I'll forever hate that orange kitchen,
Lingering through floors if I see you,
Another place where I might meet you
Hoping it's you I run into,

My fear to give you that small white letter,
I wrote to you under snowy weather,
And now spring came back, like it never left,
My feelings, the letter, it's still kept

Summer came and washed away
Everything that seemed so clear,
My friend told me, she always loved you
Last string cut, I have to get through.

Spreading through my lungs it scratches my throat then pokes my eyes out.

It acts quite tidewise.

I act as if the words I write down had power over me.
And when I do I always wonder...
What it's like to be blind and invisible?
Why is our life not liveable?

Grey skies, grey clouds when you came,
I then figuired out I was not okay,
To tell my story in the proper way,
I must tell you I'm a castaway,

I've always been pale,
My hair dark as night,
Left tears on pillows,
When my secrets became too hard to hide.

I know most people,
But never friends,
I keep my feelings,
I won't ever tell,

Not even you so stop keep asking,
To speak the things my world is lacking,
I've been around but you never showed up,
And now I'm afraid that I might feel true love.

Our secret moments,
The thousand times,
Fading lights and,
Drowns in eyes,

And then to wake up from your lies,
A piece of me that always dies,
And all those things I can't avoid,
Endless, lightless, dark, black voids.

All the years that passed me by,
I ask myself, am I still alive?
I've always failed to ease this thirst,
But I want you to know that I loved you first.

The pale, blue bridges of my long-term summer,
Tidal waves and swims in currents,
Feeling lost but I hope you find me,
You can't just leave me here, I'm drowning,

Narrow streets with cobblestones,
I lost my dreams now where I go,
Belief, passion, purpose, faith
I wish that you could light my way.

She in her red dress,
We are listening to the orchestra,
I sit by the lake at Night,
Like these were my memories.

Secrets,
Situations,
Secret situations,
They gonna' **** me.

My storm, it was always lighter,
I figured out I'm not a fighter,
My ways to predict my own future,
At certain times it's such a torture,

I'm kind of coping, I eat and pray,
And force myself to break away,
From old habits and comfort zones,
Sweet memories of deep, blue ponds,

I compare my fate to others'
Hoping one day I can settle,
And be myself, feel proud, free, happy,
Find my place in this world I'm trapped in.

Loss may get easier somehow,
Past times start to fade now,
You don't know who you want to be like,
Gosh, what does it take to be fine?

Familiar faces pass by,
You need to help yourself or at least try,
Who I was, I can't even rewind,
Just the colds in my hands and the 'be fine!'s

Should I know how to be right?
Leave my grief and my safe spots?
Reminding myself to be kind,
To people telling me to 'be fine!'

You leave me
Then come back,
Always clever
In a combat,

You're constant,
But still deceptive,
You make losing
look unreceptive

Shoot your shot
I won't be angry,
But not having you
Might just end me.

I hate my life,
As it is plain and simple,
I hate the way,
That I am the master,
And the jester,
At the same time,

And I'm so indicisive whether I should act or not,
Or pick or choose,
Or hate or love,
I simply just can't make up my mind,
And decide what I want from life,
If I want to live or just wait around,

And I'm always so anxious,
About the smallest things that happen'
While comparing myself to others,
As they are always better,
Even if it doesn't matter,
Since we won't be around forever.

I am the color you forgot to bleach
The gospel you will never preach
The lesson you will never teach
Just a grain of sand on your neat beach.

I am the story you will never hear
The novel you will never read
A person you will never meet
And can I even call you mean?

For once and all I end this here
Won't look for you in every sphere
I'll be present, I'll be near
On Friday nights might wipe some tears.

They are bathing all Night long,
Then I hang them in the Morning.

You won the lottery
You got the best
The World is yours
I'm just the rest.

Hand on your chest
As you make your oath
You got what you wanted
You reached your goals.

So don't you care about me
Everyone wants you
And I'm well aware of the fact
That everyone adores you.

So run around now, feel liberated,
You have a reason,
To be celebrated,
Look what happened, you just made it.

I'm sitting in the midst of summer
Wondering if it's right to long for winter...

I miss a lot of things that I can't have back
Like the flea market and my checked backpack,
Not worrying who I will be
Asking Peter please take me

The brown, green meadows, the lukewarm rain
I can't remember where I've been
When problems seemed so far away
When I talked to the sky and I believed.

It's so late at night,
It's almost dawn,
Can I just stay,
And sit with you in the dark?

I envy your stories,
I wonder if you could share them,
Or should I just be quiet,
And slowly take a step back?

I always get so scared,
I hate to see you crying,
But guess this is what happens,
When it's late and your dreams are unwinding,

And there is nothing you can do about it.

You are always trying,
I can't leave You I won't deny it,
It is a prison for two,
Now, everything I see is blue,

It is now so crystal clear,
This place for me is always dear,
I can find You, forever here,
I won't look for a better sphere,

So here goes nothing,
My favorite times,
Old gray walls and seacliffs, tides,
Where old men live and young ones die,

I know I can't win but I'll always try.

Emptiness,
Like seeing a crowd knowing you are not there.

Happiness,
Rereading those words you once said.

Loneliness
Wondering in the places we used to visit.

Sadness,
Forgetting your voice, memories that are missing.

Darkness,
Talking to you, even though you might not hear it.

Fakeness,
Telling myself that one day I won't feel it.

Bluey the boy
Who will never get old
He lives in the clouds
Never cares about the passing times

Playing with his wingless kites
Tracing down the cold dark nights
Bathing in the rays of sun
Making jokes, oh it's so fun

Springless years
It never rains
Still loves every day he lives
Loving good ones, stealing thieves

Bluey don't you grow up please
Hopeful days will come my way
When I figure out that you're okay
They always sing it's not today.

I cut down my roses
Before someone could take them
I cultivate my fields
After the storm had destroyed them.

And sometimes I play around,
Like the wind in winter times,
Or in the driest deserts and flattest fields,
I let my tears run down my face

I like to free myself sometimes,
Before getting back to sleepless nights,
And I hope that you can do it too,
I know it's not just all on you.

I'm quite neurotic,
I'm so unsure about everything,
You are the only exception.

You, You,
Terrible You.

Seek Your fortune,
No one will notice,
Rip the fruit off
Of the wrong branches.

Or sit under the tree,
For the rest of Your life,
Wait for other people,
To commit Your 'crime'

Witness how they live Your dreams,
While You wait for other opportunities,
And beware of the wrong fruit,
Do not pick one too soon,

But don't wait around,
And sit still forever,
When the stars align,
They never stay together.

There are clouds under the shining Moon,
For me, they look like mountains.

Everyone is better
Here I go, the latter
Their names are painted with gold
As for my story,
It will never be told,

Everyone is brighter,
And they are always higher,
Their pictures are framed
And hang in the hall of fame
That I will never enter.

I wish I could see what they see
I wish I could feel what they feel
I wish I could be proud of myself
Know what they think but can't tell
'Cause I am just a corner behind an old chair.

I feel so alive,
Pumbed up, high,
And then I fall down,
Crash, break, cry.

I take long lonely walks,
In places to where no one comes,
So I can be alone with my sorrow,
I need a new life that I could borrow.

And I try to tell myself to stop thinking,
About unreal scenarios,
,,You need to stop daydreaming!"
You can feel your soul and heart breaking.

I envy those people,
They are living their best lifes,
And I'm here alone,
Still stuck in the past times.

It's only my fault
That I can't get out of this mud
That glues me to one place
It feels like a hell of a long phase, when

I feel so alive,
Pumped up, high,
And then I fall down,
Crash, break, cry.

What You think of Seneca?
I could be Your Lucilius,
Since there are many things I don't know,
Feels and things I don't show.

And every time, You make me wonder,
You're a thief but You never plunder,
Living with a moral compass,
You don't care about what they told us.

Charismatic, magnetic,
Words not enough to describe You,
Time after time I try to,
Not to talk about You.

Not to talk about You,
Not to think about You,
Not to dream about You,
My life not to be about You.

'Cause: "I am not to speak to You, I am to think of You when I sit alone or wake at night alone"
And I have to accept that,
Even if I'm not there yet.

I realized that I can't **** anyone,
Who is not quite alive,
Like the nameless creature,
Made by Victor Frankenstein.

But I could make You disappear,
If I really wanted to,
Countless starless nights,
But I still see the Moon.

With my bad tires, car rides, long drives,
Till' I realized,
That You can't hurt me,
Because I'm not alive.

Blue,
This word is just like glue,
it locks you up then drags you down.

Me in the far future,
Thinking about my younger years,
Knowing it's a platonic relationship,
'Cause I would never want to go back,
Constantly feeling I'm on the wrong track.

Everything is more peaceful now,
I've let go of the painful nights,
But I still want to miss it,
Just not getting too close to it,
'Cause I don't want to be young anymore,
I wish I wasn't young anymore.

There are screams in my ear,
Telling me to leave You,
Voices I've left behind,
I don't want to hear from You.

I don't want to feel the space,
The place in my heart,
The hole in my soul,
Where You left Your part.

I wish I had never met You,
'Cause I thought I had everything,
But now I have to admit,
I do not own a single thing.

Cold steel,
In your chest,
So deep,
It's touching your heart,

Left me in the dark,
All alone,
Outside,
In the park.

Self-abuse or homicide,
Like the thoughts in your head,
We will never know
How, you died

What you think
And how you write,
My blood dotted questions
Like you, on the floor they lie.

People think I'm crazy,
And they are mostly right,
Living my life knowing,
You are only an apparition in the sky.

Most people despise You,
The villain, the liar, the scout,
But I really truly trust You,
The devil in disguise.

So instead of not looking up,
Ever in this life,
I just lay back and admire You,
The apparition in the clouds.