cabinets,

This toe, and that toe, a relic.
Step off!
Step off seven leagues, like those distances

That revolve in Crivelli, untouchable.
Let this eye be an eagle
The shadow of this lip, an abyss.

~ Sylvia Plath
My favorite from the one and only Sylvia Plath❁
123 · Jul 2021
Goals
Dolores Jul 2021
You won the lottery
You got the best
The World is yours
I'm just the rest.

Hand on your chest
As you make your oath
You got what you wanted
You reached your goals.

So don't you care about me
Everyone wants you
And I'm well aware of the fact
That everyone adores you.

So run around now, feel liberated,
You have a reason,
To be celebrated,
Look what happened, you just made it.
121 · Jun 2021
Jester
Dolores Jun 2021
I can see you in my steps,
Don't know why is that,
Your name comes up in places,
Conversations, late Night readings

You surround me like a wall,
Built around can't climb, too tall,
I'm the jester, the fool, the clown,
I've been here before, I can't be proud.
120 · Jul 2022
Thy
Dolores Jul 2022
Thy
I got new keys
Now it’s three of them
Like the letters in your name my friend

Three places to go
Among only one is home
Until I shall live in hope

Of finding home
And finding you
And finding out now what is true.
118 · Jun 2021
6 pillars
Dolores Jun 2021
Emptiness,
Like seeing a crowd knowing you are not there.

Happiness,
Rereading those words you once said.

Loneliness
Wondering in the places we used to visit.

Sadness,
Forgetting your voice, memories that are missing.

Darkness,
Talking to you, even though you might not hear it.

Fakeness,
Telling myself that one day I won't feel it.
115 · Jul 2021
Hatred, such a bad thing
Dolores Jul 2021
I hate my life,
As it is plain and simple,
I hate the way,
That I am the master,
And the jester,
At the same time,

And I'm so indicisive whether I should act or not,
Or pick or choose,
Or hate or love,
I simply just can't make up my mind,
And decide what I want from life,
If I want to live or just wait around,

And I'm always so anxious,
About the smallest things that happen'
While comparing myself to others,
As they are always better,
Even if it doesn't matter,
Since we won't be around forever.
113 · Oct 2022
Sunflower
Dolores Oct 2022
I’ll pretend that it’s not there
The shirt I chose for the dinner
I turn away when I see the tower
Like on my night walks if I see a spider

I plug my ears if I hear guitars
Because I know it’s not you singing,
I know it’s not you in the church
In silence, with me, sitting

Flowers, dresses, vivid colors,
Happiness surrounds you,
Roses exchanged they’re still my favorites
And Sunflowers are all about you.

I have lost a lot of things
Sometimes they just disappear
And no one warns me or says goodbye
They just leave, but some turn around.
112 · Sep 2022
Mourn her
Dolores Sep 2022
Oh how you love her
It’s how planets move around,
So effortlessly

Oh how you mourn her
It’s how you miss memories,
So painfully

Oh how you see her
It’s how colors are painted,
So vividly

Oh how you leave her
It’s how leaves change shades,
So suddenly

Oh how you talk about her
It’s how words are born,
Through poetry.
110 · Oct 2021
The darkest of Ravens
Dolores Oct 2021
Grey skies, grey clouds when you came,
I then figuired out I was not okay,
To tell my story in the proper way,
I must tell you I'm a castaway,

I've always been pale,
My hair dark as night,
Left tears on pillows,
When my secrets became too hard to hide.

I know most people,
But never friends,
I keep my feelings,
I won't ever tell,

Not even you so stop keep asking,
To speak the things my world is lacking,
I've been around but you never showed up,
And now I'm afraid that I might feel true love.

Our secret moments,
The thousand times,
Fading lights and,
Drowns in eyes,

And then to wake up from your lies,
A piece of me that always dies,
And all those things I can't avoid,
Endless, lightless, dark, black voids.

All the years that passed me by,
I ask myself, am I still alive?
I've always failed to ease this thirst,
But I want you to know that I loved you first.
109 · Mar 2021
Blue bird
Dolores Mar 2021
The birds You own,
And the cards You play with,
A ton of lucky choices,
But none to get away with.

You are the prey,
They will haunt You down,
It's their fault,
But it's You who dies.

Never think and never tell,
Dream a dream and make a plan,
Sleep under the starry sky,
Navigation, stars, moonlight.

They will find You,
But don't forgive them,
They will hurt You,
To **** their witness.
109 · Feb 2022
Yellow
Dolores Feb 2022
If You are blue, I must be yellow
Outrageous,
I'm much more mellow

Forget-me-not brilliance
It's my favorite shade,
The sunflower is mine in a way,

You're the clear, blue sky
The honey in the lion,
Something sweet from strong, not sour,

Color of a bitter fruit,
The way You paint a starry night,
Sorry for keeping You in disguise,

I realize now, that I'm lost and blue,
But Your shades,
They all shine through.
108 · Jun 2021
Hello B
Dolores Jun 2021
Bluey the boy
Who will never get old
He lives in the clouds
Never cares about the passing times

Playing with his wingless kites
Tracing down the cold dark nights
Bathing in the rays of sun
Making jokes, oh it's so fun

Springless years
It never rains
Still loves every day he lives
Loving good ones, stealing thieves

Bluey don't you grow up please
Hopeful days will come my way
When I figure out that you're okay
They always sing it's not today.
107 · Jul 2021
Be fine!
Dolores Jul 2021
Loss may get easier somehow,
Past times start to fade now,
You don't know who you want to be like,
Gosh, what does it take to be fine?

Familiar faces pass by,
You need to help yourself or at least try,
Who I was, I can't even rewind,
Just the colds in my hands and the 'be fine!'s

Should I know how to be right?
Leave my grief and my safe spots?
Reminding myself to be kind,
To people telling me to 'be fine!'
106 · Aug 2021
Donkey
Dolores Aug 2021
If you cut my ears
I won't still be no horse
I can only adapt,
But can't change for roles,

And while I just can't keep no hopes,
Failing to catch what Life may throw
My way to figure out,
I'm not a stayer, just a 'passer by'.
103 · Jul 2021
Fire
Dolores Jul 2021
You leave me
Then come back,
Always clever
In a combat,

You're constant,
But still deceptive,
You make losing
look unreceptive

Shoot your shot
I won't be angry,
But not having you
Might just end me.
101 · Apr 2021
Tale
Dolores Apr 2021
People think I'm crazy,
And they are mostly right,
Living my life knowing,
You are only an apparition in the sky.

Most people despise You,
The villain, the liar, the scout,
But I really truly trust You,
The devil in disguise.

So instead of not looking up,
Ever in this life,
I just lay back and admire You,
The apparition in the clouds.
Dolores Jul 2021
They are bathing all Night long,
Then I hang them in the Morning.
99 · Aug 2021
Sierra
Dolores Aug 2021
Sierra,
Your skies are blue,
Your waters are deep,
Your lies are true,
Your shallows are steep,

Late at night,
I wonder in your place,
In the crowds, you are a familiar face,
A glance at you, I hold my gaze,
You disappear, won't leave no trace,

Sierra,
I've long decided,
I'm making sure we are not divided,
To get a love I never gave,
I stay until your rainbows fade.
97 · Apr 2021
You left
Dolores Apr 2021
Cold steel,
In your chest,
So deep,
It's touching your heart,

Left me in the dark,
All alone,
Outside,
In the park.

Self-abuse or homicide,
Like the thoughts in your head,
We will never know
How, you died

What you think
And how you write,
My blood dotted questions
Like you, on the floor they lie.
96 · Nov 2021
Promises
Dolores Nov 2021
To see you dress
It's such a bless
I'm full of stress
I've been a mess

I wear my ring
But don't love her
You've read my letter
You know me better

I'm your lover
Undercover
Secret gathers,
Birds and feathers.
93 · Apr 2021
In between
Dolores Apr 2021
I'm always coming back,
Back and forth again,
I can't get myself,
Do anything rather than,
coming back,
And then forth
Again...
90 · Sep 2022
I stole Her from You
Dolores Sep 2022
I still stop by that street at night
And stare into the abyss
I left a part of my past there
In shadows, secrets I reminisce

The cat you gave me
He died last year
I lost you too
Although, you are still quite near

It's all the things
I won't get back
All the words
That I left unsaid

And you still remember
The day that I was born
The date I hate
When I stole Her from You

Just imagine the life
You could have lived
Drummers, dancers, motors
She could have gotten all of it

And now she has untidy rooms
Where are all the colors, lovely books?
Just impatience and 'Hurry up!'s
'Why didn’t you fix them up's

Want to run but it’s only walls
And time doesn’t heal
You’ve tried that one
Too responsible for a runaway car.
89 · Feb 2021
Terrible You
Dolores Feb 2021
Receding hair,
Ragged skin,
You're blue to the core,
But still gray.

The scars on Your cheek,
They still bleed,
Old boots on new fields,
Now feel freed.

The ink on Your skin,
Is a mark of Your sin,
But You did nothing wrong,
That is just unforgivable.

Expiation for Your sins,
Like thousand sharp metal pins,
Carving into my flesh,
You're one chaotic large mess.

People with You were not fair,
You were the one who was not there,
But still You are there somewhere,
The beginning and end of all men.
88 · Apr 2021
(un)dead
Dolores Apr 2021
I realized that I can't **** anyone,
Who is not quite alive,
Like the nameless creature,
Made by Victor Frankenstein.

But I could make You disappear,
If I really wanted to,
Countless starless nights,
But I still see the Moon.

With my bad tires, car rides, long drives,
Till' I realized,
That You can't hurt me,
Because I'm not alive.
86 · Mar 24
Serein
Dolores Mar 24
Oh Spring,
when rain falls from clear skies
disguised surprise,

Sunshower
  encounter❁
84 · Sep 2021
Only if
Dolores Sep 2021
The pale, blue bridges of my long-term summer,
Tidal waves and swims in currents,
Feeling lost but I hope you find me,
You can't just leave me here, I'm drowning,

Narrow streets with cobblestones,
I lost my dreams now where I go,
Belief, passion, purpose, faith
I wish that you could light my way.
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