This bed feels strange
Without you here.
And i would give up all this space
To have you near.
All this emptiness
Only makes me ache.
Cause its raining and am alone
I need your arms around me.
I wish you could come
To hold me close.
Nothing feels so good
Nothing ever could.
I need you more, in this cold.
Someday you will be here.

She sits on a stone carved in marble.
One that shows the beginning and end.
Someone once breathed in this air,
When it was pure and clean.
Its now fouled by bad memories,
Generated by unconcerned minds,
Too steeped in control and anger.
The air shimmers with past and loneliness.
It senses an eternity of solitude.
The girl returns everyday to wait,
Sitting in stillness like stone.
Someday, she says.
Hope shattered into fragments.
Glass showing what could be.
It never would happen now.
She reads the carvings that don't make sense.
Here lies mother, lover, friend.
She had never had one of those,
Not for one day.
She lay on marble and felt its hands wrap around her with cold precision.
It would be okay to not wake up, stone whispered.

Sometimes I want you so bad
It's an uncontrollable flame
building higher than expected
I lose control
of my inhibitions and reason
Everything around you blurs
You capture my dreams
Change them to include you
Why can't I think straight?
Heartbeat racing
Pupils dilating
'Kiss me please ,' I whisper.
Touch me
In the most sensual of ways
Violate my senses
Invade my heated moist flesh
Pulsing
For your touch
Kisses
Warm flickering tongue
Pleasuring me
I moan in abandonment.
If this is heaven
I want to die here.

My love,

It’s time to talk again. I know your heart is closing up so fast so the words I say won’t stab you where it hurts. It’s time to say everything we couldn’t when we were together and feared that words would be too much to convey what we meant. I want to talk about being together and yet being alone. The loneliness consumes me and the silence deafens me.

I wish I could lie and say that I am happy, but you can always see the depth of sorrow in my eyes. You once said I had the saddest eyes. We have forgotten to love as we are, instead we try to change and mold the other. I asked you what love was, you said you weren’t sure. I told you what I felt and you called it dependence.

I wake up everyday and watch you do things you know I would not like, for people I don’t like. You won’t do the little things for me, you don’t care that I wilt a little when you don’t put me first. I feel like you don’t want to be together, you might not need to be with someone.

I think you’re looking for something no one can give you. I know you will get angry that am tired and weary of trying. You need to see the truth, I don’t have the strength to fight alone. To cry for you, to die for you. I have been alone while I am with you, and I no longer wish to try.

Slowly I lose myself in drudgery
Trudging up and up the worn path
Others have taken before me.
I see the footprints single file
None return from whence we came.
I find the bones that gave way
Turning to dust or filth.
Some weren't strong enough
To withstand the struggle
Fighting for what we know not
Under masters we see not.
Wearily I keep going
This ends soon,
I hope.

deep down am a little girl
longing for a mother's touch
wishing for angel wings
to enfold me in a loving embrace

am daddy's little girl
playing at his knee
being carried to the heavens
knowing I am a precious treasure.

can't you see it kills me
to watch daddy and mommy fight
I feel so unloved
like they are fighting because of me.

Daddy don't leave us
I promise to be good
mummy don't let him go
don't you see I need him so.

you are a special girl,
they say.
two homes where they love you
all I want is my parents together

come take a walk with me
down the paved paths
where the flowers grow
show me that there is love
where two stick together
comradeship and friendship.

take my hand and lead me
through the unpaved paths
teach me to find a way
even when it isn't clear
and show me that it is right
to put your happiness first.

tell me you won't leave me
to face life on my own
i need you more than before
to teach me to love
I will hold on to you
and every lesson you bring
I love thee,I love you.

I can't read you
It's like trying to fly
Or see through concrete.
Cause you are confusing
Sending signals here and there
Today you want me
Tomorrow let's be friends.
You miss me
You wanna be friends.
You ***** with my head
Make me scream.
Just face the truth
You want me not over you.
Pretty selfish you know.

They tell us to listen to our hearts.
No one teaches us,
What the beats mean.
Whether the skips in between are ok.

They say follow your heart.
They don't teach us to follow its footprints.
Or read a map.
It's easy to lose yourself following faint tracks,
And end up lost and alone.

They don't tell you the heart leaps before it thinks,
No one ever dared question the silence.
It doesn't speak before it beats,
There are a million voices in the silence,
Asking you to take care.
It beats on and on even when you're dying,
It goes on.

sometimes I wear a mask
to hide my pain.
cause if you can see my eyes
soulful and liquid
you would sink in the depths
of my bottomless sorrow.
if there is no band aid
to soothe my wounds
then I need a mask
something faceless and blank
something soothing and alive
am wearing my mask
to keep me contained.

Why is it that with you I feel so lost?
Without you so alone.
I found pieces of myself in you,
But only you can put them together.
Nothing makes sense without you,
and yet in you am a mess.
A barely lucid air head.

I find myself looking for more.
It feels like a passing whim to be here,
and let you build me.
I dream of forever and a day,
I hope for hours in your embrace.

I am lost,
But you find me each time.
I cry for you,
and you hold me near.
I think its my curse,
and destiny too.
To need you.

Dear You,
I regret coming to see you on that fateful day.
You see, If I hadn't come to your place,
We wouldn't be stuck in a rut.

Dear You,
I wrote you a letter but its illegible,
You see,my tears spilled and mixed with the ink,
My shaking hand crumpled and tore the paper,
My thoughts folded in on themselves like a deflated ball.

Dear You,
Falling for you was the most painful thing I ever did.
I fell flat on my face and hurt my chest.
My heart pounded over and over,
I got the shakes like a reforming addict,
But still you wouldn't leave my system.

Dear You,
It's pretty hard to unknow someone that imprinted on you.
You are woven into my nerves, memories and thoughts.
You took me captive and I can't break free.

You destroyed me.

Dear You,
Teach me to forget you.
Unfurl your web from my every thought process.
See,I was okay without you once.
And I can learn to be without you.

Someone offered to sweep me off my feet
A series of dates to take my breath away
I wondered whether to do it
It's been a while since I let go
Gave someone a chance
To impress me.
I haven't been to fancy dinners
or to fun dog shows
Maybe I have let life pass me by
Not trusting enough
Or letting my guard down
They say the third time is the charm.
Am counting on a third date.

What are we but mere winds that blow where the gods whim,
A vessel for their favor and wrath.
If I should walk two steps and stumble,
maybe fate was delaying my death.
I took destiny by the scruff of his neck and bowed him to my will.
As master, I decide which road to take,
One least used by the gods mortal hands.
I will not relinquish my puppet strings to the immortals.

There is a place where lovers meet,
Under an archway, twined in stone.
A solace for pain and hope,
They need to feel all is not lost.
The bridge is narrow, flimsy and halfway gone.
Paving a way for only those who dare.
They say those who kiss beneath the moonlight on that bridge,
Will find true love.

I found my love,
And waited for the star crossed lovers blessing.
I pined and cried and prayed,
For a way to be together.
We met in the center of compromise,
And still it wasn't enough.
The bridge heaved and swayed,
Moaned from the weight of a heart made heavy from unrequited love.
It sighed and gave way,
Couldnt hold the hopes of thousands anymore.

I have loved you. Many versions of you actually. There was the boy that danced away with my heart the first time i danced. It was a star lit night and I felt like the music was meant for just you and I. We waltzed to the strains of our heartbeats pounding in unison as you breathed in my nervous breaths and i breathed in your confidence.You knew what to say, you led me on a merry chase. I had the best first dance and you walked away without a second glance. I loved the friend that always had a hug for me too. Whenever I felt sad or alone you dropped everything and came to my rescue. You were the knight to my damsel and I was giddy when you held my hand. You held me close and kissed my hand like a gallant gentleman. Again you walked away when I was safely in my tower.
I miss the lover that stole my breath and replaced it with passion. I could only think, dream and want you. You took my mind ransom and intertwined my soul with yours. I was helpless to escape your embrace. You enchanted me with serenades and promises of forever. I vowed to be yours every day in every way. You left me at the altar. You were a misty dream that assaulted my senses. I can still feel you here. You are a part of my memories, a clinging vine that never sways with the wind. I have loved you from the start, all of you. Even now that my sanity is slipping away because I can not bear the pain, I can surely say that I have loved.

I turn my back,
A little slower than I should.
My head tells me to leave,
My brain lectures me,
My conscience taunts me.
But somehow my heart still stutters,
You see, you became a part of me,
And It's hard to lose a part of myself.

I need to feel alive
Senses tingling all over.
With everything fitting in place
like a jigsaw puzzle.
No more loud silence
all encompassing pain
Life that falls short of what it should be.

The scary thing about dating is that you want something so badly,
Then when you get it you're confused.
See you want forever but the thought of forever freaks you out.

You can imagine being married, spending time together but mostly you wonder what happens when it's over.
You can't think of starting over without them, of forgetting them,
Of learning to be yourself again without filling your hours with them.

We imagine a relationship as a fairytale thing where you are together, understand each other.
The kind of love you find exactly when you need it and it wraps around you like a blanket and keeps you content.  
Instead the right person could come at the wrong time and we question whether they are the one.
You question if the timing really is the problem or if something is wrong with you for looking a gift horse in the mouth.

You want to talk for hours and not get bored but instead you feel self conscious,
Like maybe you're not that interesting.
You want to be all over each other but instead you fight about everything.
You think it will be ok but it gets worse and scares you.
You wonder if you are wrong for
each other.

He said he would love you and wanted to have a future with you. But you felt smothered like maybe he wanted someone available and not who you were.

Your fear magnifies into paranoia. What if it isn't enough? This love you thought would carry you through everything and suddenly its a void.
You need him and you wonder if he would understand if you told him.

And you begin to think that maybe its you who is messed up. You want too much too soon, you're too afraid to be happy.

Maybe it's time to let go of all that and let him love you. You can't plan falling in love.

We wear prices to work,
The cost of being a success or failure.
The confident strut to the sixth floor,
In Jimmy choos and Hermes.
You pass by her, cowering at the elevator door.
In thin soled Bidcos and patched lesu.
The tea lady you don't really notice.
Her pale skin matched the dust on the window panes.
Brought on from watching the world pass by in a blur.
She pushed the button for the ground floor and watched the walking label go to the top.

We wear prices to church.
Our bible and hymn book easily preserved from the top shelf.
Unworn from weekly visits to the Holy place.
The priest wants a new house,
Your neighbor needs a car,
You need to eat more.

We wear prices to a match.
Will our country qualify this time round? Or is it just a farce?
Buy a ticket, buy a drink.
This establishment must see many a buck.

We let prices define us,
We are bought for a song and sell each other out.
Mother said set the right price,
And so i stand at the streets,
waiting for someone to pay my worth.

Today your smile was a little stronger,
A little less brittle than before.
Your hug a little tighter,
Arms encircling my heart.
Your pulse steadier,
Beating to no worries at the time.
I lean in to hear your voice,
Unwavering as you ask me to stay.
I can feel the resolve in your words,
You are firmer in your request.
I long to sink in your embrace,
Bury my face in your neck and let go.
But instead I cling to the past,
The smoky tendrils of doubts I had about your love.
I hold your hand tighter,
Can you feel this thing we have between us?
My body trembles as you take your hand,
I need you so much.
Ask me again, my dear.
I will do anything for you.

we are all sense offenders
feeling in one way or another
guilty of letting our emotions
control the way we act
moving... collecting.. leading
both negative and positive
thoughts that we have
yearning,searching,hoping
for an answer.

we have five senses
our sixth sense leads the way
in the revolution of our hearts
letting us love and be loved
loathe and be frustrated
feeling everything ten times more
heightened senses
of touch smell sight sound.

we all feel today or yesterday
in our consciousness
or even show the people we know
that to love is to give
the greatest gift there is.
to hate is to die,a little
a day at a time.

I keep thinking of you and me,
Me and you.
You say you love me,
I say I need you.
I should have told you instead that at night when am all alone,
I long for you to hold me.
I want to tell you that you're all I think about, but you won't believe me.
You think am using you as a lifeline to get through the pain.
You can't see that my every need is tied to you.
Loving you,
Being with you.
Making you mine.
I am a wreck without you.

I want to sob into your chest, tell you my hopes and dreams.
Have you next to me as I face my fears.
I draw my strength from you.
I want you to yearn to be with me, as much as am dying to be with you.
I am crazy about you, why can't you see that?

I want to sink into your embrace,
Kiss my breath, past and pain into you,
Draw in your history, pain and life,
share myself with you.
It's only you for whom I cry,
It's you my heart beats faster for.

You weren't ready to love me.
Lord knows I tried.
To make you feel,
To blow your mind,
To show you the moves to make.
You can't teach love with faltering steps,
Your wavering gaze moved me to tears.
You cut out my heart, piece by piece
and fed it to the wolves running wild.
You can't love before you feel,
You were too scared to let me hold you.
You didn't want my kind of love.

I walked away and broke my heart
Left it bleeding on the floor.
I would give anything for another ending
a different time and place.
You are one thing that keeps me sane
Balanced and in line.
It was the hardest thing to do
Admit I can't save you.
You continue to haunt me
Even after I've left
Your mournful eyes
The silent cry I can feel you stifle
As you put on a brave face.
I long to run back and hold you
Let you know the world is safe
For you to have a safe childhood
hold on to your ideals forever.
Tears run down my face
As thoughts of your misery torture me.
I sob into my pillow
if only I could take your place
I gladly would.
You needed a haven
Why did heaven let you go
To an ill prepared earth.
We were meant to be your guides
Instead we have forsaken you
I pray you find hope somewhere
I have found none.
In letting you down I have damaged my piece of mind.
I need a sign you will be okay
Cause I never will be.
I walked away when you needed me
And now wrestle with my conscience.

I take you in
on the breath of a kiss
your warm hard body cradling mine
your gentle hands holding me
closer and closer each second
cupping the back of my head
caressing my hair.

Yes,I inhale you
on a breeze in the cold night
watching the moonlight
lying side by side in silence
listening to the rhythm
of bonded heartbeats.

I can perceive your thoughts
just as though they were mine
memories of yesterday
wishes of forever
in this moment you are all I want
and we belong in the now.

He said he would leave her,
She was always nagging him,
Besides; he loved me more.
He wanted to be with me, he said.
Poor little fool I was, I ate it all up.
Like vanilla icecream with a scoop.
I wanted to be with him.
Instead, I was lost in his lies and promises.
He could not leave,
He was invested in her.

I lead my troops into battle,

Fighting our way through the enemy lines,

pushing back our fears and screams,

hoping that way we can breathe.

War isn’t something you can keep boxed away.

I feel the chaos around me,

confusion tugging me here and there.

I am worn and spent,

from the ravages of war.



I can feel the tears run down my cheeks.

You see, I am scared.

That I will open my eyes and nothing will be there.

Scared of losing everything I love.

The things I hold dear,

won’t always be near.;

I cower and hide from my demons,

Hoping they will play nice.

I stand tall and bring my weapons,

hoping to ward off the enemy.

It’s harder when I realise its within.

I am waging this war with myself.

Who I was, who I want to be,

It’s all blurred up in there.

Being me is a war with myself,

I keep thinking the other shoe will drop,

Before am completely lost.

I used to love you
Then you turned it around
Made me hate myself
for loving you.
Now am traumatised
Scarred for life.
Took the only thing that mattered
and ruined it for me.
The worst part is I still do
Love you after all that.

You drive me to the depths
Of despair, sorrow, pain.
I seek release
Drowning out the emptiness
Filling my belly with *****
Cold frothy alcohol
that brings blessed oblivion.
You push me off a cliff
And I soar
into the blissful world of needles
It's the jump I need
To get me going again.
And then my other friend,
The trusted blade.
My wrists engraved
with stories of tears and blood
Heartbreaks stacked like cards
Broken promises and dreams
I think that sharp pain
Will block out the numbness
From aching in the cold
day and night.
You slowly lead me to my death.

Something about the beat of her heart
Reminded her that she was alive
was that thrill she felt or was it terror?

Something about his eyes
reminded her of a hunter watching prey
she couldn't look away from him.

Something about how he cared
reminded her that she was fragile
he cared more than she wanted him to
He pushed her beyond her defenses.

Something about the way he said no.
reminded her that it was his choice
If she lived or died,
if she was going to be happy
it all depended on when he said yes.

Something about the way he made love to her
reminded her that she was a part of him
he owned her, controlled her, took her
he didn't ask, just took. And she gave.
Over and over and over until they lost themselves.

Something about this,
reminded her of that.
They were soulmates.
They were starcrossed lovers.

He made me his Muse
Scared the hell out of me.
How would I live up to it?
The expectations he has
Some unreal and huge.
Am only human
Not the angel you see
You painted my portrait
I looked like a perfect girl
all goddess and flawless
You have to look beneath
What you want to see
And embrace the mortal me.

I wonder who these bosses think they are, bossying me around like some kind of slave. Tea
at 8,tea at 10,tea in between every break. Do they
know the fatigue from the stairs? I sincerely doubt, not with their password controlled elevators.
The other day one of those big men amused me. Mbu tell me Celia, why do u charge the same price even for people who take no sugar. I barely held bac insults and instead said, now if I were to charge according to how much sugar you take, I would charge those that take the price of quarter a kilo since I neither buy in spoons nor cups. And then for you that don't take sugar I would charge for the fuel used to boil the water.
hmph, men!!

I am not dead,
Merely missing.
Numb and lifeless
Losing pieces of me in the wind.
No, i did not die
When you set my heart ablaze.
And sent me flying off a cliff.
I merely exploded into pieces.
Tiny immemorable bits of me.
A half hearted smile here
An anguished cry as i melt
Breaking into fragments of past, present and never.
This could really be my end.
Do not come looking for ashes
To gather and keep in a can.
I won't be confined even in death
Instead go to the quietest point
Where no noise and pain linger
Listen for my heartbeat
Faint, fading and unfettered.
Call my name if you want to talk
I will whisper in the wind
Enfold you in a rush of leaves
As you stand amidst the silence
I will be here.

I wonder how you do it, the callousness and flippancy.
Breaking my heart in one fluid move and crossing over to someone else.
Do you love her? Is she a toy like I was?
A passing fancy for a day, a discarded rag the next.
I wracked my mind in search of a clue, that you loved me a little.
It's hard to watch her cry the same over you.
To roll herself in a ball of agony am comfortable enough to call home.
Beating up herself with thoughts that she wasn't enough,
That somehow she is flawed.
I know you're the broken one,
You try to *** your cracks with broken pieces of us.
It's not enough, it never is.
I shudder to think that others will know this pain.
And yet if you came by and asked me to come back,
I would leap like the flick of a guilty pleasure into your arms.

Visit Me oh muse,
I ask of you today.
I have readied myself
With blank slate and pen and paper.
come to me in flashes of voices
Telling me of
Fairytales and broken hearts.
I heard you visit the worthy.
But today bless me with your gift
I long to write of your awesomeness
If you deign to appear.

You broke my heart, you know
When you walked away.
I lay on the floor
Banged my head against the wall
Wailed and begged you to stay
Held my heart hostage for you
You never looked back
seeming to move on as you left
It hurt some more
You left me broken in agony.
I tried to fix myself
With some duct tape
Cigarettes you left behind
Maybe as I inhaled the smoke
A part of you came back to me.
I tore your pictures to shreds
Saw your face in every reflection
I broke the mirrors and windows
but still your shadow remained
Lingering, looming, lurking.
You consume me like a flame
searing even as you went.
I can't get you out
Even as I scream to drown out your voice
you're not mine anymore!
Go bother someone else
I don't want you here
And yet you color all my memories
Tinged red by anger and hurt
You hurt me everytime
I remember your touch.
How it soothed the pain
And took my breath away.
You are the same one
That took away my reason to live
How can I stay here broken?
losing myself in drink and smoke
trying to find a reason
to live again.

I think am just a little needy...
Waiting for you to come home.
But I can't think straight without you,
here next to me.
I need you to love me,
and give me all of you.
Or I fall to pieces waiting for you to pick me up.
It feels like I can't even breathe which is stupid.

I tried holding back,
Fell flat on my back.
Cause it's you I need to help me up.
Am letting go of my hang ons,
Cause I know I need you to live.

there is a voice i hear
loud as the church's bells
calling my name
whispering promises
of a golden new day
of a time with no sorrow.

how can it be
that i would give it all up
to see that angelic face
of the melodious voice.
to see the eyes i can feel
piercing holes in my back.

i am being watched
by invisible eyes
tiny menacing eyes
following my every move
small steps ******* my own
haunted by invisible forces.

I fear what the light will reveal
that the invisible eyes can be
either friend or foe
not sure where to turn
all I can do is wish on a star
for fairies and tales
princes and knights
horses and carriages
I hope that this story ends
happily ever after.

He upped and left.
Like a thief in the night.
Dunno if he made plans
To tiptoe out as I slept.
You took nothing and yet everything
for you left with all I had to give
heart, hope and dreams
Shattered my soul
Never would I be trusting
with the key to my core.
You enticed me from the start
Lured me with a siren song
****** the life out of me
Like an enchanting Succubus
I guess this was the start
Or maybe the end
Of my wretched downfall.

You carry my heart on a whim
I wear yours on my sleeve
But what I really do want;
Is you.
To whisper in my ear
And hug me tight
In the cold chilly night.
As we walk to the forked road
There you take the left path
And I remain still
Watching, wondering
do I go with him or away?
one thing is for sure
It's hard to watch you leave
I want all night with you.
To kiss you all over
and make sweet promises.
Be your sensual siren
Lure you in with my beauty
I want a willing slave
Just say yes and take me.