I cant even ******* write poetry anymore.  for **** sake.

Burning anxiety demands to be felt,
Pain on a cross crucifies my safety belt

The Bleeding of anger surrounds the planet of Saturn,
Cowering emotions of a weak and reflective pattern

Differentiating the savages from one another,
Blasphemous torture brings a reign of popping colour.

Conflicting paintings of contradicting contrast,
Overpowering the loneliness of a raw & ready outcast

identifying potential and searching for identity,
Dangerous obscurity holds deep defying
serenity

Face tackling emotions, distancing with deflect,
Running on ideas, this light won’t project.
Sound waves and paintings nourish a soul,
A way to reveal the basics of mind control

The light fades in a time consuming race
All it takes is to not show myself as any bait
The countless hours spent scheming with hope have all come back to haunt my faith
I don’t mean to be sour so I’ll only pierce you in your sensitive daith

Optimism turns to dust as my thoughts fade with the light
The luminescent bright sparks used to blind my sight
One cannot stress how they feel in such turmoil
I don’t want to give up but I have a fear of being too loyal
I’m sore minded and came across an undimmed dazzle
I’ve lost my way and can’t even find my soil or gravel

The key that unlocked my heavenly door dived into the water that bled in fast motion
I’m afraid to find another way but maybe I’ll come across an unwitting potion
Something to give me leeway & remove the permanent thoughts
Just to give a temporary fix to the mind games I play and people I fought

The thoughts stay awake in my mind
bullied all my life even when I was kind
Struggling, yearning for my weight to go back down,
to where it was when I didn’t frown
Constant reminders of myself
Shopping windows, mirrors and family,
they even put me in therapy
“Brush it off” they all say
talking,screaming,shouting so abruptly
The voices so loud I can’t even distinguish my own laugh

it doesn’t leave

I want it to cast me away
Take me to an unknown island
Forget about me, leave me with the grass
my “flabby arms” and “visible stomach” are my worst enemy,
worse than the seven trench built army
The bullying soldiers both inside and out
They must be right?  
I do not doubt

Somebody help me
Tell me I’m right
Young girls find value in appearance  
This diabolical and alluded kite
This will **** many like me,
who’ve suffered enough and cannot breathe
So please teach them to be smart
you can do more with a brain than you can a face
but in this age, it is a race

How do you manage to make me feel so worthless?
You tell me to pack my bags and loose focus
I was running right on my track till you came along and snatched my laugh
Your charismatic charm, your wrath and open path
The wonderfully dark and dearing experiences you offered me taught me to be a lying troll
You lured me in with your ****** bait then you threw me into the world of sea and fed me to the sharks where I drowned and sinned under your control
I love you
Too much
My obsessive behaviours taught me a lot
about myself but most of all, about you
You’re a manipulator & it’s not even your fault

I love you

I guess sometimes I fall,

I fall so hard that I can’t feel the vibrancy of explicit detailing that nature brings to my very feet,
I fall so hard that I forget who I am and try to find myself in everyone else.

I am so real that my mind and heart are beautiful yet, I am ****** with the taunting and self- depreciating thoughts that creep in to my open mind late at night.

I guess the real ones have the capability to completely drift and float aimlessly.

Fire burning
Tables turning
Love is searching
I am lurking
You are earning
My deep desertions.