You tell me I am not good enough
A little too round for your liking.
Can't you see my beauty in the curves that grace my body?
I am wonderful to look at and I flaunt it.
You won't see me skinny and bonny.

You say I am too emotional,
Always bickering about the little things.
Its the small things that grace our lives
With pleasure and pain.
Do you notice that I did my eyebrows for you?
So you can see my expressive eyes?
I carry the pain of the world
In my loving heart and sorrowful eyes.

Don't try to change me.
I am everything I need to be.
Proud and humble as a dove,
Perched at the peak of life.
I am who I was meant to be.
A gracious woman.

It's back again,
sleeplessness that makes me howl.
I shut my eyes in vain,
Dreams and quiet evade me.
I sit on the floor and whimper
as i remember my aloneness.

You left just yesterday,
With my heart at your feet.
Crushed it as you rushed off.
I was paralyzed by pain,
when you didn't spare me a backward glance.

It's that time of the night,
Where i reach out for your body.
There is nothing but empty space
Where you used to lie.
I call your number and you don't answer.
I text you begging you to come back.
My phone remains silent and I throw it against the wall.
Please come back.

You break my heart each day,
with a little silence and callous thoughts.
Do you think of me sometimes?
With a secret smile and warm heart.
Or do I sit by myself in solitude.
Wishing you will come tonight?

I lose my mind to you,
Moments i wish to have side by side with moments already shared.
I am helpless and alone.
Burning in agony of your absence.
I remain here lost,
Hoping you will be mine.
But it is a worthless thought,
someone that doesn't care for anything but himself won't love me
the way I need to be loved.
So I will lose my heart and happiness.
In loving you.

You took me in your arms,
Touched me so softly.
Sending a fever burning through my veins.
I wanted to look at your face,
But we had to keep up appearances for peering eyes.
My nerves tingled and hummed,
I ached to kiss you and touch you.
You teased me into submission,
And now am thinking of losing myself.

She wanted the world.
But ended up sliced and served.
With a wreath and white muslin.
She had seen it all at 10,
The vices and misery offered
For all who truly wanted to partake.
It found her a little lacking,
In experience and vile.
And so spewed her out.
Into a casket to rest.

I sent my little boy into the world,
It made the light go out of his eyes.
He was scared of his own shadow
Jumping at the slightest sound.
The world was watching with slit eyes
Stalking and toying with your courage.

I thought he was gone,
When the pale ghost of a smile disappeared.
He must be in the afterlife,
With shadows and darkness.
I tried to search, but I couldn't go beyond the tombs.

He is lost to us now,
Living in a realm we cannot reach.
The veil prevents us,
From seeing beyond the surface.
He lives in my home,
Even has the same voice.
He isn't my son.
The world buried his life force.

We wear prices to work,
The cost of being a success or failure.
The confident strut to the sixth floor,
In Jimmy choos and Hermes.
You pass by her, cowering at the elevator door.
In thin soled Bidcos and patched lesu.
The tea lady you don't really notice.
Her pale skin matched the dust on the window panes.
Brought on from watching the world pass by in a blur.
She pushed the button for the ground floor and watched the walking label go to the top.

We wear prices to church.
Our bible and hymn book easily preserved from the top shelf.
Unworn from weekly visits to the Holy place.
The priest wants a new house,
Your neighbor needs a car,
You need to eat more.

We wear prices to a match.
Will our country qualify this time round? Or is it just a farce?
Buy a ticket, buy a drink.
This establishment must see many a buck.

We let prices define us,
We are bought for a song and sell each other out.
Mother said set the right price,
And so i stand at the streets,
waiting for someone to pay my worth.

I used to be that girl,
With a spring in my step.
And not a hair out of place.
She danced with flames and fire
yet somehow kept her cool.

I am that strong branch,
That sways with the wind and yet remains unchanged.
I bow and bend without breaking.
Becoming one with the world that's shaking,
I am everything and nothing.

It really is an uphill task,
To see beneath your mask.
You wear it like a lance,
To lead the way as you dance.
Won't you let someone in?
It really is no sin
For a glimpse beneath your skin.
Open up your arms
So someone can sing the psalms.
You are more than a dream,
Look beyond the beam.

Am not going to run after you,
I deserve more than that.
I want someone that feels lucky
To have me around them.
You don't call me, you don't text.
All you do is watch me pace.
Wearing myself out trying to meet you
Somewhere between you and I.
Why don't you tell me now,
This isn't what you want.
I can feel it even now,
You're slipping away, weren't even mine.

Why did you lure me in?
Spinning promises and paradise.
You could have saved us the time
Taken to hurt each other.
Actually am the one that got hurt,
You were quietly indifferent.
Seeming to be happy even as i walked away.
It wasn't meant to careen out of control
But it did
And now am broken.

If you ever had a heart, leave.
To save me from insanity.
I hate what you have become.
Pain and anguish to my soul.
Walk out that door,
Don't ever come back.
I can't bring myself to walk away,
So please leave.

I can't tell if we are friends,
I can't tell if we are more.
You hold my hand and walk me home.
You don't hug or kiss me goodnight.
the hours build up to a crescendo
Where am with you.
I long to be with you more.
You text me goodnight,
And it stretches out to hours.
Where none wants to let go.
I study you when you're not looking.
Does he secretly want more?
Should i cross the threshold?
But you go on taking midnight walks with me,
And talking into the wee hours.
You keep your distance,
Nothing fazes you.
You asked me today,
What i wanted in a guy.
Am still rewriting that.

The last time i hugged you,
You held me so tight and breathed me in.
I felt cherished, i got tingles.
I wanted to build myself a nest
Right there in your arms.
You let go.

I felt the loss of something i didn't even know,
Escaping from my heart and soul.
I know you needed it,
The soothing balm from my hug,
Like i needed to hear you breathe,
Listening to what you feel.
I need you to need me,
I always have.

I drifted into love today,
Falling ever so slowly .
Drowning ever so helplessly
As i look into your eyes.
Searching for something i can not name.
Do you love me like you did before?
I hope to hear your soul call out to mine and join me in an embrace.
where i lose myself in you.
I need you to keep my head up,
When nothing makes sense.
I want to take a day and just lie in your arms listening to your heartbeat.
With my head on your chest, your fingers running through my hair,
I want to feel you close to me.
I long to feel my breath sync with yours as our hopes and dreams merge.
I miss you, everything about you
That made me love you.

As a child, i was cured of curiosity
For i learnt it was a painful friend.
I saw her turning mom into a monster
Who only cared for herself.
She caked her face in creams and disdain,
And trotted off in gucci and hermes.
She ceased to call me princess,
And i became a pesky brat.

I was cured of Faith too,
When daddy didn't come home one day.
Where was he, i wondered?
Did he find somewhere special?
Was he in heaven?
If there was a heaven he wouldn't have gone without me.
I withered and folded losing my lustre and life.

I was cured even though i wasn't ill,
Of love and hope and dreams.
It wasn't unconditional like i wanted.
The expiry date was all too soon.
I knew i wouldn't last a day
In the world without my prescription,
And so i died in order to live.

Am not the girl you fell in love with
Not now, after all the pain.
You're not the boy i skipped to meet
With heart as light as a feather.
You're too distant, too aloof.
You showed me the world,
I believed it was mine.
And now its hazy and grey.
But i know,
We were meant to be together.

Am a little rough around the edges
Growing old does that to you.
But you're worn out as well
From running circles around me.
I long for the guy who wanted me,
Everytime and anytime.
I felt needed, loved, wanted.

I want to take you and make you mine,
Love you more than you expect,
Accept you even when you hurt me.
I might not get it right,
But even when i break your heart,
I won't leave if you'll have me.
I promise to try.

'Time is so strange here,It goes slower.'Said the pale ghostly boy.He slowly trudged next to me,feet seeming to shuffle forward step by slow step.His feet barely touched the ground. He was roughly seventeen or eighteen. His face had no trace of human emotion, as if waned by the afterlife. His voice seemed unconnected to him, it was disembodied and all around us. He came to a stop infront on me. 'We don't get visitors often,' he said. I replied, ' I sort of ended up here accidentally.' He smiled then, a sad all knowing chilly smile. It sent a surge of fear through me. He said, ' There are no mistakes. You are here for a purpose.' I was lost and disillusioned. I still expected to wake up and find that i was merely dreaming. I would give anything to be in my warm comforting bed right now. Instead, i was in a damp dungeon talking to a ghostly form. I asked him, ' Are you dead?' He seemed puzzled by my question. He replied, ' This is not the end, if to you death is an end. It is merely a gateway to a more static existence. I still exist.' My spirits sank when i heard this. If he was not a figment of my imagination, maybe i was dead too. I would never see Lulu and Bito again. Tears trickled down my cheeks as i let the pain i had been shutting out come flooding it. It was truely over, the existence i had abused and abhorred. I wished for another chance, maybe it would end separately.

I come alive,
When i wake in your arms,
And find you watching me.
I get tingles,
From where you're holding me.
I hope for some more time,
Before you have to leave.
Nothing makes sense without you
Even if you don't make sense yourself.
i find myself drawn to you,
In ways that i can't fight
You pull me in and i lose myself.
You will always be a part of me,
I need you more.

What if i told you, life was better as a bee?
A world of colors at the flap of wings.
Working every hour
To an assigned end.
To have a purpose, among these colors.

What are we, if not together?
I am not your friend, you're far too aloof for that
Calling me only when you're bored.
you do not crave me in your space
Or long to talk to me all day.
Neither are we lovers,
The intimacy of a shared bond is mere wishful thinking.
A heated coupling can not hope to join our souls.
You only call after dusk.
I am not your partner,
For you never need my help, nor offer yours.
I have lost myself trying to find you
I have hurt my soul trying to bind it to someone that doesn't need a mate.
In trying to define us,
I only formed regrets.

Visit Me oh muse,
I ask of you today.
I have readied myself
With blank slate and pen and paper.
come to me in flashes of voices
Telling me of
Fairytales and broken hearts.
I heard you visit the worthy.
But today bless me with your gift
I long to write of your awesomeness
If you deign to appear.

No, no, no
Don't be gone.
Not now when i need you
More than i ever did before.
You can't be gone ,
When just a moment ago you were here.
Young and full of life.
I never got to say goodbye.
There wasn't a warning.
I woke up to find you gone.
I slept over and over again,
Hoping that the next time i awoke
You would be watching me ,
With that smile on your face.
Instead i torture myself,
With what ifs and what nots.
Sometimes all you need is hope
That its not over.
To keep it all together.

To the place where she lay
And bled out.
Heart wrenching memories.
Pleasure,pain, loss.
She watched it seep out
In violets and reds and flashes of color.
It wouldn't be long.
She didn't want to stay in her skin.
It was clammy and itchy
Seeming to burst at the seems.
She wished for a reprieve,
A soothing calming balm
Across her battered nerves.
Her mind was bruised
From the thoughts of moments
Before and now and next.
If only she could live again.
She wondered what it would be like
To ignore the pain and get up
Walk in the sun's rays.
Up and down paved walkways.
Instead she lay in a tomb
Curled up on her side.
Shards of glass piercing her consciousness.
It hurt to exist.
She begged to die in peace,
But that too eluded her.
Like love and hope and faith.
And so she remained.
In a time removed from ours,
She was lost in a tomb somewhere between here and there.

Write me a letter
A few scribbled words on paper.
Write me please,
So i know you care.

Write me a sonnet
Of sisyphean proportions
Praising me to heaven and back
Immortalize me in words.

Serenade me,
Oh yes, please do.
I would love to be accosted on the street
By the Bastille.

I wait in the shadows
Longing for a gentle voice
I swoon in abandon
When i am wooed.

I think of you and I
it hurts me that we fight.
Going round in circles.
Missing what is right infront of us
All i want this time
Is a love like Fitz and Liv,
Even though they can't be together
They keep coming back together.
I can't go on without you
Even if it takes 50 years
You will realize we are one the same side
Meant to last
More than a season.

Once upon a time not long ago,

That which only mattered was one's word,
With that, a verbatim, from soul deep a pact was sealed.
No longer are times the same, like the tides i know.

One’s word no longer stands

Tides change, times change
Nothing remains the same.
Best to let go of the old
Lest you end up with them sold.
Embrace the new
Like the few
Who do.


No man can turn back the wheel of change,
Even a shadow daily maintains not the same shape,
Shelf life either is not spared the fate of change,
It used be the beholder that mattered.
Now the witness, and all audience complete the picture.


Who better to prove a case
Than the audience jury and executioner to be
Time is contained within a globe
That only timelessness can reach.


Was it not for the paper chase,
The parchment would still be king,
Forget not, changes are full sail, what a voyage,
Quills, blood spills, ink, it all took two,
A covenant of understanding,
What was new, making news,
Is a history relic seconds later.


Give me a pen or quill
I'll take the ink today.
Bleed all over the pages
Of snow white pages.
What better way to remember time
Than immortalized in blue, black and green.
Drying on desks and tables.
Filed away for you and I.


And the wash of the flow
Tugs and tugs so
I will let go, let go, let go
Soon as I find and complete this
"urgent" (Hell-fire!) paperwork...
My hair is torn and my fictional filing system
Laughs at me! Waa

I reached out to you, poured out my heart and soul expecting a friend. Instead you turned your back on me. Trying to cope with the pain, of losing someone so dear. You hurt me more than i expected. In not being there for a friend. Maybe i chose the wrong things. In expecting you to understand. I had it all wrong. Nothing matters except happiness. But even that isn't pure without you here. I keep expecting to wake up and see you. Find that everything ugly never happened. But instead the ache of your pain hurts. I miss it all. I would try to do this differently but somehow it seems fated to end this way.

I know am supposed to be over you
But i can't help it
That my subconscious longs for you
Even though you hurt me
With each word you say.
Why can't you let me be me?
The girl you knew once
The one you fell in love with.
Quit trying to control me
Am unpredictable at best
You wouldn't get me either way.
I thought you had accepted me
Human and flawed,
Making mistakes at every turn.
But no
You get mad when i don't do as you say.
So am done trying for this
It never will be ok.
Just go now,
When am still strong enough
To let you go.

I built my life on a pack of lies
Some a little shaky, others bold.
Shimmering changing lies
Defining me as they unfold.
Painting me in flourishing colors
So that i appear
As i wish.

I have tried for you
To wear a smile, to shine a light.
It's not so hard when you're here
To hold my hand.
I have cried for you
A thousand tears as the sun sets
Bitter painful tears.
I have pried myself away
Hoping to stop the pain.
But its you i want to hold me.
You i want to wipe my tears.
Only you.
Who draws me out.
Who i could watch for hours.
Whom i love.

This bed feels strange
Without you here.
And i would give up all this space
To have you near.
All this emptiness
Only makes me ache.
Cause its raining and am alone
I need your arms around me.
I wish you could come
To hold me close.
Nothing feels so good
Nothing ever could.
I need you more, in this cold.
Someday you will be here.

I keep flipping your pages
And giggling aloud.
You spread a fuzzy feeling
Across my chest.
Can't stop smiling
I figure people think am nuts
But i feel alive
And for a moment
Nothing else matters
But reading you to completion.

I sit here
Listening to the haunting melody
As she sings our song.
I imagine you here
By my side singing along.
It feels wrong to listen to the music
We used to love
And listen to together.
I miss you so much.

I want you to remember,
That day in December
When we went away together.
To spend time with each other.

We were miles away
From everything that needed to be distanced
I needed to be with you,
You wanted me.

We took a picture together
In a cafe where strangers leave a mark
To show they were here
Nowhere and somewhere.
If someday we lose each other,
Remember to come here
I will be watching
I will be waiting.

Can't you see that i love you?
I swore i would die for you.
My heart breaks
That you can't be here with me.
I feel your absence with every breath
It hurts to be without you.
You haunt me in the silence
I long to be by your side.
You complete me and i You
And now that you're gone
Pieces of me disintergrate everytime i breathe.
I hope you are thinking of me
Maybe somehow we can meet
In the collision of our thoughts
As you remember me.

The cold permeates my bones
Seeping in and branding me
With loneliness and pain.
Teasing me and aggravating me
With your harsh breeze.
I wish he was here
To hold me and block you out
He makes the loneliness fade
If only for a while.
He makes me alive
With bits and pieces of us
Perfectly fit together.
He whom i will always love.

Its raining anger and betrayal
Hard pelting rain drops
That drown the sound of laughter
I am lost and forlorn.
Seeking shelter under the covers.
This bed feels cold without him.
I remember earlier times
When we crawled under the duvet
And cuddled to keep warm.
I miss his arms around me
Bodies fitted as close as possible.

I don't want to leave this room
Unless he is waiting downstairs
With a warm shrug and hug.
This weather was made for this
Him to hold me close.
So that am not alone.
He always excites me
With his arm draped over my shoulder
I long to rest my feet on his laps
And let him play with my toes.
He makes it impossible to be cold
As i shiver in delight.

I know am broken
A little bit
A heck of a lot.
I know i am
I feel the pain
Building into a crescendo.
Needles drawing out threads
As i unfurl into folds
Trying to breathe
Pushing back the tears.
Why must i hurt this way?
Aching to my very soul.
I can't sleep as i think of what i don't have
I can't feel from trying to block out the pain
I am alone and empty.
Dying everytime i breathe
As waves of pain engulf me
Numbing me to the core.

I tried to love you
With every bit of my soul.
But it wasn't enough, i wasn't.
I gave you glimpses of me
The me i kept locked away from everyone else
Vulnerable, broken, needy.
You simply turned and walked away
And like a broken clock am stuck on you.
Your face and smile
Your warm embrace.
You cut me to pieces with your indifference
And still i yearn for you.

If you ever love another
Out of respect to me,
Do not bring her
To the house you bought for you and I.
If she should make it to our home
Do not carry her over the threshold
like you did me.
If you carry her into our home
Do not place her on our bed.
The one where you made love to me
where we dreamed of making life
A daughter for you to spoil
A son for me to be proud of.
If you make love to her in our bed,
Turn the light's off
That she may not see my soul
Screaming in agony
That she may not see my pictures
Still hanging on the wall
That she may not know i live
In your heart even though am gone.

Dear Emmeline
I am writing to you from a hole,
from a place carved into cave
Sinking into an irredeemable apathy
into a very sickly depression.
I am asking for a hand, for this:
Reach for me,from this deep pit.

Edgar dear,
I am searching all the crevices i know.
Could this be the depression
That snatches unsuspecting souls?
And keeps for itself so it doesn't have to be alone?
I will not rest until i retrieve your troubled mind,
From it's depths and darkness.

I know am supposed to wake up
Go out and do something.
But i can't bring myself to leave bed
and face the pain over again.
The emptiness inside filling out
The hole you used to occupy.
It aches and incapacitates me
With numbing sharp blows
I can barely walk.
Doubled over awaiting relief.

I tried to get to know you
Met resistance at every turn
And now am faced with loving
A stranger i can't predict.
Do you love me or want me back?
I can't see past you anymore
You have broken my heart
In a million different ways.
I just want to smile again
But in this dark lonely tunnel
I can't even see a light.

I miss him.
He seemed to complete my days
And give me a reason.
I miss him.
With every part of me.
My soul aches for him.
I miss him.
Who could make me smile
Even when i was trying so hard to be mad.
I miss him
Who my heart belongs to
Nothing can sever the bond.
I miss him.
That makes my heart sing
And my thoughts float on a cloud.
I miss him.
Who i want to spend my days with
And whom i ache to kiss.
I miss him
That puts order to my chaos
And a lid on my pain.
I would give anything to get back
Everything we had.
Oh how i miss him.

I watched my prince come in
Walking down a classroom aisle
He sat right infront of me,
He turned in his seat and smiled
A slow charismatic turn of lips.
I looked down at my book
Doodling tiny hearts
In tune to my fast beating heart.

The next day he sent me a note
'I like how you can't meet my gaze'
I swear i turned red
Even if am black and can't blush.
I scribbled a :p on the note
Passed it right back.

One day he asked me
' are you ever going to say anything?'
I asked for his name
He said we could trade names for a week
He was Jessie i was Jesse
We laughed at the word play.

He stayed after class the next day
We spoke through texts and notes
He perched on my desk and said
'That was nice. We should keep doing this'
I gathered up my books
He backed me into a corner
Kissed life into me
This was the start of our romance.

She was alone
Oh so terribly alone .
She wondered who to call
If they would help or didn't care.
She was but a humble maiden
Had no delusions of grandeur.
She knew she had faults
Maybe more than the normal maidens.
She sat on her balcony
Watched the world go on.
She never went out.
Oh no she couldn't venture
Into the fold of humanity.
They were known to be picky
What if they didn't embrace her?
With her old fashioned mannerisms
And odd way of speaking.
She swung her bare feet.
Watching them move forward
And imagined she was marching
In a band somewhere.
Following music to a beat
Purposeful and deliberate.

She needed a friend
But how to go about collecting one
should she place an advert like she had seen in papers?
Or go to the fairs and wriggle her way into a group
What if they asked from whence she came?
And so she watched from afar.
admired a couple walking hand in hand
The boy pushing her hair out of her face
The girl looking up and smiling at something he said.
What she wouldn't give to feel normal.
Instead she kept house and world
Carrying the burdens of both.
For someone needed to protect humanity
From the cruelty of life.
She had a job to do
And so remained alone.