After I am gone,
I want you to find me again,
as my essence walks along the streets ,
searching for something I can't define.
I want you to look at me,
See me in the smile of a hurried woman.
remember me.
If your eyes meet mine,
recognize a love you had once.
The kisses that made you lean closer.
The scent you couldn't help yourself from whiffing.
If you find me,
Remember me,
And our love.

I read a poem today
about life and love
it brought a rush of warmth
anticipation,appreciation
it showed me a light
in a dim dark tunnel
that maybe its not predetermined
you don't have to do
what the others have done.

I heard a song today
the lyrics got me thinking
it's not easy and not hard either
there isn't a half way point
you either go to the ends of the earth
or die trying.

I thought about you and I
call it us..
it seems surreal even when not ideal
two separate worlds
joined together by a pull;
call it a stargate
where you go I go
always only together.

Why won't you try
To give this everything
And make it work.
Somedays I cry my heart out
Waiting for you to see me
And understand what I feel.
You hurt me with your indifference
cold hearted nonchalance.
Like whether I leave or not
Life goes on.
I ask myself
Does he even care?
or am I simply too available
A means to a starving end.
I need you to show me
You're human too
Be vulnerable and open up
I don't want to hurt you, just love you
But you won't even let me.

I was counting on you
How could I not when I loved you?
In my own way I surely did
You swept me off my feet
Were my biggest fan
Built up a surreal world with me
Where all our dreams came to
I couldn't help myself
Couldn't resist you're lure
You called to me like a siren
I was doomed from the start.
I was superficial for you
You only saw what you wanted
Not knowing it was pure and true
I was waiting for you here
By the door of the house
we had planned to live in.
Then you didn't call or text
you simply never showed.
***** you and your ego
In the end that's what it was
Self gratification.
You made me see what I needed
you walked out anyway
how could you forget our plans?
how could you?

I want to be someone else
For a day, or more, or less
Just forget all my troubles
Take on another life
One filled with passion
happy memories and hours.
Not have to worry about
Pain,  deception, distress.
wake up to adventure
be someone new.
And just gobble life whole.

Am not the girl you fell in love with
Not now, after all the pain.
You're not the boy i skipped to meet
With heart as light as a feather.
You're too distant, too aloof.
You showed me the world,
I believed it was mine.
And now its hazy and grey.
But i know,
We were meant to be together.

Am a little rough around the edges
Growing old does that to you.
But you're worn out as well
From running circles around me.
I long for the guy who wanted me,
Everytime and anytime.
I felt needed, loved, wanted.

I want to take you and make you mine,
Love you more than you expect,
Accept you even when you hurt me.
I might not get it right,
But even when i break your heart,
I won't leave if you'll have me.
I promise to try.

You will never know how much,
How much I long for you.
I don't want to meet your eyes,
Am afraid you might see through me.
See my deepest thoughts,
Find them colored with you.
I tell myself I don't need you,
Convince myself you're wrong for me.
It hurts too much,
You matter too much.
My every tear is tied to you,
You didn't call, you didn't want me too.
How can I be rid of you,
When I can't think of anything but you?
You break my heart and somehow its only you who can fix it.
I want to be with you,
Somehow you're what I need.
Can you feel it too?

As a child, i was cured of curiosity
For i learnt it was a painful friend.
I saw her turning mom into a monster
Who only cared for herself.
She caked her face in creams and disdain,
And trotted off in gucci and hermes.
She ceased to call me princess,
And i became a pesky brat.

I was cured of Faith too,
When daddy didn't come home one day.
Where was he, i wondered?
Did he find somewhere special?
Was he in heaven?
If there was a heaven he wouldn't have gone without me.
I withered and folded losing my lustre and life.

I was cured even though i wasn't ill,
Of love and hope and dreams.
It wasn't unconditional like i wanted.
The expiry date was all too soon.
I knew i wouldn't last a day
In the world without my prescription,
And so i died in order to live.

You drew me in
Like a deep dark secret
Encircling me with your tentacles
******* out my voice.
I couldn't speak what I felt
Like a vortex you wiped out
my thoughts.
I was empty and nothing
Without a voice or thought.
You wiped me out
Like a tidal storm
Brutal, violent, harsh.
With ruthless intent
you erased my every hope.
I was alone
Oh so alone.
Crumbling on the inside
folding in on myself.
Can anyone hear me?
My cries to get out.
Pain. Pure hot agony
searing my bones and mind
                    Help.
           Get me out!!
Falling deep into an abyss
Of nothingness and loneliness
nothing but space and time.
They have become my prison.

How I feel for you
Keeps changing each time.
When you hurt me,
I like you a little less.
Then you surprise me
And I want forever again.
it's a cycle from oblivion to craving.
you're what I need,
get me a fix.
And yet I want more, more.
Everytime you hold me
I ask for more.
when you touch me
You drive me to moan.
I ache for more of you.
we fit perfectly like pieces
That once were together.
Maybe we are meant for this
Filling each other's lives.

I loved you when I told you so,
It broke my heart to leave you then.
But you hurt me too much,
you just didn't care about my feelings.
You laughed when I screamed out in frustration.
Taking a piece of my sanity with you.
I wanted to hit you,
You broke my heart into pieces.

I loved you when I told you so.
That day you joined your lips to mine.
It was everything they said it would be.
My heart came home to you.
I hoped we would meet in between the moments we fought,
Where none of us was giving an inch.
Instead we saw different things,
You wanted less, I wanted more.

I loved you when I told you so.
I loved you then and now.
I know you're trying to get this back,
Even though you blew this to bits.
I wait for you, I pine for you,
Come back to me.

You were there as I crumbled,
Caught up in my whirlwind of tears.
You helped me pick up the pieces,
Broken and taped over pain.
Showed me it didn't have to hurt.
You offered a distraction,
and stole my heart.
I am caught up in your circle.

I tried to write a poem about you,
None of the words seem to fit right.
You're the half to my tragic self,
and somehow it isn't all bleak.
You take my breath away with moments I didn't see coming.
I fall deeper each day,
Knowing you will catch me.

Broken promises
hung upon dreams
Of you and me.
Things you said you would do
Memories we were to share
Terminating in regrets,
Sorrowful goodbyes
Where we can't reconcile
Our differences and pain.
Sometimes love isn't enough
when you walk alone
On separate sides of a road
And all forms of bridges
Collapse in defeat.

'Time is so strange here,It goes slower.'Said the pale ghostly boy.He slowly trudged next to me,feet seeming to shuffle forward step by slow step.His feet barely touched the ground. He was roughly seventeen or eighteen. His face had no trace of human emotion, as if waned by the afterlife. His voice seemed unconnected to him, it was disembodied and all around us. He came to a stop infront on me. 'We don't get visitors often,' he said. I replied, ' I sort of ended up here accidentally.' He smiled then, a sad all knowing chilly smile. It sent a surge of fear through me. He said, ' There are no mistakes. You are here for a purpose.' I was lost and disillusioned. I still expected to wake up and find that i was merely dreaming. I would give anything to be in my warm comforting bed right now. Instead, i was in a damp dungeon talking to a ghostly form. I asked him, ' Are you dead?' He seemed puzzled by my question. He replied, ' This is not the end, if to you death is an end. It is merely a gateway to a more static existence. I still exist.' My spirits sank when i heard this. If he was not a figment of my imagination, maybe i was dead too. I would never see Lulu and Bito again. Tears trickled down my cheeks as i let the pain i had been shutting out come flooding it. It was truely over, the existence i had abused and abhorred. I wished for another chance, maybe it would end separately.

He is frozen in time,
At a place where everything moves slowly,
Snow flakes falling round his heart.
He doesn't move to stop the pattern,
Stuck between past and future
There is a place where it all makes sense,
Somewhere he lost himself.

You wonder what you see in me
It's in the sparkle in my eye
The curve of my lips
As I smile at the sound of your voice
the grace with which I approach you
And give you a passionate kiss.
The way I fit my body to yours
like pieces of the same puzzle.
You love to hold me,
I can tell each time you watch me sleep.
And stroke my hair
That I belong in your arms
And have a couch in your heart.
You take my breath away
With your tenderness.
Surprise me with your thoughtfulness.
You don't expect perfection,
Infact love to predict
My outbursts of irrationality.
You laugh me into a smile
When am mad.
I honestly don't know why
You put up with me
It must be because you see
Beneath my flaws.

Am not going to run after you,
I deserve more than that.
I want someone that feels lucky
To have me around them.
You don't call me, you don't text.
All you do is watch me pace.
Wearing myself out trying to meet you
Somewhere between you and I.
Why don't you tell me now,
This isn't what you want.
I can feel it even now,
You're slipping away, weren't even mine.

Why did you lure me in?
Spinning promises and paradise.
You could have saved us the time
Taken to hurt each other.
Actually am the one that got hurt,
You were quietly indifferent.
Seeming to be happy even as i walked away.
It wasn't meant to careen out of control
But it did
And now am broken.

If you ever had a heart, leave.
To save me from insanity.
I hate what you have become.
Pain and anguish to my soul.
Walk out that door,
Don't ever come back.
I can't bring myself to walk away,
So please leave.

You told me you didn't want me,
I just didn't want to listen.
You ******* with my heart and soul,
That I had naively offered to you;
as proof of my love for you.
You messed me up and didn't care.
And all I can ask is why.
Why did you change your mind about loving me?
Was it all a dream when you held me?
I thought you were something new,
and instead you ******* me over.

You're in my songs,
You're in my dreams.
Every memory reminds me why I need you.
But I don't want to be wrapped up in you.
You consume me,
Filling me with images of you.
I hate how your face fills up my thoughts,
The way you look at me.
I am lost when you hold me.
I say I won't let you get close.
But when you say my name,
I run into your arms.
You make me give up my illusions
Of what love is.
Being with you immerses me in a bubble,
You're all that exists for me.
You invade my memories,
I can't remember life before you.
You lead me down a narrow road,
Where all I see and hear is you.
I only feel when you touch me.
I don't know how to go on without you.
I don't want to start if you're not here.

Here with you
Lying in your arms
Stroking your chest
Snuggling close
Listening to your breathing
Slow and measured
At peace with the world
You stroke my hair in even strokes
your breathing faster as I nibble your ear
I smile my Cheshire grin
Tonight I caught dinner ;)

Marry me

He said he wanted to marry me.
I asked why?
I said I wasnt good enough to fit the bill.
He asked why birds sing.
I guess neither of us knows why he is here.
I pushed him away.
He rammed his way into my life and
refused to leave.
Instead he built pyramids on my insecurities and fortified them.
He trapped me in a lie.
He brought my dreams half way awake.
Now all that is left are shattered shells.
I thought we would be married this week.
But guess you have a reason not to.
Worst part is I dunno if its me or you that saw a way out.

lie to me
that you love me
and you care..
wipe my tears when I cry
most times you're the cause
hold me,don't scold me.
Breathe me in don't let me go.
carry me in your arms
go all the way and back.

Everyday am losing myself
sinking in your warm embrace
yearning for a bond beyond words
follow me to the ends of the earth
only if you love me back.

If you ever love another
Out of respect to me,
Do not bring her
To the house you bought for you and I.
If she should make it to our home
Do not carry her over the threshold
like you did me.
If you carry her into our home
Do not place her on our bed.
The one where you made love to me
where we dreamed of making life
A daughter for you to spoil
A son for me to be proud of.
If you make love to her in our bed,
Turn the light's off
That she may not see my soul
Screaming in agony
That she may not see my pictures
Still hanging on the wall
That she may not know i live
In your heart even though am gone.

I have done things in your bed
Shameless wanton things
That make you moan
And when I close my eyes
I feel your sensuous lips
On my heated skin.
I call your name over and over
and still we want more.

The darkness calls out my name
When I walk past it's yawning hole.
It reaches out fingers like a gnarled tree base
and brushes them against my face.
It leaves a trail, moist and humid.
I settle into the abyss.
My thoughts and body laid to rest.

I hate that you make me
Turn off my humanity.
how can I be with you
And not be all over you.
Love you and not show
that you're my everything.
You never let it slip
How much you care
Wearing your mask as a crown
for all to see
Hurting me by indifference
I have to while away the hours
So I don't miss you so.
I hate what you're doing
This poker face game.

I was but a wisp of a child
When the fairies played
Tag at my bedside.
Even then they glowed
like fireflies in the night.
soon they took me out
On adventures as the house slept
To see princesses and knights
enchantments and spells.
They told me not to open
the book of fairy tales
For the stories therein
would ruin my imagination.
One rainy night I was bored
my mother came to sit by me
She read me a story
once upon a time.
The fairies hated the rain you know
but I never saw them again.

I  promise that I will always love you.
I will try not to take out on you my issues
push you away cause am hurting from anything else.
I will try to remain the girl you fell in love with.
I will fight with you but wont let you sleep angry
Will offer you solace when you're sad
I promise to spoil you and be silly with you
To be that pain you like
get you addicted to me
You know you want to be
Be your lover and friend.
Cause I belong with you
You belong with me
Forever and a day more
Get you lovey dovey
make you another person
the one you need to be.
Support your dreams
lift you up when you're defeated
But most of all I will always be there when you need a friend
Or just want to talk.

sitting under the star lit sky
watching the world go by
wondering why the moon
only comes out at night.
could it be that it is afraid
of the sun and the light
or maybe just shy
either way it's just an orb
circling round the sky
suspended by our tears
hanging by a thread
of real strong emotions
only letting the air
come between it and sky.
what I would give to be up there
alive and carefree
glowing in the night
like a big round moon
or even shine like a star.

No one said it would hurt this much,
the living and letting go of things you love.
See nothing lasts forever, that's just a dream.
Misty colored rainbow fading to pale gray.


They never taught me to shut out the whispers,
from bitter voices in my head that had had enough.
All i knew was reality was a sham,
covering up the peeling paint with patchwork.

I wrote the lessons in between the pieces,
but the words faded like star dust.
I made the same mistakes over and over,
and got myself broken like a worn out string.


So now am here tattered and frayed,
Piecing life together a day at a time.
I need to build a person that is whole,
so am starting to collect my emotions,
bind them with honesty and truth.
Am learning to accept imperfections,
and coat them with effort and good faith.
Am learning how to be human again.

I can't explain why
in your arms i come alive.
my senses tingle
my nerve endings buzzing
desire threading its way
through my boiling blood.

you say you love me
but sometimes I question that
when you aren't all over me
yet all I think about is you.
it is in your arms that i feel
everything there is of life.

you would hate it if you knew
my lips have touched others
my heart beat hastened for another
my spirit bonded with another
yet it is only with you
that am at peace and happy
that I love with all I have.
It is you i desire

You say am complicated
why can't you see the real me?
the girl that's easy to please
All I really need is your love;
A hug for when am down
A kiss for when I feel alone
Passion for the cold nights
when I come all the way there
A cuddle to get in my head.
Baby the world stops for a bit
When am in your arms
And time slows down.
Won't you please tell me
All the sweet nothing's I need
To hear you whisper
in the stillness as you hold me.
And I will be yours.

Write me a letter
A few scribbled words on paper.
Write me please,
So i know you care.

Write me a sonnet
Of sisyphean proportions
Praising me to heaven and back
Immortalize me in words.

Serenade me,
Oh yes, please do.
I would love to be accosted on the street
By the Bastille.

I wait in the shadows
Longing for a gentle voice
I swoon in abandon
When i am wooed.

There have been places
Where I spent a day, night
wished I could stay a while.
It's my happy place
Where I can dream of us
A future painted on canvas
any way we want it.
In my dreams you are whole
the embodiment of my wants
I feel you here
Like a warm blanket.
Keeping me safe.
I wake to fading colours
of what you were.
You are a mere fragment
Of what I need you to be.
Sometimes I wish you were
Everything I needed.
You to be strong
To hold me and protect me.
But you're only human
With faults and flaws
Imperfections to the brim
I don't want perfect,
Just want you to be here.

Once upon a time not long ago,

That which only mattered was one's word,
With that, a verbatim, from soul deep a pact was sealed.
No longer are times the same, like the tides i know.

One’s word no longer stands

Tides change, times change
Nothing remains the same.
Best to let go of the old
Lest you end up with them sold.
Embrace the new
Like the few
Who do.


No man can turn back the wheel of change,
Even a shadow daily maintains not the same shape,
Shelf life either is not spared the fate of change,
It used be the beholder that mattered.
Now the witness, and all audience complete the picture.


Who better to prove a case
Than the audience jury and executioner to be
Time is contained within a globe
That only timelessness can reach.


Was it not for the paper chase,
The parchment would still be king,
Forget not, changes are full sail, what a voyage,
Quills, blood spills, ink, it all took two,
A covenant of understanding,
What was new, making news,
Is a history relic seconds later.


Give me a pen or quill
I'll take the ink today.
Bleed all over the pages
Of snow white pages.
What better way to remember time
Than immortalized in blue, black and green.
Drying on desks and tables.
Filed away for you and I.


And the wash of the flow
Tugs and tugs so
I will let go, let go, let go
Soon as I find and complete this
"urgent" (Hell-fire!) paperwork...
My hair is torn and my fictional filing system
Laughs at me! Waa

I have cried one solitary tear
For you and what we had.
In pain and regret
For everything lost.
I have laughed at myself
For making those mistakes
Believing it was love
Yet I was just a game for you.
Something to pass the time.
never again will I throw myself
In your path at your feet.
You made it clear it was a waste
I will not cry a thousand tears
My grief will remain a solitary tear.

Slow down little one,
The world is still your playground.
A place where you can frolic.
It's not a jail for your happiness.
It's not yet time to worry,
the adults can do that for you.
Remain in your bubble,
It will keep you safe.

The walls breathe out memories of
you,
From when you were last here.
They sigh the words you never said,
They moan from touches remembered
How come you don't touch me like
you used to?
Did I change or did you change?
it was moments like this which built
us,
Stolen kisses and hours when we couldnt spare time.
Regrets over ugly words said.
I guess what am trying to say is this;
I miss you.
My bed feels so large without you.
I need you.
Somehow my heart cant beat without you.
I love you.
Won't you make an honest woman out of me?

Had I known it was the last time I would see you,
I might have stayed away.
You see, it's easier to dream about you.
The way you look at me then glance away,
the half knowing smile on your lips.
Sometimes how you pull me in for a hug and don't let go.
I think of you and all the things we could do.

Instead I came to see you,
heart fluttering in my chest.
The door was unlocked,
You weren't alone.
Watching you with someone else tore me apart.
You couldn't hear me whimper over the sound of your laughter.
I walked away, barely seeing through the tears pooled in my eyes.
I left my heart at your door in pieces.
Put it in an envelope marked 'Do not return' and slid it under your door.
I didn't want it, would not need it.

Had I known there would be no other time,
I would hold on to you and not let go.
Tell you I loved you over and over.
Give myself up and put you first.

I wanted to see you and talk to you,
Remind you of our first date.
Where you were so awkward, all you did was stare.
I was no nervous I giggled at each joke you said.
We made a bumbling mess of our first kiss.
I thought it would be forever together.

If I had known it was goodbye,
I wouldn't have come skipping to see you.
Bubbling with ideas of what we could do.
I would have stayed away and dreamt of you and I.
I could have stopped myself from walking into a fast moving car.

I keep flipping your pages
And giggling aloud.
You spread a fuzzy feeling
Across my chest.
Can't stop smiling
I figure people think am nuts
But i feel alive
And for a moment
Nothing else matters
But reading you to completion.

There is a place I go to sometimes,
it's a little hole that opens up when you need it.
It can be whatever you need it to be.
The balm for that pressing pain that squeezes your sobs out,
it is an in between place when you're falling apart.
See, time stops in that hole.
It lets you breathe.
And lets you live.
Somehow life isn't so sombre when you stop hurting.

It takes away the parts of you that are broken and gives you temps.
Isn't that what you needed?
To be fixed?
But see scotch tape and glue don't take away the scars.
The knowledge of things that can't be burn marks into you.
You grow into someone else that walks a little slower,
from knowing.
Once you discover something covering it up won't help.
So you're a little colder and a little more forlorn.
Innocence doesn't bind you anymore.

It's a whisper of hope when you feel lost,
a comforting hand when you feel alone.
It's a halfway place,
we all need one of those when our hearts fall in,
and the burden of feeling causes us to collapse in on ourselves.

I draw a picture
Of the sun, the moon.
You see the light rays colliding with colors red and blue
Such beautiful sparks to light your way.

I sing a song of love
Enduring and full of promise.
You waltz to the swing in my voice
And lead me on a merry chase.
Together we watch sound and light collide.