Everyone is better
Here I go, the latter
Their names are painted with gold
As for my story,
It will never be told,

Everyone is brighter,
And they are always higher,
Their pictures are framed
And hang in the hall of fame
That I will never enter.

I wish I could see what they see
I wish I could feel what they feel
I wish I could be proud of myself
Know what they think but can't tell
'Cause I am just a corner behind an old chair.

He used to hide things for me
In the microwave
Or under a pile of serviette
In a metal room
Where I hid to eat
I ran away from all the heat
To talk about familiarities

He used to give things to me
On long working days
Chocolate ice cream,
Mixed with kindness
Served with dreams
Talks past midnights
Evening shifts

And when you were gone
My Mom told me,
That some things fade
And life moves on
Feelings shift
New plans will form
And loosing someone will keep you silent

But the things you gave me will always be kept.

~G

There are clouds under the shining Moon,
For me, they look like mountains.

Spreading through my lungs it scratches my throat then pokes my eyes out.

It acts quite tidewise.

It took me a while
But I realized
I can still walk the line
While looking at the sky.

Why the color Blue,
Every time I fall in love?

Loving You,
It came in waves,
Losing You,
I've drowned so fast.

I am the color you forgot to bleach
The gospel you will never preach
The lesson you will never teach
Just a grain of sand on your neat beach.

I am the story you will never hear
The novel you will never read
A person you will never meet
And can I even call you mean?

For once and all I end this here
Won't look for you in every sphere
I'll be present, I'll be near
On Friday nights might wipe some tears.

I'm quite neurotic,
I'm so unsure about everything,
You are the only exception.

You, You,
Terrible You.

I run from Becky,
She won't follow,
Lost to Jesus,
I live in sorrow.

I dwell in pain,
I shed some tears,
Change for the better,
But I'm still afraid

That I'll have to
Live without her,
Haven't seen her
Since last November,

I try to forget,
The things she shared,
The pain she left,
The way we met.

I think of her
And let her go
If you read this Becky,
I love you so

In this ache,
That I put myself in
I decided,
I run to Becky.

He didn't tell me to keep it,
But I know a secret when I hear one.

And I bathe the Moon in the Stars,
She keeps my secrets and travels far,
As She looks up, Her eyes light up,
Pours Her Stars into my heart.

Pink was her sky,
It shines all around,
It warms up a cold heart,
She takes me on long walks,

Pink was her cheek,
Painted by breeze,
The colors surround her,
She lives in a dream,

Pink was her smile,
Which She never hides,
Wayward by nature,
Still everyone praise her.

Off the coast of Panama,
That's where I belong,
I got all the time,
There,
Where my only flower grows.

To Your pirate prisons please!
That's where I belong,
To the cold, dark, blue, grey cells of Yours
There,
Where my one true love hopes.

Lock me up and beat me up,
So I'll know that You love me,
The only love I've ever known,
There,
Was the love I found here.

Take all my time,
Like if I've never had it,
Years, decades, centuries?
There,
Where days are (not) my enemies.

For now, I can only wait,
For You to be my one sacred place,
Go and make me Your cellmate,
There,
Where I've always longed to be.

It's so late at night,
It's almost dawn,
Can I just stay,
And sit with you in the dark?

I envy your stories,
I wonder if you could share them,
Or should I just be quiet,
And slowly take a step back?

I always get so scared,
I hate to see you crying,
But guess this is what happens,
When it's late and your dreams are unwinding,

And there is nothing you can do about it.

This desire
For someone to love us
To care about us
And for us to take care of them,
If I have someone I can talk to,
And when they ask me questions,
The same topics and interests
Is there anything more fulfilling than that?
Could that be the point of life?
Could that be the purpose of living?
Or the bane of our existence?

I feel so alive,
Pumbed up, high,
And then I fall down,
Crash, break, cry.

I take long lonely walks,
In places to where no one comes,
So I can be alone with my sorrow,
I need a new life that I could borrow.

And I try to tell myself to stop thinking,
About unreal scenarios,
,,You need to stop daydreaming!"
You can feel your soul and heart breaking.

I envy those people,
They are living their best lifes,
And I'm here alone,
Still stuck in the past times.

It's only my fault
That I can't get out of this mud
That glues me to one place
It feels like a hell of a long phase, when

I feel so alive,
Pumped up, high,
And then I fall down,
Crash, break, cry.

Phthalo blue
You know I loved you

When the stars came out
And you painted them,

And when they disappeared
You left with them.

Seek Your fortune,
No one will notice,
Rip the fruit off
Of the wrong branches.

Or sit under the tree,
For the rest of Your life,
Wait for other people,
To commit Your 'crime'

Witness how they live Your dreams,
While You wait for other opportunities,
And beware of the wrong fruit,
Do not pick one too soon,

But don't wait around,
And sit still forever,
When the stars align,
They never stay together.

He is so gray
Cold steel pain,
He drinks wine when it rains,

And when it rains too much
He drinks too much

And he forces his love upon me,
It's because I listen
I'm not lovely,

His eyes are blue
They look so dead,
And when he gets mad
He turns all red,

He talks to me with words so sweet,
Other times they cut so deep,
I really thought that you should know
I've gained much pain by loving you.

Blue,
This word is just like glue,
it locks you up then drags you down.

Me in the far future,
Thinking about my younger years,
Knowing it's a platonic relationship,
'Cause I would never want to go back,
Constantly feeling I'm on the wrong track.

Everything is more peaceful now,
I've let go of the painful nights,
But I still want to miss it,
Just not getting too close to it,
'Cause I don't want to be young anymore,
I wish I wasn't young anymore.

I miss a lot of things that I can't have back
Like the flea market and my checked backpack,
Not worrying who I will be
Asking Peter please take me

The brown, green meadows, the lukewarm rain
I can't remember where I've been
When problems seemed so far away
When I talked to the sky and I believed.

Sad, sad, sadness never happy
Hard for you to be this pretty
Cry away your pain in bathrooms
Secrets, perfumes, red "I love you"s

Dancing, silence, head back
Sparkling rivers I call teartracks
Smoke from your own cigarette
Some people you call hiraeth

Smile that hides a hundred stories,
Never tempted by blaze of glories
You write songs to forget cheaters
Lovers, leavers, secret keepers.

I cut down my roses
Before someone could take them
I cultivate my fields
After the storm had destroyed them.

And sometimes I play around,
Like the wind in winter times,
Or in the driest deserts and flattest fields,
I let my tears run down my face

I like to free myself sometimes,
Before getting back to sleepless nights,
And I hope that you can do it too,
I know it's not just all on you.

Are there ever clear skies when the Moon wants to hide?
Or does she have control over the Clouds?

You talk about attraction
But I only heard subtraction,
It's me leaving a building
It's you fleeing a country,

Still I count my numbers
If they are repeating,
Showing up
In various places,

I pay attention for a while
Before I lose my faith
In reading signs,
You know the feeling when magic dies.

But I paint you the sky
If you ask me for a cloud,
Tender is the Night,
Your lightning striking through the Sky.

The one that I painted,
So I can only blame me,
For me leaving a building,
And hating you for fleeing,

For being in love
With someone else
And when I was ready to tell you that,
You told me you were coming back.

And just like that, you are gone again.

My storm, it was always lighter,
I figured out I'm not a fighter,
My ways to predict my own future,
At certain times it's such a torture,

I'm kind of coping, I eat and pray,
And force myself to break away,
From old habits and comfort zones,
Sweet memories of deep, blue ponds,

I compare my fate to others'
Hoping one day I can settle,
And be myself, feel proud, free, happy,
Find my place in this world I'm trapped in.

You are the one with the lighter,
Nurturing the fire,
That lives on Your heart.

I wonder, why do You consider Yourself lucky?

I look at You, and I still don't know what You look like,
You got several, but which one is Your true side?
Are You moderate, courageous or equitable?
Being alive on a different land is unbearable.

I want to know where all Your visions come from,
'Cause I only got Gideon's who believes in the intangible.
You say You are a man of fortune,
Being alive at a different time is a torture.

I act as if the words I write down had power over me.
And when I do I always wonder...
What it's like to be blind and invisible?
Why is our life not liveable?

What You think of Seneca?
I could be Your Lucilius,
Since there are many things I don't know,
Feels and things I don't show.

And every time, You make me wonder,
You're a thief but You never plunder,
Living with a moral compass,
You don't care about what they told us.

Charismatic, magnetic,
Words not enough to describe You,
Time after time I try to,
Not to talk about You.

Not to talk about You,
Not to think about You,
Not to dream about You,
My life not to be about You.

'Cause: "I am not to speak to You, I am to think of You when I sit alone or wake at night alone"
And I have to accept that,
Even if I'm not there yet.

I looked around
You were standing there,
He is not like anyone
I've ever seen I swear

Everything I love is in you
When you speak
Your words feel so true
Your world seems so blue

Even though it dressed you in brown
Even though it gave you no clouds
Only drought and sand in wind
Tiny planes, walls with hieroglyphics,

It also gave you space to thrive
I'm sure you were the golden child
And you gave your all, never waste a night
***** of fire burns your life.